At the end of his first day in Atlantis, which had been packed with a greeting by Dr. Weir, a meeting with his CO John Sheppard and getting his ass handed to him during training by Teyla Emmagan, Evan Lorne found himself opposite of Peter Calvin Kavanagh in the mess.

He and Cal (he hated being called Peter) had been friends since childhood and it felt good to see a familiar face.

He was telling Cal some news from home when a man, who had just walked in, caught his eye. He was lanky with dark eyes and brown hair and spoke to a smaller, redheaded woman.

Cal sighed and turned around to see what had captured Evan's attention so much that he had stopped mid-sentence. Evan caught Cal's look and blushed. Calvin was the only person he hadn't dated that knew he was gay. And he hadn't had a date since he joined the Air force.

'David Parrish, Botany department.' Calvin said in a long-suffering tone. He had seen a lot of guys Evan had found attractive but he had never risked his career for any of them and Cal doubted that it would be different this time, even if the rules were different on Atlantis, since they had not known whether they would ever see Earth again or not. That combined with the Wraith threat had set a new focus on a lot of things.

'The woman is Katie Brown. McKay has a crush on her, so you can date him but not her unless you want cold showers for the rest of your stay here.'

'You know I can't do this.'

'Wait until you see your first Wraith.'

'I've fought hostile aliens before.'

'I know.' Cal snapped 'But not a Wraith and not here.'

'We'll talk after I've seen one, okay?'

'I might not be here by then.'

'What! Why?'

'I've requested a transfer back to Earth.'

'Cal, this is the change of your life and you – ' He stopped as he saw Cal's face: 'Why?'

'There are a lot of reasons: the Wraith, McKay, Weir, the fact that no one her respects me or my work…Choose one.'

'I'm here now and what about – '

'She's dead. She's been dead for a few months now.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Yeah.' Cal said harshly: 'Me, too.'

'Before you left you sounded quite happy. Did you love her?'

'I like to think so.'

'You always complicate things more than necessary: either you loved her or you did not.'

'Because you know so much about love Mister I-haven't-had-a-date-since-high-school.'

'Hey, I know something about love: I have a long-term relationship with you.'

'Relationship as in long-standing, mutual and decidedly non-sexual bearing, then yes. In other regards you're still a virgin.'

Evan put on a mock affronted face and stood up.

'That's it. Goodnight Dr. Kavanagh.'

Cal, completely unimpressed by his acting skills, replied:

'Good night Evan. And the botany labs are on the east pier. I've heard the sunrises are especially spectacular there if you're looking for a running route.'

'You're an evil man.'

'I have a reputation to uphold.' Cal answered as Evan picked up his tray.

Of course fate hated him when it came to the little things and Evan stumbled right into Dr. Parrish at the door. Even though he had his back to him, Evan could practically feel Cal's evil grin.

'Oh, sir, I'm sorry.' Parrish looked quite flustered and even more attractive this way.

'No, I'm sorry. It was my fault.' Evan smiled, hoping to encourage a conversation. It couldn't hurt to learn to know the people he was going to live with.

'I'm new here.' Evan said and extended his hand: 'Evan Lorne, nice to meet you.'

'Me, too. David Parrish, I'm a botanist. You arrived today?'

'Yes, you?'

'Three weeks ago, but if you came today you haven't seen the hydro lab yet.' If Parrish's voice was any indication the hydro lab was the place to visit when you came to the city.

'Not yet. Would – '

'This is a door. Could you move to let other people through?' Cal interrupted them, pushed Evan aside and consequently into Parrish again.

'Thank you' Evan gritted out between his teeth.

'He's right.' Parrish said as he looked after Calvin: 'I should go back to work.'

'Well, I guess I'll see you around.' Evan said and Parrish gave him a sunny smile:

'I hope so.'

/

'I'm an idiot.' Evan said gloomily as he sat down on Cal's bed and put his head in his hands. Cal himself sat at his desk and typed up notes on a project he would hand over to Zelenka when the Daedalus came back the next time. It was a few weeks later and Evan had nearly spent every single day of it with David: visiting the hydro lab which was as beautiful as David had described it on Evan's second evening in Atlantis, lunch with the latest news about David's plants and McKay's newest disaster, shared coffee when Evan stopped by in the botany lab on his morning run. David was not only attractive but interesting, funny and he had a tendency to ramble about his plants that Evan found increasingly adorable. Yes, adorable and that was really the heart of the issue, because David was someone, who could very easily become his friend, just…Evan liked him a bit too much, dreamed a bit too much of him, too.

