Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note – Firstly, I hope you all enjoyed the Season 9 finale of Grey's as much as I did. Now, we just have to wait several months for Season 10 *sigh*. I have loved all of Season 9 and now can't wait for Season 10. Secondly, thank you to all those who have read and commented on this fic. I really appreciate your encouragement. I hope you enjoy this update…

Derek's Point of View

"So you said nothing?" I ask her for the third time as I push her wheelchair down the hallway towards the elevator.

"Yes!" She snaps, getting agitated. I had wanted to talk to her about the panic attack she had this morning but sensing her mood, I decided against it.

"Meredith, you were in there for a whole hour," I say, still feeling confused. "You sat in there for a whole hour and just ignored her?" I ask again, feeling just as baffled as I did when I asked the first time.

"I just stared at the fish tank," she shrugs, as if it is no big deal. "She actually has some beautiful fish…"

"Meredith," I sigh. "You're never going to get away with saying nothing. You just can't Meredith," I lean down and whisper in her ear as we approach the elevator. I walk around the chair to push the button for the elevator and then turn to face her, trying my hardest to keep my frustration with her at bay.

"I agreed to attend the sessions Derek. I never said anything about talking!" She instantly defends her actions.

"Are you hearing yourself?" I ask her. I love how cute she looks when she is angry. The way she is looking at me right now is exactly how she looked at me years ago and it was in that moment that I fell in love with her. I fell in love with all of her – including her tiny, ineffectual fists. "I can't believe you said nothing to her," I breathe, trying to find a reason behind her behaving this way. It's just plain petulance.

"I didn't say nothing," she hesitates. "Not exactly," she smiles up at me as I hear the elevator making its pinging sound to announce its arrival.

"What do you mean?" I ask, grabbing the handles on the wheelchair.

"I said 'Hi' and 'Bye', "she giggles as I push her chair onto the elevator.

"Not funny Meredith," I warn. "This is the way a stroppy teenager behaves," I argue. "Like it or not, you need this," I repeat the words of my mother, flinching as I realize my mistake.

"Really?" She questions sarcastically. "Well according to Mom, you need it too! I wonder how perky you will be once you've come out of your first session with that…"

"Meredith!" I snap, having enough of this. What the hell am I doing? "Do-it-for-Mom," I plead, pulling on the emergency stop button and crouching down to her level.

"Mom asked me to attend a session with Dr Wyatt and I did," she whispers, giving me a pleading look. "Derek she is annoying…"

I can't believe it – she is actually trying to bat her eyelids at me.

"Meredith," I sigh, feeling my defences weakening greatly. "Mom has asked you to attend multiple sessions with Dr Wyatt to talk about what is going on. You can't avoid this," I tell her softly. "No matter how many times you bat your eyelids at me."

"You're no fun," she scoffs whilst pouting.

"Meredith," I warn again, beginning to feel the heat as she looks at me through those deep green eyes of hers. As much as I love being in such a small, confined proximity with the woman I love, I also detest it immensely because all I wanted more than anything was to have her in my arms in a way that was bound to have her running for the hills.

"Derek," she mimics mockingly.

"Meredith, this is ridiculous," I snap, feeling my agitation at her behavior as well as the rising heat in the room.

"It's pointless Derek," she sighs, folding her hands over her chest.

"What's pointless?" I ask gently. She looks so childlike right now. She seems so small, so fragile yet she is still her feisty self. I can still see my Meredith in the glimmer of her sea green eyes.

"The whole process," she scoffs as her cheeks brighten with her frustration. "Psychology is a load of…a load of…codswallop," she states.

Before I can even stop myself, I burst into a fit of laughter and thankfully, not long before I had started, she starts giggling hysterically too. "Codswallop?" I ask, as tears of laughter stream down my face.

"It fits," she shrugs again, still giggling.

Looking into her eyes, I wish more than anything that I was able to take the pain away. It is as clear as day that it is there. She probably thinks that she can hide it from me. However, I am the one person she cannot hide her pain from – no matter how hard she tries.

"I'm not the person you think I am," she murmurs so softly, I stop for a second to make sure I hear her right. What the hell does she mean by that? Is she trying to tell me something?

Meredith used to have a habit of being 'random'. She would say things and everybody would give her this odd look but as we grew closer, I quickly learned how to follow Meredith Grey's train of thought. The same was said about her. Mark always made a joke about how we could finish each others sentences. He would say that we were always in sync with one another. He always told the family that he's surprised we couldn't read each other's mind's considering how close we were.

Correction – considering how close we are. Are!

I'm just relieved that she can't read my mind right about now considering how hot and flustered I am feeling at this moment around her.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask with a small sense of dread and she just shrugs in response whilst staring at her hands, fiddling her thumbs in her lap.

"Meredith…"

"You can't expect me to be the same person that left. I'm different Derek. I've changed…"

"You're still you," I sigh, unable to hold back.

"I'm not though," she sighs, visibly getting upset. "I'm not the person you think I am," she whispers as her lips shake.

"What do you mean?" I ask, once again, as I take the hair that has fallen in front of her face and tuck it behind her ear, holding it there whilst I stroke her cheek.

