I do not own anything except OCs. JK Rowling owns all. Chapter title from "On My Own" from the musical Les Miserables.

All My Life I've Only Been Pretending

Something was weighing Lily down, both literally and figuratively. Currently, she was on the Hogwarts Express, nestled under Brandon McLaggen's large arm in a compartment with a few of her friends. She was starting off her fifth year at Hogwarts high in the social ladder, dating someone considered to be one of the best looking in their year as well as doing commendably in her classes.

But aside from striving academically, Lily couldn't find it in her to care about all the other things. She had quite a summer, only because it was spent with family; the people with whom she could be plain old Lily Luna and not Harry Potter's little girl. Usually, she'd have jumped at the chance of having her friends and Brandon over, but for the past few months, she had been using the excuse of family gatherings, whether they were real or fake, to duck her friends' numerous invitations to different unrestricted parties.

Since third year, she had been longing for the time James graduated so that there would be one less pair of eyes watching her every move, waiting to report to their parents. Now that the time has come, she was a bit disappointed in herself for her lack of interest in taking part of the frivolity she could only dream of with her eldest brother still at school.

Lily was zoning in and out of her friend Natasha's overzealous rant, proclaiming herself the best dressed girl at Hogwarts when a horde of students of differing ages quite loudly passed by their compartment. Brandon grinned impishly, while her friends wrinkled their noses in disapproval.

According to Lily's dad, the Hogwarts Frog Choir was quite the spectacle when he went to school. Lead by Professor Flitwick, they captured the student body's rapt attention in their fantastic displays of vocal ability. Nowadays, Headmaster Flitwick is quite flooded with work, pretty much in all senses of the word. The new Charms Professor has her head too far up in the clouds to be bothered with handling an extra-curricular activity, but luckily the teacher for Ancient Runes stepped up to the plate. Professor McCormack however, a half-blood, decided to infuse a bit of muggle flair into the group's performances.

Apparently, in the twenty-two year gap from when her dad last attended Hogwarts until she first set foot in the castle, things went sour for the group.

A head of short, mousy brown hair poked into the compartment. "Hello Lily, d'you have a good summer?"

Hollis Lancelot or, since he insisted on being called by his middle name, Riley was a Hufflepuff in the same year. Being bespectacled and more on the thin side, he was the perfect target for the burlier Quidditch players to pick on. It also didn't help that he had been in the Frog Choir since his first year. Although Lily noticed that to his credit, he was fiercely loyal to the group of outcasts he was affiliated with and his glasses made his kind brown eyes look larger and more expressive. They didn't run in the same circles but he always had a greeting and a friendly smile ready whenever they ran into each other, which is why she considered him a friend.

"Our summer was none of your damn business, pouf. Can't you see we're busy?" Brandon replied before Lily could open her mouth and give her answer.

Lily's friends openly laughed at the crass remark. If Riley noticed, he gave no indication of doing so. "So I guess I'll see you around the castle then," he told Lily before he went on his way.

"Watch this," Brandon said to the other occupants of the compartment as he drew his wand and peered after the Hufflepuff.

"Brandon," warned Lily.

The boy paid her no mind and fired a trip jinx at the Hufflepuff's retreating form. The effect was instantaneous. Like a rug was pulled out from under him, Riley fell face-first onto the train floor.

Lily shoved past Brandon as loud, booming laughter and wicked cackling filled the air behind her. The fall caused a bit of a commotion, leading students to open their compartment doors and get a better look at the scene that could potentially escalate.

Lily dropped to her knees next to Riley's crumpled form just as he was groaning in pain and pulling himself up. His glasses had snapped at the bridge and were now laying useless on the floor. Closer inspection of his face made her remove the ribbon holding her hair in a ponytail and press it firmly against his nose.

"You're bleeding."

"What's going on here?" asked an authoritative voice. All heads turned to see Rose Weasley flanked by a few other students and her brother Hugo, fresh out of a prefects' meeting. Rose's blue eyes were darting from Lily and Riley, who were now both standing, to Brandon who was frozen a few yards back. Rose's eyes narrowed as she shifted her gaze between the red-stained cloth Riley kept pressed to his nose and the wand clutched in Brandon's hand.

Clearly gaining nothing from the silence, Rose turned to one person she believed could give her an answer, "Lily?"

Lily stood in stony silence for what felt like hours. She felt it would be some sort of betrayal to nark on her sort-of-boyfriend but the attack on Riley was completely unprovoked. After what felt like ages, she opened her mouth to reply, unsure of what to say when a cloth-muffled voice beat her to the punch. "I was looking for my friends when I tripped and fell. Took a nasty tumble, but it doesn't feel like I broke anything."

Rose still looked unconvinced. "Is that what happened?" she asked as she rounded on Lily.

Everyone was staring at her expectantly. Rose. Riley. The spectators. She opened her mouth, "I didn't really see anything."

