Silence

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

A/N: This story did not want to work with me. At all. But it's written, so here it is.

-oOo-

Sam peeks out of the window to look at the fog that's covering the fields they're passing, welcoming the sun that's coming to warm everything up

He shudders, his breath is coming out like puffs of smoke and he creeps further into the old blanket that's covering him.

The Impala's broken heater hasn't been working for a while and Sam hopes his father will fix it once they arrive. Fall's almost over and Sam really doesn't want to spend a whole winter without a heater.

He glances at his brother. Dean is sleeping, buried in the blanket, curled up to get all the heat he can. The second blanket that was on top of Dean before has fallen onto the floor so Sam reaches down to pick it up, gasping when his own blanket falls off. He hurries to take the blanket and once again, put it on top of Dean. Then he goes under his own again, teeth chattering.

He can feel his father's eyes on him and he looks up, meeting his dad's sad eyes in the rear view mirror.

"You okay, Sammy?"

Sam nods and puts his cold nose under the blanket.

"It's still early, son, you should get some more sleep. We won't be there for a couple of hours."

Instead, Sam looks out of the window. This is the time animals are out, and if he's lucky he might see a deer or two.

-oOo-

When he wakes up it's because there's a really big ice cube on his stomach.

He sits up fast and bangs his head on the Impala's door, only to hear Dean laughing his head off.

He ignores it though, because the coldness on his stomach is still there and he looks down. The source is of course Dean's cold feet, and Sam shuffles them away and sticks out his tongue toward his brother who just grins.

The door to the passenger seat opens and their dad sticks his head in to grab something. He looks at them and gestures for them to get out of the car. Dean sighs and maneuvers himself to get out from the blankets that are still covering him.

Sam does the same even though he really doesn't want to, it's still freezing in the car. Suddenly Sam's door opens and he almost dives under the blanket again, because jeez that's cold. His dad hands him and Dean their jackets and then walks around the car to open Dean's door. Sam hurries to get his jacket on, hoping it will warm him up at least a little bit.

Dad is helping Dean out of the car, who stumbles out, not steady on his feet. Then dad starts helping him walk toward the diner they stopped at.

Sam closes the car door and inspects the place they're eating breakfast in. It looks greasy and old, like not even the owner wants to have it but he has to, because it was his grandfather's place and if he sells it he won't be able to feed his five kids and his drunken wife.

Sam walks faster to open the door for Dean and his father, enjoying the warmth that seems to come from the place at least.

Dean is too pale, Sam thinks. He's got dark circles under his eyes that stand out because of his white skin. Almost like he was dead. And Sam knows about that, because he has seen dead people. Dead people with white skin and hollow eyes that stare at nothing.

"Sam!"

He looks up. His dad is glaring at him and Sam looks to his side to see a waitress waiting for his order. Sam looks at her and then at his dad.

Every morning dad seems to expect Sam to just start talking. Asking him something and boring his eyes into Sam if to force him. Everyday day Sam stays quiet.

Dad closes his eyes for a second in frustration, gives the waitress a smile and tells her Sam would like to have orange juice and some oatmeal.

They sit quiet at the table for a while. Dean is trying to hit Sam's leg under the table to annoy him, but Sam just ignores it, leans back, and turns his face away from Dean. After a while Dean stops because it isn't funny anymore and then the waitress come with the food.

Sam slowly eats his oatmeal while Dean is eating pancakes in a record speed.

Dad takes up a notebook, writes something and gives it to Dean. Dean reads it, makes a face, but slows down the pace he's eating in. Then dad writes something else and Dean takes the pen from him to answer.

Sam looks away and drinks some orange juice. It's a cheap, watery, and bitter orange juice and he takes a big bite out of the oatmeal to take away the taste of it.

Every morning when Sam wakes up, he almost starts talking to Dean.

Everyday he realizes that Dean won't hear him.

After breakfast they're back in the cold car again, getting under the blankets. Dad curses and taps the heater, like it would magically start working. Looks back at them with an apologetic look, "Sorry, boys, I'll try to fix that as soon as I can."

Dean nods and gives dad the okay sign like he heard what dad said.

Sam's chest tightens, thinking about Dean's voice. Thinking that Dean would probably have answered, saying, Awesome, I thought I would loose all my toes last night, or something.

And Sam would much rather hear him say that than see the okay sign.

He feels a tap, and looks at his brother. Dean is holding out his notebook and wants Sam to read. Sam doesn't want to, but he can't say no to his brother, can he?

Wake up on the wrong side this morning? Or the wrong temperature maybe?