"You won't get it," she shakes her head at me.

"Try me," I push lightly. Right now, I would go as far to say that I detest the negativity she feels towards herself. It is so strong that I can feel it anytime I am around her. I am struggling to deal with it so I have no idea how she is managing to deal with it since it seems to have a hold of her. I have no idea how we are going to help her shake it off.

"I'm just different…that's all," she shrugs, looking back at me, trying her best to put a smile on her face.

"You're not," I insist, smiling at her. Even if she can't manage a strong smile, I damn sure can. I have to for her. "I think you are far more like your old self than you give yourself credit for," I breathe as she tilts her head as she ponders what I've just said.

"What if I don't want to be like my old self?" She asks, giving me a deep, intense stare as my hand drops from her cheek.

What did she just say?

"Wha…How…What?...Well…" I stutter, completely lost for words.

"Can we just go now?" she asks gently. If she's aware of the significance that her last comment holds, she isn't showing it.

"Mer…"

"Your Mom is expecting us Derek," she whispers forcefully.

"Ok," I murmur, as I stand numb, pulling the emergency stop before the elevator jolts alive and we are descending to the ground floor.

"Perfect," Meredith mutters as the doors open to reveal Lexie.

"Hi," she smiles awkwardly, trying to catch Meredith's eye but she keeps her head down, purposely to avoid eye contact. How the hell can she think she's not the same person? She's behaving exactly like the Meredith I remember. The Meredith I fell madly in love with.

"Uh…I was just heading upstairs to see you…but I guess I'm a little late," she smiles, looking at me as she straightens her lab coat. I am still trying to get used to seeing her running about the hallways of this hospital in scrubs and the white coat.

"Yeah," I smile politely, pushing Meredith's chair out of the elevator.

Meredith, say something. Please say something.

"Well…how are you feeling Meredith?" Lexie asks brightly as I squeeze Meredith's shoulder to remind her I'm still here to support her.

"Fine," she mutters, fidgeting with her watch and staring at it as if it's a bloody complicated tumour that appears impossible to remove.

"Dad and my Mom were asking after you," she whispers, clutching the charts in her hand, tightly to her chest. "They would love to come and see you."

"Not going to happen!" Meredith snaps, finally looking at her sister. "And the sooner everyone accepts that the better!

"Meredith, there is no need to speak to Lexie like that," I scold as I watch Lexie's eyes fill with tears.

"I better go," she mumbles and runs off before I can stop her.

"That was rude," I state bluntly, feeling disappointed that she can't even be civil towards her sister.

"I really don't care," she whispers, agitated. "Now can we please get out of here?"

"Mer, you're going to have to talk to her at some point," I sigh, rubbing my eyes before I begin to push her towards the entrance way of the hospital.

"That's your opinion, not mine," she states bluntly. Why is she being so harsh? I know this hurts her so much but even I can see that Lexie is trying and I am the first to admit that I am incredibly protective of Meredith and there are times, I don't even want Cristina around her.

"Mer…"

"Derek! Meredith!" the Chief calls from behind us. I turn my head as does Meredith, to see the Chief running down the stairs towards us. "I'm so glad I caught you before you left," he pants as he reaches us.

"You ok Chief?" I ask him, slightly concerned.

"Oh fine," he shrugs off. "Just really wanted to see you before you left," he smiles at Meredith.

"Oh, thanks Chief," Meredith smiles warmly up at him.

"I hear you'll be staying at Derek's for the coming weeks," He whispers. I swear my mother has the biggest mouth. Thanks to her, everybody knows everything.

"I'm going to kill Mom," I mutter as Meredith and the Chief laugh.

"You know what she is like Derek," Meredith giggles.

"Unfortunately," I murmur, under my breath.

"Anyway, I just wanted to say that Adele and I are only a phone call away if you need anything," he states sincerely. "Anything at all," he repeats.

"Thank you Chief," Meredith smiles genuinely.

"And I also wanted to say that your job is available when you're declared fit and you're ready to come back," he smiles warmly at her.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes...No! Why does she look so unsure?

"Oh," she murmurs. "Chief, I am so grateful for everything you've done for me but I won't be coming back," she nods, surprisingly sure of herself. "Ever," she adds for emphasis as I feel as if I've been punched in the chest.

"I don't understand," I breathe, trying to stop my head from spinning.

"If I've decided anything," she starts. "It's that I'm done with surgery. I'm done with medicine. It's time to move on," she smiles at us as I feel my jaw drop slightly and turn to stare at the same expression on the Chief's face.

Meredith's Point of View

I know Derek's mad with me. I can sense it, sitting next to him in the car and as much as I want to talk to him about it, I can't. I can't focus on how he feels right now because I am trying to deal with the million and one things I am feeling right now.

One – I have my hands squeezed between my legs to stop Derek from seeing them shaking. The last time I was in a car with Derek, I was driving and it ended up resulting in a deadly collision. Correction – almost deadly. I never gave getting into a car with Derek much thought at all. It wasn't until we got in the car that flashbacks to just before the accident started to hit me and my hands started to shake. This feels so surreal being in the car with Derek (who I never thought I'd see again), driving along streets I'd never thought I'd see again, heading to a house I'd never thought I'd see again.

