Author's Note:

This story doesn't make any sense. It's not supposed to. Just my way to get the silly out of my system in-between working on more serious projects. Heavy AU, possible OOC-ness, crack pairings and other random bits included.

...Nothing more I can add to that, really. I merely hope to entertain :)

Disclaimer:

World of Warcraft is the sole property of Blizzard Entertainment. I make no claims of ownership whatsoever, but I do know that WoW stole my sanity.

Crash!

Vaala didn't even bother looking up from her laptop.

Thud!

Vaala idly tapped a few keys. "Welcome back," she muttered, with no hopes whatsoever of making herself heard.

Bang!

"-and THAT's what I think about your stinking' patch. 'Nerfed'? HAH!"

"Rough day?" Vaala asked conversationally as the whirlwind of destruction that was, for some inexplicable reason, her current roommate, swept into the living room, tripped over a cable and crashed down on the floor with a loud swear.

"You have no idea," Varian Wrynn, once and future king of Stormwind, growled from the floor.

Vaala tilted her head just enough to offer him a bemused grin, then once again returned to her work. "Jaina called," she announced as Varian climbed to his feet and threw himself in one of the armchairs. "She wanted to know if you're busy tonight."

Varian made a non-committal sound. "As far as she's concerned, I'll be busy 'til Hellfire Peninsula freezes over. She's been all over my case ever since she and Thrall-" A pause, then, "Where's the remote?"

"The cable's out."

Another pause. "What?"

"I said, the cable's-"

"I heard that," Varian growled. He took a deep breath. "Why is the cable out?"

"Because you didn't pay for it."

Varian jumped to his feet so quickly that he nearly knocked the armchair over. Vaala knew what was coming. She glanced over the edge of her screen, waiting, counting under her breath.

One...

Two...

"Shit."

"Well," Vaala said pleasantly, rising from her chair and closing the lid of her laptop in one gracious movement. "It would seem that my Internet just died, too. You didn't happen to not pay for it too, hmm...?"

Varian held up one finger and glared at her defiantly, "That was your job."

"Oh." Vaala arched an eyebrow, looked thoughtful for a few seconds, then waved a hand dismissively. "In that case, that leaves us with-"

"-nothing but each other to keep us company for the night," Varian finished the sentence for her.

"And we're sick of each other. Right?"

"Right."

There was an awkward pause.

"I'm going to take a bath," Varian announced loudly. "I still have raider goo all over me." He was out the door before Vaala could think of a suitably sassy response.

Wait...

'Raider goo?'

...It was some time later.

"So!" Varian began. He was sitting in his armchair again, wearing nothing but a loose bath robe and he felt pink and fresh and far more amiable than before.

"So," Vaala echoed from the other end of the room.

A moment later, Vaala dropped heavily into the armchair across from his. She was almost... for lack of a more elegant way to put it... naked, save for a black towel wrapped around her that covered her... essential bits. Her long, dark hair was damp and tangled, but a few loose strands fell down to her shoulders, and lower than that were –

"Oi."

Varian jerked, then looked away guiltily. "Put some damn clothes on, will you?" he muttered sullenly.

Vaala stretched her legs, then put them on the coffee table between them. "My place, my rules. So," she said again, shifting her position slightly. "My day sucked. Yours?"

"Godawful, that's how it was," Varian answered heatedly. "I go out for five bloody minutes – next thing I know, I get a call from Blizzard telling me forty people are threatening to cancel their accounts because I wasn't there for their weekly PvP raid!"

"Oh my," Vaala said with feigned shock.

"Do they even know how many strings I had to pull to get them to let me kick Onyxia out of my keep? It's my keep, dammit!"

"You did get to solo her in the end, though. Pretty impressive, that."

"Well." As always when he was being paid a compliment, Varian didn't know what to reply. "She still hates my guts for it," he deflected. "Last time I saw her, she tried to set me on fire."

Vaala chuckled. "Did she now? And here I thought she was perfectly happy, now that she's finally dating someone."

Varian almost choked. "What?"

"Oh, haven't you heard?" Vaala grinned deviously. "She's dating Ragnaros!"

"What," Varian deadpanned.

"Yup."

"But... she's a-"

"Yup."

"And he's a-"

"Yup."

"How do they even-"

"Don't go there."

"Huh." Varian blinked a few times, likely to chase a very disturbing mental image away. "And what does her father have to say about all this?"

"Who, Deathwing? Last I heard, he was too busy negotiating his loot table with the boys in blue to care about anything else."

"Oh."

Silence.

"So," Vaala said, twirling a thin strand of hair between her fingers.

"So," Varian echoed weakly.

"We should do something."

"Like...?"

Vaala shrugged. "Anyth—wait a minute. Jaina said something about it being 'poker night' tonight. We c-"

"No."

"Please...?"

Varian crossed his arms stubbornly. "No."

"Oh, come on, Wrynn. Going there is better than staying here glaring at each other. Well," she adjusted her towel slightly, "for me, anyway."

"You just want to be there because you know Illidan is going to be there."

"Do not!"

Varian smirked. "Admit you like Illidan, and I'll go with you."

"Admit you're a jerk, and I won't kick you out," Vaala shot back without missing a beat.

They glared at each other, neither willing to back down just yet.

"Fine," Vaala conceded, rolling her eyes. "Maybe. A little. Now shut up about it."

"Good enough." Varian stood up and stretched. "Get ready. Oh... and I'm driving this time."

"No you're n-"

"My car, my rules."

"I am definitely kicking you out," Vaala muttered under her breath as Varian disappeared.