Chapter 8: Insight

"The truth resists simplicity"

Severus paled as he formulated hypotheses in his mind. Was he dead? He clearly had not been in control of the situation earlier. As he thought about it, the events came back to him.

He had been walking back from his lame meeting with the future death eaters. He heard the familiar voice. "Well, well. What have we here? I heard that you were cavorting with my girlfriend yesterday. And you know what, I can't have that." Sneered James Potter, as Severus lay flat on the cold ground—pushed down by a tripping jinx and held there by stares.

With waning confidence Severus retorted. "You don't even know what the word 'cavorting' means do you Potter? Because, surely I did nothing of the sort with any girlfriend of yours. I don't settle for imaginary people."

James Potter leaped with his wand and made a jabbing motion towards his nemesis—the guy with the attention of his crush. Purple spots appeared over Severus's face, and a second movement of Potter's wand caused his hair to turn red.

With anger in his dark eyes, Severus spat at James. "You are nothing without people under you. You don't respect yourself. I pity you." He then attempted to get up off the floor, but a spell from the wand of Sirius Black, who had been lurking in the background, prevented him. Snakes sprouted from the earth, holding him to the ground.

A flash of red caught his eye, and suddenly, Lily Evans was shouting at James, who had his disgustingly sappy grin and disgustingly sappy eyes hanging on her every word. It was truly disgusting, Severus thought.

She shooed him away and walked back to Severus, who had been watching the situation unfurl. By this point, a small crown had gathered in the distance, not wanting to come too close. "Severus, why does this always happen to you." Lily frowned at his appearance, and waved her wand a few times, fixing the damage. She then banished the snakes, and offered a hand. He refused her offer of help however.

The words that were spoken in the meeting he had been returning from were fresh in his mind. It is weakness to admit that one needs something weaker than oneself. It should be power that is desired.

"I don't want help from a Mudblood" he said viciously. His words destroyed the remnants of Lily's and his relationship. "Like you."

And that was what he remembered. And he remembered.

Why did it have to happen twice to him? Why was he being tortured even more? He knew that he had lost her respect—he knew that he could never earn it back. Because Merlin knows, he spent the rest of his life wishing that she would respect him once again.

The rest of the day whirled past him, Severus had decided that there was no point in redoing his education, he knew everything—for Merlin's sake, he taught the classes he was in now. So instead of listening, he thought. Why. It was the question that plagued him.

He could not fathom that he would have to relive this moment over and over for the rest of eternity. But then, he remembered something.

His first day here—wherever here was—he had a wonderful time with Lily, however awkward it might have been. Thus was their relationship: awkward friendship and studying. He did truly enjoy the witty conversations that he could have with Lily at times—she was his intellectual equal on most subjects.

And there was that voice, which urged him to say that he loved Lily, but he didn't follow its advice. But he was through following people, and voices in his head constituted a person. He would do what he wanted tomorrow, and apologize to Lily—properly.

He lay in his bed, surrounded by the darkness, the only sounds the thoughts in his head, and quietly drifted to sleep.

In the morning, the grey light shining through the fake windows did nothing to brighten Severus's melancholy mood. He glanced at the calendar, and startled, he noticed that it was still March sixth. It was in his mind—yesterday. Was he being given another chance?

In his mind, he was laughing with joy. Surely he could not screw this up a third time. As he began his day, he failed to notice the small ball of blue light that followed him around Hogwarts.

Author's note: Wow guys. I'm sorry. I'm sure all of you know what it's like to have so much work. And I swear, I'd love to finish this, and have the little word 'complete' appear. It is highly irritating, knowing precisely what I wish to say, but not having the time to say it. I have a project to do for school coming up—maybe I'll use this story to procrastinate. Well, thanks for reading. :)