Two – Beds. I know this probably sounds crazy but the sheets in the hospital were making me so itchy. Part of the reason I felt so jumpy and strange in the hospital was the fact I couldn't get used to sleeping in a bed again. Strange – right? I mean after sleeping rough for over 16 months, you think I would see a bed as a luxury and want to spend all my time in one, but I can't find the ability to get used to it. The surgery forced me to spend all my time in bed, in hospital. As much as I struggled there, I think being back at Derek's is going to make me struggle more. Oh god…Derek's house. His home. I'm actually going back there.

Three – What the hell am I going to do for money? I'll need to get back on my feet fast and find a way to earn some money. But what do I do until then? Plus, there's all the money I owe Derek for buying back my Mom's house. I can't be in debt to him. He's the last person I want to be in debt too. As for going back to surgery – not an option AT ALL. I just can't do it. Too many deaths have surrounded me and I can't be responsible for people's lives being in my hands. No way.

Four - Faces. The strangest thing of all; seeing all the faces that I NEVER thought I would see again. NEVER. I would not even allow myself to imagine seeing them again; especially Derek, Derek's Mom and my Mom whom Derek has promised to take me to see tomorrow morning. I want to be excited because that would be normal but I can't. I can't find it in me to be excited because all I feel is nervous. Wrong, right? It's wrong that I am nervous about seeing my own Mom. That doesn't make me normal; it makes me pathetic. Really though, what part of this situation is normal? I was friggin living on the street for over a year after being told my best friend was killed in a car accident; in a car I was driving. From that moment, with Rachel staring me down with her fake tear filled eyes, I put up walls that no one would be able to break down. Yet, here I am, a year and a half later, reunited with my family (or some of my family), trying to find a way to protect myself from the hurt and more importantly, protect them from hurt. It's hard to even admit how much I've missed them because If I start to say things like that then it can lead to conversations I know I do not want to have.

Five – Then there's Michael…

My whole point is, I know Derek is upset because I am refusing to go back to surgery and right now he is probably thinking about how much things have changed, how much I have changed and as much as I want to be able to reassure him, I can't because right now I have so many thoughts of my own spinning in my head making it so hard to think clearly. Everyone, including Derek, expect me to be the same person but I'm not; not anymore. The sooner they all accept that, the better their lives will be.

Carolyn's Point of View

'Hey Mom, I've just spoken to Derek; they're on their way home,' Amelia beams at me as she walks into the kitchen. I catch sight of her eyes lighting up when she catches me baking.

'That's great dear,' I smile, feeling a little nervous. It just feels too good to be true. Meredith is coming home. 'Although, Derek Shepherd should know better than to be driving and talking on the phone at the same time.' I scold.

'He was using his hands free,' Amelia laughs, rummaging through the fridge for something to eat.

'It's still a distraction,' I argue. They've already been in one car accident; the last thing we all need is for them to be in another.

'What do you call it when you're in our cars, talking non-stop,' she smiles at me. Amelia was always the one who had an answer for everything. She had to argue her case, even if she was wrong and she's no different now. She fights like no one I've ever known.

'Did Derek tell you how Meredith got on in her therapy session?' I ask. I've been worrying about it all morning. I know she's angry and upset about having to attend these sessions but after everything she has been through, she needs them. The last thing we need is her slipping away from us. We have no idea what she has been through the past year and a half. Did she live on the street for that entire time? Was she in LA the whole time? Then there's how she feels about all of us? Does she even trust us? Does she feel the same as she did before?

'He wouldn't with her sitting right there Mom,' she answers gently, reaching out to stroke my arm. 'Don't worry, Mom, she'll be home soon and right now, I think that is all she is focusing on,' Amy smiles at me. I can see the excitement in her smile, reaching her eyes. She's right. Meredith is finally coming home. I should be relaxed and happy instead of feeling on edge.

'Can you double check her bedroom is all ready for her?' I ask Amy.

'Don't you mean Quadruple check?' She asks laughing, starting to walk away. I know I've already asked her several times and I know it makes me seem paranoid but I want everything to be ready for her return.

'I just want everything to be perfect for her,' I sigh.

'I know Mom but if that is the case then I suggest you tell them that my lovely sisters will be here tomorrow before they end up on the doorstep?' She says giving me a wary look.

'I will,' I insist. I just don't know how. 'Have you followed my advice?'

'What adv…'

'You know fine well what advice I'm talking about lady,' I scold lightly.

'Mom,' she warns. 'I can't…I don't…'

'Addison calls here every day asking after you and Meredith. It's about time you talked to her young lady,' I say as Amy tries to think up a clever response. 'She misses you,' I tell her causing Amy to scoff. 'She's hurting too,' I whisper and I see the hurt flash across her eyes. 'Call her,' I insist before turning back to put the chocolate cake mixture into the baking tin. At the very least, Meredith will be welcomed home with the smell of my home baking. I just hope she is as happy to be here as we are to have her here.