Unsung Heroine

Many knew PSICOM for its powerful army of hightech soldiers. Those trademark helmets struck fear into even the most courageous of warriors and the vast array of advanced weaponry saw that no enemy could withstand the might of the Sanctum's finest. And yet, despite the heroes who fight tirelessly to protect Cocoon, few know the story of one particular Lieutenant Colonel and how her valor, intellect, and overall jaw-dropping charms aided in single-handedly saving the whole of the universe from an unparalleled crisis that would've shaken all of creation to its core.

It all began many moons ago when Lt. Col. Jihl Nabaat was awakened by the chilled, moisture of her pillow. She had slept with her mouth wide open, allowing a waterfall of drool to pour out into her semi-absorbent pillow. Waking with a groan, she pulled her face mask off so her wrinkled eyes could roll over and gaze at her alarm clock.

"What? Ten o'clock! My alarm was supposed to wake me up at eleven..."

With a loud snore, she slapped her sleeping mask back on and plopped her head into a drier pillow where she snoozed until her alarm beeped. After crushing the obnoxious little clock with her PSICOM-endowed magic skills, she snuggled into her covers a bit more when a knock sounded at the door.

"Shut the bloody hell up!" Jihl growled in a sleepy stupor. But the knocks only persisted. Even when she reached around the floor for a high-heeled shoe to toss at the door, the knocker refused to relent and the Lt. Col. was forced from her shaken slumber.

"This had better be important!" she snapped at the soldier standing in the doorway. "I was having a dream where I had laser eye surgery and it didn't make my eye sight worse!"

"Ma'am! We have an emergency!" stated the soldier.

"What kind?"

"That's just the thing, Lieutenant Colonel! No one's quite sure what kind of emergency we're having! Everyone's in a panic! We need your guidance, ma'am!"

Jihl sighed. "Very well. Return to your post, soldier. I'll be there momentarily."

"Ma'am!" With a salute, the soldier about-faced and marched on back to his post.

Massaging her forehead, Jihl retreated into her room where it was time to get serious. She tossed off her robe with enough grace to make royalty bow their heads and marched with her head held high into the bathroom. There, she fully utilized every last millisecond within a three hour duration to carefully apply her makeup. Once finished, she approached her armoire and draped only the finest silk uniform over her body before crowning the bridge of her nose with her favorite pair of glasses.

"It's time to save Cocoon!" With a proud, firm nod, Jihl exited her apartment in the lower East Side of Eden and marched valiantly on for the bus stop where she waited for the fal'Cie Greyhound to roll on in and transport her to the main PSICOM headquarters. When she finally arrived after being caught in rush hour traffic for two and a half hours, Jihl was greeted by the unruly sight of seven thousand of PSICOM's best running around in a frenzy. Screams, shrieks, and shrills of all kinds filled the HQ, with the occasional added chorus of bullets fired off in random directions.

With PSICOM descending into chaos, it was up to Lieutenant Colonel Jihl Nabaat to do her job. "It's on," she uttered with a push of her glasses. She marched into the heart of chaos and pulled the nearest soldier to her. "You—what's going on here?"

"NO ONE KNOWS! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! SAVE YOURSELF, COLONEL!" shouted the deranged soldier.

"I see. Leave everything to me." Jihl let the crazy man free and saw him jump back into the fray with guns ablazing. Marching cooly forward, Jihl maneuvered her way past several explosions, circumvented a field of landmines, and Matrix-style dodged a series of bullets until she reached the Main Office.

"Status report!" she ordered as she approached the still-sane technicians stationed in front of various computers.

"The world is ending, ma'am. We have only minutes before the apocalypse," one technician informed her.

"All of Cocoon is set to implode soon, taking the whole universe with it," stated another.

"I see." Giving herself a moment to think, Jihl pushed her glass up the bridge of her nose once more and gave a triumphant smirk. "Of course! It's so simple!"

"Lieutenant Colonel?" All the technicians looked up at the superior with questioning gazes.

"You there!" Jihl said, pointing at the nearest person. "Do exactly as I say and we may yet live."

"Ma'am!"

Within minutes, Jihl Nabaat—one of PSICOM's greatest assets—proved again her worth and admirable resolve in the time of crisis by instituting a full-proof system that would ensure this, and all pending apocalypses would never succeed.

"This is Lieutenant Colonel Jihl Nabaat," she spoke into the intercom that resonated all throughout the HQ. "As of today, a new system to classify PSICOM alerts and inform all officers of their duties will be implemented. This is a color-based system, which will help you remember your duties by color-coordinating them. Code Blue will hereby refer to civilian uprisings; Code Yellow will refer to civilian and Guardian Corps uprisings; Code Orange will refer to general uprisings within the tri-state area; Code Sienna will refer to price inflation; Code Tangerine will refer to corn surpluses that weaken the economy by creating too much supply to meet too little demand..."

And so, for the rest of the day and most of the following two days, Jihl went through her list of alerts until every PSICOM soldier was thoroughly informed on every emergency possible. The impending doom threatening to destroy Cocoon subsided, and Jihl was given the Congressional Purple Codex of Helpfulness award by the Primarch himself.

And so concludes the tale of Cocoon's lesser known heroine. Without her, the clueless soldiers of PSICOM would have exterminated themselves for fear of not knowing what true emergency they faced.

As for Jihl? Well, the Lieutenant Colonel went back to bed until the next emergency came knocking at her door...

"Lieutenant Colonel! Lieutenant Colonel! They just knocked down the playground in Central Park! Where will the children play?"

"Just open up the Euride Gorge. There's plenty of room there. Now shut up and let me finally dream of that eye surgery!"