Just a mistake

By

Hannio

Chapter One

We all Fall Down

Disclaimer – None of the characters used in the below piece of fiction belong to me in any shape or form though man I wish they did. I'm merely borrowing them for my own use!

Author Note – This was originally meant to be an one shot but somehow it developed into a full scale plot before I knew it so it will be in chapters though how many I'm not too sure. I haven't forgotten my other stories but once an idea is in my head then I need to get it out otherwise it tends to take over! Anyway please enjoy!

"Come on Leo not this again, how many times do you have to drag me out of the lair before you finally get it? I mean seriously just how many times do we have to go through this until you get it through your thick head that this" Raphael pointed a finger at Leonardo before jerking it back to indicate himself "Just ain't going to work" He watched as Leonardo sighed, the action causing his shoulders to slump slightly as he turned his head away from the city beneath them to look at Raphael, a determined almost sad look in the brown eyes confronting him.

"We'll keep doing this until you finally get it in your own thick head that it can" Leonardo replied, a firm note to his voice. Raphael continued to lock eyes with his brother before sighing and looking away. He rarely won staring competition with Leonardo, the look in his eyes always made Raphael feel guilty knowing that he was the one to out the look in his brother's eyes "You need to learn once and for all Raph that we can actually work together and work together without the constant stupid fights" Raphael eyes flickered to Leonardo's once more before lowering and focusing on the floor as Leonardo continued to speak.

"Regardless of what you may think in your head Raph I am not against you in any shape or form, I don't know why you find that so hard to believe. I don't want you to fail at anything, I definitely don't want you injured or in pain. I just want you to work with me without fighting me every step of the way. I don't understand why that seems to be beyond your grasp to do, it shouldn't be difficult to follow orders occasionally. The other two manage it"

Raphael breathed out heavily but didn't reply to Leonardo's comment. He didn't know what he could say. He leaned his aching head back so it was resting against the cold brick wall behind him. His face upturned away from his brother and the city to focus on the dark sky above him. It was night and he could just about make out the stars above him, a sight that never failed to calm him when he felt pressured or cornered.

He knew that Leonardo was standing silent waiting for Raphael to speak, probably to come out with one of the sarcastic one liner that he was known for among his family. The kind of comment that would make Michelangelo laugh would make Donatello either shake his head or smile and that would get beneath Leonardo's skin, knocking him firmly off the pedestal that he seemed to live on. He opened his mouth to deliver it but nothing came out, he simply couldn't gather his thoughts enough to say anything.

He felt odd and shivery; his brain which was normally so active with thoughts and ideas which always remained hidden from the others, felt as though it was covered in wool, slowing his thought process until each thought felt sluggish a sensation Raphael wasn't used to experiencing. The tightness in his chest he had woke up experiencing hadn't lessened like he had hoped it would have if anything it felt use. He swallowed deeply as his stomach continued to churn. This wasn't a good sign.

"Whatever you say fearless" he eventually said into the growing silence surrounding them. He felt his brother eye's watching him but didn't look down, choosing to remain looking at the stars as it gave him something to focus on. It was quiet on the rooftop, something he would have found peaceful on any other day but today. Today the quiet seemed almost oppressive. He shivered as the wind passed his exposed skin. He finally brought his head down, gaze finding Leonardo who was watching him, his usual expressionless mask firmly in place and spoke.

"So" he said, scuffing his foot against the floor as he waited for Leonardo to say anything "What are we going to do tonight? You know to bond and all that" a note of scorn entered his voice but for once Leonardo didn't react to it.

"We're not going to do anything Raph" Leonardo stated calmly "We're simply going to have a chat together" Raphael groaned out loud before he could help himself, the sound echoing in the air. Having to sit and talk to Leonardo or rather having Leonardo talk at him wasn't what he needed or wanted at this time.

He could have easily have gotten out of the situation. He knew that already, all it took was for him to swallow his pride and tell his older brother that he was feeling under the weather and this little heart to heart session would be over in a heartbeat. He would have been whisked home before he would have time to even blink. Leonardo would have been on the phone to Donatello before Raphael had even had time to finish confessing and then he would get him home. Donatello would be prowling the doorway in his anxiety to get his hands on his sick brother, blankets and medicines ready while Michelangelo would be hovering around ready to do anything Donatello asked him to do whether it was getting a hot drink or hitting the surface for medicine.

All 3 would have those look on their faces though, the expression that was a cross between fear and worry, the same look they always wore when Raphael fell sick. He hated that expression more then anything else, hated knowing that he was the cause for it and the sleepless nights that would enviably happen. Raphael would do anything in his power to make sure that they never wore that expression on his account even if it meant hiding any sickness he had until it could pass. Feeling shitty for a week was a price he was willing to pay for his brothers' state of mind.

