Disclaimer: Naruto's not mine. *sigh*

Rating: M, yeah. Smut.

A/N: Hey, everyone! After an extended, much needed break from writing, I come to you bearing a gift-story. This is a partial collaboration with Momopink, just like with our Halloween stories. She's posting Shikamaru/Sakura (direct link to it in my profile!), and I'm doing Kiba/Ino here. Our stories follow the same general premise and even overlap in some parts! Please, enjoy, and visit Momopink's matching story. =)

It Was On a Cold and Chilly Table…

Part I

Yeah. There was no way in hell that Kiba could believe that a physical exam was this essential. A chill pimpled his arms with goosebumps. He tried to ignore the hypothermia that was even now threatening his life. Being Inuzuka, he had a natural tendency toward a higher body temperature than mere mortals, but not even his hot-running blood could balance out a zero-degree meat locker.

If the waiting room, carefully cordoned off in one corner, away from all the curtained…cubicles, Kiba supposed, was this frigid, what would it be like sitting on a steel table?

And why did these stupid things need to be conducted in this cold-as-balls, correction: cold-as-freaking-Snow Country community room? Couldn't a guy even get some privacy? Instead of a curtain? Really, Hokage? How much of a cash-pinch was the village in to not be able to schedule a nice, individual appointment behind a nice, locked door in a room that had flippin' heat?

"Brrrrr," he said, chafing his arms. "How much longer?"

He was speaking generally, but a forlorn sigh drew his attention to a slouched figure on the next chair over, wearing a disgruntled frown.

"Yo, Shikamaru! When did you get here?"

Shikamaru's eyes made a slow shift to Kiba's face. "Just now." A lip curl. "I hate to even ask, but...how long have you been waiting?"

"Heh. An eternity. You'd think they'd have more medical staff to get through these quicker."

"Careful what you wish for." Kiba noticed Shikamaru's frown deepen. "They'll call in pretty girls just to mess with us."

"Seriously? I thought that's when they called in the retiree medics."

Another sigh. "That too. I'm not sure which is worse."

"Hah. A wrinkly, hairy old dude is way worse than a pretty girl, any day. You wanna know why?" Shikamaru didn't look like he cared so Kiba answered his own question. "'Cause you can flirt with a pretty girl."

"I'll treasure that nugget of wisdom for the rest of my life," Shikamaru answered, rolling his eyes.

Kiba readied a response, but a feminine voice interrupted him. "Inuzuka Kiba?"

The secretary who'd greeted him at the front door called his name. She waited for him at the end of the row of chairs, clipboard in hand and a friendly smile pasted on her face. Standing, he grinned at Shikamaru. "Well, my number's up. See you after."

The secretary led him across the open floor to a set of curtained cubicles on the other side of the room. People in white lab coats whished by, and the low voices of dozens of people became indistinguishable murmurs. His boots squeaked on the tile, and he couldn't help but feel edgy without Akamaru there to be with him.

"This is your room here," the secretary said, whipping open a curtain. The rings clanged across the curtain rod. "There's a gown for you on the table. Change into it, please. Your medic today is Yamanaka Ino. She'll be here in a few minutes."

Then before he could utter a protest, she drew shut the curtains and walked away. Numbly, Kiba listened to her heels clack before returning his attention to the task at hand. Heh. Yamanaka Ino, eh? He wasn't sure he wanted to picture Yamanaka Ino fondling his ballsack…she was kinda hot, but kinda bitchy too.

There was a tray set near the table with nefarious doctoring tools, but he noticed the box of latex gloves, and oh, God, a few miniature tubes of lubricant. What the hell kind of physical exam was this gonna be? Suddenly he wanted to get the fuck out of there, race home and hide under the covers. A childish, un-adult response to be sure, but he really didn't want something shoved up his ass.

And besides, his mother would drag him here by force, so there was no point in attempting escape. Okay. Just do it. The feelings of trepidation thickened as he first untied his boot laces. He hissed a curse when stepping on the tile felt like treading on a glacier. He unzipped his flak jacket, and pulled both his long-sleeved and net shirts over his head. The goosebumps he'd felt in the waiting room were nothing compared to these and he was shivering. Shivering when it was a hundred degrees outside this building!

For some protection, Kiba reached out to the table where the hospital gown had been neatly folded. He shook it out. The strings had been tangled into knots.

"What the hell is this?"

The question to himself was rhetorical, but he answered anyway. Morino Ibiki must've organized this. Only a sick fuck would think of "strengthening" the Konoha nins with sub-zero temperatures and precious little details like a knotted hospital gown. And if anything, Ibiki was a thorough man. After several minutes dragged by, Kiba managed to unknot the strings and don the hospital gown.

