!*!*! PAY ATTENTION... BESTEED AANDACHT... ATTENTION DE SALAIRE... LOHNAUFMERKSAMKEIT... ATENCION DE LA PAGA !*!*!

Hey, I'm Rumer, and this is my first fanfiction, inspired by Naruto's Sexy no Jutsu. I mean, most of you have probably seen it. That jutsu is a work of perverted art and deserves to have at least one story dedicated to it. This story will have minor Sakura bashing, one, because she's not cute, and, two, because she's pretty useless, but I will keep it to a minimum. Sasuke will just be his usual emo self, and Kakashi will have his nose stuck in his Icha-Icha. This is going to have a few pairings in it. Since this is my first Fanfiction, I would appreciate it if you who read it reviewed and told me how I was doing. So, would you? If so, thanks, and if not, whatever, just read it. And now to get down to business...

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto in any way, shape, or form, because, If I did, I wouldn't be writing about it, I'd be filthy rich with practically a cult following. Enjoy.

Shikamaru sighed and looked up at the clouds floating overhead in the forget-me-not blue sky. He would have infinitely preferred to be lying down on the grassy hill behind the training grounds than what he was assigned to do. He sighed again, spit out his cigarette, and ground it under foot.

"Troublesome…" he muttered.

He had been sent to collect Konoha's number one most surprising knuckle-headed ninja, the one and, thankfully, only Naruto Uzumaki. Lady Tsunade had ordered him to…fetch Naruto because she needed him immediately. She hadn't told him why she needed Naruto, just to get him, and when he had complained, she had threatened to beat him until he couldn't stand and then force him to volunteer at the ninja academy. He shuddered. Now that sounded troublesome.

He started off again in the direction of Naruto's house. When I get there, he thought, I am going to make him sorry. He was supposed to come in two hours ago. He would have taken out his annoyance on Lady Tsunade, but, well, she was the hokage, and the big breasted woman was extremely scary when she wanted to be.

Shikamaru slouched onwards.

The houses slowly stopped appearing and neatly manicured lawns and neat buildings faded into shabby apartments and untamed plants. Then the buildings disappeared all together and the plants grew wilder and bigger. And then, he was at the edge of the forest, but not just any forest, the Forest of Death. Why had Naruto decided to build a house in the forest of death again? So that no one would interrupt his training. He jerked out of his thoughts when his foot struck a rock and looked upwards.

There it was. Naruto's… tower? That was the closest thing to call it he could think of. Constructed out of wooden planks in a tall cylindrical structure with a glass roof and a multitude of windows, a front garden, and a sheltered pathway leading off the main structure to another, smaller one. The wooden slats of the tower were stained bright, eye-smarting, neon orange.

Squinting his eyes at the painfully bright color, Shikamaru ambled up the path, only to hit something hard two feet from the door. Holding his now sore nose, he felt with his hands out in front of him, and then performed a series of hand seals. When he was done, he whistled. The house was encased in a protective shield of chakra; he couldn't get in.

"Really, Naruto?" he asked, exasperated.

He was seriously tempted to just blow off this entire errand and go smoke and watch clouds, but, once again, the looming threat of Tsunade existed. So, with the renewed vigor of someone who is incredibly lazy and is trying to save himself from future pain and work, he quickly did more hand seals, forcing out a pulse of chakra into the surroundings, a trick Naruto had taught him himself. Then, his eyes flashed open. There was an opening in the tower, and it was right in front of him. A small door had been removed from the chakra shield and the actual front door. It looked like a dog door, but bigger, and, suddenly, Shikamaru was grateful for all of the flexibility training that Ino had forced him to do. It had been troublesome, but he had figured that it was better than having her nag him. At this point, he might be the most flexible guy in Konoha.

Groaning, he got down on his hands and knees and inched forward, tucking his shoulders in and wriggling forward. One minute and seventeen seconds later, he was inside. There were hammers and nails, like a flap was going to be added over the gaping hole, but he hadn't gotten around to it.

"Naruto, you idiot." What was the point of putting up a chakra shield if you left an opening for people to come in? He looked around the room. White walls, orange accents, and black and orange furniture. No one but Naruto could have designed it.

"Naruto!" Shikamaru yelled.

There was no response. He slouched further into the room. It looked like it split off into two directions. He gazed lazily at the floor. One of the paths had more scuffs and wear on the wooden floor, signaling that it had been treaded on more times before. It was his best bet.

