AN: Standard Disclaimer: Don't own it, or the Master would be in every episode.
This is set just after the End of Time. Gallifrey is pulled back into the Time Lock. The Master isn't.
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Ride the Whirlwind
Chapter 1
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He's to blame, not me. Oh, the link is inside my head. Kill me, the link gets broken. They go back. You never would, you coward. Go on then, do it! Exactly! It's not just me, he's the link, kill him.
The final act of your life is murder. But which one of us?
Get out of the way. The link is broken. Back into the time war, Rassilon. Back into hell.
Gallifrey falling! Gallifrey falls!
You'll die with me Doctor.
I know.
Get out of the way. You did this to me. All of my life! You made me! One! Two! Three! FOUR!
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The Time Lock snapped shut leaving me outside, alone in the void beyond space and time. In the silence, the terrible silence, I felt a link, a lifeline. A tiny golden thread linking me to …to someone. Couldn't remember who, but it was someone important, someone …I couldn't remember.
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Followed the thread to the eye of the whirlwind, marveling at the terrible beauty.
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Standing alone in the eye of the storm I watched the whirlwind roar around me, a whirlwind consisting of panes, thousands upon thousands of panes holding pictures, memories, voices, snippets of my life all jumbled together tumbling end over end, round and round racing by almost in a blur of color and sound. What Was, What is and What Will Be, all mixed with What Might Have Been, What isn't and What Won't Be. All are real and I can step into any one I choose, but I need to find the one I belong in now, my now. In the rest, a version of me exists or existed. If I choose the wrong memory, I'll be cast out, back into the storm, alone again. Or I can choose to come back. Somehow I know all this without thinking about it. Maybe I've been here before. Maybe I've always been here.
I reached out to grab one, grab anything before being swept away. With no memory of self, no memory of the voices or faces I don't know which to choose. All I know is they were mine or could be mine. Desperately, I reach into the fury and close my fingers over a pane holding fields of tall red grass and instantly I'm running through the fields.
"Hurry up, they're going to catch us!" A dark-haired boy running ahead of turns a laughing face with dark eyes at me. "Come on!" He grabs my hand and pulls. Stumbling along after him, I stare at our hands, my hand is a boy's hand. The link is strong here, but I know I am not a boy. With regret, I let go of the hand, the memory.
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Standing in the eye again, eyes narrowed I reach for the face of a slender man with dark eyes, different eyes, but somehow the same.
"Let me help you." The tall, slender man in a brown trench coat over a blue suit bends toward me as I slump on the park bench. The sun is hot and I feel sleepy.
"Who are you?" Something about the eyes is familiar, but I don't know him. "Do you know me?" I look up with hope, hands twisting together on my lap. "Do you know who I am?"
"Yes." He frowns and crouches before me, tails of his coat in the grass. Something about the grass, it's the wrong color, shouldn't be green. I frown at the grass.
"Why is the grass green?" I ask him, this man who I knew had all the answers. "Why did they cut it?" I shook my head and frowned at the grass. "It's not supposed to be green."
He looked down at the grass in confusion, then back at my face. Sadness filled his eyes and I wanted to soothe that sadness but didn't know how. He should not be sad.
"Am I the Doctor?" I ask, remembering a word, a name repeating over and over in the whirlwind. It must have significance, to be repeated so often by many voices. Maybe it was me.
"No." He said gently. "You're not." Reaching in his pocket, he pulled out a sonic device and scanned me with a blue light. I'd seen one of those before. Mine wasn't sonic, of course, it was... it was...
I reached out and touched his dark, spiky hair and he jerked back as if I'd struck him, almost losing his balance. I only wanted to see if it was soft. Slowly I lowered my hand and he reached out and took it.
"Master?" He pressed my hand between both of his. He had soft hands, mine were rough, hardened hands, looking out of place in his. "Master?" He repeated again and I looked away from our hands to his face.
"Master." I tasted the word. "What does that mean?"
The furrow between his eyes grew deeper and he bit his lip. "What do you remember?" He finally said. "Do you remember the drums?"
