'Ello, everyone! Spleesh, I really did mean to start writing all of this sooner but... once I did, I wasn't terribly impressed with it and had to go back and completely re-write everything. EVERYTHING. So it took me quite a bit longer than intended. Hopefully, next few chapters won't give me so much trouble. Expect an update every Thursday, unless told otherwise.

AND OH YEAH, DISCLAIMER: I don't own How To Train Your Dragon, because it belongs to Cressida Cowell and Dreamworks Animation. I only own the merchandise.

So, without further ado, I bringeth thee: chapter one.

Congratulations, You're Engaged

Imagine yourself in a forge, hotter than Hel, in midsummer. If you can put yourself into that position, and then imagine that you've been standing in a virtual oven for upwards of eight hours, then you can probably sympathize with Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the III, who'd been doing exactly that.

Sweat was pouring off of the boy like rain in a thunderstorm as he pounded metal into correct shapes and forms. He felt like an overheated, wet cat.

The only thought that kept him from just leaving was simple: he didn't want to get swarmed by fans.

Yes, it was true: Hiccup had a fan club–mostly females in the twelve to twenty age range. It was a strange and slightly surreal fact, especially because he had once been "Hiccup the Useless", and now he was "Hiccup the Hero". Or, as Ruffnut liked to call him, "Hiccup the Stud Muffin". But anyway, he had fans, and they liked to follow him everywhere he went, except for this one place: the forge. Even deranged, psychopathic tweenage girls wouldn't follow him into the depths of this veritable Hel-hole.

They would, however, stand at the window and giggle as they watched him swing a hammer. That was one reason he'd kept his shirt on; wearing it made him way hotter than not wearing, but he could not possibly bear the inevitable swooning and cries of delight that it would arouse if he removed the darn thing. He knew this from previous experience.

'They only like you because you're some kind of hero now,' he mused to himself, before another part of his brain added, 'or maybe you've magically become some sort of suave, woman-killing machine in the year since you killed the Green Death'.

He snorted out loud, rolling his eyes as it elicited a whole new response from the crowd.

-O-

The crowd eventually dispersed hours later–with many coveting glances and forlorn sighs- and Hiccup deemed it safe to venture back home. The sky had darkened wonderfully; it was one of those rare, clear nights where all of the stars in the heavens could be viewed. Hiccup decided that after he ate, he would have to take a ride on Toothless, and maybe…

His heart rate sped up. He'd been thinking (or fantasizing, really) about taking Astrid along with him. It might not have been obvious to everyone, but he had it bad for the girl, and there were many solid days where all he could do was replay the few times she'd kissed him, over and over in his head until he should've been sick of them. Sadly though, he hadn't gotten a kiss from her in months, and certainly nothing like the one he'd received after the defeat of the Green Death.

The boy kind of hunched over in defeat. He really missed kissing Astrid.

But amidst all his day dreaming, he realized that he'd walked most of the way home, and was faced now faced with a much bigger issue: The Hill.

A year and a month earlier, he could bound up The Hill and open the door to his house and then run out the back door, all in a single, continuous series of leaps. That was not the case these days, because running up a steep incline with a fake leg was actually very hard… and painful. So Hiccup had developed a method which had him staggering up The Hill for a few steps, pausing, and then repeating the action until he was done. It was tedious, but it beat falling flat on your face, as he had done more than once in the past year.

When he reached the apex of The Hill, he was panting and sweating from the exertion and the still warm air, but all of this was forgotten when he opened the door to see his father sitting in a chair with an air of stony seriousness.

"We need to talk."

Oh, the dreaded Talk. Those words struck panic into Hiccup's heart faster than the idea of tap dancing in front of a crowd while wearing nothing but a pair of boots (and that hadn't actually happened, but when he had dreamt it up, it had felt real at the time). Bad dreams aside, Hiccup tried to recall anything particularly bad he'd done in the past few days, but he came up short.

'Nope,' he thought to himself, 'Nothing.'

"U-uh, is something, er, wrong, Dad?"

There was this horrible, long silence that felt like it stretched out for an age, before Stoick broke his deadpan expression with a bark of laughter.

"Hahahahahahaha- I wanted to tell you- haha, congratulations, son!"

"Wait," Hiccup said slowly, "congratulations for what, exactly?"

Stoick the Vast managed to stop laughing long enough to give Hiccup a good, long look, and exclaim, "You're engaged!"

Hiccup felt the sudden sensation that the floor had been jerked out from under him, and he half expected someone to jump out and say, "Haha! Just kidding! You totally fell for it!" But, alas, that didn't happen.

"I'm… what now?"

"Engaged! To a pretty little thing, too! The contract's been all worked out and everything- you'll be married at the end of summer!"