He shifted slightly on the spot his mind made up, he would remain silent and endure Leonardo's lecture, hoping against hope that for once it would be a short one. Once it was over Leonardo would let him go and he could escape home. He would ignore everyone and go to the kitchen and make himself a hot tea for once, putting the lemon and honey stuff in which Donatello swore was great for clearing a bad chest. He would then retire to his room and remain there bundled up with as many blankets as he could cope with until he had no other choice but to get up for the morning practice session.

"You don't have a problem with staying here and just talking do you Raph?" Leonardo asked softly, a steely look in his eyes. Raphael winced but managed to hide it from the eagle eyes watching him. He hated that soft disappointed voice more then anything though he would rather die then let Leonardo know that, he would only use it against him. Raphael hesitated for a moment; the moment where he could confess how rough he was feeling and how that feeling was increasing by the minute, hovered in front of his eyes before disappearing as he shook his head. He would endure this just as he had endured many other things in his life.

"Not at all Leo" he replied forcing a smirk on his face. He rested one hand against the wall as the world shifted beneath his feet making his feel unsteady and lightheaded for a moment. "Where exactly do you want to have this awe inspiring talk then fearless?" he asked. Leonardo sent him a glare and for a moment Raphael almost wished he could curb his own tongue and actually think before he spoke. No one wanted to get on more with Leonardo then himself. He just didn't know how he was meant to bridge the gap that was growing daily between them.

He shivered again hoping that Leonardo would suggest that they went somewhere slightly warmer then the rooftop. He was freezing and it was getting harder to disguise his shivering from Leonardo.

"Here" Leonardo said slowly, shooting him a quick unreadable glance, his eyes scanning Raphael's face as if he was trying to see something "It's a mild night after all, did you have somewhere in mind?" Raphael stared back barely managing to conceal his look of surprise. How could Leonardo say it was a mild night when Raphael was so cold that he had goose pimples breaking out across his skin?

"Nope just checking" he commented. Leonardo watched him a second longer before turning away with a shake of his head. He walked to the wall that was situated opposite the one Raphael was leaning against and mirrored Raphael's pose. He remained silent his eyes still fixed on Raphael with the same blank look which always made Raphael want to know what he was thinking. He remained silent unable to speak even if he had wanted to. His throat felt as though he had swallowed glass and talking was making it worse. All he wanted was a hot drink and a pillow to rest his aching head on. For a moment he considered phoning Donatello and asking him to put the kettle on but dismissed the idea almost instantly. Donatello had a six sense other this sort of thing he would have known something was wrong before Raphael even managed to say hello.

"I'm going to ask you a question and I need you to answer me honestly ok?" Leonardo finally said his voice quiet with a note in it that Raphael hadn't heard for a long time. His brother sounded nervous. Raphael nodded, his eyes narrowing as he waited for the question, he had a feeling that he wouldn't like it. Leonardo nodded back and looked him directly in the eye as he spoke "Raph do you hate me?" Raphael's mouth fell open as he stared at Leonardo a look of horror and surprise on his face.

"No" he said his voice barely above a whisper as it failed him. He shook his head violently taking an aggressive step forward as his anger came to his aid, giving him a much needed boost of strength. "How can you even ask me that" he demanded angrily, his voice rising with every word, his hands curled into fists at his sides as he continued to glare daggers at Leonardo trying desperately to hold onto his anger. He clearly was going to be on his guard tonight.

"I'm glad I couldn't…" Leonardo stopped his own sentence with a shrug, looking relieved by the answer he had received. He smiled briefly at Raphael which served to further confuse Raphael, what kind of game was Leonardo playing with him? He continued to glare at Leonardo as the older turtle continued to speak seemingly unperturbed by the look he was receiving. "Do you hate me being in charge?" Raphael's fist unclenched at his side as anger deserted him in a wave.

He brought a hand up to his eyes rubbing them tiredly in an attempt to focus, his eyes felt as though there was grit in them making them itch and burn. He took a step back so his back hit the wall again and leaned against it in need of the support. He felt too tired to even stand straight. He spoke his voice reflecting his tired stance.

"Did it ever occur to you Leo that this might not have anything to do with you and maybe I just have a problem with anyone telling me what to do and assuming they know what's best for me? Ask Donnie about it, I'm sure he can come up with a million reasons as to why I have an attitude problem"

Leonardo was quiet for a moment before he shook his head

"I don't see you snapping at Master Splinter when he tells you what to do" Leonardo pointed out. Raphael took a deep shaky breath and spoke before Leonardo could continue his speech.