"The grass isn't supposed to be green." I looked away, behind him at the park. I knew what a park was, that was something right? A park, sky and grass and trees, but all the wrong colors. This must be the wrong place, not my place.
"Master?" He wiggled our hands to get my attention and smiled sadly. "Let me help you. I can help you." He seemed desperate to try.
"You seem very kind." I whispered. "But I don't belong here, I think." Tugging my hand free, I was swept away again in a dizzy blur. When I opened my eyes, my hand was still out and I could feel the edges of memories clipping my fingers as they raced by.
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Closed my eyes and chose randomly. Crowds, shouting, a hand on my arm. Opened my eyes and was standing on a platform, in front of a microphone, a pretty blond on my arm.
People cheered. "Harold Saxon!" They shouted over and over. Harold Saxon. I'd heard that name in the whirlwind. Looked up to see posters of a dark haired, suave man. Was that me? Harold Saxon written in giant letters across the bottom. Harold Saxon, Prime Minister.
The blond laughed and hugged me. I looked down at her without recognition. She obviously knew me, cared for me or was that fear deep in her eyes. Was I someone to be feared in this place? Looked back at the posters. Prime Minister.
No, I wasn't a Minister, I had another title…something like that, but not that. No, this was the wrong place as well. Tugging my arm free from her hand, I let go and was back in the eye of the storm.
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Sensing the golden thread, I chose again. Sneering at a young blond man in a some-what white coat sporting a sprig of celery of all things, I lifted my chin and watched him, sneer turning to agony as the flames eat at me, I can't escape. Help I screamed, but he watched impassively, those same sad eyes. I shook free of that one and hearts pounding I'm back in the whirlwind.
Too many golden threads to follow, but I must try them all. One of them leads home and home is where everyone wants to be right? Home … I try to remember home, thinking I can grab it as it goes by. Red grass, but not the boy. Looking desperately for red grass, as the memory snippets whirl by, there is only one more and it's burning, burning and screaming red grass. How can grass scream? So the red grass was gone, perhaps I should've stayed with the man in the park, the kind man with soft hands.
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My hand closed on a picture of a blue police box. I walk around and around it. The door is locked so I sit down on the road to wait and fall asleep, my back against the doors.
"You!" He stopped a few feet away to study me, this curly-haired man with an impossibly long, multi-colored scarf. "What are you doing here?" He doesn't come any closer but I see he has the same sad eyes.
"Do you know me? Do you know my name?" I get to my feet and take a step toward him. He takes an equal step back so I stop. "Is this your police box?" I asked.
"Yes." He says slowly frowning at me. "What happened to you?" He took a tentative step closer and reached out a hand to touch my forehead. "You're burning up."
"Can't be." I shake my head. "It's so very cold out there." Can still feel the shivering inside. Cold enough to burn the soul.
"Out where?" He asked taking my hands, turning them over to examine the palms.
"In the whirlwind." Doesn't he know about the whirlwind. "Do you know my name?"
"Yes." He looked up at me quickly, looked me up and down. "You're out of your time." He said after studying my clothes. "Do you know where you are?"
"I have a time?" I ask pleased. I have a time. I belong somewhere, but where?
"Everyone has a time." He frowned at me. "Time Lords have many, many times."
"Time Lords? What's a Time Lord?" I ask anxiously. This word was also spoken in the whirlwind.
He looked back at my hands held in his. His aren't soft, but not rough either.
"We're Time Lords." He said after a moment. "You and me."
"So you know my name?" I asked again ready to tug my hands away. "Think you could just sort of say it out loud?" His frown deepened and he looked in my eyes.
"Master." He said it softly. "Your name is the Master."
"No." I'd already tasted and rejected that word. "That's not a name." I shook my head tugging my hands back. His hands tightened on mine, holding me prisoner. "That's not me." Wrong again.
"You chose it yourself." He shook his hair out of his eyes and grinned showing lots of teeth. "What happened to you?"
"My name is not Master." I jerked my hands free and was gone. "This isn't my place." I whispered to nothing.
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Back in the whirlwind I tried listening to the words for a change. There were names and phrases repeated in different voices. Underneath it all I thought I heard the beat of drums, one, two, three, FOUR.
