To be a Hero

From the very beginning America had always sort of pictured himself as the hero, protecting England. When the two older countries's had him pick between them both he remembered how depressed and gloomy the blonde had been. Ever the hero he had taken his hand asking him 'what was the matter?' However England had mistakenly mistook it for the opposite of his intentions believing he was the one being the protector.

When Matthew came into the picture everything became clearer. For he Did Not enjoy sharing his Iggy. At first the Canadian seemed to be no threat but as Arthur's already limited attention and time became focused on Canada, Alfred began fighting it, and becoming will more obnoxious.

That was when he figured out he wanted Iggy, he began to picture England as the damsel he protected, rescued, and kept safe. He was like a kinder gardener crushing on his teacher, his mentor. He did everything to get the Englishman's attention from acting out to forcing himself to eat every last bland morsel on his plate.

Eventually Matthew set him straight on the reality of the situation. It was silly really how he'd let it slip, they'd been discussing the war Arthur was having with big brother Francis and he'd jumped onto a bench in an undignified manner, brandishing an imaginary sword saying, "When I grow up I'm gonna go kick that Frenchie's but and be Artie's Hero! No one's going to pick on him!"

Matthew just stared at him confused. "Al he doesn't need to be saved we do."

"What?" He said turning towards the Canadian.

"Where his colony's we don't need to save him, he saves us. That's what this whole war is about."

"But," He looked down stunned. He'd thought he was helping England being a hero not a big one but a hero none the less, sticking up against France on his homeland. While England took down as he'd say the Frog in Europe.

"That's why he hasn't been visiting as much." The dirty blond sighed looking down at his feet.

"But, I will save him someday and then we'll be together all the time." He said forcefully, jumping of the chair.

"No, colonies don't typically run the show we already have a lot of freedom but we will always be inferior and little kids to him."

America stared in a state of turmoil. He didn't want to be a little kid forever and even though he didn't know much about love he highly suspected one couldn't think of you as a kid or inferior.

"Then maybe I shouldn't be a colony…" He whispered so quietly that Matthew barely heard. Then in his American way he happily shouted, "You can't catch me!" changing the mood and then slapping Canada on the back before darting off.

As the war ended things went by so fast and America began to see this colony treatment Canada had been talking about. Not only was his time with his beloved elder brief and scarce, but Arthur had indeed continued treating him not as an individual equal. Placing taxes and new laws, placing military on his land, and not really listening to his voice; granted the first two were needed to pay for a war meant to protect him but he wanted to protect himself.

So as the colonies began discussing the idea of revolution he joined in with the idea growing restless. The Boston Tea Party had been stupid and yet Iggy noticed him again, he came to yell and make a fuss, not even noticing the he was wearing the suit he'd gotten from the last visit. But then he was gone just as quickly, leaving guards in Boston angering his people.

Finally it finished spinning out of control he and his people had decided, and so started the Revolution. If he won it would be better he kept telling himself. He no longer would have to stare at that god dame window hoping Arthur would come. He'd be worthy of the Brit, be able to be his friend. He'd take on his own problems, protect the damsel. His people needed this; He needed it for he'd never have a shot at winning England's heart if things stayed as they were, Iggy needed him to be his equal to. The Brit needed a friend. He'd be a hero.

And yet it all turned out so wrong, he'd forgotten that he'd end up breaking the Englishman's heart. Even hundred of year's later he still could recall that rainy day.

"Sorry England but I'm gonna choose freedom. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm not your little brother, either. As of now, I'm declaring my independence." He stated saying all the things he needed to change to be the hero.

But Arthur didn't see it and blinded he charged. "I won't allow it!" He cried, stabbing Alfred's musket making it fly out of his hands. "You don't have enough strength to stand on your own." He shouted, holding the musket up while his men yelled for him to fire.

The world stood still. Alfred stared into those emerald eyes waiting for the shot to be taken. Then suddenly he turned away his gaze not wanting to destroy that precious child. "I… can't do it." He said shakily, dropping the gun and sinking to the ground.

"Dammit." He cried. Tear's joining the rain's journey to the ground.

"Why Dammit…"

"England…" He was stunned he truly had not thought of the pain he'd just inflicted on his world. He'd just jumped in blindly, not thinking what his actions would truly cause. Memories flashed before his eyes, to that day when he had reached out to save the man lying now broken before him and then latter to when England had taken his hand.

"Let's go home." Home that's all he really wanted for Arthur to come home and be with him and now he'd destroyed it even more.

Desperately clinging to that memory trying to get the older man to understand why, he said gently and quietly. "You used to be… so big…"

He got his freedom but the thing he wanted so desperately he couldn't reach.

After that Arthur left him alone completely. Not opening up again for awhile and even then always in the back hurt. He never told the Brit his feelings and rarely did what he had so disparately wanted to, protect the Englishman and love him.

No he wasn't a hero, he was coward.

So why did he keep trying to be one?

AN:

First Hettalia fanfic! Yeah!

just a short drabble i really just wanted Canada to bring up the whole colony thing... please comment!