"I guess I made a bit of noise landing on my face," Riley supplied followed by a chuckle at his lame attempt at a joke, "Lily must've heard and came to help me."

Rose looked Riley over just in case he had some other injury. When she was satisfied with her examination, she left to send an owl to Madam Macavoy so she may properly treat the injured student upon arrival at the castle.

When the crowd had dispersed, Lily found herself standing alone with Riley. A quick Reparo solved the problem with his glasses, which were now once again perched on his nose. Holding the blood-soaked ribbon in his hand, he made an odd motion with the intention to return it to Lily, but seemed to have thought better halfway through.

"Keep it," Lily replied, saving him any further trouble.

Riley smiled a lopsided grin. "Thanks."

It didn't take long for them to be immersed in an awkward, painful silence. Lily could hear him clear his throat a few times; could swear she heard him mumbling to himself a bit, but refused to call attention to it.

"Well," Riley began in a strained voice, "I think I better go find the rest of the choir – "

"Oh, I'll walk with you," Lily exclaimed.

The Hufflepuff scratched his head bemusedly, sending his short brown hair into odd angles. "I'm feeling just fine…really…you don't need to escort me anywhere – "

"I wasn't asking for permission."

The boy looked taken aback for several seconds but seemed to have shrugged it off. Riley started down the corridor, with Lily falling in step with him.

"You knew that was Brandon," Lily began, finally voicing her doubts, "back there."

It wasn't phrased as a question and it obviously wasn't one. Riley checked from the corner of his eye to find her regarding him carefully. "Yes, I knew it was Brandon."

"Then why did you – ?"

It was his turn to interrupt. "Lying was the only way that I could escape the situation the most painless way possible," Riley commented casually with a half shrug before continuing, "I didn't think it quite fair for your cousin to put you on the spot and it looked like you were having a hard time coming up with something. So I told her instead."

Lily stopped in her tracks. He wasn't implying…? "There wasn't anything to 'come up with'. I would've told her the truth."

Riley stopped as well, turning to look at her with raised eyebrows. "Would you have? Look, I get it; it's not a problem. You don't want to be seen as some uptight bint by narking on your boyfriend."

Was that really what he thought? Did he really think her motivations were influenced by wanting to keep her social image as it is? What if it wasn't just him, but everyone else as well?

Isn't it? That snide, critical voice in her head commented. What reason could you have to even consider covering up such a violent, unprovoked attack?

Lily was sure her face was contorted in a hurt, contemplative grimace, because the boy's eyes grew comically large and attempted to salvage the situation.

"I'm not implying anything," Riley assured her, snapping her out of her own thoughts, "I get that we belong to two completely distinct worlds and I'm fine with that. There are expectations of you just the same as there are expectations of me. And, despite the teasing and hexes, believe it or not, I'm happy where I am. Just as you are with yours, I'd bet."

Noticing Lily's prolonged silence, he decided to continue, "Besides, wanting to protect Brandon from detentions on his first day back shows remarkable loyalty." Riley was glad to see that he was able to coax a small smile out of the redhead so he went on, "You would've made a great Hufflepuff, Lily Potter."

They continued their walk in silence and finally stopped outside a compartment where his friends were obviously waiting. The muffled sounds of singing and laughing and students trying to talk over each other could be heard. The way they acted like some tight-knit family, it wasn't hard for Lily to believe Riley's every word about being happy with his lot in life.

"Well, this is me," said the boy, a nervous smile playing on his lips, "I'll see you around the castle."

And with that, he unlatched the door and joined his friends inside.

Lily made her way back to her compartment where her boyfriend and her friends sat waiting. She was in no hurry however, since some things Riley said had gotten to her.

Feeling like being crushed under the weight of everything was no fluke. Those feelings were there for a reason and they were most definitely trying to tell her something. It's one thing to find your life content or even bearable, but Riley said he was happy. Happy wasn't ducking her friends by saying she was being dragged to some lavish Ministry party by her parents when in reality, she was lounging around her house and eating a pint of ice cream. Happy wasn't having the weekly family trip to Hagrid's hut as the only thing to look forward to. Happy wasn't feeling forced to put up some stupid pretenses when she clearly found it to be oh so tiring and pointless.

Happy, as realization dawned on Lily, wasn't anywhere near her at the moment.

So...I'm back.

And to remedy my overly-sunny outlook from the travesties you could call my previous stories, I tried to get myself as jaded as I could. Really, I did.

...that is, until I got sucked into Glee. You can probably tell, since I couldn't resist sneaking a reference in. A reference that will continue to be a plot point for Lily's storyline.

But I believe that show is just the perfect mix of sunshine and rainbows while keeping a level of snark to it. So, armed with a thing or two I learned from a few magnificent stories out there, this'll be my second shot.

Each chapter title (as well as the overall story title) will be a line from a song done on the show that is so obviously encompassing my entire life. Aside from Harry Potter, of course.

That said, I hope some of you will stick around with me through the journey...or watch me fail spectacularly.