(A/N: OKAY! I'm REALLY sorry I haven't posted in a long time but a Review from Zaria and her sister Xena REALLY made me motivated. I began speed-writing, something I haven't done in awhile. I hadn't really been motivated lately and hadn't had many ideas, but thanks to them I've found the motivation to CARRY ON! So THANK YOU TO YOU BOTH! I REALLY APPRECIATE IT! Thanks to all of you others to reviewed to and thanks to QBleach1 for the great advice, I thank you for not flaming me but providing me with helpful input instead. I'll try my hardest to work on it!

Last time it was sort of just drama and fluff, the last chapter ended with Kurenai in the world of the living and Shinji getting a notice that she's encountered a group of Vasto Lordes. They're, Kisuke, Shinji, and Kaien, are now rushing to find her. This chapter is going to begin with Kurenai's mission, before the encounter the Vasto Lordes. The beginning of her mission basically.)

Disclaimer: I don't own half the things I want to, such as Shinji or Bleach, or a pet snake.

Claimer: KURENAI IS MINE! ALL MINE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Chapter three-

[The Misfortunate Mission]

"I'm cold and white I'm holding on

I'm trying to breathe for you

I'm singing loud you could be all I need"

Saving me from me By: Amber Pacific

(I was conflicted about this song, it sort of fits but not really…if you have a better suggestion please tell me!)

Kurenai Urahara's POV.

It was early the next morning, the sun wasn't even up, but I didn't want ANY chance of encountering Shinji so I changed the mission time to leave sooner. I had settled with avoiding him, I just couldn't deal with it right now. Sure, I couldn't stop thinking about him, but the thought of facing him made me feel like my head was going to explode into microscopic pieces. I sighed as I got dressed. I didn't want to see Shinji, but waking up this early was still a pain in the ass…

Oh, and you might be wondering why Kurai and Awai haven't been interrupting me lately, it's because I put muzzles on them both. All I hear now is a series of growling and whining. I know what they'd say if I took the muzzles off and I really don't want to hear they're damned opinions on my love life. And seeing as they ALWAYS have opinions on my love life, it's better if I just take away their ability to talk.

That wasn't very nice of you. As expected though, they easily broke out of them. They were after all, wolves, not idiots.

Yeah, so much for the muzzles. There was NO shutting those two up. I sighed again as I walked outside, down the empty streets of the Seireitei. It was still extremely early so no one would be up quite yet. You'd think the silence was peaceful, but to be honest, it wasn't pleasant, it was rather lonely. Normally by this time Shinji would be following me making some sort of smart ass comment on how- NO! I've got to stop thinking about him! Why CAN'T I stop thinking about him?

Of course, Awai and Kurai's answer was the same: Because I 'loved' him. Through out the whole day they repeatedly reminded me of him…

"Excuse me, Urahara-Taicho." Sai's voice came from behind, we were camping out on the top of a building in the world of the living.

"Oi, stop calling me that! You make me feel old," I muttered. The we'd received information that a high scale hollow attack was going to occur in the area soon and our job was to destroy them. That's simple. Many hollows had been appearing but none of them were in the large cluster we were prepared for. We had come expecting a large full scale attack, but it was just average hollows.

That was during the day though…it quickly changed.

"I'll take the first shift, Sai, take the second. Each squad will take a turn, Watashi and Tsumoto from squad two, Matsumoto and Fujioka from squad three." I instructed, I had a feeling I'd be up most of the night anyways. Often thoughts kept me awake at night, they'd run around my head like screaming toddlers, keeping me from rest. Today the screaming toddlers in my head took the shape of Shinji though…and I KNEW with HIM running around in my head I was likely to get no sleep at all.

"Captain, it's my watch, you can go to sleep." Matsumoto's voice came from behind. I turned around and her figure approached from the shadows. She still looked very young, but I remember choosing her for my division for a reason. I nodded and left the position, thanking her.

I don't know how. Somehow though, I was able to shut my eyes and wander off to sleep, I later regretted that though. I awoke to a scream, an ear shattering, scream. I jolted my eyes open and heard the ring of steel. I jerked up, grabbing Awai and Kurai…I scanned the area. The squads were all awakening, some slower than others. I looked around to hear where the scream came from…

Sai. A white blade pierced through his torso, the figure who had done this stood with the blade still in him. The blade was connected to it's arm, it was inhuman, yet was small enough to be a human. A cold fear clutched my heart, it was a Vasto Lorde. Three of them. They massacred half the squads in minimal time.

