"I'm home," Leon called, walking into the castle. He braced himself to be pounced on by a sugar high Sora and/or Yuffie, or both, but to his surprise, no pounce came. The lights were on, but no one was around. All was dead silent.

Can you say "red flags"?

"Hello?" He yelled as he walked around the castle, looking for other lifeforms besides himself.

"Yo," Came a voice that Leon recognized as Axel's from the study. The brunette raised an eyebrow as he walked into the room to find Axel sitting behind a desk, scribbling on a piece of paper. Axel turned and winked at the confused Leon. "Welcome home, hot stuff."

Resisting the urge to facepalm himself at Axel's nickname for him, he peered over the teen's shoulder at the paper. "What're you writing?"

"Um...I...It's..."

Leon rolled his eyes and snatched the paper before Axel could stop him. He read it with wide eyes, and an obvious concern for Axel's mental state.

1- Do the caramelldansen in your underwear

Clad in only his red boxers, Axel jumped on the dining room table and did the bunny dance to the best of his ability. Eventually, he got so into it, he decided to sing along with it, only to discover he couldn't make his voice go that high.

Sora, Ventus, and Roxas on the other hand, who had all decided to dance with him, could.

Aerith had watched it all, and with a sigh, had called up her psychiatrist to set up four appointments later that day. Whether they were for her or the boys, she didn't know.

2- Speak the language of cats all day

"Meow meow meow? Ooh, meow meow!" Axel said to the ever growing circle of cats that had surrounded him. He chuckled when several of the cats meowed back at him. "Meow!" He nodded eagerly.

.o.O.o.

Now, here's the translation for those of us who don't speak cat, Like Axel:

"All a y'all mothers are smelly whorish flea-bags!"

"Oh Heeeell naw, he didn't just go there!"

"Oh yes I did!"

.o.O.o.

And so, because Axel doesn't speak cat, he couldn't help but be confused through the pain of being scratched at, bitten, and peed on repeatedly.

"...I thought they liked me!"

3- Cut someone's hair off in their sleep

Unfourtunately, Axel had forgotten that because he's an ex-SOLDIER, Cloud was an incredibly light sleeper.

"NONONONONOOOOO! DOWN CHOCOBO, DOWN I SAY! I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SOOOORRYYYYYYY!" He yelled as Cloud continued to chase him around, smirking demonically and holding a pair of scissors in his hand.

From that day on, Axel firmly resolved to not only never touch Cloud's hair again, but to also keep a fair distance from scissors, knives, and any other pointy and/or sharp objects that could be used to cause bodily harm to him.

...At least until later on when he got the idea to do the same thing to Sephiroth.

4- Make people think there are two of you

This one puzzled Axel, until he conveniently remembered that his twin brother Reno was coming to visit. And Reno was more than happy to help his little sibling cause mischief.

And so, dressed in the same outfit and hair styled in the same spiky, gravity defying way, they found their prey.

And their prey just happened to be Sora.

"Hey there, shorty!" Axel said cheerfully, putting his arm around Sora's shoulders. Sora punched Axel playfully.

"I'm not short, and you know it, Axel!" He replied, grinning and giggling as they walked down the hallway. Axel put his hands in front of him, feigning surrender.

"Ooh, yeah, because being 5'4'' is so tall." The redhead said sarcastically. Sora just pouted, not really offended, but trying to make Axel feel guilty. "Now before you gimme your puppy eyes of doom, you seen Blondie around here?"

"Which one?" Technecally, there were four blondes living in the castle.

"Roxy poo, of course~!" Axel answered in a singsong voice, just as they came to a fork in the hallway. Sora pointed down the left hallway.

"In the rec room, last I checked."

"Oh yeah? Thanks, kiddo! Check ya later!" Axel gave Sora a two fingered salute and ran down the left hallway. Sora watched him leave and chuckled before turning and coming face to...well, chest, with Reno, whom was still cleverly disguised as Axel.

"Well, hey there, cutie." Reno said, giving Sora a wink. Sora raised an eyebrow and turned just in time to see a flurry of red hair disappear around a corner.

"Um...Hi, Axel...weren't you just...?"

"Just where?" Sora jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. Reno chuckled and kept walking down the right hallway, Sora following. "You gotta stop drinkin' coffee, kiddo! It's messin' with your head!"

"But I haven't-"

"You seen Blondie around here?" Reno cut off. Sora blinked.

"Which one?"

"Why, Chocobo-head, of course~!" Reno replied in a singsong voice nearly identical to Axel's. He stopped beneath an air vent, Sora stopping a few feet in front of him.

"Cloud issss..." His faced scrunched in concentration, "...in the training grounds." Sora said with a nod. Reno smirked and ruffled his hair.

"Thanks, kiddo!" He started to leave, but Sora grabbed his wrist.

"Are you sure I haven't seen you yet today?" Sora let Reno's wrist go and Reno chuckled.

"I'm very sure. You haven't seen me for-" He was cut off by clattering noises from the vents over their head.

"AGH!" Axel fell through the vent directly over Reno's head, landing on his older brother with a grunt. He scratched the back of his head sheepishly and looked at Sora. "Um...hi again, cutie,"

Sora just stared at them in shock. All of a sudden, he turned on his heel and ran off full speed.

"RIKUUUUU! YUFFIE CLONED HERSELF AN AXEL TO HAVE AS A LOVE SLAVE!"

5- Crossdress. See how many people you fool

And so, Axel strutted about wearing a red leather skirt borrowed from Yuffie, a tube top stolen from Aerith's laundry basket, and hair straightened using Tifa's personal straightener. He found he actually enjoyed turning heads.