He glares at Dean who is sniggering. Sam acts fast and puts his cold hand down Dean's neck. Dean yells and tries to bat him away.

"Boys!" Dad's tired voice comes from the front, and Sam pulls away from Dean who's still trying to hit him. They sit still after that, both in their own thoughts. Dad turns the radio on after a while, "We still got about an hour left," he says.

Sam shivers and moves closer to Dean who raises his eyebrows, but lets Sam snuggle into him for some more warmth.

-oOo-

Sam wakes up in a bed. It's warm and cozy, and even his head that's sticking out is warm, which means he must be in a room with a working heater. He doesn't remember getting there or going to bed so he must have fallen asleep in the car again. That had not been his intentions at all, he is way to old to be carried around.

Glancing around the room, he sees dad and Dean sitting by a table, looking at a book. Sam knows that book, and he doesn't like it.

Dad makes something with his hand and they both laugh. Sam scrunches his eyes closed. They're practicing sign language again.

He doesn't like it. He doesn't like that dad and Dean are learning it because it means that Dean won't get better, and Sam can't have that.

He lays like that for a while, listening to pages turning and the occasional laugh like one of them did something funny. He's almost drifted away again when he feels a rough hand on his forehead. Sam opens his eyes and looks into his father's concerned face.

" Hey there, Sammy. You're not getting sick are you?" Dad removes his hand and sits down on the bed. "You don't feel warm," he says. Sam just slowly blinks at dad, drowsy from falling asleep over and over again. He can hear the shower running in the bathroom and for a second he imagines Dean coming out, talking about how he took all the warm water.

" You know," dad says, taking Sam away from his thoughts, "I really think it would be good if you looked at that book."

Sam turns away from his dad. He knows he's doing just what Dean did in the hospital right now, but he doesn't care.

Sam hasn't been acting like this the whole time. In the beginning Dean was really sad about not being able to hear. He wouldn't do anything, but was just lying in the hospital bed cut off from the world, back to Sam and dad, not even eating his jello!

Sam tried to get him to smile, to do something. He even drew him pictures everyday because the doctors might have said that Dean can't hear but he could still see. So Sam drew both of them doing lots of awesome things, like hunting down a T-Rex and going to the moon but Dean still wouldn't smile.

It scared Sam, because he had never seen Dean like that and after a while, Sam stopped trying and just sat by Dean's bedside doing nothing, just like Dean. And it was when Sam stopped, that Dean started eating, smiling, and writing notes. But Sam stayed quiet.

He ignores dad, and after a minute dad gives up and stands up.

"It's time to get going, Sam, you've been sleeping half the day."

Dean comes out of the bathroom when Sam's getting dressed, smiles when he see's Sam's up and writes him a note that Sam should go and buy a pink dress, and then he can just change his name to sleeping beauty.

Then it all goes bad because when they're having lunch, the waitress doesn't notice that Dean can't hear and gets angry with him because she thinks he's making fun of her or something.

Dad gets really angry and yells at her and they leave, dad stomping and the whole place staring at them like they were today's entertainment.

They go back to the motel room where Dean tosses the sign language book into the wall and goes to lay down in his bed. Which probably is good, Sam thinks, because Dean is still pale and tired all the time from his sickness and should probably rest.

Dad picks up the book, puts it on the table and leaves, slamming the door behind him.

Sam just stands in the middle of the room, looking at the door where his father just left without a word. Then he hears that Dean is crying, which is all wrong because Dean isn't supposed to cry, he never does.

In the end Sam decides to go lay down next to Dean like he used to do at the hospital and snuggles in closely to his brother, trying to give him some kind of comfort.

After a while dad comes back with some food because they left before they had any lunch. Dean has fallen asleep so Sam and dad sit at the table without him, quietly eating their hamburgers.

Dad is in a horrible mood the rest of the day and Sam can understand that because it's been a very bad day. But, Sam thinks, almost everyday has been a bad day since Dean got sick, and Sam thinks that dad believed it would all get better when they were out of the hospital. And it hasn't.

Dad leaves to do some errands and Dean makes Sam play cards with him for hours until Dad is back with some dinner. And it isn't even so much fun considering Dean is almost as grumpy as dad.

Dad comes back in a little bit better mood at least and has even rented a movie with subtitles that they all watch together.

Much later, when he and Dean are in bed, dad sits talking quietly on the phone to someone, not knowing Sam's awake.

" I'm not sure how long we can do this for," dad says. "It's just so damn quiet. I'm used to hearing screaming and talking all day, but now there's none of that."

