Epidemic

'I don't know how to put this, so I'll give it to you straight. Our job's monster hunting."

It was an unusual job, but they were in an unusual situation. They had lost quite a few of their numbers, including their vice captain, in the slums of Uganda. The morale among his men low, Captain Pip Bernadette had decided to get them back to Europe, where most of them were from. Hell, maybe he could even go back to France and visit the cemetery where most of his family was buried. They had been in South America so long that they had nearly forgotten how to speak English, much less French.

Needless to say, his men did not believe what he told them and laughed. "Quit shitting us!"

"It's true." Though the voice of the woman whom the butler had said was his boss spoke in a normal tone of voice, it carried well and the men turned to listen. "Your enemy is a vampire who gains immortality by drinking blood. Our job is to carry around garlic and holy water, put a wooden stake in its heart, chop off its head, burn its corpse, and sprinkle its ashes at the crossroads. For more information, consult Bram Stoker."

The Geese were even more incredulous than before as she informed them precisely why they did not know and of the origins of her organization. "If you still don't get it, then take a good look for yourselves! That is your enemy, a vampire." She gestured toward the room's right wall.

"What?" Pip blinked a few times before he could believe what he was seeing. A girl no more than nineteen years old was leaning against the wall with an awkward smile on her face. Her spiky blonde pigtails and bangs framed her wide blue eyes. The skin-tight yellow uniform hugged her body, as did the white, thigh high stockings that disappeared into black ankle boots. She shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other.

He got up from the chair and walked over to her. "Hold on a sec. You're a vampire?"

"Yes, well… I guess I am."

For the second time that day, the men burst into laughter. The apparently mortified vampire pointed a shaking finger, muttering "I…I knew they were going to laugh. Like I said before."

"Then give them a demonstration, police girl," the other woman said.

"R-Roger!" She snapped to attention and saluted. "Go ahead, sir!"

Pip now joined his men in their mirth. "If this little mignonette is a vampire, than I'm Frankenstein's monster!" As he went to grab her, he did not see her eyes narrow or the finger that seemed to come out of nowhere and send him flying.

Blood ran out of his nose as she continued to flick him backwards harder and harder until he hit the ground. The vice captain pushed his way through the crowd. "C-C-Captain!"

"She's a monster! I didn't see it coming, not even a sign! She just poked me in the forehead and my whole head's swimming! "He reached up reflexively to adjust his bush hat. "Is she really a vampire?"

"She really is," rumbled a deep baritone from behind the soldiers. Much to their horror, various body parts of a man in a large red fedora, gold sunglasses, and Victorian dress were coming through the room's left wall. "Though she may be the lowest of the low, she's still a card carrying vampire." The Wild Geese shrank back and uttered cries of alarm as one.

"Cowardly bunch." He finished materializing and stood at his full height. "You think we can use these people?"

Just then, the butler that had shown them in earlier appeared at the doorway and addressed their boss. "My apologies, Miss. I tried to stop him but—"

The former cut him off. "These men will be guarding my master. I wanted to see who they were."

When the retainer gave the lady knight a letter and the focus was taken off of them, Pip pondered their state of affairs and decided that it had gone from unusual to just plain bizarre. Whether this organization was as heroic as it claimed to be remained to be seen.

Ce n'est pas notre travail habituel, he mused to himself. Mais , c'est le seul travail que nous avons.*

*It's not our usual job, but it's the only one we've got.