In my heart, I wanted to grieve and cry, because this had been my fault, but I knew I hadn't time. This was my duty was a captain, not to grieve for the dead but to protect the living. I snapped into action, there wasn't time to call formations or any of that nonsense. I found the bladed-armed one who had killed Sai and practically flew at It. It was inhumanly fast, it jumped to the side, it was a move almost similar to flash-step.

The soul society didn't have much information on the abilities of the Vasto Lordes so I had to remember to be prepared for anything. It held out it's hand, a red ball of light began gathering, a cero, it was released towards me and I held out my own hand I created a kido and jumped away before the blast of the two collided. I remembered the technique from the many training sessions with Kisuke-nii. Though, I never thought I'd actually need it…I had to remember to thank him.

"MATSUMOTO CONTACT THE SOUL SOCIETY!" I screamed at her…

"Ookami-no-sono-kurai Higyou-no-ato-Tsuki-zetsumei!" I shouted holding out Kurai in the offensive position. The black reishi took a physical form as I compelled them to move in on the Vasto Lorde, moving in slicing formation the blades of reishi weren't fast enough to keep up with the Vasto Lorde, it continued to move at inhuman rate. I focused harder on the Vasto Lorde slicing its arms to pieces as it let out a howl of pain, but as quickly as they had been sliced, they regenerated and it came at me in a fury.

"TAICHO!" I heard a call, I jerked around just in time to see another Lorde approach. I swiftly moved my hand slicing through it's torso, as it burst into dust. That didn't give me enough time to turn around and block the other as it's blade-arms pierced through my upper right arm. I held in the shriek as I glared and held out both Kurai and Awai, "Koujou Tai Fusegu Ken Naguriau Kurai Ken Awai Kai!" I shouted as the swords turned into wolves and my own structure began jerking about, the bones rearranged themselves and the previously received injury began healing.

Awai, take care of the injured. Kurai protect the squads from the other hollows. I'll take care of the Vasto Lordes. Kurai, surrounded in the black fire used it against the hollows as he let out howl like no other, the flames engulfed the majority of hollows. I jerked around towards the Vasto Lordes, the two that were left. The bladed one came at me, two ceros began forming on the tips of it's blade-arms. The other formed a cero in it's mouth, I could see what was going to happen, they'd collide at once and destroy me into oblivion. I leaped up let out a growl as the three black reishi razors zipped around. They were quick enough to evade, but the ceros went off in different directions. They were headed for the squads…

"SHIT!" I shouted as I raced towards them, if the squads were destroyed because of my carelessness, I would never forgive myself. I knew I wouldn't make it on time though, I was so focused on helping them I didn't see what was racing towards me from behind. The bladed one came from behind and pierced my torso I didn't hold back the shriek this time as I jerked back into my human form and screamed…

"!" I didn't recognized the sound that came out of my mouth, it was loud, and horrid…I flashed between my human and wolf form as I fell hurtling towards the ground like a rocket down to earth. I couldn't leave this place yet, I still had people to protect. I tried my hardest to keep awake, to keep alive…

KURENAI! They both screamed in my head.

"KURENAI!" Another voice shouted I flashed in and out of consciousness, I saw flashes of light, Kisuke…and Shinji…Ukitake…they were all there. Either that or I was dreaming…and I was dead. Do dead people dream? What happens now? I've died once and now I'm dying again? What happens when you die again? Do you got to the Afterlife or back to the world of the living? What…now?

Darkness swelled my vision and I retreated to my mind…

Soul Society

Fourth Division Hospital-

My eyelids felt like led as I tried to open them, I forced them to flutter open and was immediately greeted by a blinding sort of white light…the light was familiar, only Fourth Division could find lights this blinding. I knew it. I saw Shinji's relieved face and Kisuke's dopy grin and Ukitake's concerned face while Kaien was grinning like an idiot. I smiled a bit.

"Hey, didn't know I was so popular." I said groggily as I wiped some crust from my eyes.

"We're just glad you okay…" Kisuke said, "We lost a lot of people though…"

"I'm glad your alive, who else would I torment?" Kaien joked. I was alive…but…that didn't make me feel any better. I risked everyone's lives, my division, my lieutenant. MY LIEUTENANT! SAI! He-He was…dead. All the reality smacked me like a freight train…

"S-Sai…" I muttered. All their looks went solemn.