Dad's quiet for a bit, listening to the other person, "I've given him time, dammit, but he won't talk," He sighs. "I just don't know what do do anymore, Jim."

-oOo-

That night Sam dreams, he dreams of the sickness Dean had and he dreams of the hospital. Dean is lying in his bed, doing nothing, and Sam is on the other end of the room screaming, because there's a monster trying to kill Sam. But Dean won't hear him and just lays there, his back to Sam and getting smaller and smaller because he won't eat.

Sam wakes crying and realizes he's not alone. Dad is next to him, holding him tight and Sam is surprised, because his dad hasn't done that for a really long time. Sam sniffles and for a bit they both lay there.

"Sam," dad says after a while, and Sam looks into his father's eyes.

"I know this isn't easy, okay," dad says like all his energy is gone, and that kind of scares Sam because his father never sounds like that, "It's not easy for you, it's not easy for me, but most of all not for Dean. He's the one who can't hear, Sam."

Sam's throat is closing up again and he closes his eyes. He remembers the fight he had with dad, the big one. When dad screamed at him for not talking and told him to stop being selfish. Said that it was a crappy way for trying to get attention, and it was the most selfish and stupid thing dad had ever seen anyone do.

That had been about two weeks ago, and he knows dad is still angry at him.

" Dean is worried, Sam. I'm worried. You need - you need to stop this, please Sammy."

And Sam looks up again, because this time dad sounds sad, not angry.

The thing is, Sam doesn't mean to be selfish, he really doesn't. It's just, Sam knows he won't hear Dean telling him a story with funny voices or talking about Sandra and her short skirts when Sam's had a nightmare again. And that hurts, really hurts, and Sam needs to be sad about that.

-oOo-

Dean is still in a bad mood from the day before and when dad makes his daily attempt to get Sam to start talking, Dean looks pissed and won't look at Sam for the whole morning.

Sam thinks it's stupid, because why should it matter to Dean if Sam's talking or not? He shouldn't be angry about that.

Especially since the main reason Sam's not talking is because, what's the point? If Dean can't hear him, why should Sam talk?

After breakfast they go to enroll Sam and Dean in school, and for the first time Sam isn't very excited about it.

" So, Samuel. What's your favorite subject?" The lady, Sam didn't catch her name, smiles at him and it's got to be one of the biggest smiles he's ever seen because her mouth is so big. Sam wonders how fast she can eat a sandwich, she could probably swallow the whole thing in one bite.

He can feel Dean next to him tensing up, as if trying not to laugh.

Sam doesn't answer the lady and dad smiles at her, "He...he doesn't really talk."

" I'm sorry?" the lady says and starts rummaging through her papers like she missed something. "I couldn't find any information in the papers, Mr. Winchester," she glances at Dean, "I understand your other son has a hearing problem but it says nothing about Samuel..."

" Miss Jones," dad says, and gives her a really charming smile, the one he usually uses when he's trying to get out of a tough circumstance. Dad's been teaching them about that, how smiles can take you out of awkward situations.

"You know kids, right? You're a principal, so you have to know about the ideas they can get sometimes." He shows his teeth again, and the lady doesn't look that angry anymore.

"Sam here, you see. He knows how to talk, he just won't do it. And I'm sure a school as professional as yours knows how to handle that."

-oOo-

The next stop is Dean's new school. Sam knows it's a special school for kids that need to learn sign language, for kids like Dean. Sam kind of wonders why, though. It's not like Dean used to listen in class before, anyway.

Dad explains to the man working there that Dean is still a bit sick and needs to recover a bit more and then they talk about Dean's so called situation.

Sam and Dean are sitting in the corner of the room while the adults are discussing and Sam glances around at the sign language posters hanging in there and at his pale brother who's looking way to nervous to be his Dean. He wishes they were somewhere else and imagines them in the Impala where Dean is changing the radio station and Sam is yelling at Dean to turn the volume down because he is trying to read.

He comes back to reality when it's time to go and they walk back to the car where Dean sits in the front, still angry, and Sam has to sit all alone in the back.

You scared me, Sam wants to say. You scared me when you were sick. And then when you stopped being sick you scared me even more.

Sam doesn't know if it's because he's been sleeping bad since Dean got sick or not, but he isn't feeling very good by the time they get back. Dad fixes up some sandwiches and Sam does his best to eat his, even if he isn't that hungry. Dad talks about how Sam's school is starting next Monday, and isn't he excited? Sam nods, takes another small bite. Dean is looking tired again and dad suggests he lays down for a bit, because he and Sam needs to go and buy some groceries anyway and Dean doesn't have to come.