'I've told you so for years. Glad it finally arrived in your brain.' Cal's mordant tone wasn't even lightened by a small smile as he continued to put his notes in order. Evan could see that the handwriting was not only Cal's, maybe this had been a project he had worked on with his dead girlfriend.

When Evan didn't answer, Cal sighed and turned around.

'Humour me.' He said but as Evan opened his mouth, he stopped him:

'No, let me: You like him. Want him. Curse yourself for letting it go so far. Am I right?'

'I hate you.'

'Get in line.'

'You're my friend.' Evan complained, his head still firmly in his hands: 'Shouldn't you be supportive and understanding?'

'Have I ever been supportive and understanding when it was your own fault? You choose to be in the US military despite being gay. If you don't want to break a few rules as people prone to do around here, I can assure you, then live with it.'

'I hate you.' Evan replied sullenly. Cal rolled his eyes. No one would ever believe him that Major Professional Lorne could sound like a five year old girl.

'I can't risk it, Cal. This is everything I have.'

'It's your choice but don't send me hundreds of mails where you pour out your broken t heart to me when Parrish finds someone else.'

'I'll miss you, you know.' Evan said with a half-smile.

'Yeah, yeah.' Cal waved with his hand: 'Go. I can only endure so much of your sentimentality.'

'Night, Cal.'

/

Nine months after Cal had left the city, Lorne steered the jumper with his team on board to their usual parking space a bit outside of the main human settlement on Fedoria. To be honest it was the only human settlement on Fedoria. Most of the Fedorians were hunters and lived all over the planet that lay four hours from the next Stargate pretty much on the edge of the Pegasus galaxy. Even the Wraith bothered less with this planet than they did with other ones.

Lorne liked Fedoria, the missions here were simple trading missions and not ever had anything gone wrong.

Kaufmann was especially eager for every visit to Fedoria, mostly because of Shanna, a young woman with thick, black hair and admirable hunting skills. Also, Kaufmann was absolutely smitten with her.

Lorne flew the jumper because Reed had broken his arms, losing a one on one match in basketball against Parrish and Kaufmann was keeping Parrish busy by asking him for the hundredth time whether Shanna would like the flowers he brought with him. Lorne felt a bit wistful listening to their conversation but he had quite made his peace with the fact that he and David would only ever be friends – it was easier this way.

Shanna was one of the first to greet the team and judging from the face she made when she saw Kaufmann he could have brought her Ronon's ugly wraith-bone necklace and she would still have hugged him. Lorne, Reed and Parrish shared a grin when they saw Kaufmann blush when Shanna kissed him. Then Shenosch, the leader of the Fedorians approached him and Lorne directed his attention to the old man.

'The moon has risen, Major Lorne.' It was the standard greeting on Fedoria and Lorne faithfully replied:

'And the time for hunting has come.'

'You have chosen a good time to visit. The Gods have been merciful with us.' Shenosch told him: 'The grass hasn't been so green in a long time and the game never fatter.'

'I'm glad to hear that.' Lorne replied politely. Fedoria wasn't by far their most important trading partner but an ally was an ally and Lorne liked them far more than the Genii for example. McKay hated it, of course, since it had the technological stand of the Stone Age, but that was one of the reasons Lorne had a botanist on his team. Every culture used plants.

Behind them someone laughed. Lorne turned his heads and was reminded why he didn't like Fedoria at all: Tain, Shenosch's son had his hand on David's arm and both were laughing. Tain was just as tall as Lorne but with suntanned skin, freckles, pale blue eyes and curly, black hair and he touched David a lot more than strictly necessary. Even Kaufmann, who was usually too busy mooning over Shanna, had commented on it. The only one who was oblivious to Tain's advances seemed to be David.

While Lorne listened with one ear to Shenosch, he observed how Tain leaned close to David again and whispered something in his ear that made David laugh again.

