Kage: This is one of our most gory fanfics.

Hoshi: Undoubtedly.

Kage: Um…yeah. Here's the warnings and such:

YAOI, GORE, LEMON, HIDAN / KAKUZU

Hoshi: Please review, and enjoy the copious amounts of blood! :D

Kakuzu sat on a couch in the Akatsuki headquarters, reading a book. On the other side of the room, his partner, Hidan, was cutting his arms with a small kunai. Blood dripped down his pale skin onto the floor, forming puddles. His robe had been taken off and set on the ground somewhere next to him. The Sadomasochist shuddered, slowly cutting through the arteries in his left wrist.

"J…Jashin-sama," He hissed. "Mmm…"

"Will you knock it off?" Kakuzu snapped, looking up. "I'm trying to read, and I don't need your repulsive moaning to your god disrupting the peace."

Hidan looked up, sweat forming on his brow from the sharp pain. "Shut your fucking trap, Kakuzu. I'm trying to focus."

"On what? Pleasuring yourself with a blade?" The older man snorted, shifting into a more comfortable position on the couch. "Go back to your little emo games. I've got more important things to do than bicker."

Hidan's face puffed up. He was about to let loose a stream of curses when the kunai slipped out of his hand, sticking him in the leg. He roughly bit his lip, trying not to whimper. Panting, he dug the kunai through his skin, letting blood shower his exposed chest.

"Hey guys, I was just…eww." Deidara walked into the room, only to see Hidan cutting himself apart. He winced. "Hidan, what the hell are you doing? That's disgusting, hn."

The Jashinist glared at him. "I'm cutting myself." He put the blade of the kunai against his neck, slicing through his throat. "Ohhh…that feels so good…"

Deidara covered his eyes as the man's severed arteries were exposed. "YUCK! Stop it you freak!"

Hidan panted, dropping the knife. "Fine. I'm getting tired anyway."

The blonde on the other side of the room crossed his arms. "I don't understand why you do this, Hidan. It's disgusting and messy, not to mention it's bad for your health. Doesn't that hurt, hn?

"Oh no," Hidan replied, getting to his feet. "I cut myself as payment to Jashin-sama, for the crimes I've committed. He repays me with pleasure." A sadistic grin spread across his face. "What you would find excruciatingly painful, I happen to find very, very…" He licked the blood off his fingers, one eyelid drooping halfway down. "Orgasmic."

Deidara covered his face, quickly turning around. "YUCK! EWW EWW EEEWW!" The blonde stomped his feet childishly. "That's nasty, hn! I'm out of here!"

Kakuzu and Hidan watched the man run out, their brows cocked in confusion.

"What a fucking pussy," Hidan snorted.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes turning back to his book. "It's Deidara. You can't expect anything less."

"That's the truth," Hidan agreed, plopping on the ground. "But it comes in handy. He's so fun to mess with."

"You know, when he's not squealing like a teenage girl," Kakuzu chuckled. He and Hidan laughed heartily, bonding in their mocking of the blonde.

Unknown to them, Deidara was silently fuming from behind the wall. He gripped the wood framing of the doorway, teeth grinding. "If he says one more thing…"

"Then again, he can't really help it," Hidan added. "After all, he's probably become accustomed to screaming. You know how dirty Tobi-kun can get."

Again, they both cackled, Deidara's last nerve snapping in two.

"That's IT!" He hissed. He made several hand seals, staring at Kakuzu. "You want dirty? I'll show you dirty. Grass Style! Burning Lust!"

The laughter subsided abruptly. Hidan looked over at Kakuzu, who seemed to be in a trance. "Yo, Kakuzu? You okay in there?"

The older man shook his head, his eyes no longer dazed and glossy. However, when he looked back at Hidan, a terrified expression came over his face. He bit his lip behind his mask, trembling.

"Kakuzu, speak up! Are you fucking deaf?" Hidan snapped, getting to his feet. He watched the man shift so he was sitting upright on the couch, facing Hidan while gripping the edge of the cushions. The silver-haired man lightly slapped his cheek. "Helloooo-ooo?"

"B-b-back up," Kakuzu stuttered, eyes wide.

Confused, Hidan obliged, taking a step back. He waited for Kakuzu to say something.