Grabbed onto a memory pane at random. Looked up into more of the same sad, dark eyes of a man standing very close to me. I blinked and he reached up and cupped my cheek, thumb rubbing across my lips.
"Who are you?" I whispered. He looked a lot like the man in the park, but he wore no coat.
He dropped his hand and frowned at me. "Koschei? What's wrong?" His eyes looked into me, sad eyes looking for answers I didn't have.
"Koschei? Is that my name?" I reached out and touched his hair. It was soft. "You're the first one who isn't afraid to let me touch them." I touched his cheek, his skin was cool.
"What happened to you?" He put both hands on my shoulders and pushed me backwards till my legs hit something and I sat abruptly. He took a chair across from me and I looked around. This was a nice place, an impersonal place. Maybe a hotel room.
"Koschei? What happened?" He asked urgently. "What's wrong?"
"Do I belong here?" I asked looking back at him, His tie is undone and hanging loose, not like him I think. Not… "What color is the grass?"
"What?" He looks at me and looks around for grass. "Who was afraid to let you touch them?" He leaned forward, elbows on knees staring at me. "What happened?"
"You. Them. The other ones with the sad eyes."
"Are you time skipping?" He stood and looked around, finally knelt in front of me.
Don't take my hands, I think. That's been a bad sign so far. I liked it here and I don't want to go. This one is nice and I sensed he liked me…maybe even …loved me.
"Do you love me?" I asked without thinking. He smiled suddenly, like everything was alright again.
He took my hands and I sighed, staring at them. His hands were soft too and I held them tightly knowing what's going to happen and wanting to stop it.
"Yes." He answered softly. "And you love me." My eyes flashed on his a moment. Someone loved me. That's a good thing, but I wasn't sure I loved. Could I love? Maybe that was why I was cast into the void.
"You haven't told me your name." I said squeezing his hands tightly. I could try, I could try to love him. I plead with whatever power is in charge. Let me stay here, let me try.
"You know my name." Frowning, he tugged at his hands, and I squeezed harder. No, not yet. Please no. "I told you a long time ago."
"No." I shake my head. "Tell me who you are. Please, before it's too late."
But he doesn't listen, jerked his hands free instead and I'm gone.
Back at the whirlwind, I look up through the eye and can't see the end of the panes, they go on and on forever. Have I lived forever? Surely one man can't have all these memories, it would take lifetimes to gather this many panes. Laugh to myself, it looks like it's going to take lifetimes finding the right one.
What if I don't know which is the right one? What if I finally make it through them all and I don't find one I belong to? Then what? Please, I beg you. Find me a place to belong. I must belong! I must!
Jumping high, I grab a pane and jerk it down. Standing against the corner of a building. I'm waiting on a man to come around the corner. He doesn't know I'm there. Scuffing in the gravel tells me he's close. Reaching out to grab him I catch sight of my hand and scream. It's a blackened, withered thing, like a mummy. I scream closing my eyes and try to fling this memory far from me. NO, I do not belong here.
Gasping for breath I'm back in the eye. Think you idiot, this isn't accomplishing anything. Look at the panes. You don't want to choose a memory, you've already been there. You have to choose a future something that you can fit into.
I study the panes, taking the time to compare the flashes I can see as they whirl by. Most must be memories or version of memories that might have happened, but how would I know since I can't tell what's real and what's not.
I know my name is Koschei so I don't have to even look at the ones saying Master or Doctor. Though those are titles, not names. Nothing with children as I am clearly not a child. Could I have a child? A wife and family? Saw no panes with anything like that.
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Another few trips and I was ready to scream in rage, to give up and just float into the void. One more trip, one more and we'd see. Looked around for something different, something not like the others. Grabbed a plane, glowing with a soft grey light, it was almost like fog.
"Oww!" My knees skidded on the metal grating.
"How did you get in here!" Stumbling to my feet, I turned and looked around. I was in some kind of ship, strange and familiar all at once. He stood by the console, hands on the levers in front of him. Short dark hair, dark eyes, big ears. New face same sad eyes. Always with the sad eyes.
