So here we are, folks - the final entry. There were times when I didn't think I'd be able to finish this diary, but I'm very glad that I did.
When planning out my entries, I'd always intended for this fic to end with a lead-in to Survivor's Quest. It seemed like the perfect end to the transition period in their marriage. Afterward, they'd still be shifting between the Academy and Coruscant, but as a couple. (We'll ignore Mara not being present in the YJK series.)
But then I started reading Fate of the Jedi, and every time Mirax was on the page, I kept thinking about her friendship with Mara. And then I kept getting angry that, not only did that friendship hardly get any time in profic, but it got no closure after Mara died. Mirax should have been the one doing Mara's eulogy, not Saba - at least in my head canon. It annoyed me that Mara had a Jedi funeral when she spent more than half of her life not being a Jedi.
And that was when I decided that I needed closure for the Mara-Mirax friendship, and I came up with this. I know it is a gutpunch, and I apologize for that, but I hope you like it anyway.
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41 ABY
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Dear Ben,
You're probably wondering why your crazy Aunt Mirax is sending you a bunch of twenty-year old data files. Well, recently the Pulsar Skate went in for a complete overhaul of the computer systems. I'd been dragging my feet on it for a long time, but Booster finally threatened to shoot Corran (for real this time) if I didn't give in and fix my beloved ship. So I did. Before bringing it in for repair, I went through and cleared out the memory banks.
It was then that I found these diary entries, written by your mother twenty years ago.
You know the story of how your mother and I worked together for the first few years of your parents' marriage. She kept a diary during that time, probably as a way to deal with all these new feelings of hers. As a joke, I stole it from her and set it up so the entries would automatically download to the Skate's computer. I read through the entries and made my own irreverent comments, knowing that she'd get a good laugh out of them when the trip was over.
But then she and your father got involved that Outbound Flight mission, and after that Corran and I had some drama of our own, and I completely forgot that I had her diary entries.
When I found them, I spent several hours reading through them, reminiscing about old times. We had so much fun, as you'll see for yourself. (Probably more fun than you ever wanted to imagine your mother having, but consider it my prerogative as surrogate aunt to gross you out.) By the end, I was crying, something I hardly ever do.
Something I've been doing a lot lately as our galaxy has been thrown into turmoil once again.
In her diary, your mother said that I taught her how to be a friend. Your mother also taught me a very important lesson. I'd been married for many years by the time your mother and I went on our adventures, and had two young children. There were many times that I felt that being a wife and a mother was my only real purpose in life.
Your mother reminded me that I was still Mirax Terrik, a Corellian smuggler turned respectable shipping agent, and that I could still have fun. I loved my husband and children more than anything in the galaxy, but there was nothing wrong with just wanting to have fun with my girlfriends from time to time. I could run my own business and fly across the galaxy, and still be a good wife and mother. I will forever be grateful to your mother for teaching me that lesson.
Even after we stopped flying together, your mother and I remained close friends. I was there when you were born, one of the first people to see you, along with your cousin Anakin. I will never forget the look on your mother's face. She looked so serene, so at peace. She gazed upon you with the happiest expression and I knew that I was looking at someone blessed by the Force. She'd struggled long and hard to bring you into the galaxy, and she was finally a mother, just as she was meant to be.
Your mother and I had the type of friendship where, even if it had been months or years since seeing each other last, we could pick up like no time at all had passed. I remember one time when you were very young, and we were all on Coruscant for an extended period of time. Your mother and I dressed you up in your best outfit and took you everywhere—to cafes, museums, holoshows, every place that hadn't been destroyed by the Vong. You toddled along next to us, grinning like a fool, gaining the attention of every passerby. We said you were our date. Later that evening, after you fell asleep, you mother and I caught up on old times and even played the Face Loran drinking game.
(Don't tell your father I mentioned that game. And promise me you won't play it until you're of the legal age.)
Recently I've been struggling to accept the fact that your mother is gone. I know that telling you this is silly, as she was your mother and you miss her much more than I ever could. The point is that reading through these diary entries truly helped me come to terms with her death. I will always miss her terribly, and will never understand why she was taken away from us. But I will never forget the good times. I will never forget how much she made me laugh. I will never forget how good of a friend she was.
I lost my mother when I was very young. I remember everyone telling me that they were sorry for me, that they were there for me, that everything would be okay. I wanted to scream and hit them. But soon I learned to talk about my pain, and to my surprise things started to get better. Things will never be like they were when my mother was alive, and I will never stop missing her, but I know that she would not want me to miss out on life just because she is gone. I know your mother would feel the same way.
If you ever feel the need to talk to someone who isn't your father…know that I am always here for you. Even if you just want to hear the stories that nobody else will tell you about. It's the least I can do. I know she would've done the same for my children.
I will never understand why your mother was taken away from you so soon, but I am eternally grateful that you got the chance to know her. She thanked the Force every day for your existence. You were her proudest achievement, and she would've gladly died ten times to protect you from harm.
I once told your mother that we can only do the best with what we are given. Today, more than ever, I believe that to be true.
May the Force be with you, Ben.
Always.
Love, Mirax
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The Jade-Terrik Adventures have come to an end.