It started to rain on the drive back to the motel room. Dean sat in the passenger seat of Rachel's mustang while she navigated the streets the 3 miles. Dean had given Sam the keys to the Impala to go spy on his cute little roadside friend and he and Rachel were headed back to bury themselves in some books to get a jump on this case which had been just dead ends at this point.

Rachel hummed with the radio softly as she drove, their silence more comfortable then Dean wanted to admit.

He glanced at her and saw her face distorted from the reflection of raindrops on the windshield. It did nothing to diminish how beautiful she was.

Her eyes were illuminated by the shine of the headlights of the car behind them reflecting on the rearview mirror. the color was the brightest green he'd ever seen against the backdrop of night that dimmed the interior of the car.

Before he could stop himself, he imagined those eyes looking up at him with desire, then closing gently as a soft moan escaped her lips as he kissed the tender flesh of her neck.

The image was too much. His cock began to swell in his jeans right there in his seat.

Oh God, no. He thought in panic. If she looked over she would see for sure. He quickly turned his thoughts to the most non-sexual thing he could think of and the next image that popped into his head almost made him laugh: Sam eating brussle sprouts at 8 and gagging.

Ridiculous, but it did the trick. And just in time because she noticed him looking at her and gave him a glance back.

"What?" She asked.

"What is this crap you've got me listening to?" He asked without thinking. Nodding toward the radio which issued the mellow sounds a slow acoustic song.

"What, you don't like Green day?" She asked.

"Green who?" He answered honestly.

"You know Dean, your what? 27? It wouldn't hurt you to listen to something a little more current then Jethro Tull."

"Of course it would." He said with a smile.

He saw her eyes linger on his lips a moment longer then they should have. Like my smile huh?" He thought and made a mental note to use it to his advantage when the time was right.

"All I'm saying is that it can be all Metallica, all the time. No matter how awesome they are." She said.

"So it's these Green people for you all the time?" He asked. Generally interested to know what music she liked.

"No. I like Green day but I'm more of a Rob Zombie/Def Tones/Evanescence type chick, I think." she said with a little squint of her eyes that was the cutest thing he'd ever seen.

He was about to reply when she turned into the parking lot of the motel. He directed her to where his and Sam's room was and she parked in a spot close to it.

The rain was pouring out at that point so they got out of the car quickly. They made a mad dash to door about 50 yards across the parking lot. She yelped as they splashed in a small puddle and sent water spraying up at them.

Finally they were under the awing, semi-soaked. Dean fished in his back pocket for the room key. They looked up at each other. He face was wet and little tendrils of her black hair her stuck to her damp cheek. He reached out and hooked his finger under them gently, pulling them away.

She gave him a thoughtful look as he did.

He found the key and slipped it into the door. The lock gave way with a click as he turned it. He swung the door open and held it for her as she walked in past him.

Please God, help me not to throw her on the bed right this second. Dean thought as he switched the light on.

"I'll get us a couple of towels. Start setting up the lap tops." She called as she kicked off her sneakers on her way to the bathroom.

Right down to business I guess. He said to himself with a sigh only he could hear.

He did as she asked after stripping off his wet leather jacket and throwing it on the bed. She came back blotting her long hair on a hand towel and handed him another.

He went over the symbol with her and they discussed it to some length before settling in at the computers and a few books Dean had on hand.

They worked at the small table by the window, their illumination nothing but the soft bedside lamp and the rain streaked light coming from the window.

Rachel found herself glancing up at Dean more often then she'd care to admit. He looked up this Meg chick and his brow furrowed a bit when he was deep in thought, making a thoughtful expression on his face.

It would be so easy right now. They were alone in this small motel room, the rain beating against the window and metal door making it sounds sexy and hot.

In Rachel's mind she saw herself and Dean facing each other on their knees on the bed, locked in a tight embrace, kissing each other with passion. He lifted his arms up as she pulled his shirt over his head. He bent his head and kissed her neck as she ran her hands over the smooth, hot flesh of his back.

She instantly felt a nudge in her stomach that brought her back to reality. The familiar pit was always there when she thought of or did something that conflicted with her self punishment.

Nope. No Sex. Not when your a sister murderer. Rachel thought.

Kellie'd been gone longer then Rachel cared to count anymore. Drowned when Rachel could have saved her. Rachel refused to live and have the things her sister couldn't have anymore.

Wow, do I even believe that anymore? Was Rachel's next thought. She had to admit that the guilt wasn't what it once was. That she thought more and more about calling her mother (who she'd had no contact with since the incident because she couldn't face her) and going home to one of the very few family members she had left in this world.

Even the nightmares that had plagued her and the hallucinations of her little sister where becoming fewer and fewer. It was the thought of all this time dealing with it that held her back right now. It was the last embers of that dying light that made her stay away from home and make love to Dean Winchester.

