Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the story idea and only some of the witty remarks. I own so little; so please don't steal.

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Lady of the Flies

In the beginning

The girl with fair hair lowered herself down the last few feet of rock and began to pick her way toward the lagoon. She had not signed up for this when she boarded the plane to evacuate the war-torn city. Crash-landing on what appeared to be an untouched island was what happened in stories, not in real life. But her daddy was in the navy, so he would hear of her being stranded here, so she would be saved soon.

Behind her, she heard the rustling of leaves and she turned around. A fat girl was tottering over to her, fat pigtails sticking out on either side of her head. Thick spectacles rested on the bridge of her pudgy nose, and the fat girl squinted through the sun overhead at the fair girl. "Hi!" she called. "I had a hard time fighting my way through those stupid vines in the jungle."

The blonde girl found she didn't really care. "Okay," she said, before continuing picking her way to the beach. The fat girl followed her, and the blonde felt a spark of irritation. The fat girl was one of those girls – the girls who couldn't take a hint. They wordlessly clamored onto the beach; the blonde did not feel the need to strike up any sort of small talk and the fat girl seemed to understand her place.

The fair girl had always wanted to visit one of those quaint beaches in the Mediterranean, but this was ridiculous. She wasn't even wearing a swimsuit and the sand was going to stick to her clothes. Society restraints prevented her from tearing her clothes off; but, she figured, if she had been born a boy, she would have peeled her shirt off at least.

"We…we shouldn't walk so…so fast," the fat girl panted. "I…I have asthma. My auntie told me I shouldn't be running."

The fair girl dismissed the fat girl with a glance. "Don't lose your breath," she said simply. The grains of sand were entering her shoes, so she picked them off and tossed her socks away as well. The fat girl watched her before doing the same. The fair girl frowned as the sand started to scratch her bare feet; seeing a pool of water a distance away, she started a beeline for it, striding confidently and determinedly despite the fat girl's protests. For a girl of twelve, she seemed to be built to be something of a fighter who could throw her weight around with the boys – but she did not have the mean glint in her eyes to suggest much harm.

The fair girl had dipped her feet into the pool when the fat girl came up. "That pool probably has algae in it," she said logically. "And maybe a lot of bacteria or crabs that will nip at your toes." She watched the fair girl ignore her before sitting down next to her and putting her feet in the pool as well. "What's your name?" she asked, after a moment.

"Ralphina," the fair girl said, disinterestedly. "What's yours?" she asked as an afterthought.

"Um, um, Patricia. Patrician Williams. Um…your hair is really pretty."

Patricia Williams was desperate, Ralphina thought. They were not in the confines of a school or in the public eye, yet this fatty girl was still determined to get on her good side. Mindless compliments and tagging along was a little annoying. "What's that?" Ralphina asked, to distract Patricia from ragging on about how beautiful she was – she knew this already – and pointed to something gleaming and white buried in the muck at the bottom of the pool. Abandoning all hygiene, she reached in and pulled out a large shell.

"That's a conch!" Patricia cried excitedly. "My friend had one on her wall! They're really expensive! I would rather have one of those than diamonds, you know." She looked at Ralphina to see her reaction and was a bit discouraged to see the blonde girl did not listen to her. "You know, you can use it like a trumpet. You can blow into it."

Ralphina made a face. "Why would I do that? That's stupid. And look at all this mud on it. I'm not putting my mouth to that thing."

At the first gathering

Girls naturally flock to water, because water means cleanliness, and crash-landing in a jungle usually means getting covered with dirt, creepy crawlies, and other things to be washed away. Therefore, it was not long when other girls came out from the trees and made their way to where Ralphina and Patricia were sitting.

There was a pair of twins, Samantha and Erica, who were identical and mirrored each other's moves with blunt mimicry. "Hello," they said in unison. Their hair was done the same, they wore the same uniform, and they could barely be told apart. Patricia scrunched her forehead to try and tell them apart. There were other little girls, who were insignificant and cried for their mommies. Ralphina let them whimper and make noise on the sand; they would eventually preoccupy themselves with making sand castles anyway.

A distance away, a low black cloud came toward them. Ralphina stared at it, before she could pick out distinct faces. It was a pack of girls wearing black robes. She briefly wondered if a Satanic sect had also landed with them. Patricia stopped her studies of the twins and turned to Ralphina. "Who do you suppose they are?"

Ralphina shrugged. There was a girl in front of the others, leading them. She whipped off the little hat on her head and flung it over her shoulder, letting a wave of bright red hair cascade down her shoulders. This was a girl who liked to be in charge because she was attractive and she knew it. Ralphina blinked as the girl headed toward her.