"How would you know?" he demanded silencing Leonardo "Are you there in his weekly talk with me? Are you there every time our dad is around me? No I didn't think so" he stated when Leonardo's eyes looked away from him to the side "The only way you possibly would know is if the great and oh so wise Leonardo stooped to eavesdropping on a conversation which was none of his business"

"Of course I didn't" Leonardo snapped, a flash of anger breaking through his mask for a split second. "But this is exactly what I'm talking about, you don't speak to either Donnie or Mikey the way you talk to me, you wouldn't dream of talking to Casey or April like that and you definitely wouldn't talk to Master Splinter, its just me and I'm sick of it and your continual attitude problem. You're my baby brother Raph and I love you but sometimes you make me so…" he stopped and looked away his jaw locking as he clearly tried to gain control of his temper.

Raphael stared at him blankly, barely hearing him over the roaring in his ears. He was in trouble and he was well aware of it. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt like this. It was as if all the strength he prided himself on was oozing out of him with every breathe he took. He was incredibly cold and worn out. He wished Leonardo would leave him alone, he didn't want to fight him anymore, he was just so tired of the fighting and he was tired of constantly feeling inadequate. He was tired of it all; all he wanted to do was sleep.

"Raph!" Raphael blinked in surprise as his backside hit the floor hard, his shell still resting against the wall. He stared at his legs in surprise wondering why they had given out on him. He looked up as Leonardo came to a skidding stop next to him, worry and fear in his eyes "Raph what is it? What's wrong?" he asked, reaching out and touching Raphael's arm lightly only to jerk it back again instantly as if he had been burned. He stared at Raphael his eyes wide "Raph why didn't you say something?" he demanded "You're sick I…" he stopped and swallowed hard, the composure he was famous for breaking for a moment.

"I'm fine Leo, just stop fussing" Raphael remarked, he looked surprised again as he voice came out slurred the same as it did when he drank too much with Casey. He pushed Leonardo away from him and braced his hands against the wall using it to push him up. As he came to his feet he was forced to throw his arm out in an attempt to balance himself as the world tilted violently beneath his feet, the sensation causing his stomach to roll in a way that made him want to be sick "I'm fine" he repeated stubbornly.

"Like hell you are" Leonardo snapped back worriedly as he whipped his phone out of the pouch on his belt where he kept it. Raphael watched through half closed eyes as his brother pressed a button on the cell, lifting the phone against his ear and remained silent, clearly waiting for someone to pick up. He kept his eyes fixed on Raphael as if he expected him to disappear if he lost sight of him for a moment. Raphael almost felt like laughing, he wasn't going anywhere even if he had wanted to. He turned his head and closed his eyes, leaning his cheek against the wall, sighing unsteadily as shivers continuously wracked his body. Donatello was going to kill him when he got his hands on him.

"Hey Donnie it's me. I took Raph out for a talk and he's become really sick, he must have been sick before we left and…" he stopped, eyes narrowing as he listened to whatever Donatello was saying to him. Clearly it wasn't positive as when he spoke again there was an edge of anger to his voice which had previously been missing. "Of course I didn't know he was ill… well I thought he was slightly sick but I didn't know he was…" he stopped clearly cut off again "Don't worry I'll get him home, you just be ready Donatello" he stated before snapping the phone shut and glaring at it as if he wanted it to explode in his hand.

Raphael managed a weak chuckle, the whole situation suddenly striking him as funny. He could just imagine exactly what Donatello would have had to say on the phone. Donatello had the ability to make your skin crawl with the words he could use. His slight chuckle turned into a cough that shook his entire body with its violence, the tightness and burning sensation in his chest increased as he leaned weakly against the wall. Leonardo was at his side in an instance wrapping his arm around Raphael's waist, yanking his arm over his shoulder so he was in a position to support him while they walked.

"You are so god damn stupid sometimes Raphie, why didn't you just say something to me" Leonardo said, the words holding no bite to it. He sounded extremely worried making Raphael feel extremely guilty.

"So you keep telling me Leo" Raphael replied, his voice rough making Leonardo cringe as he heard it "I'll never be good enough for you will I Big Brother" he muttered as Leonardo began to help him across the roof top to the fire escape they had climbed earlier.

"Raph!" he heard Leonardo say, an urgent tone to his voice but he was unable to answer as the darkness covered his vision taking him somewhere his brothers couldn't follow.

Author Note – Poor sick stubborn Raph! You should have just said something when you had the chance now Leo is going to be on a major guilt trip! Anyway I hope you enjoyed it enough to review, review makes me happy, when people don't review I get scared that I've screwed up in someway so if you like it please let me know. I'll try and get chapter 2 up ASAP, I should hopefully manage it especially as its already written, check me out!