"Do I belong here?" I steadied myself against a column. "Do you know me?"
"Hell no!" He shouted. "How did you get on the TARDIS?"
"TARDIS?" I looked around. This place was called the TARDIS. That word had been in the whirlwind too. The TARDIS.
"So you don't know me?" I sighed. "If you don't know me, I must not belong here." Slid down the column to sit on the floor looking up at him.
"Of course I know you!" He shouted angrily. "What are you doing here?" He took a step or two around the console closer to me.
"I don't know you." I studied him. "The eyes, maybe. They're all the same, so very sad."
"What happened to you? Where did you come from?" He walked closer, still wary.
"What's your name?" I asked too weary to get up. "Can you at least tell me your name?"
"Is this some kind of trick?" Closer and closer he came. "I'm the Doctor."
"Oh." I grinned. "You're the Doctor!" Finally we were getting somewhere. "Does that go for all of you sad-eyed ones, or is that just you in particular?"
"I don't understand what you mean." He stood above me looking down, still out of reach but way too close.
"Don't touch me!" I pushed my hands back, sitting on them. "Don't come any closer!"
"Ok." He held his hands up in the air, squatting down in front of me. "Did someone hurt you?" His voice sounded like this might not be a bad thing.
"I don't know. I think I'm in hell." I said earnestly, hoping he would understand. "Do you know hell?"
"I think you belong in hell, and yes, I know hell." He answered sadly. "I've seen hell."
"Please." And my hands are out and holding his before I can think. "Please tell me which pane to pick!" He looks at our hands, but doesn't try to pull away.
"Pane? Pane of …glass?" The furrow deepened between his eyes and I could tell he wasn't far from pulling his hands back.
"Please tell me before it's too late! I can't take much more!" I tried not to squeeze his hands as that scared the other one, the nice one who wasn't afraid to touch me. This one didn't seem afraid, but very leery and angry. Angry at me?
"Something has happened to you." He said patiently. "Let me run a scan and we'll try and find out what. Ok?" He started to pull his hands away, but I held tight.
"No, don't move your hands! I'll be sent back!" I said frantically, but he frowned deeper and pulled his hands away and I was gone.
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Well, I thought, standing in the eye again, at least I know who the Doctor is now. All the golden threads seem to lead to him, so one of the panes with him must be where I belong. And I must belong somewhere or else what is the point of this exercise. Unless, I shuddered, the whole point is to drive me insane. If so, I shake my fist at the air, then you've won.
Wasn't it enough to take me, take my memory? Now you want to take my sanity too?
Fine, go ahead. It's not like I'm going to be needing it here. Not enough golden…
Wait. I turn around and around concentrating on the golden threads, instead of the panes. The threads brought me here and appeared to link to panes. What if they didn't? What if they went deeper.
Gathered in my fist all the largest golden threads I could reach, closed my eyes and started wrapping them around my hand, pulling them to me. Some came easy, some didn't but I pulled them all, wrapping and pulling till I felt a pane bump against my hand.
It was a pane filled with a park-like setting. Didn't seem to be the same park as earlier, but it could have been. All the threads went into this pane, and some seemed connected to other panes as well.
Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the pane. Birds were singing. I knew birds. The breeze blew my hair. I laughed, I knew wind. The grass was still green, but we'd dealt with that.
"Doctor!" I shouted turning around to look for him. The thread came here, he couldn't be far. "Doctor! Where are you?"
He stood by the trees, watching me warily or warily watching me. Couldn't tell for sure. Started walking towards him, grinning happily. "Doctor, my Doctor." I said in a sing-song voice. He stared walking toward me slowly, head to the side, frowning slightly.
"You're the Doctor!" I said grinning happily at him. It was the same one as in the other park, he still wore the long coat even though it was a warm day.
"Yes." He stopped a few feet away. "I'm the Doctor." He rocked back on his trainers.
"Are you the one who loved me?" I asked hopefully, stopping as well.
"What?" He frowned at me. "Ok. Guess not then. How about the one who wanted to help me?"
"I'll try to help you." He said carefully. "What's wrong?"
"Wrong?" I laugh hysterically, almost falling to the ground in the ugly green grass. "I'm stuck in hell and I can't get out."