"You, girl," the redhead said, although she could hardly have been older than Ralphina. "Have you seen any adults? I must have a word with them. My choir and I have a concert to attend in a couple of days and this is really cramping our schedule."

"No," Ralphina said, a little offended. This ginger was acting as if it were her fault. The redhead looked down at the conch (washed clean and reverently by Patricia) on Ralphina's lap.

"What is that?"

"A crotch."

"Conch," Patricia corrected. The ginger glared at the fat girl for interrupting. "What's your name?" she asked, cowering slightly from the freckled girl's expression. Patricia had put it upon herself to learn all the names of the survivors, and had struggled making sense of the blubbering of the young'uns.

"Merridew," the redhead sniffed.

"That's a weird first name," Ralphina snickered. Someone in the black-robed choir chuckled too and Merridew turned to them with a threatening look.

"Jacqueline," the ginger clarified. "Jacqueline Merridew. My friends call me Jacky, but you can call me Jacqueline." There was a murmur in the choir before a girl with black hair stumbled forward and crashed onto the sand. At once, the twins, Patricia, and Ralphina rushed to her help, prompted by pure good will. The choir themselves bent down. "Don't worry about her," Jacqueline scoffed. "She faints all the time. Just put her somewhere in the shade." She eyed the conch, sitting on the rock perch Ralphina had been just moments ago. It was beautiful and sophisticated, and since she was both of these things and more, it had to be hers.

"Don't touch that," Ralphina called, helping to pull the fainted girl into the shade of the palm trees. "I found that."

Jacqueline held her hand back and glowered. She strode to the huddle of girls around the unconscious body and kicked her black flats off her feet. "We need to be rescued as soon as possible," she commanded, as all sets of eyes turned to her. "The choir needs to make our appointment."

"How do you propose we do that?" Patricia asked, quivering. There were so many cool girls here; she couldn't mess up this opportunity to be accepted. No one here knew her.

"We should have a leader," Ralphina mused, standing up and walking back to her bench. A leader was going to have to get things done. She wanted to go home too. So much sun was good for a tan, but eventually, she missed having her mother cook her dinner and she only had one pair of clothes. Picking up the conch and holding it gently, she turned to the girls watching her. "We should vote."

"Why bother?" Jacqueline shot, looking outraged. "I should be the leader. I'm fourteen, head girl, and the leader of the choir. I was first soprano, you know." She tossed her hair around like a shampoo model.

"Let's vote!" Patricia cried. She was not a big fan of Ralphina, but she had enough ideas about Jacqueline to know she was going to make her life on the island a living hell until they were rescued. And perhaps this would get her in Ralphina's good books. The girl was really posh. "Who wants Ralphina to be the leader?" Her hand shot in the air at once.

Ralphina turned to her. What a suck up. The girls without black choir robes had gotten a glimpse of Jacqueline's superior mug and had raised their hands too. The little girls had gotten one look of the conch and raised their hand. They thought doing so would allow them to hold that glorious piece of…glory for a moment or so.

"What about me, then?" Jacqueline asked, looking a bit skeptical. She turned to her choir, and they reluctantly raised their hands. Patricia did a hand count and beamed at Ralphina.

"Ralphina wins!"

Jacqueline flushed with embarrassment. She opened her mouth to say something about it, but mortification silenced her. Ralphina understood Jacky was not to be one to be pushed to the back burner. "You can still lead your choir," she said quickly. "You…have to keep your voices up, right?"

Jacqueline's eyes smoldered at her, but she agreed. "I suppose," she trailed, before clapping her hands. "Choir! Introduce yourselves!" The girls did so, from the dark, secretive girl named Roz to the girl who had now awakened called Simone. Patricia made a comment that they should nix the robes, as black was going to attract heat, and only after a tortured consideration, Jacqueline agreed.

Exploration

Ralphina had decided that it was important to know what they had landed on. Inviting Jacky was common sense, and as an afterthought, she included Simone too. She haphazardly left Patricia in charge, which bolstered the girl's self-esteem. The bespeckled girl set off to try and get all the girls to behave.

Walking through the cool shade was quite relaxing. Simone seemed to be quite the natural at climbing rocks, while Jacky liked to just burst through the undergrowth. All three agreed the existence of pig scat was a bit gross.

"This dirt is not going to be good on my pores," Jacqueline complained. Simone stopped to brush a leaf off her shoulder. Ralphina pretended not to hear this. So far, the island was a rather impressive place, with rock formations and butterflies and sweet smelling flowers. If she wasn't trapped here, she might actually try to enjoy herself.

There was a movement in the bush and a piglet scrambled in front of their path.

