Wrote this on a whim during my lunch hour. Enjoy. Gemma

We open on dancing GSN logo

Announcer: You're watching the Game Show Network.

Cut to game show set, each family posed behind their podiums

Announcer: It's time for... "Vampire Family Feud"! Introducing the Salvatore Family: Damon, Stefan, Elena, Jeremy and Katherine

And today, they'll be playing against... The Cullen Family! Bella, Edward, Reneessmesmsem, Jake and Charlie

And here's your host... Ryan Seacrest!

Ryan walks in and takes center stage, continuously smiling since his teeth are coated in Vaseline.

"Hello, welcome to "Vampire Family Feud", I'm Ryan Seacrest, since I host everything else I figured I'd host this too!," the grinning celebrity said as he winked at the camera.

The audience cheers.

"I love you RYAN!" screams a fangirl.

"Thanks," Ryan smiles. "First up to the podium: Damon and Bella."

"Come on over," Ryan speaks enthusiastically as both contestants begin making their way to the podium.

Damon looks to his family and raises his arms. They cheer loudly until they are drowned out by a loud screech. Bella's microphone fell off as she walked to the podium.

The feedback continues as she helplessly hands her microphone to Ryan, who waves out a backstage assistant. The girl hastily pins it back on Bella's nametag.

Damon and Bella shake hands.

"Welcome to the show," Ryan greets the two contestants. "Damon, why don't you tell us what you do for a living?"

"You mean besides being a vampire?" Damon looked confused.

"What did you do when you were alive?" Ryan flipped a cue card.

"I was in the Army."

The audience applauds loudly.

"Quite a noble profession," Ryan adds as he turns to Bella. "I'm told you are a stay at home mom."

"I am," Bella smiles proudly. "That's my baby over there." She points to Nessie.

"Your baby looks like she's thirty," Damon mumbles under his breath.

"She's only nine," Bella informs him.

"Well that's delightful," Ryan intervenes. "We'll get to talk more with her later, but now are you two ready?"

"Hell Yeah!" Damon shouts.

"Yes," Bella nods.

They shake hands again.

"LET"S PLAY THE FEUD!" Ryan takes out a new cue card.

"One hundred people surveyed, top six answers on the board."

Damon and Bella twitch in anticipation.

"The question: Name a best-selling vampire novel."

Damon's hand slams down on the buzzer.

"Bram Stoker's Dracula!" he shouts confidently.

"Alright!," Ryan turns to board hanging overhead. "Show me... Dracula!"

There is ding as the number five slot flips over.

"Five?" Damon disappointed.

"There we are!" Ryan smiles. "Let's go meet the Salvatore's"

He and Damon walk back to the Salvatore family podium.

"Alright who do we have here?" Ryan stands at the second spot.

"This is my brother, Stefan," Damon says still brooding over his answer.

"How are you doing today?" Ryan asks.

"Fine," Stefan answers slowly as he stares at the camera.

"So you and Damon are both vampires," Ryan reads from the cards in front of him. "Tell us what it's like spending eternity with Damon."

"It's very…," Stefan paused. "Challenging."

Ryan laughs uncomfortably. "So, can you tell us a best-selling vampire novel."

"Salem's Lot," Stefan replied.

"Good Answer!" Katherine praises him.

Damon gives her a nasty look.

"Show me Salem's Lot!"

Ding! The number six spot flips over.

"Who is this?" Ryan takes Elena hand and kisses it.

"My sister-in-law, Elena," Damon answered leaning behind Stefan to whisper an insult to Katherine.

"Elena, what a lovely name," Ryan caresses her hand. "So tell us something about yourself."

"I'm human." Elena pulls her hand away. "And I'm a doppelganger."

"A Doppelganger," Ryan repeats excitedly. "We haven't had one of those on the show yet." He looks to the producers for confirmation.

The camera pans to a fat man nodding yes.

"Welcome, Elena. Can you tell me a best selling vampire novel?"

"The Southern Vampire Mysteries," Elena answers.

"Good Answer!"

"Show me 'Southern Vampire Mysteries'"

Ding! The number two space flips over.

Elena jumps up and down excitedly!

"And now Jeremy," Ryan checks his card. "It says here you just got your driver's license."

"Yes, I did Ryan," Jeremy brushes the hair from his face. "And I'm hoping Damon will let me drive his Camaro."

"That's not going to happen," Damon replies.

"Best selling vampire novel," Ryan leans on elbow against the podium.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer!" Jeremy claps his hands together.

"Ugh!" Damon groans. "That's a TV show."

"And a bad movie," Stefan adds.

"And a kick-ass comic book series," Jeremy says defensively.

"Show me 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'"

BUZZ

A large red strike appears.

BLEEP

The censors block out Jeremy's reply.

Ryan moves down to the final member of the Salvatore family. "Katherine," he takes her hand and kisses it. "Elena's great-great-great-great-great," he pauses to count the number of greats written on the card. "Grandmother."

"Thank you, Ryan," Katherine leans over the podium and whispers into his ear. He blushes and swallows hard.

"…best selling vampire novel," he manages to say.

"Interview with the Vampire."

"Good answer, Katherine," Damon reluctantly agrees.

"Show me 'Interview with the Vampire'"

Ding! The number four spot flips over.

"Back to Damon," Ryan moves back up to the top of the podium. "Still have the number one answer up there. Best selling vampire novel."

Damon takes a breath and thinks for a moment.

"The Vampire Diaries."

"Great Answer!" His family yells.

Stefan slaps Damon on the back.

"Show me 'Vampire Diaries'"

BUZZ

Another red strike appears.

"What the BLEEEEP…"

The volume goes silent as Damon's response is edited.

"Who the Bleep did they survey?"

The entire family is stunned.

"Stefan, you have two strikes and five seconds," Ryan reminds him. "Best selling vampire novel."

Stefan knuckles whiten as he clenches his fists.

"Three."

"Two…"

"Polidori's Vampyre," Stefan blurted just before time was up.

"What's that?" Elena looked at him. "I've never heard of it."

"First vampire story ever written," Katherine answered. "In 1819."

"Highly doubtful it's a bestseller," Damon sneered.

"I tried," Stefan shrugged.

"Show me 'Polidori's Vampyre'!"

BUZZ

A third strike appears.

"Let's see if the Cullens can get the steal!"

Ryan walks across the stage to the Cullen's podium.

"Alright Cullen Family," he says to Bella. "Number one and number three answers are still up there; Best selling vampire novel."

"The Lost Boys!" shouts Jake. "The Lost Boys"

"That was a movie," Edward hisses.

"I bet it was a book too!"

"Ummm," Bella looks back at her family for help.

Charlie just shrugs his shoulders.

Jake yells "The Lost Boys" again.

"Twilight," Nessie suggests.

"Twilight," Edward agrees.

"Five seconds, Bella," Ryan reminds her.

"I'm going to say Twilight," she nods.

"What!" Jacob exclaims. "Why do you always agree with HIM?"

"Show me 'Twilight'"

DING!

"Twilight is the number one answer!" Ryan smiles.

The Bella and Edward hug each other. Jake and Nessie exchange high fives. Charlie spuns his gun on his finger.

"Show me number three," Ryan asks the invisible game show genie.

DING!

The number three panel flips over.

"Vampire Academy!" The audience reads.

"Stay tuned!" Ryan's teeth gleam at the camera. "There's more Feud to come!"