I do not own Twilight or Invader Zim. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. NOTE: THIS DOES MAKE FUN OF TWILIGHT, AND A LOT. DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT.
Bella scanned through her e-mails on her iPod. Almost all of them were from her mom:
Subject: BELLA I HEARD YOU RAN AWAY
Subject: BELLA ANSWER ME NOW
Subject: BELLA, I GOT A JOB AT THE STRIP CLUB! ;)
Bella rolled her eyes and clicked on the first one:
Your father told me you ran away! WHY? Was it because of that Edwart boy, or whatever his name was? Are you pregnant? I told you to be safe! Respond ASAP
The second:
Bella! It's been forty-four point fifty-nine seconds now, and you haven't responded! ARE YOU DEAD? OH SWEET JESUS, MY BABY GIRL IS PREGNANT AND DEAD! If you don't respond within the next twenty seconds, I'll call the police! I will! I'll do it and say your dad killed you because he found out about how you were pregnant! Ha! There! I already called them, and used your dad's name! NOW HIS LIFE WILL BE HORRIBLE, BECAUSE HE KILLED MY BABY GIRL! ... THE BABY GIRL WHO I THOUGHT WAS A BOY FOR FIVE YEARS AND WHO I HIT OVER THE HEAD AND POURED BEER DOWN HER THROAT AND NOW SHE CAN'T GO WITHOUT FALLING FOR THIRTY SECONDS!
Before reading the third, Bella sat her iPod down and felt the bump on her head where her mom always hit her. She traced the bump with her fingers, smiling. My dear mother, She thought, memories running through her mind. The third:
Bella, in order to deal with the emotional impact of losing both my daughter and my grand-baby, I have decided to do all I can to make myself an empty shell! I got a job stripping for perverts who are easily thirty years older than me! And my boss gave me the cutest little hooker boots!
Bella turned off her iPod and thought about why she ran away. The fact that Forks was easily the most stupid town name certainly didn't hurt her decision to run away, but Jacob and Edward had been fighting, again.
"YOU STUPID OLD PERVERT! YOU'RE LIKE, TWO HUNDRED! STOP TRYING TO MARRY BELLA AND REGISTER FOR A SEXUAL MOLESTER LOG!" Jacob had screamed at Edward. Edward glared at him and took out his teeth whitening strips to retaliate.
"I'm a lot hotter than you, Jacob! No one thought you were hot until you got your hair cut, anyway! No one liked you until the second movie!" Edward hissed.
"REAL MEN DON'T SPARKLE!"
"REAL MEN DON'T TURN INTO FAT-ASS PIT BULLS!" Edward screamed back. Yes, instead of a werewolf, Jacob turned into a pit bull. Not a cute, furry, big-eyed pit bull- an ugly one. A face only an obsessed fan girl stalker could love. Bella just sat in the background, with a facial expression that made it seem like while she'd prefer to be somewhere else, but she wasn't going to make an attempt to stop her two stalker boyfriends from ripping each other's heads off. She packed up some stuff and went to a bus station.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SHE'D LEAVE? WHERE IS SHE?" Edward screamed at Alice. She glared at him.
"BECAUSE YOU MADE FUN OF ME WHILE I WAS ON MY PERIOD!"
"YOU'RE A VAMPIRE! YOU DON'T HAVE PERIODS!"
A bell rang, and Bella saw her train was about to leave. She got up and walked on. Despite the fact that she herself was extremely bland and antisocial, every guy on the train was hitting on her. She pepper-sprayed any guy that dared get into a five-foot radius of her, and one girl (who, in Bella's defense, was quite manlike). The train stopped a remarkable distance away from Forks. She got off to be tackled by a green talking dog.
"YOU SMELLS LIKE TACOS!" It screamed. A green kid with a back-pack thing pulled the dog off of her.
"I'm terribly sorry, filthy human-monster! My dog is...Not good."
"Hey, you have a house, don't you?" Bella asked.
"Yeeeees. Just like any other filthy human!" Zim screamed.
"Perfect. I'm staying there." Bella said flatly. Zim gave her a strange look.
"No, I don't want you there!" Zim whimpered.
"Yes, I'm staying there! I don't have anywhere else to go! I'm staying there or I'll scream! I'll scream rape!" Bella threatened. Zim seemed desperately confused.
"I dunno what that even means!"
"RAPE! RAPE! GET OFF ME YOU PERVERT! OH SWEET JESUS, RAPE! SOMEONE HELP ME!" Bella screamed. Zim shushed her, trying to calm her tantrum.
"Fine, fine! You can stay at my house, just stop screaming!"
I know this part is short, I'm trying the idea for now.