On the other hand, Kakuzu felt his mind racing at unclockable speeds. He stared at Hidan, taking in his partner's form. The combed back silver hairs over the pale, sadistic face. Bright violet eyes that held malice and slight traces of concern, due to Kakuzu's rather vegetabilized state. Hidan had a strong, thin jaw and a slender neck, which melded into broad shoulders. His exposed chest was toned and solid, and his stomach was hard. Kakuzu swallowed. He traced every curve of the other man's body with his eyes, moving to the point in between his legs. Wildly, he wondered just what sort of surprises Hidan was hiding in those jeans. He bit his lip, thinking about the silver-haired man's thin, tight ass.

"Kakuzu?" Hidan asked. Though very frustrated, he was also a bit concerned. He ripped the man's mask off, along with his head covering. Slick brown hair fell around Kakuzu's heavily stitched face. The younger man could see that his lower lip was clenched between his teeth, preventing him from making any unsavory noises. "Dude, what's wrong?"

"H…Hidan…" The man already felt his heart rushing when his partner had used his name. That smooth, young body looked so inviting. He felt the insane desire to start touching Hidan, feeling across his taut skin.

The silver-haired man gasped as he felt Kakuzu's cold hands on his stomach. "HOLY FUCKING JASHIN! YOUR HANDS ARE LIKE ICE!"

"S-sorry," Kakuzu said. He slowly moved his hands up the younger man's stomach to his chest, tracing the contours of his muscles. He was trembling, pants starting to grow tight at Hidan's perfect, exposed torso.

"What the hell? Knock it off!" Hidan snarled, pushing him away.

Kakuzu responded by grabbing him by his wrists and pinning him to the wall. The younger man watched in utter shock as Kakuzu's long tentacles shot out of his sleeves, binding his arms to his sides. His eyes widened as he got an angry expression on his face.

"Cut it out! You fucking freak!" He thrashed, trying to break through the coils of blackened flesh. However, his struggling suddenly stopped as he felt a pair of cold hands touching him around the waist.

"H…Hidan…" Kakuzu ran his hands across the Jashinist's body, panting quietly. "I don't understand this at all. I'm supposed to hate your guts. Why do I suddenly find you so…attractive?"

Hidan's eyes widened, his teeth clenching. "YOU FAG! GET OFF!" He kicked at the man until more tentacles moved down to bind his legs.

Kakuzu continued to feel across Hidan's skin, biting harder into his own lip. He wanted so badly to remove the man's pants. To see just how sexy he was. Trembling fingers fumbled with the waistband of Hidan's jeans, pulling gently at the edges. The younger man looked both disgusted and terrified.

"Wh-what the hell, Kakuzu? Get out of my pants!"

The older man swallowed heavily, gently undoing the button and zipper on Hidan's jeans. Slowly, he pulled the garment down, using his tentacles to fully remove it, along with the Jashinist's shoes. Now Hidan was standing mere inches from Kakuzu, dressed only in his necklace and his thin black boxers. Noticeably, Kakuzu licked his lips.

Hidan twitched suddenly. "What are you looking at?" He snorted, trying to play it off as a joke. "You want what's in my underwear?" The man smirked, leaning by Kakuzu's ear. His voice was lower, challenging. "Go ahead then. See if you can get it."

He had meant this entirely as an empty bluff to try and make Kakuzu lose his focus and back off. He had only succeeded in one of two things. The stitched man was by no means backing off. He trembled, sweat forming on his head at Hidan's unintentionally seductive words. His pants were getting tight. Without much hesitation, he gripped the waistband of the boxers with his thumbs and forefingers. Hidan's lower eyelid twitched as he started to squirm.

"H-hey! I was only joking! Cut it out!" He was starting to feel the need to tremble as the garment was peeled off, revealing his entire pale, well-muscled body.

Kakuzu's face got bright red as he tried to pull his eyes away from the man's length. So many mental images flashed into his head at once. He thought of dozens of different things that he could do with this succulent body. All the ways he could abuse Hidan. And all the ways Hidan could abuse him.

"W-wow…" Kakuzu muttered. With his tentacles keeping Hidan firmly in place, he got down on his knees, lips inches from Hidan's cock.

Hidan had to stop himself from shuddering at Kakuzu's warm breath. "What the fuck are you doing? Get back up here to my face, you…you colossal dick-head!"

Kakuzu bit his lip, misinterpreting Hidan's words. Steadily, he got to his feet, now much closer to the younger man's lips than earlier.