"He's dead…" Kisuke said, "Would you guys mind leaving?" They all made their way out, Shinji casting me one last regretful glance. As Kisuke looked around and found a chair he sat and looked at me. "So what now? Are you going to sit there and regret surviving?"

I wasn't going to regret surviving, after all, if I was dead I wouldn't be able to protect more people. But I regretted my lapse, my stupidity, everything I did that got us in that mess… I knew I couldn't spend forever regretting my decisions either. What I could do, was get stronger. So that's what I'd do, I'd get stronger, so that my subordinates wouldn't have to suffer for my mistakes.

"No, I won't regret surviving, or my decisions, I'll focus on getting stronger instead…I'll miss them and I know that…but it's my duty as a Captain to continue on and get stronger so I can protect those beneath me."

"Good," Kisuke said patting my head, "Don't linger on the past. Oh, but you might want to thank Hirako-taicho. He's the one who rescued you." I wasn't surprised at this, I wasn't surprised Shinji would go that far. I sighed thinking of the blonde haired captain…

"Oh, and training sessions are moved to tomorrow instead, I have a date tonight." He said.

"Who in their right mind would want to date YOU?" I shouted surprised, "WAIT! Yoruichi isn't it! It's taken you long enough!" I shouted.

"What? NO!" He shouted at me, "Some cutie from fifth division." I rolled my eyes and hit him.

"Go away now and let me get some sleep…" I said, "I'm going to need it…although I'll probably have nightmares from what you've just told me. I can't believe you even got a date…"

"Tsk, tsk, it's unbecoming to be mean to your brother!" He called as he left.

I had almost fallen asleep when Shinji opened the door.

"Seriously?" I asked, "I was almost asleep!"

"Oh calm down love." He said grinning as he flopped down next to me. "I'm glad your alive…" He said, now that I saw him closer up, I realized he didn't look too good himself. He was a bit bashed up, and had dark sleep-deprived-rings under his eyes. I frowned at that.

"You always lecture me on taking better care of myself, but judging on how you look, you should take your own advice." I replied as he just kept that Cheshire cat grin on his face. That's when I remembered what Kisuke had told me, I looked down to avoid his eyes, "Thanks Shinji…" I mumbled.

"What?" He asked moving in closer.

"I SAID THANKS!" I shouted as he recoiled, then gave me a puzzled look.

"For what?" He asked me curiously.

"Saving me…" I mumbled again. This time he heard me and grinned.

"Why wouldn't I?" He asked, "Where would I be without you?" I bit my lip and tried not to blush. It wasn't the words that bothered me, it was the way he said it. He said it with such sincerity it made me feel awkward… I hated how Shinji made everything awkward lately. I remember when we were younger, it was just easier that way. I hated him for being annoying, but he subconsciously became my best friend, it was never as awkward as now though.

"Probably dying in some ditch." I replied smirking.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Love." He said as he laid down next to me.

"Go away Shinji," I said, still upset at how he was making things awkward. He snaked his arms around me and I recoiled at the touch. "Dammit! Shinji!" I snapped as he leaned his head on my shoulder.

"You don't really want me to go away though." He said, I couldn't see his grin but I knew it was there.

"Yes I do." I mumbled lying to him and myself.

"No you don't…" He replied, on the verge of laughing.

"You know I hate being your source of amusement…" I said, trying to wriggle out. "Why are you doing this? I asked him." I knew I wouldn't like the answer…

"Because this way I'll know you're safe and not getting killed by any Vasto Lorde or trying to attempted suicide by training." He said, I was shocked.

"How did you know I was going to sneak out and train?" I shouted at him.

"Easy, I know you," He responded, relaxing and enjoying himself far too much. I thought about his words though, I did feel safe. It was weird…but I felt safer…in his arms. In his arms I was able to let go of that sorrow, he made me feel…like everything was going to be alright even when things really WEREN'T.

"Go to sleep…" He commanded, I obeyed.

(A/N: Sorry, but I'm really busy in summer camps this year, so I probably won't be able to publish for awhile! Sorry, but I'll try my hardest to get the time! I enjoy writing a lot. I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!)

Cheshire Grins and Crimson Wins