'That's good to hear.' He said to Shenosch who had just described the details of their latest hunt.

'One of your men is injured.' Shenosch observed.

'Broke his arm during basketball.'

'Basketball?'

'A game my people play.' Lorne explained shortly how it was played.

'Maybe you can show us someday how it is played.'

'Sure.' Lorne said but Shenosch looked like he still wanted to say something.

'Is there something else?' Lorne asked: 'Did the Wraith attack you since our last visit?' He hadn't noticed any people missing but then he hardly remembered the whole population.

'No, they haven't culled our people in this year yet. How do your people view marriage?' Lorne thought that he really had this conversation coming. He would make Kaufmann assign to kitchen duty for the next year on every free day they got, or maybe David needed someone to get him plants from really nasty places like swamps full of mosquitoes or really high trees. You couldn't just make eyes at a native girl.

'It's, uhm , good.'

'Of course it will be a great loss for our tribe but the most important thing is their happiness and I'm sure they will be happy among your people.'

'I will have to speak to our leader first but I'm sure we can find a place for Shanna.' Shenosch gave him a funny look.

'Shanna? Major, you're mistaken. I cannot and would not speak on the behalf of Shanna's family, although I expect that they will approach you soon.'

'And who were you talking about?'

'My son, Tain, he has taken a great likening in I believe his name is David Parrish?' Lorne nodded, feeling stunned and a bit betrayed. He and David were friends yet David had never really talked about Tain, not in a way that would indicate something like that.

'And therefore he asked me to speak with you as you are his leader.'

When Lorne didn't answer, Shenosch narrowed his eyes slightly:

'Are there any doubts in David's intentions?'

'No, not that I know of any.' He wondered if David would be surprised by the proposal or not.

'Good. Please speak to your leader soon.'

'I will.' From the corner of his eyes Lorne could see Shanna's father watching them and steeled himself for a second conversation.

/

Kaufmann, predictably, acted as if they had defeated the Wraith and got an early Christmas on top of it. Reed and Parrish used their water bottles and MRE's to celebrate in the back of the Jumper while Lorne flew them home. The only one who didn't feel like celebrating was Evan. He was glad for Kaufmann, even if he would still assign him for kitchen duty should Dr, Weir and Sheppard allow the whole thing, but he kept shooting dark looks at David. Of course was it stupid to feel hurt and jealous since he didn't have any claim on David but it still hurt that David had never lost a word about him and Tain. He would have thought that they were friends at least.

'Parrish.' Evan said when Reed and Kaufmann were leaving the jumper.

'Yes?' Parrish grinned, but for the first time Evan didn't find it adorable.

'I received a marriage proposal for you, too, from Tain.' Parrish laughed softly.

'I'm flattered.' Then he caught Lorne's look and his grin faltered a bit: 'Is that a problem for you?'

'What? That an alien wants to marry you?'

'That I'm gay.'

'No.' Lorne straightened a bit more: 'How long-' but he stopped himself and asked instead: 'Are you going to accept?'

'Would it bother you?' Parrish asked instead of answering his question.

'If you married Tain?' Parrish nodded.

'He's a nice and talented man and he seems to like you very much.' Lorne said carefully.

'But would it bother you?' Parrish repeated his question that Lorne really didn't want to answer honestly. But there was nothing he had that Tain hadn't but Tain could give Parrish more than Lorne could, so he said:

'It doesn't bother me with Kaufmann why should it bother me with you?'

'No reason.' Parrish answered and left the jumper without another word.

It was better for all of them this way Lorne made himself think.

/

He still wrote an email to Cal that contained as much as: You were right.

Cal's reply was a bit longer but contained a lot of figurative eyerolls and sarcastic remarks that McKay would have been proud of. And while its basic message was 'you're an idiot.' Lorne knew Cal well enough to read the implied 'Parrish's an idiot, too' between the lines.

To his utter and complete surprise Cal came back to Atlantis with the next Daedalus flight.

"What are you doing here?" Lorne asked with utter astonishment. Sheppard and McKay had relegated the lightening of the cargo and welcoming the new personnel to him and Zelenka (again) but had forgotten to hand over the matching lists, so he had had no way of knowing beforehand that Cal would come back.

