A Fighting Chance

Summary: The Death Note was never meant to fall in human's hands. Trying set things right, Light is granted a second chance. Of course, that doesn't mean he will have the same identity… or gender. FemLight/L.

Chapter 1: Alleviate

No. No. No. No.

He was breathing heavily, sweat dripping down his face. His hair was wet and ruffled, but for once he could care less. The world was swirling around him, but he didn't allow himself to stop.

If he were to fall, he knew he wouldn't be able to get up again. And that was unacceptable. He simply had to get away, find some time to form a new master plan and then everything would work out again.

It had to.

The man continued moving forward, using all the energy he could still find within himself. He wasn't quite running, since he couldn't, but he continued going as fast as he could. Not a minute later he had slowly slipped into a haze that he couldn't get out of anymore. His primal instincts already had gotten a too strong hold of his thoughts.

No! I don't want to die!

The man continued to run, struggling every step as he desperately clutched his right shoulder where blood was streaming down his black jacket. The jacket itself looked like he had been rolling in some kind of muddy puddle.

The man looked like a mess.

Struggling forward – just a little further he told himself - his breath hitched, but he didn't allow himself to stop. Blood drops formed a trail behind him, which surely would allow his pursuers to find him, but he didn't notice or either ignored it. He had to get away. He had to flee.

He had to survive.

He slipped further into his haze…and for a moment he was gone.

Suddenly he was a little more aware of his surroundings again. It took the young man a while before he realised that he was lying on his back on some cold and uncomfortable stairs. He couldn't really figure out how he ended up there, but he didn't care anymore either. His brain was already telling him he was going to die, and as much as he would fight it, he wouldn't be able to win.

He had lived his live.

That simple realisation made something in his brain snap. He groaned in pain, and suddenly his thoughts became clearer than ever. It was as if his mind was trying to think about everything at once. Everything he had ever ended up doing and feeling until this fateful day. His eyes widened slightly as images flashed before his eyes, and ever so slowly tears started to form in the corner of his eyes, yet they did not fall.

His breath hitched for probably the last time as a sudden pain in his chest surprised him.

A heart attack; his ever-sharp mind supplied. He shouldn't really be surprised, as Ryuk had warned him all those years ago.

Had he been able to, he would have let out a solemn chuckle as he remembered dismissing the thought at that time.

He had been so stupid... so naïve.

So... innocent at first.

What the hell had he done to end like this?

"Light-kun"

There was only one person in all those years that had addressed him like that. Hearing his name being called by him, it gave him a little bit of strength to remain aware for just a little longer. His dull eyes regained its last focus for few more seconds, as the dying man stared surprised at the image before him. He didn't have enough strength to figure out whether this was his imagination or whether it was real, but he couldn't bring himself to really care as his eyes stared into those black familiar eyes before him.

Has he come to gloat? He absently wondered, as he tried to search the other's eyes. The mixture of many emotions that he found in his archrival's eyes surprised him slightly. Those unique eyes that he would recognise anywhere.

L.

No matter how Light liked to deny it, he knew that he had missed the sugar-loving genius.

The lean hunched-over figure hovered over his fallen body and ever so slowly put his pale hand onto Light's chest, letting it rest where his heart was clenching painfully. The familiar soft drawl of the figure's voice caught Light's attention.

"I'm glad…"

"L…" His last breathe. There was so much he still wanted to tell him...

"… that Light-kun was still in there after all."

The sentence confused the young man. Yet, at the same time, he felt so much calmer than he had ever felt since… his last day without memories, he realised. Finally the tears started streaming down his cheeks as his eyes slowly shut, unable to say the words he wanted to say.

…I'm so sorry.

Darkness.

"I know Light-kun"

Silence.

~ Scene Break ~ Nothingness ~

He was floating – though he wasn't really sure he could call it floating – through the darkness.

There were a lot of things he wasn't sure about at that moment. He felt peaceful, yet a part of him felt restless. He felt alleviated, yet he also felt like he was drowning at the same time. He was moving, but he didn't know where from, nor his destination. The movement itself was also indescribable. The closest what he could come up with was the sense of weightlessness, even though he also felt a weight was dragging him down, holding him in place.

He was just there. He was there every moment that passed.

How much moments had passed anyway? Did time have any effect on him, or was he frozen? He didn't know. He felt like he shouldn't care either, like he shouldn't even be considering this at all. Suddenly – or was it? - a soft voice rung through the darkness around him, sounding like a clear soft whisper.

"Yagami Light"

There was no warning, as right at the moment when the silence was broken by the sound of the name, a flash of green light blinded him. It came out of nowhere; it was just suddenly there. Near him, around him, coming from within his own body. Accompanied with the green…energy, Light's awareness seemed to return.

For one clear moment he felt like he was in heaven. Warm and peaceful.

The next moment he felt like he was drowning. He felt himself sink down at the heavy weight the sudden realisation caused by his memories.