Hidan's cheeks started to flush a bit from the intense look of longing on Kakuzu's face. Besides being utterly disgusted and freaked out by the older man's sudden advances, a small part in the back of his mind couldn't help but feel flattered. However, this didn't last long, as Kakuzu began to stroke Hidan's jaw with his long tongue.

"Hey, stop – mmph!"

The stitched man's rough lips met his, cutting off his words. His face was contorted in confusion as he felt his mouth steadily being worked. A slender tongue pushed past his teeth and began to explore. His tongue was being wrestled by Kakuzu's as the older man forced it into submission, trying to dominate control of the kiss. Despite how scared he was, Hidan couldn't suppress the pleasure seeping into his throat. Kissing felt good. It wasn't until now that it really struck him that this was his first kiss. Heat shot down to his groin as he felt his eyes slide shut, almost submitting to Kakuzu. His cheeks grew redder and redder as the kiss continued, his will starting to weaken as the tentacles slipped away.

"He's…really good at this." Hidan thought, feeling a strong hand gently press into the small of his back. "It's getting harder to fight…"

After a few moments, Kakuzu pulled back, panting quietly. Hidan opened his eyes halfway, his cheeks very flushed and his mouth open a bit as he breathed. Kakuzu drank in his appearance hungrily. Hidan must have been quite a sexual virgin, if making out could do this much to him. He stroked the younger man's chest, leaning his own forehead against his.

"Did that feel good?" He asked softly.

Hidan nodded, unable to form words. He was very addled by the kiss. Mentally, he shook his head, reality coming back to focus. Suddenly, a horrifying thought struck him. He'd just made out with Kakuzu.

"SICK!" He shouted, flailing his now freed limbs. "YUUUUCK! FUCKING HELL! I JUST MADE OUT WITH AN OLD GEEZER!" He spat dramatically, trying to wipe the taste off his tongue.

However, his splutter was abruptly interrupted as he was thrown into the couch, landing hard on his back. His head connected with the heavy arm, making his vision go black for a short moment. It came back a millisecond too late, as when it returned he found Kakuzu over him, resting on his hands and knees. Their bodies were only a few feet apart, Hidan's completely lacking clothing. He swallowed, watching the thick black tentacles seep out of the older man's back. They slid up to the Jashinist, binding his arms and legs again to prevent him from moving.

"K-knock it off!" He stuttered, trying to keep a level head.

Kakuzu leaned down by Hidan's steadily growing erection, lightly biting his lip. Trembling, he extended his tongue and began to stroke the head, feeling the younger man's member getting harder at his touches.

"Shit! Shit!" Hidan gasped, squirming. "Stop it! You crazy fag! Stop it now before I slit your fucking throat!"

"Shut your mouth," Kakuzu ordered, taking the head between his lips.

Hidan let out a pitiful squeak as the older man gently sucked on his erection, flicking his tongue against the sensitive slit. He clenched his teeth, trying very hard not to give in. A whimper was threatening to escape him, just waiting for the right moment to totally humiliate him. If Kakuzu knew how much he was secretly enjoying this, his pride would evaporate completely, leaving him helpless to the older man's teasing. And he would not stand for that.

"GET OFF!" He roared, bucking up just enough to jam his knee into the side of Kakuzu's head.

Kakuzu choked, releasing Hidan's erection. He glared up at the silver haired man, moving so that he was on his knees.

"Take it like a man, you pathetic worm," The older man snarled.

He slipped off his own clothes, dropping them to the floor. Now all of his tan, stitched skin was revealed to Hidan. He was muscular, but fairly thin. Despite his situation and everything he'd just shouted at Kakuzu, Hidan couldn't help but feel a bit turned on. He immediately shook the thought off, twisting his hip in an attempt to knee his partner again. However, a strong hand grabbed his leg, stopping its movement. Kakuzu pulled his leg up until it was almost resting on his shoulder, and began to lick at his inner thigh. Hidan snarled.

"Knock it off!" He hissed, feeling Kakuzu start to nip at the flesh. "You crazy old bastard! Why the hell are you molesting me?"

Kakuzu was about to answer before he noticed a deep knife wound in Hidan's leg. It was where he'd dropped the kunai earlier and impaled himself. Blood still dripped freely from the gash. With a smirk, he licked at the blood, taking care to dip his tongue into the cut.

