Author's Note: This is my first attempt at writing anything in the SVM verse, so I'm a little nervous about this. I appreciate any feedback that is given and I hope you enjoy my humorous take on Eric and Sookie.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own these guys. If I did, Eric and Sookie would have a ton more fun with each other than what we hear about in the books.

Present

Eric slammed Sookie into the wall of his bedroom, attacking her mouth. He tore himself away from her to work his way down her throat. Sookie took the opportunity to suck in several heavy breaths. Her breaths quickly turned into moans as Eric found her breasts and started to tease them through her shirt. He smirked at her and slowly started to ease the buttons open.

But wait. Before we get to that. Let's rewind and find out how we got to this point.

A few hours earlier…

Sookie smirked as she thought about what she was going to do this evening. She had it all planned out. She was going to dress in her sexiest clothes and surprise Eric at Fangtasia, hopefully enticing him to leave his bar with her before the evening was too late so they could have several long hours of sex.

She already had her outfit picked out: a tight red dress (Eric loved her in that color) that was long enough for her to feel comfortable, but short enough that she hoped she didn't trip or anything else that would be equally embarrassing. The top of the dress was low cut and showed just enough cleavage to get Eric to pay attention, but not enough that she would be worrying about wardrobe malfunctions. She had a pair of sexy black heels to wear with it that she had been practicing walking around in so she would look like she was used to walking in shoes like that all the time.

Sookie walked into the bathroom and took a little extra time showering, making sure her hair was squeaky clean and that she was shaved and moisturized before stepping out and starting the next part of her prep routine. She picked out her favorite lotion and rubbed it all over her body before starting to style her hair. She blew it dry just enough that it would be dry before she left and put some hair product in it to help it retain its normal curl.

She then started to methodically apply her make-up, taking care to make sure she looked sexy, doing a smoky eye and cherry red lipstick. She then walked into her bedroom to pull her lingerie on. She had splurged on the set for this occasion, even though she knew that Eric would most likely end up ripping it off without really appreciating what it looked like on her.

She then shimmied into her dress and slipped her shoes on before checking herself in the mirror. She thought she looked pretty good and knew that Eric wouldn't be able to resist. After checking to make sure everything she needed was in her clutch, she made her way into the living room and did a twirl for Amelia in the living room.

Amelia whistled when she saw Sookie's outfit. "I hope you know what you're going to be inviting in when Eric sees you in that Sook."

Sookie laughed and replied, "I know what I'm inviting in Amelia. In fact, I'm hoping that that's what happens. I want to drive Eric crazy with desire for me."

"Sookie, I don't think you need to worry about that. Eric is already crazy with his desire for you. Do you doubt that?"

"No, I don't," Sookie said after hesitating for a moment. "But, I do like to know that I can have some small amount of control on how much he feels for me. I like to know that I can drive him wild."

Amelia laughed and told her, "Well, I don't think you'll have to worry about that tonight. Good luck and I hope you survive."

Sookie laughed and walked out the door to her car. She was beaming as she opened the door and sat down, thinking about how well the night was going to go. However, something wasn't right at this point. When she turned the key for her car, it wouldn't start. It didn't even make a sound like it was trying to start. Sookie tried several times to get it to start, but to no avail. It seemed that her car had died.

Sookie sighed and hit her head against the steering wheel. "Really?" she thought to herself. Sookie sighed again before gathering her things together and making her way back into the house.

Amelia saw her and said, "Back already? I didn't realize you could drive that fast."

Sookie glared at Amelia and said, "Now is not the time for sarcasm."

Amelia giggled to herself, but stifled it when she saw the look on Sookie's face. "What happened?" she asked once she had her laughter under control.

"Apparently my car has decided to die on me. It won't start or make any sort of noise. Can I please borrow your car?"

Amelia seemed to think about it for a few minutes, making Sookie really frustrated. Right before Sookie was about to turn around and call someone to borrow their car, Amelia said that she could borrow her car for the night. "Just make sure you have it back by 6 tomorrow. I need to be at work by 7."

Sookie nodded that she understood before zipping into the kitchen to get Amelia's keys and running out to her car. Thankfully Amelia's car started without a problem and Sookie was quickly making her way to Shreveport to meet up with Eric to give him his surprise.

A major problem arose while she was on her way though. She wasn't paying attention to how fast she was going; she was more concerned with getting to Fangtasia than with obeying the legal speed limits. When she was just outside of Bon Temps and on the highway, she saw the flashing red and blue lights in her rearview. As soon as she saw them , she glanced down and saw that she had been going 15 miles over the speed limit and groaned as she put her hazards on and pulled over to the side of the road. "Did this night just get worse?" were her thoughts as she pulled together her license, registration and proof of insurance.