"Nice to see you, too." Cal snarked. Zelenka on the other hand didn't look surprised at all so Lorne figured that he had to have some kind of list which meant he would take those who weren't scientists with him and improvise a new list.

"Yes, yes, all very touching." Zelenka told them dryly. He had finished herding the new scientists into one corner and was ready to drop them off at their respective departments. Lorne had once entertained the thought of doing something similar and for example put Cadman in charge of the marines and let the Canadians figure out who the highest ranking Canadian military officer in Atlantis was(it was Chuck) but had given up on the idea because he wasn't cruel enough to inflict Cadman on unwarned, freshly arrived marines, who would probably put them to window washing duty or something similar because she was creative like this, and if he send the Canadians on a wild goose chase Chuck would be mad and if Chuck was mad funny things happened to the people he was mad at because Atlantis liked him best.

Lorne gestured to Cal that he would catch up with him later before turning to the new soldiers.

/

"Okay, Cal, what are you doing here?" Lorne asked as soon as they were alone. Cal rolled his eyes at him.

"Like I said earlier: Nice to see you, Cal. How have you been?" Cal mocked him.

"Is there a reason you're avoiding the subject?" Lorne asked undeterred.

"I know you have a memory like Swiss cheese but I remember the unpleasantness that was you last heartbreak vividly and in colour." Cal replied sarcastically: "Weir should give me a damn medal for coming back and sparing them all."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Lorne answered stiffly. The thought of Parrish and Tain still hurt him whenever he thought about it.

Cal gave him a look that said: 'oh, really?'

"I thought it was all my fault anyway." Lorne reminded him at which Cal let out a long-suffering sigh.

"It is." Cal agreed: "But in case you've forgotten that too: I'm your friend, which is the sole reason why I'm here, no matter what I told those people at SGC."

For once Lorne was absolutely speechless. Cal crossed the room and sat down next to Lorne.

"You could always transfer back to Earth. Say Anna misses you and needs your help with the kids." He suggested but Lorne shook his head.

"I like it here. Despite...despite the situation I like the city, I like my commanding officer and I like my team. We're more of a family here in Atlantis than we ever were at SGC and I don't want to lose that."

Cal let out a long suffering sight at that and slung his arm over Lorne's shoulders.

"You're just a regular masochist, aren't you?" Lorne shrugged but gave him a small smile in return.

"I'll get over it, eventually."

"Eventually." Cal echoed sceptically.

"Eventually." Evan confirmed. He caught Cal's eyes on him and his expression changed into a self-depriving smile. Cal stood up.

"I'm only staying here for a couple weeks, but if you change your mind..." He trailed off for a moment: "You know."

"Thanks."

/

"Hey, can I come in?" Parrish looked like he was going to be sick, so, as a good friend, Evan stepped aside and let him in. When he saw David wringing his own hands, he joked: "Are you getting cold feet? Is Kaufmann going to turn up in a few minutes as well?"

"No...yes...maybe? I feel like I would rather face a Wraithship than going through with the ceremony tomorrow. Is that normal?"

"I don't know. I was never married." Evan reminded him dryly. He laid a hand on David's shoulder and guided him to the couch where he made him sit down.

"God, I'm such a lousy friend," David laughed and ran a hand over his face: "I didn't even ask you how you felt about all this, well except for that one, very short conversation in the jumper."

"Pardon?" Evan asked, why would David wonder about his reaction? He had tried very hard not to show any particular feelings towards David's impending marriage.

"You've been quite distant since Tain proposed. First I thought it was because your friend, Dr. Kavanagh was back on Atlantis but Reed and Laura both said that you acted normal with them, so I figured it has to be me. Is it because I'm gay? I know you said no but..." David trailed off, looking like Evan had kicked his favourite fern.

"No, it's not because you're gay." Evan said quite forcefully.

"Is it because of Tain, then?" Evan looked away for a second and silently cursed David's insightfulness. David interpreted his silence correctly.

"It is, isn't it? You don't like him."

"It's not that I don't like him, "Evan lied: "I was just surprised. Shanna and Kaufmann, everyone saw that from a mile away but you and Tain, I had no idea and it hurt because I had thought we were the kind of friends who told each other something like that." David suddenly looked embarrassed.