He had killed thousands and thousands of people. He had lost his innocence by his own horrible stupidity.

He wanted to disappear, to hide as he regained the memories of his life. All at once, he remembered everything miniscule detail throughout his life. During his life, some moments and memories had seemed vague at times, most of them concerning the Death Note that had changed his life, but he had never concerned himself with it. Now the real situation hit him, he felt like he couldn't breath.

Killing had become as easy as writing on paper.

As breathing.

"Yagami-kun."

The young man's eyes fluttered open at the sound of his name, not realising that he had shrunk down into himself in pain, trying to hide from the horrible realisation that his now clean mind could provide him.

He had done wrong.

Horribly horribly wrong.

The first thought that really rung in his mind since his death broke the dam, and it repeated over and over. He tried to keep the pain within himself, feeling like he didn't deserve letting it go, but the other uknown presence seemed to disagree and with a little gentle nudge of… energy, he lost control and couldn't stop himself as he let it out.

Light Yagami wept.

He wept for every death he had caused. He mourned for the grief he had caused people surrounding them. He mourned for his lost innocence. He apologised to the souls, putting his whole heart in it. He apologised to his family, his… friend.

He didn't know how long he kept going, nor did he consciously take notice the green energy twirling around him. It was trying to provide the little comfort it could give the weeping soul that had its innocence shred because of that ugly little notebook that had appeared on its path.

That dreadful notebook that many other souls had abused and used to kill relentless of the circumstances before Light had even come across it. Only a couple of previous users had had real pure intentions with it, like this unfortunate soul it was currently comforting.

Simply wanting to change the world into something better.

This man… no this boy's soul didn't know how strong he had been by fighting against the darkness that that horrible thing possessed. The darkness wrapped itself around the victim's mind, changing it completely, and slowly poisoning it. The boy didn't know that no human's mind would have been able to fight against its dark influence.

The energy swirled around the 'body' again, trying to give a little extra support for the soul so it would not lose itself in this state, as that had happened to another unfortunate soul once before. It had taken decades for the energy to clean the soul, and even then it had taken a long time before it was strong enough again to re-enter the Cycle.

However, she knew that this one was strong. She had watched him and many others for a while before. He had gone through many lives already, many full with hardships and had gotten strong. He would make it, she was sure of it.

He just didn't realise his death yet.

He hadn't fully accepted his current death state either, as the current spirit still portrayed itself as the shell he had used in his last life. The shell of the seventeen-year-old boy before it had fallen to the power it possessed.

Ever so slowly, the soul stopped weeping and relaxed in her comfortable and gentle grasp. She already knew that this one was special, as she felt a connection she had yet to experience with any of the souls she had helped. She had to be careful not to feed him too much of her energy on accident though, as that might lead to unknown results, which in turn might be harmful.

So she waited patiently, for the event to occur, as it always would. It was one of the reasons why it was so dangerous for owners of the notebook to die with the death note in their possession. They could not allow it to follow its marked host into the Cycle.

She gently weaved around the spirit that had been lost in Nothingness, wanting to comfort it for the uncomfortable transformation that would follow. She followed the slow change in the appearance of the shell. The shell grew slightly, and became older.

The soul became tenser and tenser until it started trashing around, trying to get out of her grasp – away from her energy. Nevertheless, she was prepared. After all it was her job, and there was a reason why she had been chosen for it. A dark black energy fought its way from its body. The eyes snapped back open, glowing red in pure fury.

"Let me go." It demanded, growling at her.

"Leave." She commanded in return, calmly and firmly, not even moving an inch.

The struggle continued for a while, before it suddenly paused, and realisation appeared in those red eyes.

A hard high-pitched laugh was her answer. "Ah Vitae [1], what a surprise."

"Leave. Kira-Kira [2]." She repeated firmly, mocking the spiritual energy with the nickname it had received in his last venture.

She received a growl in response.

"Why would I listen to you, Mulieris [3]?" The spirit spat the last word as if it were a curse word, and abrubtly gritted its teeth in pain as the so-called Vitae flared her energy in warning.

"I know of your dislike for the feminine Kira-Kira-chan. Do not test me." She hissed.

The dark energy tried to push the other away from the shell, and their battle of wills began. At first it seemed as if she would lose hold of Light's own spirit in the process, but she didn't allow that to happen. It would doom him to Nothingness, until the next soul-searcher might stumble on him again. Who knows when that would happen?

They continued their battle.

Eventually she had had enough and her green energy brightened to a great extent. The darkness tried to fight back, but she was too strong for it, and gradually the red glow in the eyes started to dim. With a frustrated angry growl the dark spirit removed itself from his host, knowing that it would be completely defeated otherwise, and vanished into the Nothingness.

Content, knowing that she had been able to protect this soul, she waited for it to calm down and to piece itself together as now a part of it – that was not even its own to begin with – was missing.

In the mean time, she would provide some comfort before the real explanation would come.