A few minutes after she pulled over to the side of the road, she saw the policeman get out of his car and make his way up to her. He tapped lightly on the window, signaling she should roll it down. She did it quickly, hoping to get this taken care of quickly. She soon as the window was down far enough, the police office asked for what she had out. She handed it to him and dropped her shields to listen in on his mind, hoping that maybe she could find something there to help her get out of this ticket.

Unfortunately she couldn't find anything and then she felt ashamed for trying to get out of a ticket that she had definitely earned by going so fast. Sookie sighed, accepting her fate and was able to flash a semblance of a smile at the officer before putting her documents up and maneuvering her car back on the highway, taking special car to obey all laws until she reached Fangtasia.

Once she was parked in the parking lot, she took an opportunity to actually look at the parking ticket. She noticed the price and was happy that it wouldn't be too much, but she thought she might see about possibly fighting the ticket as well. But, her speeding ticket was the least of her worries. She carelessly tossed it into the passenger seat and checked her make-up in her mirror before climbing out of the car and making her way to the front door of the bar. When she reached the door, she noticed that it was a new female vampire working the door and briefly wondered why Pam was not working it likes he normally did. But she shrugged internally, thinking that was the least of her worries. At least, it was until the vampire stopped her before she could walk in.

"Excuse me," the vamp said. "But where do you think you're going?"

Sookie looked at the vampire like she was crazy and said, "I'm going inside. What does it look like I'm doing?"

Sookie moved to go around the vampire but she wouldn't let up. "It looks like to me you're trying to skip the line. While it may not be long," she said, gesturing to the 20 people or so that were waiting, "you do have to wait in line just like everybody else."

Sookie continued to stare at the vampire before asking, "Do you know who I am?"

The vampire looked at her and said, "A helpless fangbanger who is looking to get bitten is what you look like to me. And you're starting to sound desperate. I suggest you go to the back of the line before I toss you off the property. And when I say toss, I mean that literally."

Sookie mouth was hanging open and she snapped it shut, leveling the woman with a glare. "Whenever Eric hears about this, you're going to be sorry you didn't let me in."

The vampire laughed at her. "Why would Eric make me sorry? What could a pathetic human like you mean to him or possibly think you can accomplish from threatening me. Move along before I lose my patience."

Sookie sent one last glare at her before making her way to the back of the line, hoping that she wouldn't have to wait long. "God, why does this night not seem to be going the way I want it to?" Sookie thought to herself as she settled in to wait.

She had been standing there for about ten minutes when she saw a nice car pull into the parking lot out of the corner of her eye. She turned to look at the car and noticed Pam climbing out. She continued to watch Pam as she locked her car and started to make her way to the front door. Sookie quietly called Pam's name when she got close enough to her.

"Sookie," Pam stated, surprised at seeing her in line, "You look good enough to eat. What are you doing out here and not inside?"

Sookie shot a quick glance to the woman manning the door and noticed her paying attention to the exchange. "The vampire at the door refused to let me in and wouldn't give me an opportunity to tell her why I should be let in."

Pam stared at Sookie before saying, "Come with me."

Pam stalked towards the door with Sookie following close behind her. When she got to the vampire at the door, she was cowering, trying to get away from Pam. The vampire could tell that she had messed up, though she wasn't sure how she had done so. "Pam, is there an issue?"

Pam sneered at the vampire and said, "You do realize that you will probably meet your final death tonight, do you not?"

The vampire shook her head, looking even more frightened than before. Before the vampire could say anything else, Pam went on to say, "You have refused Eric's bonded entrance to the club. I hate to think of all the nasty things he will do to you when he finds out."

The vampire started to stutter out a response, but Pam silenced her with a finger to her lips. "My suggestion is you continue to watch the door until I or someone else comes to bring you to the Master. I also suggest you make peace with whoever you need to make peace with. It might be your last opportunity."

With that, Pam grabbed Sookie's hand and pulled me into the bar behind her. "Pam, you didn't have to do that," I told her once we were inside the doors.

Pam stopped and turned to look at me. "Yes I did Sookie. Not only are you the bonded to my Master, but I also consider you a friend. I will not have a vampire that is too stupid to realize certain things jeopardize certain things, one of those being Eric's control of this area. So, think nothing of it."

With that, Pam continued to walk into the bar, leading Sookie to Eric's booth. She deposited me there and promptly disappeared, leaving me by myself. Before Sookie could start to look around, one of the waitresses came over with a gin and tonic, which Sookie gratefully accepted. Now that she was in Fangtasia, she realized she might need some liquid courage. Especially considering what had happened already that evening.