"It's probably totally inappropriate to tell you this, especially tonight and...could you promise me not to freak out?"

"Of course," Evan stared at David. He had barely seen him as embarrassed as he was now.

"Okay, "David took a deep breath: "I had a crush on you. That's why I didn't tell you about Tain. I had this daydream that if I only waited long enough DADT would be repealed and we'd have a chance. I know this sounds ridiculous, especially since I based your sexuality on zero evidence which is very unscientific and like I said simple wishing on my part. So please don't hit me?" David finally had to breathe which interrupted his rambling while Evan forced himself to keep his composure. He felt like someone had broken every bone in his body.

"And Tain?" He finally managed to ask.

"He asked me to marry him and I thought that this is real life, aliens and spaceships aside, and that I couldn't waste my life on the tiny chance that DADT might be repealed, you might be gay and on top of that interested in me. And Tain, he loves me and he makes me happy." David's voice became softer at that.

"Do you love him, too?" Cal was right, he was the ultimate masochist but if David's answer was any less than 'Yes, I love him more than I ever loved someone else before' he couldn't be held responsible for his reaction.

"Yes, I love him, "David's smile was small but radiantly happy. Evan could barely bear to look at him.

"Just saying, you know, that if it had been different I would have preferred you," David laughed again: "God, I'm so sorry for telling you this. I'm not even sure that's true because now I have him and you as my best friend. That's something." He grinned happily at Evan who felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Yes, something." Evan echoed, his hand tensing up into a fist on his other side, away from David. He wanted to get out, get away from David as far as possible.

"Are you forgiving me for not telling you about Tain?"

"No, I don't. I hate this guy, I hate every second you spent with him. I hate you for not taking this chance. You didn't even ask me if I would break the rules for you! You cannot come here and tell me that we had a chance and in the same breath ask me to wish you a good life without me, not when I begrudge you every day you're going to spend with him instead of me. I love you! I loved you from the first moment I saw you when we met in the mess hall. I know I can't give you a wedding, I can give you anything except lies and deception but I think what we would have would be worth that."

He never said any of those things. David looked so hopeful and yet so fearful at the same time that Evan painted his face with a fake smile on his face and answered: "Don't worry about that." He stood up and held his hand out to David: "Think you might be able to sleep now? Important day for you tomorrow." David took his hand and pulled Evan into a tight hug.

"Thank you," he whispered: "Thank you." Evan's eyes burned. He needed Parrish to go before he gave himself away.

"No problem." He pulled away: "Good night, David."

"Good night."

He waited a few minutes before he left his quarters as well, heading towards the transporter. He reached his destination and chimed at the door.

"Cal, it's me, Evan."

"If you didn't accidentally killed McKay or Weir and came to celebrate I'm going to-"Evan never got to know what Cal would have done because at this point Cal had finally forced his eyes open and looked at him.

"Who died?" He muttered but let Evan in. Closing the door behind them, Cal made him sit down and said: "Did Parrish come by to confess his undying love for you, asked you to elope with him and you sent him away?" Evan managed to smile at that, although it was a teary-eyed, small smile.

"More or less. He said he used to have a crush on me but since he thinks I'm straight he moved on."

"Excellent advice, who'd would think that a botanist could be such a sensible person? Especially that botanist." Cal's tone was mordant and he rolled his eyes but he opened his fridge and handed Evan a beer.

"Thanks." Evan said and drank.

/

The next day they celebrated Kaufmann's and Shanna's and Parrish's and Tain's wedding on Fedoria. The Daedalus was in orbit, so that most of Atlantis' jumpers filled with just about everyone that lived in the city, was on Fedoria. It was a bit surreal, having to fly a jumper with twelve people who instead of their normal uniforms were all in their best civilian clothes or dress uniforms, Evan thought.

He adjusted Parrish's tie before the ceremony and hugged him. He knew it was for the best and when Tain caught Parrish's eyes and they both smiled at each other, Evan saw that he was happy.

He was still Parrish's best friend, that would never change and Cal was right, he needed to move on. For now, he would keep his secret and fake a smile so that he would never see Parrish's smile fade.