Part 3: The Tribunal

"This meeting has officially come to order," Cahartez said, banging on the large conference-room table. "The Council is gathered here today because two of the LEP's distinguished commanders have been incarcerated under suspicious circumstances. We feel that this is hardly acceptable. On Captain Short's suggestion we have agreed to review the case here instead of in court. If the defendants can prove that they were really on an innocent date, then the charges will be dropped."

"This is your brilliant plan?" Root groaned.

"Captain Short and Foaly have agreed to defend the accused."

"Do I have to stay for this?" Vinyaya asked, looking at the smirking Foaly with disgust.

"Yes. Captain, Foaly, you may begin."

Holly stood. "We've compiled a list of usual dating practices that would prove someone had been on a date. We also obtained the tape from the restaurant. It shows Root and Vinyaya seated together. Unfortunately there's no sound."

"No problem," said Foaly, trotting over to a screen and pulling up the video. "We'll just analyse the visual. Okay, they walk into the restaurant. Vinyaya holds the door for Root. Oooooh, romantic dating practice number one."

"Foaly," Holly warned, glancing at the fuming Root.

Foaly was not about to take a hint. "They sit down. Root helps Vinyaya with her chair, she slaps him. Root smiles dopily."

"They both sit down," Holly repeated hurriedly. "Root apparently suggests an item on the menu. Vinyaya squints her eyes and says something..."

There was a pause while Holly read the commander's lips. Her eyes widened. "Uh, never mind," she muttered, fast-forwarding a few seconds. "Nobody needs to see that. Root smiles again...dopily." She shrugged. "Sorry, sir. It's true and it builds your case."

Root dropped his face into his hands. "Gods, can't I just die instead?"

Foaly paused the tape and looked closer. "Hey, check this out. Prime dating practice right here. Root attempts to hold Vinyaya's hand." He clicked it forward a few frames. "And the prime dating response: she bends his fingers backward."

Root massaged his hand as Vinyaya smirked. "I was trying to be nice."

"Here's news, Julius: you failed." Foaly pressed play. "Root tries to order for both of them and gets punched in the arm. Ouch, that's a knuckle-splitter."

"Stick to the point, Foaly," Holly snapped. "It's a dating practice: the male orders for both people. And look, he ordered red toadstool wine. Very chic, very expensive. That could make the case right there. Who would order expensive wine on a fake date?"

"Commander Root wouldn't even order expensive wine on a real date," Foaly said. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, there's something very suspicious here."

"Shut up, Foaly. We're trying to bail them, not jail them." Holly snatched the remote and rolled through the tape. "They wait for the food, have a half-decent conversation –" She didn't mention the obscene gibe Vinyaya managed to slip in midway. Lip-reading was not always a desirable skill, though it made for a humorous tribunal. "The food arrives and Root politely waits for Vinyaya to start first. Oh, no, that's the next table. Root digs in without waiting for Vinyaya. Vinyaya looks pleased."

"She looks like that because she's just stuffed a hot piece of fish down his shirt," Foaly said, grabbing a second remote and pausing the video. "Wow, I've never seen Root's face quite that shape before."

"Hm, the prank appears to have sparked some mutual feelings of attraction," Holly noted. "Good evidence."

"Hot fish does that to me too," Foaly said. "Especially trout. What a turn-on."

Holly rolled her eyes and played the video again. "They lean closer. Root finally manages to slip his hand around Vinyaya's. They kiss." She stopped short. "They WHAT?"

"The camera caught that?" Root yelled, chair clattering to the floor as he leapt to his feet. "Gods, can't two sets of lips ever meet in peace anymore?"

"My name is Lips. I come in peace," Foaly said, then burst into giggles. "Oh, this is too good. I'm selling this for sure. Wait until Mulch gets his paws on it."

Root was at his throat in a second. "Don't even think about it, donkey-boy," he said, voice low and seething. "You're not that valuable to the LEP."

Vinyaya was on the other side. "Open your mouth and you're dead, tech-head. I swear it."

Holly tried to pry them off. "Please, Commanders, this isn't helping. Foaly won't talk. If he does I'll make sure he loses a hoof."

"Sheesh, people," Foaly said as the commanders sat, glaring fiercely. "I'm surrounded by police officers and I've just been threatened three times. Is there any logic to that?"

"Sir, is there any possibility of ending this tribunal?" Holly asked Cahartez, tone pleading. "I think we've presented enough evidence to exonerate the commanders."

Cahartez had to take a moment to stop laughing. "I agree," he said once he had regained control. "Let's take an official vote now. All in favour of dropping charges, raise your hand."

Everyone raised their hands except Foaly, who was busy watching the LEP bust. "This is sweet stuff," he observed, watching Root punch out some poor private. "I bet you've always wanted to do that, Julius."

"I want to do it now," he said through gritted teeth. "Come on, Vinyaya, let's get out of here."

"And where would we be going?" she asked. Holly could swear she batted her eyelashes.

Root grunted, not sounding entirely displeased. "We never finished that dinner. I hate to waste money." He winked as they went out together.

Holly held her stomach and half chuckled, half grimaced. She was going to have a hard time getting over this one.