Sookie ended up sitting in the booth by herself for about 30 minutes before she started to get agitated. She had come to Fangtasia with a certain plan and it was definitely not going the way she wanted it to at all. She thought she would be able to walk into the bar and that Eric would be in the main bar area, making it easy for her to get his attention. However, she hadn't seen or heard anything from him. Usually he came to see her or called her back within a few minutes of her arriving. This was highly unusual. The least he could have done was have Pam come tell her how much longer he would be.

After waiting for another half hour, Sookie huffed and gathered her things together. If Eric wasn't going to bother coming to see her, she was just going to leave. She stopped at the bar on the way out to make sure she didn't need to pay for her drink (she didn't since she was Eric's bonded) and headed out to her car. As she walked out the door, she noticed another vampire was manning the door, this time it was a male. She gave him a brief nod and continued on to her car, rummaging through her purse to get her keys.

She was concentrating on pulling her keys out that she didn't notice that Eric had somehow ended up in front of her. "Going somewhere, Lover?" he asked, alerting her to his presence.

Sookie stopped short and looked at him. "Actually, I was going somewhere."

Eric raised his eyebrow at her tone. She did not sound happy. "And why is that?"

Sookie scoffed at him before moving to walk around him. Eric let her continue on to her car, following close behind. "Well, it might be because first I was refused entrance to the club by the female vampire that was originally at the door and then when I finally do get inside, I get ignored by you and by Pam. I thought that by showing up here unexpectedly I might be able to surprise you and maybe even entice you to leave a little early with me. But, seeing as how you couldn't even let me know how long you would be, I don't see you for the little bit of time I was in there. So, I'm heading home. Why don't you contact me when you decide that I'm important enough to actually acknowledge," Sookie all but spat at him as she went to open her car door.

The lock clicked, but before Sookie could get the door open, Eric slammed his hand onto the door frame, preventing her from opening the door. "Are you finished, Lover?" he asked her with barely suppressed anger.

Sookie glanced over her shoulder at him and wisely chose to keep her mouth shut, nodding her head that she was finished.

"The reason I didn't come out to see you was because I was handling the incident with the vampire from earlier. I decided to go on and handle it not rather than wait until later. I was just on my way to see you when I was informed by my bartender you had just left."

Sookie felt really small now. She knew that Eric had a lot of responsibilities since he was the Sheriff of Area 5, but sometimes she forgot all about that and just considered him her boyfriend. Sookie swallowed and said, "I'm sorry, Eric. I let my emotions get the best of me."

Sookie could feel tears welling up in her eyes, but refused to let herself cry about this. Eric sensed her remorse and gathered her into his arms. "I'm sorry, I did not mean to upset you so much. But I've told you this before. Sometimes my role as sheriff will have to come before anything I can do with you. I do not like it, but that's how it is."

Sookie nodded that she understood and Eric tilted her head up to look at him and lightly kissed her on the lips. He pulled back and flashed her a fangy grin. "So, what is it you had in mind when you surprised me? And, does it have anything to do with the outfit you have on?"

Flash forward to present time

Eric slammed Sookie into the wall of his bedroom, attacking her mouth. He tore himself away from her to work his way down her throat. Sookie took the opportunity to suck in several heavy breaths. Her breaths quickly turned into moans as Eric found her breasts and started to tease them through her shirt. He smirked at her and slowly started to ease the zipper on the back of her dress open.

Sookie's breath sped up with every centimeter Eric undid. Once the zipper was down about halfway, Eric pulled the top of Sookie's dress down. He let out a growl when he saw the black lacy bra she had on. Sookie giggled a little when she hear him do that and said, "My underwear matches. Would you like to see?"

Eric growled again before quickly moving them to the bed and depositing her on it. He quickly grabbed the edge of her dress and pulled it down her legs. She was then spread out in front of him in nothing but her lacy underwear and her black heels. She had never looked sexier to him that she did right then.

Eric leaned in and started to kiss her neck and shoulders, earning a moan from her. Eric smirked into her skin and continued his torture. He moved down to her chest, but didn't touch the area that he knew she really wanted him to touch: her breasts. Sookie let out a huff of frustration and decided to try and take some power into her own hands. She snaked her hands behind her and unhooked her bra. However, when she went to pull it off, she ran into a problem. She pulled her arms out of the straps, but somehow her hair bad become tangled up with the hook on the back of the bra and she couldn't get rid of it.

Eric quickly realized her distress and pulled back to see what the problem was. He had to stifle a laugh when she saw what had happened. "Lover, stop what you're doing. You're only going to make it worse."