He'd just dropped his pants when his nose picked up Ino's scent coming in his direction; he hadn't even been aware he'd been searching for it. The nervousness had been a discreet buzz in the back of his brain, but it reared up, reminding him who was boss, and adding sweaty palms to the mix for the hell of it. He didn't think this was going to turn out well for anyone involved.

She'd arrived at his curtain. "Knock, knock!"

"Har, har, har," Kiba said. He couldn't help his mouth from curling in a sneer. "You may enter."

Enter she did. Like all the medical staff, she wore a white lab coat with pockets and a nametag, and he realized he'd expected her in that purple outfit that caught everyone's eye. The purple clothes she wore left nothing to the imagination, but wearing the lab coat was different. It hugged her curves, rounded them nicely, and showed off great hips and lovely breasts. And he needed to get off those features, so he forced his eyes to travel up. Her hair was in its usual long-ass ponytail, and she had a pair of glasses perched on her nose. Wait…

"Glasses, Ino?"

"Hello to you too, Kiba. How are you?" She had a clipboard in her hands and her tone was business-as-usual.

"Wondering why you'd need glasses. You've always bragged about yer 20/20 vision." His stupid nervous brain wanted to pick a fight with her. "It's weird seeing you wear them."

Her features, before a careful mask of neutrality, creased into irritability. "I'm nearly the youngest staff member here, so the glasses project an image of maturity and competence. Now, how are you?"

She had a doctor-patient script worked out in her head, did she? Well, if he had to be embarrassed and awkward, then it was only fair that she be as well.

"I'm freezing here, literally. My nuts have even shrunk up. Think you could get someone to turn on the heat?"

She sighed and closed her eyes. "I understand that this isn't the most ideal of conditions," and those blue eyes opened and pinned him, sending a tingle along his back, "but if you fight me it'll be that more awkward. Can you please let me do my job?"

In normal situations- -meaning, outside this medical zone- -she'd have instigated a royal rumble worthy of Hokages past. But here, she was trying hard to be a serious professional and would not slam a fist into him to get him to shut up. He couldn't feasibly force her into confrontation when she wouldn't act in her usual snobby manner. That would not be satisfying.

He dropped his shoulders. "I guess."

"Okay, good." She smiled with a flash of white teeth. "Let's start over, shall we? Hello, Kiba. How are you today?"

Kiba matched her good humor. "I'm fantastic, doc. How are you?"

"We're quite busy today. How's the Inuzuka clan faring?" She gestured to the table. "Hop on for me, please."

"Everyone's doing just-dammit! It's like fucking ice!" He shifted uncomfortably as another round of shivering rippled through him. "Fine," he continued, not quite controlling his chattering teeth, "Everyone's fine."

"Good," she said. She lifted a digital thermometer. "I'm going to take your temperature now. Please hold this under your tongue."

He took the rod into his mouth, letting the end jab into the soft underbelly behind his teeth. Silence, as Ino kept an eye on the monitor. She was near enough that he didn't have to try to smell her perfume or her shampoo, near enough that he discerned the tiny flower in the tear-drop globe of glass in her dangling earrings. When the thermometer beeped, it startled him.

She withdrew the rod. "Hmm. Your temperature is high, but according to your charts, that's normal." She ejected the disposable covering into the trash and scribbled the number down on his chart. "Next is blood pressure. Your arm, please."

He willingly held out his arm, enjoying her ministrations, as she wrapped the cuff above his elbow and pumped. The cuff tightened, tightened, tightened, and she stuck the stethoscope under the edge. A couple minutes passed in silence as she concentrated on her wristwatch. Her lips formed the numbers as she counted.

He could tell she had recently applied some sort of lipgloss because no way were a woman's lips so perfectly shining and pink. The need to lick that lipgloss right off her pretty mouth was so sudden, he couldn't stop his heart from beating harder. Ino's eyebrows crunched together marginally, but immediately after, she pulled away.

"All good," she said. She removed the earplugs and wrote the number down. Then, checking his eyes with a penlight, she asked, "Have you been consuming alcohol, smoking, or using any other type of drugs?"

The penlight left spots in his vision, and as he blinked them away, he replied. "No."

"Have you been stretching before and after physical activities?" She gently squeezed under his jaw and pressed along his throat. Her touch left lingering scorch-marks under his skin.

"Yes."

Her hands went to his ears, checking the lobes and then diving through his hair to check for bumps. The gesture, as platonic and practiced as it was, burned a comet of arousal straight down his torso to his groin. This, too, must be Ibiki's doing.