"Ahh!" Hidan cried.

The older man shivered, grinning. "You like the pain?"

A long black tentacle slithered up Hidan's leg, wrapping itself around his smooth flesh. It passed over the wound and stopped just beside his navel. Kakuzu raised his tentacle, forcing the last few inches of it to flatten out into a blade-like shape. Then, he stabbed deep into Hidan's stomach, blood gushing all over the younger man's pale chest. He let out a loud howl, thrashing against his bindings. The tentacle pushed farther into him, tearing holes through the muscled flesh. A scream ripped from him as the blade was twisted. Blood was pouring onto the couch, staining the fabric.

"Oh God, no more! Please!" Hidan's face was not one of agony. His cheeks were rosy, and sweat was rolling off his head. Helpless pleasure was present in his expression, despite the awful wounds that Kakuzu was making. He appeared to be quite the extreme masochist.

"What, don't like that someone else is hurting you?" Kakuzu laughed as he felt the end of his tentacle push through the muscle on the other side of Hidan's back. He had pierced the man's body completely. With a horrifying grin, he began driving the tentacle into Hidan's back, pushing it through his flesh and organs and up through his chest. The smaller man cried loudly, blood dripping from his mouth. Kakuzu was greatly enjoying hurting the man so much, though he didn't know why. Either it was because it caused Hidan pleasure or that he was just as much a sadist as Hidan was a masochist.

"Ahh! K-Kakuz-zu!" Hidan shrieked.

The older man looked down to see that his partner was now quite hard, his erection flushed and throbbing. Kakuzu ground himself into the younger man, the two of them moaning in unison. Quickly, he spit into his palm, trying to lubricate himself. He lathered it onto his own eager cock and positioned himself. His tentacle stopped twisting for a split second as he pushed inside.

Hidan cried loudly at the sudden penetration. He gripped the couch, panting hard. This was too much. He was going to cum soon and Kakuzu had barely gotten started. He writhed violently, trying desperately not to let himself release.

"Nngh…stop!" He whimpered, his stomach tightening.

Kakuzu began pounding into him, pushing deeper and deeper with every thrust. He grinned at Hidan's euphoric face. The younger man was so close to coming. With a grunt, Kakuzu pushed in as hard as he could. He buried himself in the Jashinist's heat up to the hilt. Hidan's eyes widened.

A loud scream ripped through the younger man as he came. Semen shot over his lap and stomach, soaking him. He felt his muscles clamp down onto Kakuzu's erection. The sudden pressure also made Kakuzu come. Hidan didn't see him, but he heard the loud shout as the older man released into his body.

"Agh…K-Kakuzu…" Hidan whimpered.

The older man collapsed onto him, panting heavily. They remained still for a moment, trying to catch their breath. Hidan was still bleeding massively onto the couch and floor. Gently, Kakuzu licked his ruined chest before pulling out of him. With his remaining strength, he flipped the smaller man so that he could lie on his chest. Hidan was breathing softly and staring off into space.

"You okay?" Kakuzu asked.

Hidan glanced up at him. "I have to say, old man. That was quite a ride."

Kakuzu chuckled. "Yeah. Maybe we should try this again sometime."

The younger man snorted. "Go to sleep."

Kakuzu let a small smile form on his lips as the Jashinist fell asleep. He stroked Hidan's smooth back, extending some of his tentacles and sewing up the holes he'd made. Hidan didn't seem to mind at all, and remained sleeping. As soon as his partner was patched up, Kakuzu closed his eyes. Within seconds, he was out cold.

"Damn!" Deidara exclaimed softly. "I didn't think they would actually fuck each other."

Zetsu, who had appeared only moments before, nodded. "I think I'll go away now. I have other less disgusting things to watch, like Kisame devouring live deer."

The plant man walked away, leaving Deidara to just stand and blink. He just stared at the couple sleeping on the couch, amazed at how well his Jutsu had worked. And despite how gross he usually found Hidan and Kakuzu, all three of his mouths were drooling.

Kage: Yeah, random Zetsu cameo.

Hoshi: Review. Did this fic creep you out? Do you feel the need to take a shower? Did you mutilate a cat while you read this?

Kage: Well stop it! Don't mutilate cats you sick freak!

Hoshi: Yeah! Drop the knife and grab your mouse! And review this fic!