That makes Sam scared, because he has hardly left his brother since he got sick and they can't leave Dean all alone, because what if it happens again?

Dad sees his panicked look and calmly says, "You got something to say about that, Sam?"

And Sam realizes his father is just plain cruel, because he knows what Sam is thinking. Then he gets really angry at himself, because really, he did put himself in this situation. He is stubborn though, and there's nothing else for him to do then but to follow his dad, because he is not going to fall for dad's stupid ideas.

-oOo-

They go to the grocery store and Sam is feeling dizzy and weak and he just wants to go back to his brother and preferably sleep for a week. And that's not even all because his throat is hurting and dad wants him to pick up three gallons of milk that he hardly can carry.

So, in Sam's mind, life is kind of terrible right now. He even lets some tears escape when he's on a cereal mission from dad and an old lady comes up to him asking what's the matter. And of course he doesn't answer, even though he'd like to tell her that his brother almost died and now he's lost his hearing. The thing is, now he can't stop crying, even though he wants to, which is all very frustrating. And if that wasn't bad enough, a really tall guy who was putting stuff on the shelves comes to help and Sam starts crying even harder.

When Sam thinks it can't get any worse then this, breaking down in front of two complete strangers, dad suddenly comes. Now is the time to really stop with the sobbing, but it just won't happen.

Dad just thanks the old lady and the very tall putting-stuff-on-shelves-guy, takes Sam's hand in his and walks toward the exit.

Mission groceries failed, Sam thinks when they're in the car, Sam still sniffling a bit. Dad has made him sit shotgun and Sam can't decide if it's punishment or not. Either dad wants him to feel better or he just wants to keep an extra eye on him in case he does something stupid again.

When dad starts the car he has finally succeeded to calm down, just the occasional tear escaping.

He is just so exhausted and his little outburst didn't make that any better. The car is like his worst enemy in this case, because the familiar sounds and smells in the Impala always make him more sleepy when he's tired. Sam does his very best to keep his eyes open and thinks he is doing a very good job until he feels the car stop and his head shoots up from where it has fallen, noticing they're at the motel.

Dad still doesn't say anything and Sam follows him into their dark room where Dean is resting.

When Dean wakes up a little bit after they've arrived, Sam is half dozing in front of some kind of cartoon while dad's outside cleaning out the car.

Dean plunks down next to Sam, hair sticking out all directions and a pillow mark on his cheek, and yawns wildly, stretching out as much as he can considering Sam is taking up most of the couch. Sam shifts to give him some more room and Dean reaches forward to check Sam's forehead and at the same time mouthing sick?

He doesn't look very happy when he draws away, probably sensing some fever. Sam closes his eyes and can feel Dean rummaging around and then feels a blanket on top of him. He feels a tap on his shoulder and Sam groans when he sees that Dean wants him to read.

Where's dad?

Sam points to outside and Dean looks out of the window, probably seeing their father with the car.

He knows your sick?

Sam shakes his head, but stops quickly. Not a good idea. He lets his eyes close again.

He can hear Dean sigh and move away from the couch and then coming back, tapping his shoulder again, holding up a thermometer.

And it's not good news either because Dean looks a bit alarmed checking the numbers.

Right then dad comes in through the door,"Everything good, boys?"

Dean just holds the thermometer up and points at Sam.

Dad looks down, takes his jacket off, gives them a tired look and crouches next to them on the couch. Like Dean, he doesn't look very happy when he see's Sam's temperature.

After that there's some searching for old cold medicine that Sam has to take.

Later, Sam wakes up to cold hands touching him and he tries to get away.

"Easy, Sammy" he hears his father say. Oh yeah, he's sick.

Dad helps him sit up a bit and gives him a cup of water to sip on and he happily drinks it. Sam tries to get his mind to work a bit faster. Everything is a bit fuzzy, but he can tell it's much darker then when he went to sleep. He starts to look around for his brother, but dad beats him.

" Dean's asleep, it's late." His dad looks tired and his eyes are concerned. "Your fever's been quite high for a while, Sam. You know...made your brother pretty worried." Dad looks down for a second, then gives him a small, reassuring smile. "Get some more rest and you'll feel better soon."

Sam obeys.

-oOo-

They're up early the next morning and Sam is hardly awake when dad carries him to the car.

He wakes up again a few hours later and Dean is dozing next to him and dad explains that they're going to a hospital so they can check on Sam. They have to go to one far away because the closer one they use for Dean's check ups. And there's not enough insurance or something.