Her oblivious fingers pressed along his spine and in his armpits. "Drinking water?"

"Yes." Don't think about nibbling her exposed neck…

Then she got the flashlight-thingy for checking inside his ear canals. "Any concerns?" she asked, putting aside the instrument after checking both ears. "Any unusual bumps, swellings, or pains?"

"None." Silently adding: No swellings that were unusual. Most were self-induced and one was going to be embarrassing if he didn't calm down his hormones for a minute. That wrinkly, hairy old guy would've been a better idea than supple, perky Ino. Don't think about her breasts. Don't think about them…but his hormone-induced mind produced a topless image of Ino anyway, and he had to admit, he liked what he thought.

"Good. Lean forward. I'm checking your air passages now." She settled in the stethoscope's ear pieces and huffed a few breaths on the plate before dipping it inside his gown. "Breathe in…good." This repeated several times.

"Lay down." He swung his legs over and stretched back on the hard table. At least there was a paper sheet over it, so he didn't have skin-to-steel contact. He still felt as though he was a cadaver in the morgue or some shit, and, thankfully, that fresh wave of freezing killed the stirring erection.

"Okay, I'll be checking your abdominal muscles and internal organs. Please relax."

Did he have this done the last time he had a physical? Ino managed to slip her hands under the gown and prodded under his stomach, her fingers pushing stern and steady into his organs, then shifting lower to his bowels where the feel of her hand so close to his privates made him jump.

She laughed. "Relax."

"It's hard when yer hands're ice cubes." He'd thought she was going for his gonads without his knowing. "Put on some gloves or something."

"Sorry, Kiba." She kneaded him a few more times, and then removed her hands. He sat up. "Everything's fine. It's time for the penile and testicular check."

"Is that…?" …where she'd have her hand on his family jewels, the ultimate mortification, the climatic moment of awkwardness? Wasn't there some way he could avoid Yamanaka Ino's hand cupping his balls? At least in the sense that she was checking for…lumps or whatever.

"Yes," she confirmed. "But before we begin, I have a few other questions to ask you."

He sighed, thankful the moment had been put off if only for a few more minutes. If she'd reached down there and grabbed 'em, he didn't think he'd be adequately prepared. At least she'd given him fair warning. The questions were basic ones that he answered easily except when she got to this question: "Have you been sexually active?"

It wasn't the question itself that gave him pause, but rather, he detected a slight increase in Ino's breathing, and her scent went all wonky, like it had been dormant or lying in wait to jump out at him. She was anticipating his response, watching him a little too intently, almost as if her next course of action was to be decided upon his answer.

Oh. Ooooh. Mom had explained all about the birds'n'bees a few years ago in a frank discussion, since he'd started wondering and asking questions. Among the finer details of that conversation, she'd told him that girls gave off signals with their bodies. Nonverbal, visual clues, she'd said, and also scent clues. She'd told him to study these clues and figure out what each meant. Ino was giving him clues that suggested that she was interested in him. She'd done a fine job of pretending to be all professional and businesslike, but this question gave her away.

"No. Not sexually active." He couldn't help the smirk. "Yet."

His comment and sudden mood shift had Ino pulling away, and pushing on her glasses. Her scent plowed up his nose, screaming at him with her arousal, and her realization that she knew he knew. His own body reacted, chemicals mixing up, attraction loosening his muscles, and he felt a familiar heat collect under his stomach. This was something with which he could work.

"I'll just…get on with the exam then," she said, snapping on a latex glove, motioning him off the table. She squared up in front of him, gazing at him from under the pale fringe of bangs. "On the count of three, turn your head and cough." She placed her bare hand on his waist, which seemed to be there to prepare him, and the one which would do the 'examining' under the gown, brushing along his inner-thigh. He had to breathe through the bout jitteriness. "One…two…three."

Without time to feel embarrassed, he coughed, felt her hand squeeze gently, and then release. She removed the glove to jot her findings on the chart.

"See? That wasn't so bad, was it?" she said, smiling. "And now, we move on to the sex talk."

Kiba sidled back, feigning hesitation, inwardly whooping in joy. "The sex talk…?"

"It's necessary to reinforce good sexual habits in shinobi so that our ranks aren't laced with infections or pregnancies." A subtle pink had flushed her cheeks. 'Clue! CLUE!' his brain shouted. "So our duty to our patients is to provide resources and explanations about sexual activity."

"What sort of…resources?" His mind was on the miniature lube tubes on the table just over there. His body was waaaay ahead of him, already pooling blood into his groin, anticipating some action.

She reached into her pocket and produced a shiny, silver square, which she passed to Kiba's hand. A condom. He stared at it, a slow, slow smile spreading over his face.