Not that she felt any less guilty about getting her sister killed, but as time went on she just knew that this isn't what Kellie would want for her. And Rachel WAS still alive. But still...she couldn't let go. No matter how hard she tried.

She threw her thoughts back into her work and tried desperately not to look up at Dean squinting at his computer screen or comment to her self about how velvety his voice was when he informed her that he had found a bunch of info on Sam's girlfriend.

Just as he had finished telling her just that, as if Sam had been tuned into it, Dean's phone rang with his brother on the other end.

Rachel continued her search for their mysterious symbol while she listened to Dean's end of the conversation. After their initial salutations, Dean asked if Sam was outsides the girl's apartment, peering into her windows from the car parked on the opposite side of the street.

She couldn't help but smile and glance up at Dean, who met her glance, when Sam admitted it.

"You've got a funny way of showing your affection." Dean said to Sam.

Sam must have asked if they were able to uncover anything about her, to which Dean replied:

"Sorry, man, she checks out. There is a Meg Masters in the Andover phonebook. I even pulled up her high school photo."

Dean looked over at Rachel who gave him a smirk and a slightly raised one shoulder as if to say Sorry Sam. Know you where hoping for drama. "Now, look." Dean continued. "why don't you go knock on her door and, uh, invite her to a poetry reading, or whatever it is you do, huh?"

Rachel listened to Dean tease Sam half heartedly after that because she had just hit pay dirt of this freaking symbol. After coming up with an origin for it it was a quick jump to another paranormal site that gave her the background for it.

She read with her brow furred and was half aware of the fact that the brothers where ending their conversation as she drank in all the info on the computer screen.

Sam must have asked if they had found anything on the symbol and Dean was right in the middle of saying no when Rachel interrupted him.

"Yes we did." She said as she typed into another data base to confirm what she was reading.

"Yes we did." Dean repeated to Sam as he frowned at her questioningly. "We did?" He asked her after pulling the phone away from his mouth.

"It's Zoroastrian and it's very, very old. Like two thousand years before Christ." She said.

Dean got up and came over to her side of the table. He handed her the phone and leaned over her shoulder to read the screen.

"Hey Sam." Rachel said after putting the phone to her ear. "Have you seen her get dressed in the window yet?" She asked, not able to resist the temptation to tease the younger Winchester.

"Haha, Funny." Sam said. "So it's Zoroastrian you said?"

"Yep. Looks like. It's a sigil for a...Daeva. I think that's how you pronounce it." Rachel said.

"What's a Daeva?"

"It translates to "demon of darkness". Zoroastrian demons, and they're savage, animalistic, you know, nasty attitudes—kind of like, uh, demonic pit bulls." Rachel said trying hard not to inhale too deeply because the faint smell of Dean's leather jacket still clung to him a bit and with him leaning over her so close, the aroma was intoxicating.

"Did you read that?" Dean asked, pointing to a certain line in the text on the screen.

"Yeah, before." Rachel said to him and then turned her attention back to Sam to inform him of this very important bit of info.

"Here's the thing—these Daevas, they have to be summoned, conjured."

"So, someone's controlling it?" Sam asked.

"Looks like. And, from what I gather, it's pretty risky business, too. These suckers tend to bite the hand that feeds them." Rachel told Sam. "I'm gonna give you back to Dean, there's one more thing I wanna check out real quick."

"Ok. good job Rachel." Sam said, pulling a smile from her.

She handed the phone back to Dean and went on to wrap up all the info she'd just uncovered. She was relieved when Dean stood up and walked back to his side of the table, taking his musky, arousing aroma with him.

"Ok Sammy, we've got our symbol. Work done for the night I'd say." He said looking at Rachel for confirmation as well. As way of answer she shrugged and nodded. He was right. Nothing else to do tonight. "Why don't you go give that girl a private strip-o-gram?" Dean said to his brother and smiled at his own humor.

Rachel chuckled and signed off her computer. She wasn't sure what Sam said but Dean's response to it was:

"No, bite her. Don't leave teeth marks, though...Sam? Are you—? He hung up on me." Dean said and clicked his phone shut.

"Why do you torture him like that?" Rachel asked standing up.

"Because it's fun and since I'm older it's my God-given right." Dean answered and capped it off with a big grin.

"Still, it's not riiiighht-..." Rachel said, the last word elongated by the yawn that she just couldn't contain. She stretched after the yawn. Pulling the tension out of her muscles. Dean spoke in the middle of it.

"It's absolutely...right..." He said, his eyes glued to her arched back and neck.

It was only when she finished her stretch and looked at him that she realized that she'd just flipped a switch for him. She'd just stretched a sexy little stretch for him and he didn't hide the fact that he'd watched it and liked it.

oops! Rachel thought completely innocently as she and Dean looked at each other in silence for another moment.

"Are you trying to drive me insane?" He asked.