"Ew, it's kind of gross," Jacky noted, turning her nose up at the streaks of mud along the piglet's side.

"I think it's kind of cute," Simone breathed.

The piglet gave them a look and scrambled off. They continued their exploration and returned to the beach with a detailed schematic of the island they were on. Jacqueline made a good note of the piglet, and remarked there might be more.

"Might we," Patricia said slowly, "might we have to…kill them? I wouldn't want to do that."

"I'm not getting my hands bloody," Jacqueline maintained. "And anyway, too much red meat isn't good on a girl's figure in the first place." She gave Patricia a pointed look. Ralphina looked up at the sky. It was getting dark. They had only the shelter of the palm trees on the beach, and the jungle was starting to look a bit formidable in the evening light.

"This is just like Lost," Roz mumbled. "Now I expect we'll start to eat each other alive." The little girls around her overheard and burst into frantic tears.

"We'll need to get a fire, at least," Ralphina said. "To give us light and warmth for the night."

"We'll do it!" the twins chirped. "We were Girl Scouts, you know!" Samantha nodded enthusiastically. "I got my first badge in making a fire!" she announced. Erica bobbed her head along with her sister. "I got my first badge in cooking," she said immediately after Samantha had finished. "So we've got this covered," they chimed together.

With the skills of the twins, the girls were able to get through the night with a modest fire and fruit, and because Erica also had an explorers badge, she also knew which plants were poisonous or not.

Hut Building

The conflict arose when trying to make shelters. Ralphina thought it was practical to use the drift wood to construct their homes. Jacqueline disagreed with it, saying it was aesthetically unpleasing and leaves were better. Ralphina countered that it didn't matter how they looked because they were going to be rescued eventually and they had no string to tie the leaves to the sides of the house, so how were they going to pull that off?

"We can use our hair," Jacqueline said, pulling a few strands of her red hair. "Surely you can spare your golden locks, Ralphina?"

Ralphina was not to be outdone. And her hair was well taken care of, so it was probably going to be better than Jacqueline's. She plucked some golden strands and held it out, despite Patricia's groans. Patricia was too obsessed with her hair.

Food

"So I constructed some traps to catch the crabs," Samantha said, holding out her homemade traps. "We can probably scrape some off of the pools. And there's seaweed. We can make sushi."

"We don't have rice," Erica pointed out. She folded her hands as Samantha happily set up her traps and got read to scoop up the crabs. "It's hard to cook where there's really nothing to use. I miss the kitchens back at home."

"Yeah," Samantha agreed. A grin spread across her face. "Remember when Waxy found you using the Bunsen burners at the school science lab to heat your water?"

"Yeah!" Erica laughed. "Girl-you-are-slowly-driving-me-insane!" she deadpanned, imitating their old teacher perfectly. "But we'll just have to make do." She looked around before leaning in to her sister. "How much weight do you think we'll lose just by staying here, do you think?"

Fire

"So I think we should set up a smoke signal to be saved," Ralphina said during a meeting around the fire. The littler girls were too busy playing with the crab shells and coconuts that Erica had left for them to really listen. "But we've got to put it up on the rocky mountain up there." She pointed up at the dark shape towering over the trees. "There, they can really see us."

"Think of putting the firewood up there," Jacqueline argued. "That's a lot of hauling. Do you think any of us can actually get enough up there for a real fire?"

Ralphina shrugged. She looked at the firelight reflecting off the conch. It really was a beautiful shell. "We'll have to, or else we can't be saved."

Jacqueline watched her. "Can I hold the conch?" she asked, a bit of jealousy creeping into her voice.

Ralphina looked up. There was no harm if Jacky held it for a couple minutes, she supposed. She handed it over, and Jacqueline grabbed at it. It was smooth and delicate. It had the curves that were sweet on her fingers. Patricia and Ralphina exchanged looks.

Some of the little girls squealed. "There are monsters in the forest!" they cried.

"Isn't it a bit silly to still be afraid of monsters?" Jacqueline grumbled, although she turned to the dark jungle anxiously. The very mention had set the first seeds of fear into their hearts and they huddled a bit closer together.

Conflict

"Why don't you stop trying to order everyone around?" Jacqueline shouted. "All you do is sit there looking pretty and holding that stupid conch! Just because you're leader, you should try and throw your weight around a little less!"

"I won the election," Ralphina frowned. Jacqueline liked to whine. She knew it was a bad idea to let her hold the shell. Now she wanted to have it with her at all times. Give 'em an inch and they take a mile. "And we still don't have the fire on the mountain. How are we going to get saved? The twins can only cook for so long."

Jacqueline stormed away, grumbling to herself. Ralphina turned to Roz. "What's gotten into her?"