"No one gets out of hell." He said softly walking closer. "How did you get here?" He came close enough to touch me, poked my arm. "You're solid enough."
No one gets out? Hysterically laughing turned to hysterical sobbing in a second. I sat on the ground and covered my face. I was never getting out?
"Hey." He said softly crouching in front of me. I didn't see him reaching for my hands until he'd pulled one away from my face. He wasn't afraid to touch me either it seemed.
"Why do you think you're in hell?"
"I can't find my place." Tried to explain. If he was a Doctor, maybe he could tell me what was wrong. "I've tried dozens of panes, they're all wrong. I can't find where I belong!" Took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "I can't find my place." I whispered.
He let go of my hand and I sighed, not wanting to open my eyes and find myself back there with another choice to make. Just sat there and let the tears fall, buried my hands in the grass and cried. Wait….grass? There was no grass there.
"Master, what happened to you?" The Doctor asked. "Is it the drums?"
I opened my eyes and found myself sitting on the grass facing the Doctor. I was here!
"I'm here!" I grinned and rubbed my hands through the grass. "I'm HERE!"
"Yes." He smiled. "You're here."
"But you don't understand! I'm HERE!" I laughed and fell back staring at the sky.
"Was it the Time Lock? How did you escape?" I could hear the whirring of his scanner.
"Time Lock…is that what the whirlwind was?" I mused. Didn't look like a lock, but I was locked there for a long time, forever and ever. "I followed the golden threads. They led me to you."
"Golden threads? Like a link?" He frowned as I sat up. "Link to me?"
"To you. All the golden threads led to you so this must be my place." Looked around and laughed. "I have a place!"
"Master." He said looking at his sonic scanner. "Will you come with me?" Shoving it back in his pocket, he stood and held out a hand to me.
"I'm not the Master." I shook my head. "My name is Koschei. The other one told me that." I refused his hand and got up on my own. "Letting go of hands, that's how you get sent back."
"Ok." He put his hands in his pockets. "Which one told you your name was Koschei?" He asked walking toward the parking lot.
"The nice one." I answered looking carefully around at my place and following him. My place. "The one who loved me." Maybe we could dye the grass.
"What was his name?" He stopped and looked at me.
"He never said." I stopped to and looked in the parking lot. "A blue Police box! Is that yours?" I started walking excitedly towards it. "The guy with the impossible scarf had one too."
He's running after me I can hear him. But I reached the box and touched it, rubbed my hands on the door and felt all the way around it. It's the same.
Standing there watching me in surprise. "The guy with a scarf?" He asked with a slight smile.
"Yes." I nodded, looking at him briefly then go back to running my hand along the wood. A blue Police box in my place.
"Can't be." He shook his head. "I don't remember. I would remember meeting you. I would know you."
"You don't know me." I frowned at him. "You think my name is Master. One of you, I can't remember which one, said I chose that name."
"You did." He got out a key and unlocked the door. Pushing it open he gestured for me to enter.
"No one chooses their own name." I said scornfully. "Your parents name you." Walked inside the box and stopped. "It's almost like the TARDIS!" I turned to him with a big grin. "It looks like the TARDIS!"
"Yes." He looked around with pride. "It's the Tardis, my TARDIS." Pushed me in a bit farther so he could close the doors. "Do you remember your TARDIS?"
"My TARDIS?" So it wasn't the name of this ship, but a model. "I had a TARDIS?" There had been some changes. Walking to the console I looked down at it and back to the Doctor.
"You had a TARDIS a few lifetimes ago. Don't you remember?" He studied me from the doors.
"I don't remember anything." Plopped in the pilot's chair and laid my head back. "Oh I saw the panes, the memories, but they meant nothing."
"Where did you see your memories." He asked softly, starting to play with the buttons and levers on the console.
"They were riding the whirlwind." I said closing my eyes. "I have a place!" Whispered softly. This was my place, where I belonged.
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AN: So the Master has a fresh start and the first thing he rejects is his name. What will he become? This was originally going to be a one-shot, but I might take it a bit farther. Please R&R
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