Sam thinks dad is overreacting, because Sam's had a normal cold before and there was no way dad would take him to the hospital for just that. On the other hand they thought Dean had a normal cold at first, too. Sam's head feels wobbly and hot, but his body is really cold. He looks out of the car to see a thin layer of snow on the ground. Normally he would be happy about that but now it just looks too cold to Sam so he decides to close his eyes again.

-oOo-

"I can assure you everything's fine, Mr Cole," the old doctor says. She's got a whole collection of butterfly pins on her doctor's coat and some of them almost looks real.

"I understand you're worried, but in this case it's just a nasty cold. Which isn't very pleasant either, of course" she says and hands Sam a sticker with an elephant.

Sam holds the sticker tight while Dean helps him off the examination table and then they sit down in a couple of chairs while dad's talking to the doctor.

Sam rests his head on Dean's arm, watching his brother draw funny pictures in his notebook. Sam giggles when Dean draws a picture of dad as a ballerina and dad and the doctor gives him a surprised look. Other then that they look serious, and Sam guesses they're discussing Dean.

He doesn't want to hear about that so he won't even try to listen. Instead he continues to look at Dean's hand drawing Sam as an oven. Sam yawns and nods tiredly. That's exactly how he feels like.

-oOo-

The next two days are in a haze, his temperature going a bit up and down. The medicine the doctor prescribed is helping, but he still feels bad.

Dean is resting up good too, or at least he guesses that considering every time he opens his eyes he sees his brother somewhere close by either sleeping or watching TV.

When he finally wakes up for real, they're still in the same motel room.

Sam's fever must be down, because he's feeling much better. The room isn't swaying anymore and he actually feels kind of rested. There's someone next to him and he rolls around to find Dean sitting on the bed with his faithful notebook and the other book. Dean looks at him, having felt Sam's movement. He smiles at Sam and starts writing something.

Finally! I thought you were gonna sleep all week.

Sam smiles and Dean checks his forehead, looks pleased. Sam yawns and rubs his eyes, not fully awake yet. His throat is still hurting, but not as bad as before.

They both stay like that for a while. Dean is drawing again and Sam is kind of half dozing, trying to wake up. Finally he can keep his eyes open at least and lays there looking at Dean who's grinning, he's probably drawing something inappropriate. Sam sure hopes dad won't look closely in that book.

Dean looks at him, sighs and scribbles something down.

Okay Sam. I think it's time we "talk" about something.

Sam gulps. He's been waiting for this. Dean hasn't said anything about Sam's behavior other than just being generally pissed about it when he's noticed.

Sam tries to look confused, but that won't fool his brother.

You know what I'm talking about. Tell me why.

Why does this have to be so hard? Sam thinks. He just wants them to leave him alone, it's not like they're going to understand anyway. He turns around, closes his eyes again. Dean hits him on the shoulder and makes him turn back.

Don't ignore me. This is serious.

Sam won't answer and Dean angrily starts a new page.

Do you think it's funny or something? Because it's not.

Great, now he's making Dean angry and Sam feels tears coming again. He's really been the biggest crybaby ever lately.

Dean's expression softens, and he writes something new.

C'mon dude. How can you be geek nr 1 in class if you don't speak?

Sam gives him a small smile.

And really, someone has to annoy dad in the car. You know, you're talking for two now.

He giggles, wipes his tears off and moves in a bit closer to his brother. This is his Dean, the one he has missed. Even if he can't hear Dean talking, he realizes it doesn't mean matter. Dean can still sound like Dean even without the voice.

The notebook is in front of Sam again and when he reads the small written text, like Dean is saying it quietly, he feels a pang in his chest.

I'm sorry I shut down

And that's what it's all about, isn't it. That was when Sam stopped talking. He remembers the feeling, how Dean would not respond to anything. Like he was dead. And that it scared him more than anything.

Sam stares into his brother's eyes. They're sad, and Sam thinks for a moment Dean might cry. He doesn't though.

Do you know why I started trying? Dean writes instead.

Sam shakes his head, he doesn't. One day Dean had just turned around in his hospital bed, looked straight at Sam and then started eating the whole tray of food that was in front of him.

It was you, Sammy, Dean continues, I couldn't let you down.

Sam looks at his brother who looks so much better and healthier, much more like Dean is supposed to look. Dean continues scribbling in his fast almost non-readable handwriting.

Please Sam, he writes. Will you do the same for me?

Even though Dean's not that pale anymore there's still worry and sadness hiding behind the smile, and Sam knows it's because if him. He looks at the book Dean has in his lap and scoots up from under his covers to lean against the headboard. Dean grins and opens the book in Sam's lap.

They've got stuff to learn.

end