"You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she's left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or you can be full of the love you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back. Or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on." – David Harkins, "She is Gone"

Melchior

You just don't understand.

It's as simple as that.

She was just here.

She was just here.

But now…

She

Is…

… … …No.

No No No No No nO NO no No.

It cannot be true.

And…even if it is true…

Which it's not…

You refuse –

You refuse

To

Believe

It.

She is not gone.

She is not gone.

She is not…

Gone.

… … … …

No…no…

But…

She…can't be…

Gone…

But…

She was just here!

She was just here.

You just don't…understand.

You just don't understand…how this is possible.

You left her.

You didn't want to,

It wasn't your choice,

But, still –

You

Left

Her.

How could you leave her?

How could you leave her…

All alone?

All that's known,

History and science,

Overthrown,

At school, at home by blind men.

You doubt them

And soon they bark and hound you,

'Till everything they say is just another bad about you.

All they say,

Is trust in what is written.

Wars are made,

And somehow that is wisdom!

Thought is suspect,

And money is their idol,

And nothing is okay unless it's scripted in their Bible!

Still I know,

There's so much more to find,

Just through looking at myself and not at them!

Still I know,

To trust my own true mind,

And say: "there's a way through this"…

At least…you thought so.

The sad truth is…

People with louder voices

Are the ones who get the say in things.

So, if you want to be heard…

Make

Your voice

Loud.

You tried that.

But in your particular milieu that you grew up in…

Where the "children" who weren't even children anymore…

No one

Had

A voice

Worth hearing.

Well, actually…

There

Was

One.

But, now…

That voice…

Has

Been

Silenced.

Forever.

And because of that…

You cannot

Live

With yourself.

Not

Without

Her.

You think.

You think back,

To those pretty days you had,

With her.

In the park.

In the forest.

In the hayloft.

"Let's play pirates, Melchi!"

Her seven-year-old voice would exclaim,

So very merry and full of glee.

"Let's play pirates, Melchi!"

"Okay, Wendla,"

Your eight-year-old self answers.

"Let's play pirates!"

Let's

Play

Pirates.

Let's go back

Back to a time

When we played pirates.

We played together,

You and I,

And it

Was nothing

More.

Child'splay.

You were captain of the ship,

And of course, she was there too.

Pirates were the two of you.

So very merry and full of glee.

She was seven

And you were eight.

You'd say: "I'm boss, 'cause I'm older,"

Or something like that.

Oh,

How your eight-year-old self wished.

"No,"

She say,

With no merriment or glee.

"What gives you the right –

To boss around me?"

"I'm sorry," you'd reply,

Upset over her being upset.

You just want her to be

So very merry

And full of glee.

"We can both be boss,"

And then she'd smile

That perfect little smile.

Yes, yes –

We'd play pirates.

Moritz, Ilse,

You and I,

We said we'd play together

Until the day

We die.

We die…

We die…

We die.

That is when you realize,

If she is…

…

Dead…

Then

So

Are

You.

"Well, you had the right idea!"

You shout to your friend that day.

"They'll scatter a little earth

And sing praise to their God!"

You wanted to do it.

You really did.

With that sword,

You'd end your miserable life without her,

And start your perfect one with her.

It was just as simple as that.

A little pain

Is a small price to pay

For ever-lasting perfection.

…Those you've pained,

May carry that still with them,

All the same,

They whisper: "All's forgiven".

Still your heart says the shadows bring the starlight,

And everything you've ever been

Is still there in the dark night…

She

Was

There.

She and your friend.

They were there.

They were telling you

Not to do it.

But…

How could she

Tell you that?

"I want to be with you!"

You want to scream out

"Always and forever!"

"You will be with me,"

You almost hear her voice.

"Always and forever."

Not gone, not gone.

I'll walk now with them,

I'll call on their names,

And I'll see their thoughts are known,

Not gone,

Not gone.

They walk with my heart.

And

I'll

Never

Let

Them

Go.

You watch me,

Just watch me,

I'll calling,

And one day

All

Will

Know.

It's almost too much for you to bare.

They people

Dressed in mourning.

The friends

Bent in grief,

But you…

You crumble.

You crumble and wish it were you.

You wish she were still here.

You wish…

You wish you could turn around,

And see her smiling seven-year-old face again.

"Let's play pirates, Melchi!"

She'd giggle.

So very merry and full of glee.

Let's

Play

Pirates.

I will sing

The song of purple summer.

All

Shall know the wonder.

I will sing

The song of purple summer.

All

Shall

Know

The wonder

Of purple summer.