~ Scene Break ~

Light didn't know what to think. For once, he had actually difficulty following something that someone was explaining him. Sure he acknowledged that he was dead and all, and he surely was fully prepared to pay for his crimes. Even though she had explained that there was no need for him to suffer because he couldn't have done anything about it – which he didn't believe in the slightest – and he had actually done better than many others. He was still disappointed with himself.

Then there was the fact that she had changed herself into her own human shell so that he could have a more comfortable conversation with her. Light agreed, sure it was easier to talk to a 'real' person, but her appearance didn't make it easy for him not to get distracted. She was absolutely beautiful, stunning – there were no words enough to describe her, as she portrayed herself as a human woman. Light himself had difficulty understanding what she was, but something told him that whatever she was telling him, it had to be the truth.

But still…

"I'm getting a what?"

"You will be given a second chance little one."

"I killed people!" He exclaimed in disbelief.

"Yes, you did. Yet you left the innocent ones alone as long as you could. They have been watching you fight with all your heart… until your last hope died." She didn't even have to say whom she meant. "He too wasn't meant to die. His death resulted of even more death that were not meant to be. We can understand that you were unable to stop it from poisoning your mind. Of course, I can not promise you that you go unpunished, but you will not have to suffer for eternity Light"

"Why?" He couldn't wrap his mind around it.

"Little one, you too had a bright life ahead of you until that Death Note dropped onto your path. That was not meant to be. The Death Note is too dark to be in humans' hands. So we will go back as far as possible. Still there are rules, meaning that we will not be able to stop it from falling into your old self's possession but we might minimise the damage by defeating the essesence of the Death Note in the human realm. I can feel that you want to make a difference."

Silence and acknowledgement.

Then realisation.

Eyes widened.

"Does that mean I am not going to be myself anymore?" Light asked, surprised, as he caught on to the "old self's".

"Yes."

"Does that mean I won't be able to see L?" Disappointment.

That was a difficult thing to accept. Not only his identity would be ripped away but also… 'L…I'm so sorry.'

"L is not angry, Light. There is no need to apologise."

"…" The spirit in front of her tried to hide his shame, but being one of the 'Virtae', she wouldn't have any of it.

A little frustrated she started walking circles around him as she spoke. "It is a rule that the Shinigami are forbidden to allow any human being to get a hold of their Death Note. As they broke this Rule, we are allowed to break a Rule to fix this. Meaning that we are able to grand you a second chance and another chance to intervene if possible. I am not familiar enough with these processes to know this."

She turned back to him and let out a small sigh at Light's his expression. "See this is as a repayment for your suffering. However, since you indirectly did kill many people, I can't guarantee you a perfect second life. That is not for me to decide."

Light nodded in understanding, thought his thoughts were swirling.

"However, as we want to fight back against the Shinigami's actions, we are asking you to aid us in your life." She continued. Light knew that it wasn't really a matter of asking him, but he immediately agreed anyway.

He was going to get a change to set it right. He still couldn't fully wrap his mind around the concept.

Virtae smiled, clapping her hands together in joy. "Good. Now of course, there are some other measurements to be taken before you go. First of all, you will not be allowed to remember all of this." She made a gesture around them. "Second, you won't remember everything from your previous life. You might have flashes to aid you, but there are more rules that even we need to follow concerning interaction with the mortals."

Light nodded again, not really knowing what to say.

"Last…"

She paused as she looked at him. Light noticed the corner of her lips twitching in amusement.

Suddenly he felt a little bit of dread as she directed her every so sweet and innocent smile at him.

"You do remember that we usually change gender every rebirth, don't you? The fact that you have been male two times in a row in your last two lives..." She received a blank expression in response, and she sighed. "– Yes, I'm withholding those memories of your past lives from you as it wouldn't be fortunate if you remember those now, since that would take too much time that we don't have. " She quickly interrupted herself as she saw his questioningly glance, then she grinned.

"Anyway as I was saying."

Light eyes widened, already having connected the dots…

Awkward.

"I'm going to be a girl aren't I?"

'Virtae just smiled sweetly. "Aw, you are so smart little one! I like you already." She said, patting his cheek affectionately. Then before Light could protest or ask any questions she returned to her original form and started circling around him at such high speeds that the green energy surrounded him completely before everything went white.

"Wai-" He tried to protest, as he still had questions, but he was already gone.

"Good luck, little one"

~ End Chapter ~

After reading many, back into the past fanfics in many different fandoms , I decided that there weren't enough on DN. That combined with the fact that I wanted to put a… less used (gender) factor into the mix, I hope I will succeed in writing an enjoyable story for you guys. Enjoy!

Also Please Review! Let me know what you think and feed me some Inspiration! Inspiration is everything!

~DreamYin

Vocab:

[1] Vitae– Latin word for 'life'.

[2] Kira-Kira - is japanese for 'glittering'.

[3] Mulieris – Latin word for 'grown woman'