"WHAT?" Hiccup squealed in an extremely un-Viking like manner, "HOW THE HEL CAN I BE ENGAGED I'M ONLY SIXTEEN WHO IS THIS "PRETTY LITTLE THING" YOU SPEAK OF OH NO!"

"Calm down, Hiccup!" Stoick shouted above his son's nervous shrieking, "First of all: you're engaged because it's a perfect match with a good, strong family, second: I married your mother when I was fourteen, so that's no excuse, and third: it's the Hofferson girl. You know her. Kind of skinny, blonde, always has that axe with her? Astrid."

Now very firmly convinced that he was dreaming it all up, Hiccup croaked, "Astrid? Does she know about this?"

Stoick laughed again, as though the whole thing was a good joke. "Well, only if her father's told her!"

"She's going to murder me…" Hiccup muttered, feeling the urge to curl into a ball on the ground. "Why did nobody tell me about this?"

"Well," the chief started, seeming to contemplate the matter at hand, "It was really an unplanned sort of thing. Beinir Hofferson made the offer first. Seemed to think it would be a good idea to get Astrid married off as soon as possible."

"So… so I'm supposed to just… be the guy who she gets married off to?"

"Why does it matter so much? It seems that you two can tolerate each other; besides, any person who's not blind saw her kiss you. Something like that is practically a marriage contract in and of itself!"

"Oh c'mon, that hardly seems like enough for… for this!" Hiccup emphasized his point by gesturing wildly in no particular direction.

Stoick's face got very dark before he said, "That's more than enough for a marriage. Most people don't even have that. And don't forget, I'm not just considering how much you like the girl. That's just an added bonus. The real reason is that the Hoffersons are some of the best Vikings on the entire island of Berk, and marrying my only son to their only daughter is a good way to forge a strong union." (1)

Hiccup's shoulders hunched forward as he started to understand just how little choice he had in the matter. He was honestly just a pawn in this case; being used to strengthen the Haddock line. Maybe it shouldn't have surprised him –he was the only male in the direct line.

With nothing left to say, both men (or one man and one almost man) stood there and looked away from each other, before Hiccup wordlessly climbed up his stairs and into his bedroom, where he dreamt of tap dancing naked in front of a large crowd.

-O-

The next morning was a stressful one, to say the least. Neither Hiccup nor Stoick said anything to each other, not necessarily out of anger, but more because neither one knew how to approach the situation. It was a huge relief when Hiccup could get out of the house and work his way down to the forge.

The day was not as nice as the previous one had been; in place of sunshine and perfect, not-too-humid, not-too-dry air, there was a gray sky, slight drizzles, and humidity so thick that you could cut it with a knife. As soon as Hiccup got within a hundred feet of the forge, he noticed the usual crowd of females- some with puffier hair than usual.

He really did have to work his way into the forge today.

The awkward silence that Hiccup thought he'd left at home had somehow migrated to the forge as well; Gobber hadn't made a single sarcastic remark or crowed at the gaggle of girls to give the boy some breathing space. But as Hiccup pounded away at a wayward sword, Gobber finally spoke.

"So, did'yer father tell you the news yet?"

There was a 'clang' and an unavoidable shriek from the gathering outside as Hiccup dropped the metal onto the floor.

"Wait, wait, hold on," he started slowly, "You. Knew?"

"Well, yeah, I did but that's not the-"

"And you didn't say anything?"

"No. Wouldn't be my place to tell you something like that." Gobber started to say more, but stopped and stared at the group outside the window.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" he demanded. When nobody moved, he bellowed, "OFF WITH YEH, YOU SILLY LITTLE FEATHER-BRAINS!" and the girls scattered faster than lightning.

"As I was saying," Gobber continued, "I knew, but figured that it would be better if-"

He was interrupted, once more, by female company, but this time it came in the form of a young woman who'd nearly broken the door down.

"HICCUP!"

The boy's stomach performed some horrible feat where it rose up into his throat and then dropped down into his abdomen again.

"Hi Astrid, hi Astrid, um, hi Astrid."

Astrid looked purely terrifying, fists clenched menacingly and an impressive scowl marking her features.

"Um, need anything?" he asked rhetorically. He'd already noticed that she didn't have her axe, but in his attempt to fight off the inevitable, he tried to pretend that nothing was wrong.

"When, when where you planning on telling me?"

Hiccup scrambled for an answer, but she didn't wait for one.

"UGH! What is it with men? They think they can just take whatever they want without asking first! Well, you're going to pay for this pretty dearly-"

"I can see that you two lovebirds need your privacy," Gobber cut in, slinking over towards the exit, "I'll just be on my way out now."