Roz watched Jacqueline. "Jacky's probably PMS-ing. It's about time she got her period."

The next day, Jacqueline woke up the entire camp with her shrieks of indignation. "Does anyone," she shrilled, "have a tampon or a pad?" No one did, although Simone offered to give up her undershirt. The girls were now decked in their underwear, as they had decided it was alright since there were no boys and they still had their clothes in easy reach in case a ship came by. The next incident arose when Ralphina found it awkward for Simone to go topless; she was a girl after all. They compromised by ripping the undershirt to show stomach. Simone was only ten, after all.

More Conflict

"Roz and I think you're a bitch," Jacqueline announced to Ralphina one day. Roz was standing behind the ginger and watching silently. She had been whittling a stick to utmost sharpness, finding it rather amusing. "You like to pretend you're really good, but you really just do nothing but talk and talk. We've been practicing singing and doing productive things, like keeping the birds away from the shelters. Why don't you stop making love to that shell and actually do something?"

Ralphina scowled. "I do things. If someone didn't make sure things got done, we'd be in chaos, you know. And all you do is complain. You don't really contribute anything either, ginger."

"And you like to boss people around," Patricia added, inserting herself into the conversation. She pressed up her glasses. "But no one wants to listen to you."

"Shut up, fatty," Jacky snarled, her fist flying out and smashing into Patricia's face. The fat girl cried out and clutched at her glasses; they had broken.

"You broke my glasses!" she screamed. Ralphina turned on Jacky.

"Jacky, you can't do that. Patricia needs her glasses. She's useless as it comes already; now she can't see."

"Ralphina," Patricia wibbled. "I kind of hate you right now."

"Don't fight," Simone whispered, looking terrified.

"You and me," Jacqueline pointed, dark-faced. "We're going to duke it out like boys right now."

There was a silence among the witnesses, to which someone in the choir – it was probably Mary, by the sound of the voice – called, "Cat fight!"

"That's going to get us nowhere," Ralphina reasoned, although she put the conch down.

"It's always you and that damn conch," Jacky hissed. "Fine. We can play for keeps. Whoever wins gets to tell the other to shut up and keep the conch. Alright?" Ralphina turned to Patricia, who was grumbling about acting like idiots. This whole thing was a bad idea, but Jacky didn't seem about to back down. She took a moment to think before nodding. She could take on Jacky.

Ralphina had Jacqueline in a chokehold on her knees in about thirty seconds. In the fray, the conch had been knocked over and sank deep into a dark pool where no one wanted to enter.

"Fine!" Jacqueline shouted, breaking free of Ralphina's grasp. "If that's how you want to play it, I'll leave! I'm going to get the fire on the mountain and stay there." She turned, her hair flying with the same stubbornness. "I can see I'm not wanted here!" Grabbing a thick piece of firewood, she took up some of the fire from the communal fire and stormed off into the jungle alone.

The End

There was the smell of smoke that signaled that something was amiss, even before Jacqueline ran back out of the forest, looking smoky around the edges and panicked. "I accidentally dropped the fire!" she gasped, waving her arms. "A spark hit my hand and I dropped it and I couldn't put it out!"

"You stupid girl!" Patricia yelled, jumping to her feet. "You're going to burn the whole damn island down!" She turned to the girls around them. "And since we're all going to die now, I'm just going to say that I didn't like any of you at all – except you, Simone, you were okay – because you all treated me like dirt! Ralphina, you were a total hypocrite! Jacqueline, you thought you were all right because you were skinny! Roz, you creep the shit out of me! And Samerica, your cooking was actually really atrocious!"

At this, Erica broke into fresh sobs. After a second, Patricia broke into tears as well. As if a chain had been set off, the young'uns began to wail as well. The smell of burning wood was filling the air.

"Well," Simone said, after a length of silence, "at least we're going to get off the island now."

Extra – Boys

"Hey girls," the only boy on the island said. He had survived the plane crash and was coming down to the group. He had perfect hair, perfect eyes, a perfect smile, and was practically perfect in every single way. The way he carried himself was perfect.

So obviously all the girls swooned at him.

"Hey cute guy," Jacqueline said, making sure to push up her fourteen year old chest as she draped herself over his shoulders. "What's your name?"

"Gary," the boy said, smiling charmingly at Ralphina, who nearly melted on the spot. "Gary Stu." He smiled again and suddenly all the girls were willing to fight to the death for him because he was just so damn perfect.

Morning

"Whoa," Ralph said, blinking as he stared up at the ceiling, his room struggling to hold back the impending morning. "That was a really weird dream."

End

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Note: Why has this never been done?