"What?" She asked frowning, flustered. "No."

The silence hung with them staring at each other.

"I'm not sure I believe you." Dean said as he stood up. His face stern and serious.

"Relax there killer. I'm tired. That's all." She said. But she had to admit that the idea of him looking at her breast as they pushed against her sweater was hot. Her belly did a little turn with excitement just then.

He gave her a half smile and took a step closer to her.

"You know Rach, I'm trying really, really hard to respect this whole thing you got going on in your head." He said and moved closer to her. "But between the phone calls and you staring at my ass when you don't think I'm looking-"

"Your crazy." She interjected with a small chuckle as he slowly closed the distance between them.

"-The cutesy smiles. The sexy way your willing to beat up another girl for me-" he continued.

"It was a yawn, Dean. That's all" She interrupted. He moved close enough to her that he would have been over her had she not started to back away now. She didn't feel threatened, but her heart began to pound in her chest with the thought of what he was going to do when he got close enough. Part of her wanted this so bad, part of her was still very scared, which is what made her move back as he advanced.

"And now your flexing that gorgeous body of yours-" He took a step forward, she took a step back. "here in a motel room-" Step. "in the dark-" Step. "while while we're alone." Step.

Rachel's thudded against the wall softly. She had no where else to go. He took one final step and was towering over her. She looked up at him and in the gloom could make out the hint of green his eyes offered. God, and smell that damn jacket again. It filled her head.

To block any escape she might think of he put one of his palms up on the wall. Telling her basically that if she tried for the door he would stop her.

"Do you think I'm made of stone? Because I'm not, you know." He asked softly.

Rachel's heart was in her throat and her skin pricked with anticipation and the heat that she felt radiate off of him.

"I can't do this Dean." She said the words but in her mind she begged him not listen. To push forward and break the wall she had built.

He heard her prayer. Because just then he leaned his head down and claimed her mouth. A bit roughly and with authority but with no threat or dominance. He said to her in that kiss that he wasn't going to force her to do anything, but was just reiterating how bad he wanted her. With that reassurance she kissed him back hungrily and with passion to match his own.

He pulled away before she wanted him to and looked down at her with his eyes dark with desire.

"You say you can't, and then you kiss me like that." He said. "I can't take this any more Rachel. I want you and you want me. Why are we still fighting this?

"Because I just can't Dean." She said. "I can't do this and be ok with it. I'm sorry."
He let out an exasperated breath and hung his head. After a moment he looked back up at her, his eyes stern once again.

"Tell me to back off, mean it and I'll let you go right now." He said. "Tell me you don't want me and I'll leave you alone. I swear." He challenged.

She looked him in the eye and was silent. The words formed in the back of her throat and she wanted to say them so bad. But she would be lying if she did. He stared into her eyes and waited for her response. She stared back and willed herself to tell him to back off so she could leave.

He waited. She was silent.

"That's what I thought." He said a little breathlessly and pulled her into his arms, claiming her mouth with his own once again.

He lifted her off the floor and she clung to his shoulders and pressed her knees into his hips for support while kissing him back. He pressed her against the wall and she relished the feeling of his whole body against hers.

She was really going to do this? She was really going to let him make love to her right now? Is she crazy? Her brain screamed, but the fog that clouded her mind was too strong for her rational thoughts to break through. Your not ready. You'll hate your self. STOP!

The thoughts melted away as he trailed his lips down to her neck and kissed her there. She moaned and melted against the feeling of his mouth on such sensitive skin. She couldn't help but grind her pelvis against his a little then. He responded with a little push of his own back to her and she felt the hard proof of his desire against her thigh.

She told herself to stop. MAKE HIM STOP!

But she couldn't. Instead she dug her fingers into his shoulders, felling the hard muscles under his shirt and imagined what they would look like in a few minutes when she stripped the shirt off him and she could lace her mouth down the smooth skin there.

Still holding her, He turned around and began moving them both toward the bed. She let him take as many as 5 steps there, pulling his lips to hers again in the process and trying hard to keep the ringing in her ears down.

Just as he was about to lay her down on the mattress she realized that the ringing wasn't in her head. But it was her phone in her back pocket.

The realization brought her to a screeching halt. She pulled away from him and in a desperate moment of clarity answered the phone, not even bothering to look at the caller ID.

"Hello." She said breathlessly, putting a hand in the center of Dean's chest and pushing him back a little. He looked at her with bewilderment and a slight note of shock on his face at having been cut off right in the middle of such heat.

The familiar male voice spoke into Rachel's ear and she listened. The whole time never breaking eye contact with Dean.

"Yeah." She said into the phone. Confirming to her contact that she was listening as he gave her the location of the Succubus he was helping her to track.

"You sure?" She asked him. Still looking at Dean who still had her in half a hold. "Ok, I'm on it." Rachel said.

