Disclaimer: I own no characters. Lyrics belong to Coldplay.

dorcas meadowes & sirius black

"…That's Dorcas Meadowes, Voldemort killed her personally…"

No, I don't want to battle from beginning to end

I don't want to cycle, recycle revenge

I don't want to follow death and all his friends

She'd loved him since forever (or was it longer?), almost as long as she'd been called Cass. It was Lily who'd given her the nickname, when she admitted that she couldn't stand the jokes about 'Dorcas' (and her parents' complete lack of common sense).

But he never noticed (not that she expected he would). Why would he see plain old Cass when there was vibrant, fiery Marlene and gentle Lily and witty Mary? Even quiet Remus, silently doing his essays in the corner that was most definitely his took more of Sirius' attention than she did.

So instead she worked (and worked and worked and worked) until she could do stunning spells in her sleep, and transfigure almost anything into a nail (and she collected the nails in a box under her bed and joked that they were for her coffin). She was younger than him (not that that seemed to matter to him) but she knew that she was faster and better with her wand than he was (even though she'd never let him discover that).

She knew it was Lily who convinced him to take her on the date to Hogsmeade (and she both hated and loved her friend for it). She dressed in periwinkle blue, but he didn't seem to notice (as per usual) and she couldn't even get him to discuss Quidditch (and she didn't know if it was Marlene or Remus who was occupying his attention this time).

He kissed her, outside the Common Room. But it was brief, perfunctory, and she hated that that was all she was ever going to get. (And she joked with Lily about it even though inside her heart was shattering).

So she loved him in silence, and watched from afar, and dreamt of him every night. And when she joined the Order she did it for him, and every time she let loose a curse it was to protect him and hope that perhaps this spell would make sure that he would last another day (because they all knew that reckless, reckless Sirius would be the first to die. Except that he wasn't, and she detested herself for being glad about that).

One night, just before he graduated, she carved his initials with hers on her bed (and she almost went to find him and tell him 'I love you like no one has ever loved before.') And then she pretended to move on, and laughed and joked with the others even though she couldn't be the mate that Marlene was. She was plain Cass, (and it ached that that was all she'd ever be to him).