Sookie shot a glare to him, causing him to laugh outright. She crossed her arms over her chest, letting Eric move around behind her to work the knot out of her hair and release the bra from it tenacious hold on it. After a few minutes, Eric was successful in removing her from her hair and tossed it across the room. "Thank you, Eric" Sookie softly said.

"It was no problem , Lover. I couldn't have you getting that frustrated when I was not the cause of the frustration."

Sookie rolled her eyes at what he said. "I'm sorry if that ruined the mood."

"Lover," Eric said seductively as he moved to stand in front of her, "that did not ruin the mood for me as you can see."

And Sookie most certainly could see. She was eye level with Eric's gracious plenty. Sookie glanced a look at up Eric through her eye lashes and saw a look of pure desire on his face. She then focused her attention on Eric's cock since it was right in front of her. With a little internal debate, she quickly grasped the base in one hand and wrapped as much of her mouth around him as she possibly could.

She then started a steady pace of moving her hand and mouth up and down his length. Eric let out a big whoosh of air as Sookie started to work over one of his most intimate parts. Eric watched her, letting her take control of this part of their sexual act. He had plans for her and those could most certainly wait until she finished having her fun with him. And he was most definitely enjoying her fun.

Sookie continued to work him, quickly working him towards release. Eric could feel it quickly coming and tried to warn Sookie, but she wouldn't let go, continuing to bring him to his orgasm. Eric let out a groan as he spilled his load into her mouth and another slipped from his lips as he watched her take all that he gave her.

Once Sookie was sure that she had gotten every drop out of him, she released him from her mouth and stood up, kissing him lightly on the lips. "Lover, you continue to amaze me. Now, why don't you shimmy out of that underwear and join me on the bed?" he asked as he made his way around her to lay down on the bed, giving her a come hither look.

Sookie was all for that. She quickly dropped her panties down her legs, but didn't realize that her dress was still around her ankles and quickly got twisted up in her dress, falling to the floor with a loud thud. Sookie let out a sigh of frustration, causing Eric to ask, "Lover, are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Sookie could hear him moving around on the bed and said, "I'm fine. Nothing is hurt but my pride," to ensure he didn't get up from the bed. She quickly got her legs untangled and took her high heels off and was able to finally join Eric on the bed. They laid for a little while on the bed, side by side, just looking at each other and running their hands over each other's bodies, enjoying being together.

However, Eric could never keep his hands to himself for long. His caresses quickly took on a more sexual nature and he delved his fingers into her folds, feeling how wet Sookie was for him. "You're still wet, Lover. Did giving me head make you this way?"

Sookie bit her bottom lip and tentatively nodded her head yes. Eric grinned at her wickedly before suddenly pushing two fingers into her. Sookie gasped at the sudden invasion of fingers, but quickly moaned as he found her g-spot and started to finger fuck her. Eric worked his fingers in and out of her, occasionally brushing against her clit while he started to lave her breasts with attention. Eric was quickly working Sookie towards completion and nicked her breast enough to draw some blood, drawing on it and bringing Sookie to a rather loud finish.

While Sookie was coming down from her high, Eric turned her onto her stomach and situated her on all fours. Sookie came back to reality when she felt him nudging at her folds from behind. She looked over her shoulder at him and winked, signaling she was ready.

Eric quickly thrust in, causing Sookie to cry out. Eric set a quick pace. He was so fast and furious with his pace, that eventually Sookie was laying on her stomach, spread eagled on the bed as Eric pounded into her from behind. This was one of their favorite positions together and it never failed to bring them to their climax together.

This time was a little different than the other times. Somehow, this time, Eric pulled back too far on one thrust and pulled himself completely out of Sookie's tight channel and proceeded to stab her on her sensitized clit, causing both of them to cry out in pain.

Eric rolled to the side and cupped himself while Sookie tried to blink away the tears that sprang into her eyes. They both lay there for a few minutes, trying to recover from the sudden end to their activities.

Sookie rolled on her side to look at Eric and saw him looking at her as well. She said, "Well, I just don't think tonight was a good night for us."

Eric looked at her quizzically, making her fill him in on the mishaps that had started when she left for Fangtasia and ending with his stabbing her with his cock, Eric agreed that tonight was just not a good night for them.

"Well, Lover, I think this just means that you should stay here tonight so that I make it up to you when I rise."

Sookie giggled when Eric punctuated his statement with a leer and agreed that she would stay through the night.

"Good," he said, "it's settled. Dawn is drawing near."

Sookie nodded and got under the covers with Eric, hoping that the next night would be better than this one had been.