With a shrug, he rounded the corner. And ran smack into something warm, wet, and soft. With a grunt, he fell backwards and landed hard on the floor, ninja skills not coming in handy, and his head hit the floor. Whatever had run into him let out a squeal and fell on top of him.

"Oww…" he groaned, blinking furiously. What had happened? He could guess. Naruto must have fallen on top of him, the idiot. He opened his eyes to glare at the boy, and then froze.

The image he was seeing was definitely not right. Long sunny-golden blonde hair draped over her shoulders, water gleamed on smooth tanned skin, quite a lot of it, plump pink lips were parted in an exclamation, and impossibly, brilliantly, sky blue eyes were widened – in horror? And fear? There were also three fine whisker-like scar marks adorning either cheek. His eyes drifted lower, and his brain stopped functioning momentarily. Her bright orange towel was had begun to slip, revealing the top of quite large, and perky, assets.

The girl pushed herself off of him, sputtering, and his brain managed to reboot itself. Only something completely mind-boggling could have stopped a Naras' train of thought, their intellectual processing, what they were known for, but this did. He stared at the girl. Who was she? As far as he knew, Naruto didn't have a girlfriend, or any relatives that would fit her description at all. There was also the fact that the girl looked like Naruto, too much like Naruto to be a coincidence, even with the same scars.

There were only three options that came to mind. One, this was someone in a henge, either Naruto or someone else. It might have been Naruto, playing a prank on him. Possible. Two, he was stuck in a particularly odd and high level genjutsu. Also possible, and, if fact, the most probable. Or choice three, what he saw in front of him was real. That was the least probable choice.

Option two was easy to check. He brought his hands together and said forcefully, "Kai!" Nothing happened. He tried it again with the same lack of result.

Now the girl, although still afraid looking, had confusion written on her features. "Shikamaru? Are you okay?" she asked.

Okay, she knew his name, and option two was officially not applicable. The long, slim, shapely, tan legs that were exposed from lack of towel covering them were making it hard to concentrate, but he tried.

"Naruto?" he asked.

The girl forced a nervous smile onto her face, "Yeah?"

"What's your favorite food, name you call the hokage, the names of your first teammates, and my favorite thing to do?"

The girl claiming to be Naruto blinked, and then answered swiftly, "Ramen, Baa-chan, Sasuke-teme and Sakura, and watching clouds, respectively."

Shikamaru swore under his breath. That ruled out it being another person, not that he thought that was likely in the first place. Only two choices were left. It was either Naruto in a henge, or just plain Naruto. Then, he realized something. He had, a few years previously, noticed that there always was a constant feeling of chakra around Naruto, something vaguely prickly feeling that he had always assumed was the Kyuubi, and now it was gone. All of this information was leading towards a conclusion that he didn't like at all, and the next thing the girl before him did cemented his suspicions.

She threw herself forward so that she was kneeling before him. "Please don't tell anyone, Shikamaru! I'll give you all of my ramen! Just don't tell!"

The situation must be serious, he thought, he - , no, she is offering her ramen. Oh, kami. This means that Naruto's a… girl?

Naruto, if that was her name, peeked up at him from under startlingly long dark lashes, "Shikamaru? Are you okay?"

He jerked himself out of his head and focused on the problem before him. Obviously, he had stumbled onto something. He placed his hand on his forehead, trying to calm the headache he knew was in his future. "Naruto, please tell me that I'm hallucinating, and that you're not a female," he said, irritated.

She grinned nervously and scratched her head, "Umm… Would you believe me if I did?"

"Unfortunately…no."

"Oh…" Naruto's face fell, and she bit her lip. The scene was, now that the towel was in danger of slipping off any second, quite erotic, and pretty disturbing, knowing that the beautiful almost naked girl, no, woman, if front of him was Naruto.

Fighting against the temptation that was his hormones, Shikamaru looked up at the ceiling and said, "We need to talk, I suppose. But it might be better if you got some clothes on."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Naruto's face turn pink and her eyes widen. Then she squeaked, cursed, and disappeared in a blur of gold and orange.

Lazily, he heaved himself up off of the floor, slouched to the living room, and collapsed onto the orange and black sofa, and lit a cigarette. He exhaled, and then, eyes drooping, cursed, "Tcha… How troublesome."