That is, until he had to punch out a very drunk Cid for trying to feel him up.

After that, he decided to end the day early and take a looooong shower.

6- Blackmail someone into doing something for you

"Not happening, Axel," Cloud muttered as Axel persistantly nagged him.

"C'mooooon, please?"

"No."

"Why not?" Cloud turned to look at Axel, eyes shooting daggers directly into the teen's skull.

"Because I don't have a death wish!" Was he kidding? As if going into Yuffie's room wouldn't be bad enough, Axel seriously wanted him to go burn her collection of yaoi manga? Axel pouted, then smirked.

"Ooh, what's this?" Axel said, pulling an envelope out of his pocket. "Photographic evidence that you're gay for Leonhart?"

"What?" Cloud spun around and made a grab for the envolope, but Axel moved it out of his reach. "Axel, give it to me."

"Hmm..." He tapped his chin thoughtfully, "no, I don't think I will. I think it'd be much better if Squall took a gander at these, don't you?" Cloud, finally realizing his situation, sighed and walked to the castle to get his task over with.

After Yuffie's collection was in smoldering ashes, Axel gave Cloud the envelope and disappeared. Cloud opened it.

A blank piece of paper.

"...I'm going to fucking murder him..."

And then Cloud heard it.

"EEEEEK! MY MANGA!" Cloud shivered and ran to find a good hiding spot. Revenge could wait until after his life wasn't in danger.

7- Jump in honey, followed by a tub of granola, and ask random people if they want a bite

Axel had been stared at by Roxas, laughed at by Sora, scolded by Leon for getting the castle sticky, told to take a shower by Aerith, Yuffie had attempted to lick him (he ran away), Cloud had tried to stick him to a wall so he couldn't cause anymore trouble (also ran away), and Cid had recommended professional help. The only things that had actually bitten, or rather pecked at him, were numerous birds.

And of course, the birds left feathers and unmentionable white stuff behind.

When he got back home that day, everything was silent, except for the hysterical laughter and shuddering of camera lenses.

8- Stand in front of a mirror. Offer your reflection a grapefruit and yell at it when it copies your every move.

Leon rummaged through the fridge and sighed. He could've sworn he'd brought home grapefruits to juice... Briefly wondering if you could go senile at the age of 26, Leon pulled out a carton of orange juice and decided to drink that instead. Not as good as fresh squeezed grapefruit juice, but it'd do. Pouring the juice into a glass, he drank deeply.

"STOP THAT!"

The random yell made Leon cough up what he'd just drank.

"CUT IT OUT!"

Leon followed the shouts to Axel's room. Opening the door and peering inside, he ducked just in time to avoid a grapefruit to the face. It splattered against the wall behind him. Willing himself to look up again, Leon found his missing grapefruits all over Axel's walls. He sweatdropped. Axel looked at him and sighed.

"Leon, make him stop!"

Leon looked around and saw no one. He raised an eyebrow. Then he noticed that Axel was glaring at himself in the mirror. He shut the door and walked back to the kitchen. Definately not involved, nope.

9- Go crazy with someone's credit card

It was a well known fact that the few people in the castle that were old enough to have credit cards were fairly responsible. It was credit to Axel when, out of everyone he could've targeted, he'd somehow managed to snag Yuffie's. Needless to say, Yuffie was pretty pissed off.

Well, she was, until she saw something that Axel bought.

"OHMYGOSH, AXEL! You replaced all of my manga! ThankyouThankyouThankyou!" She squealed.

Axel didn't see the need to remind her that he'd bought them using her credit card, or that he'd also bought 100 lbs of Wutaian fireworks, a new camera, and a lifetime supply of cinnamon chewing gum.

10- Slide around in your socks on a polished marble floor

Abruptly remembering that there were no marble floors in Radiant Garden, Axel took a trip back to The Castle That Never Was. Somehow or another, Demyx and Xigbar had found him and had taken it upon themselves to do something awesome. Hence why the trio, clad in socks, boxers, and white button-down dress shirts, slid across the floor, backs to the camera they'd convienently set up beforehand. Axel, holding a guitar, turned just as the background music started.

"Just take them old records off the shelf, I'd rather listen to 'em by myself, today's music ain't got the same soul, I like that old time rock and roll!"

But sadly, the floor proved too slippery for Axel's socks, and the video met an untimely end when Axel accidentally throttled it.

"...A lot of recent events make much more sense now," Leon said, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand. Axel grinned.

"I'm so glad. Now...y'know...can you give my list back?"

"It isn't finished?"

"Not even close." Axel answered, smirking devilishly. Leon stared at him for a few moments before handing the paper back and leaving, mumbling something about needing to stock up on aspirin.

.o.O.o.

A/N- This was based on another fanfic with the same title by OhJay, but that one stars Zack Fair from Final Fantasy 7. I suggest you go read it, for it is a million times better than mine, and I humbly bow before it. *bows* lol. I was re-reading some of the suggestions I'd submitted, and realized I'd submitted somewhere around thirty since that fic had first started. XD So some of these are suggestions I had sent in.

If you, my viewers, have any suggestions, I'm all ears, because thirty will only last me...lessee...add 28...divide by three...carry the one...about three chapters. And I really wanna see how far this can go. It wouldn't be much fun if it ended with three chappies, right? So give me your ideas. I'll credit you here. And review about the fic itself, okay? I wanna know how epically I've failed. X3 Or how awesomely I've succeeded. It's all up to you, the reader. So send me feedback! :D