Astrid pay him very little attention, but continued her tirade against Hiccup.

"You'll be lucky if you last another day, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the III! I'm so mad I could-"

"Astrid-"

"I bet you'll go home and brag about-"

"ASTRID!"

"WHAT?"

"I didn't know about this until last night!"

She suddenly calmed down, like a dragon that'd been scratched just right.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Really."

"Oh," she looked around nervously for a moment, fiddling with the hem of her skirt and not meeting Hiccup's eyes, "Um. I didn't know that. I kind of just assumed that you were in on it."

"Naw. Not so much."

"So… we were… just kind of engaged? Behind our backs?"

Hiccup looked down at his foot, not sure what to say or even how to say it. He just gave a little "Um-humph," and continued feeling –perhaps unduly- very ashamed of the situation.

Without looking, he knew that Astrid's face had turned into the incredulous expression that turned her mouth into an upside down 'D'. "Well? What are you going to do about it?" she ventured.

"I don't really know," Hiccup responded honestly, "it depends on what you think, I guess.'

She hesitated.

"I suppose," Astrid began slowly, carefully, "There's nothing that can be done. The more I think about it… if our parents want us married, there's really not much we can do."

Suddenly a little more hopeful, Hiccup questioned, "So… you don't mind?"

"Oh no. I still mind. I mind a lot. I've just accepted that I can't change anything."

"Oh."

"So…"

"Yeah."

The two stood in horrible, wretched silence, both aware that the matter at hand was serious, but neither one wanted to talk about it anymore.

"Well, I um… I guess I'll see you later?"

Hiccup felt more defeated than he had the night before, but he managed a smile and responded, "Yeah. If you need anything-"

"I'll give you a holler."

"So. Bye."

"Yep."

She turned swiftly, and left.

-O-

The rest of the day was fairly dull.

None of the girls dared to return to their spot at the window (partially because of Gobber's earlier outburst and partially because of the thunderstorm that had rolled in). Hiccup wasn't sure if it was a curse or a blessing to get to go home at the end of the day, but he decided on the former after he returned.

"So yeh saw Astrid at the forge today." Stoick said, more like he was demanding to know more as opposed to, say, simply asking a question.

'Great,' Hiccup thought, suppressing an eye-roll, 'He's trying to make conversation. This won't end well.'

"You talked to her about the engagement."

"Well, yeah- wait, how do you know all this?"

Stoick flicked away the question like a pesky bug. "Well? What did she say?"

Hiccup sighed; he was in no mood to be discussing the deeply awkward conversation he'd had with Astrid with his father. It was not his idea of a heart-to-heart.

"Honestly? She yelled at me, and then left."

"That's women for you!" Stoick laughed boisterously.

Hiccup shook his head almost invisibly and tried to disappear up the stairs as quickly as possible, but much to his dismay, Stoick stopped him, with a "Where do you think you're goin'?"

"Up to my room?" he replied dumbly, hunching over slightly.

"No, you aren't," Stoick the Vast demanded, "you're feeding that beast of yours."

Toothless! Oh man, Hiccup had totally forgotten about him! But there he was, curled up outside, napping dutifully and Hiccup had completely forgotten about him!

Feeling even more awful than before, Hiccup slunk outside and patted the Night Fury on the head. Much to his surprise –or maybe not- Toothless looked up at Hiccup and gave him an annoyed little nip.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. I've just been occupied lately."

If giant flying lizards could roll their eyes (and most dragon owners knew first hand that they could) Toothless did so.

Hiccup wandered over to the doors that lead down to the little root cellar next to the house, and disappeared for a minute or two into the permanently cold underground space. When he returned, he had a basket of fish that had been caught the previous day, and he dumped it on the ground.

"There you go."

Toothless purred softly and looked up again at Hiccup, and as a sign of forgiveness, nudged a whole salmon towards Hiccup.

"No thanks, bud, I'm good."

For a long moment, there was nothing but the sound of Toothless chowing down on his fish, and slight rumbles from the clouds that had almost completely moved east. The day hadn't been very pretty, but tomorrow looked better- the clouds had given way to a clear sky, all orange and purple as the sun set, and there were stars starting to come out.

"Tomorrow," Hiccup promised Toothless, "We'll go for a ride."

1: Because it seemed slightly relevant, here's a random fact: according to family sagas, courtship 'was the single most deadly pastime for a young Icelandic male'. That explains why courtships were skipped and people just went right ahead and got married... especially considering that prolonged courtships often resulted in illegitimate children. And THAT could get the suspected father legally killed by a male family member on the mother's side. YIKES!

OK, I'm done rambling... I enjoy my research a little tiny bit too much, methinks. R&R, and tell me what you thought!