She shut the phone and stood to her full height. She pushed the slight mess of her hair back and finally broke eye contact with Dean.

"I gotta go." She said and moved around him.

He stood in shock for half a second while she began packing her laptop.

"Are you kidding me?" He said, finally Turing to face her.

"I got a 20 on my succubus. I gotta get there now." She said. Happy to have been literally saved by the bell.

"Who the Hell was that?" He asked. As if if she had given him her contact's name he would have found a way to beat the cock blocking sonofabitch at that moment.

"A friend helping to locate the monster. Which he did and I now have to go out and kill it." She said, packing the rest of her books and taking her jacket. "You know the deal Dean, Duty calls."

"Not right in the middle of-..." He said, raising his voice a little. He blew out a breath and took in another deep one to calm himself. "Your not seriously going to leave me here like this are you?"

She felt a pang of guilt run through her. She really was going to Hell for...Wait! What was she thinking? He was Casanova incarnate. He could have a girl, 3 girls, here tonight if he wanted them. She wasn't going to feel bad for being an unintentional cock-tease.

"I'm sorry Dean." She said. She meant it. "Even if I could stay I shouldn't be doing this with you anyway. I'm still too fucked up."

"You know, I try to hold my tongue when it comes to your issues here. God only knows what I would be like if anything ever happened to Sam." He said, walking closer to her. "But your not the one who's dead you know."

She was stunned into silence.

"You think not enjoying good food, or music or sex is gonna bring your sister back?" He asked her. "It's not. But your the one still alive Rachel."
She stared at him. The hurt piercing and threatening to sting her eyes with tears.

"Excuse me if my sister's death puts a cramp in your love life Dean." She said.

"That's not what I meant, Rachel." He said, responding to her anger with a soft voice.

"No, you know what? You've got some phone numbers at the bar tonight, you don't need me or my issues to be here with you tonight." She turned toward the door to leave. He grabbed her arm.

"Don't go like this." He said when she turned to look at him.

She gave him a thoughtful look. Her anger ebbing away. She knew that he hadn't meant anything by it. and when it came down to it he was completely right. She knew it, she was just waiting for her scared psyche to catch up.

She softened her features, leaned in close to him and gave him a soft kiss to show him that she was sorry for her outburst. They touched foreheads and just stood like that for a moment.

"You can't punish yourself like this forever." He whispered.

"I don't want to. But I can't help it." She whispered back.

They were silent then for next few moments. Just listening to each others breathing.

"I gotta go." She said.

"I know." He replied.

She moved away from him and out the door then. It had stopped raining so she didn't have to run to the car but instead she tried to navigate around the puddles to keep her mind from what she had just left behind.

She got into her car, revved the engine and pulled out of the parking lot and away from the motel as fast as she could.

In the dark on the highway she felt like the biggest asshole in the universe. She wished that she could just get over this whole thing already. She wanted to make love again and not feel bad about it. She wanted to see her mother again and cry in her arms for a week.

Tears finally fell from her eyes as she thought of the later. If nothing else she missed her mother and wanted to be with her again. No matter how crazy the woman drove her sometimes with her adversity to hunting, which would be empowered a thousand fold now that she had lost her husband AND her youngest child to it now, Rachel longed for the comfort that only she could give her. Maybe soon.

4 days later Rachel called Dean from a table in a coffee shop as she finished a slice of blueberry pie with vanilla ice cream. He answered on the 3rd ring.

"Hey Sallie. How's the Succubus business these days?" He said.

She smiled. Loving the fact that even after what had happened between them he could answer the phone with complete forgiveness and a joke to boot.

"The bitch actually gave me the slip again. Do you believe it?" She told him.

"No way." He said.

"Yep. And she's staying low key on top of it. She just drained a guy into a coma this time to stay under the radar. She keeps that up I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to find her again." Rachel said. "What's the deal with the Deava?"

Dean went on to tell her that they had actually made contact with their dad on this case, the daeva was history, so was Meg (who turned out to be a demon by the way) and their dad was gone again.

She heard little else after hearing that their father was gone again after they'd been looking for him so long and slight note of hurt in his voice when he told her.

"I'm sorry Dean." She said.

"Yeah, me too." He said. "Well any way. Where are you right now?"

"I'm actually your neck of the woods, Kansas. I'm sitting in a diner have a slice of blueberry pie before I hit the road." She said to him.

"Blueberry pie?" He asked. "Your not going to vomit it up because you feel guilty about eating it are you?"

She laughed. She knew that he would understand that she had eaten it and told him about it as a way of saying that she'd taken what he'd said to her in the motel room to heart and that she was sorry for the way things had gone down with them.

"No. No vomit going on here. I had and I enjoyed it. One step at a time." She said.

"Sounds like you took a leap." He said.

"Not really. I had blueberry but my favorite is cherry." She said.