"A condom for preventing semen from entering the vaginal canal during sexual intercourse," she said, stating the obvious. A pinker blush on her cheeks. "Since you were an excellent patient today, it's a strawberry-flavored one."

"Hm-hm." He fought his smile for control and managed to deadpan, "Can we do a live demonstration?"

His comment took her aback. She stared at him. "A live…demonstration?"

"Sure. How can I possibly establish good sexual habits without being taught them firsthand by an expert?" He took off those glasses, letting his fingers brush her face, and dropped them in her coat pocket. When she fidgeted, he knew he'd flustered her.

"Kiba. I'm a medical professional. I can't break the…" She trailed off when he stepped forward. Alarm. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?"

Her scent scrunched up a bit with anxiety as she shuffled in reverse. He kept going until she backed up against the table, arms curled protectively over the clipboard she held. "I can't just…it's unprofessional and…"

He caged her with his arms. "You can't fool me, doc. I know yer thinking dirty thoughts. And I think you've found someone you'd like to try those dirty things with." Her eyes widened when he leaned his forehead against hers. "Am I right?"

Her breathing was quick and shallow, and she didn't seem inclined to respond. Oh, good God her scent was railing around him, spreading through him a tide of want…of lust. He backed off for a moment. "I'm gonna take this," and he tugged free the clipboard, "so you can start demonstrating with me."

It didn't look like she'd go for it, and he prepared for her rejection. He'd made a bold move by closing in on her and dangling himself as some tasty morsel on the line, so he wasn't one-hundred percent sure of her response, even though he could tell her body wanted what he was offering. If she didn't take his bait then he would behave, sit through her talk, and leave her alone. Then go burrow under a rock for the rest of his life- -hell, for the rest of eternity.

But then she said, "So when you say live demonstration, does that include everything sexual?" Her eyes were heavy-lidded, her voice low and throaty; there was no mistaking her intent to draw him in. "I need to know if I'm going to educate you properly."

Excitement tangled up inside him, but outwardly he kept cool, calm. He reached out to slip the end of her ponytail through his fingers. "Hm-hm. Everything."

Emboldened by some inner-seductress, Ino smoothed her hand up his arm, under the short sleeve of the gown and spread her fingers along his shoulder blade. His whole body felt like fire, shattering the cold atmosphere that had settled around them. He figured they were both done messing around with words.

Kiba slid his hand under her ponytail to cradle the nape of her neck while he leaned the extra few inches to kiss her- -his first kiss. His lips made contact with the lipgloss he'd been eying, and he pulled away to lick his lips. Mint. Intrigued, he returned to her mouth, liking how gentle the kiss was. She took control from him by sliding her tongue out along his, testing. They both had an intense reaction to that, groaning, and Kiba snaked his other arm around her waist to bring her in tight against him.

Ino broke the kiss, panting for air. "We've gotta keep our noise down. I don't want anyone to walk in on us here."

"Gotcha," he replied and ducked in for another kiss, closing his mouth hot and heavy against hers, dragging his teeth along her lips. Her gasp was as good as telling him she liked it when he did that.

He got a wild hair and wandered away from her mouth to her jaw and ear. Once there, he nipped her lobe and played his tongue around the delicate bones of her ear. Her scent was making him all kinds of insane, a torrent of want and need and hormonal supplication to him. Yeah, there was no getting out of this alive.

"Move your hands some, like this," she said, breathlessly. He felt her hands slowly slide up his spine, spread across his shoulders, and then down, rubbing gentle, sensual patterns into him. She kissed along his jaw, sometimes just rubbing her mouth on his cheek. Biting back a dramatic groan, he mimicked the hand movements, and just to see what she'd do, he curved his hands up to her breasts, but the fabric of the lab coat was heavy and it was in his way.

"This," he said, running his hands on the lapels of the coat, "needs to be removed."

For some reason, when his fingers touched the snaps on the coat, he hesitated. His body was full-throttle forward, but now his mind didn't want to comply. Having sex wasn't supposed to be random. Mom had paired her sex-talk with a firm warning that 'No son of hers was gonna go around drunk-screwing girls in some back-alley.'

Well, this wasn't some back-alley. This was a hospital. But still, the gist of her warning was to be careful of random sex. Ino could get hurt; he could get hurt. So the question remained: was he comfortable enough with Ino to participate in such a…an intimate act, for the first time? Was what he was doing going to burn him in the end?

A/N: Let me know what you think, if you enjoyed it. Don't forget to visit Momopink's "I Wanna Get a Physical". Go on. You know you're curious. ;)