The relationship Remus shared with Sirius drove him insane. He hated being so close to him, being only best friends. He wished Sirius wouldn't show so much interest in him or be quite so comfortable sitting so close. He hated the way they would catch each other's eye from across the room, it always made his heart race and his mind wander. Worst of all, Remus loathed the stories Sirius relayed to him some nights about the things he'd done with the girls they went to school with; it was only proof that their closeness would never be anything more than friendship.

Sirius' nonchalant attitude towards casual touching, however, was a wonderful thing. Remus would sometimes nudge Sirius' knee under the lunch table to get his attention. Once, he even touched the side of Sirius' face to comfort him, although Remus figured that was probably pushing his limits. Being able to touch Sirius so intimately yet casually was, in Remus' opinion, one of the greatest gifts God ever gave anyone.

However, things recently were proving too much to deal with for Remus. He had fallen asleep in the common room while talking to Sirius and reading a book. Sirius had evidently woken him up to go upstairs to bed, though Remus didn't remember much until they began to walk up the stairs. Halfway to the top Remus slipped and fell backwards and right into Sirius' arms. He was instantly awake, wide-eyed and very aware of Sirius' hands on his body.

"If you wanted a hug, all you had to do was ask," Sirius said with a laugh.

"Ha ha," Remus answered, hoping Sirius didn't notice the slight panic in his voice.

Remus composed himself enough to say goodnight to his best friend, then pretended to snore until he heard Sirius' very real and very loud snores answer him. He stared at the top of his four poster bed, thinking of cold showers. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Sirius teased him with something he wanted so badly but couldn't have. It wasn't fair he couldn't handle being pressed against Sirius even accidentally. It wasn't fair that Sirius was always talking about girls. Nothing was fair.

But it wasn't Sirius's fault. It wasn't even Remus's fault. It was nobody's fault. But at the moment, with Remus laying only a few feet away from Sirius, it was unbearable. Remus thought of pushing Sirius away, not letting him be so physical anymore. Maybe he'd even start partnering up with James during class too. He was pretty good at handling his lycanthropy these days too so maybe he wouldn't even have to accompany him to the Shrieking Shack. If he could just stay away from Sirius, maybe these feelings would go away and stop torturing him. That would probably be the best solution for everyone.

Sirius snored loudly in the next bed, startling Remus. He had the covers kicked to the foot of the bed and his leg bent awkwardly in front of him. His shirt had ridden up to expose the skin beneath and Remus couldn't help but stare. Why did Sirius have to be so damn attractive? Remus thought to himself that he was perhaps being a little hasty and emotional. There was no reason to end the gentle touches and closeness that they had nurtured for years. Remus was just being selfish and silly and that's just what happens when you're up late with nothing but your thoughts.

Remus stared at the curly mop of dark hair on Sirius's head as he started to drift away to sleep. It would be nice to kiss Sirius, he thought, but what they had was good too. It was sweet and intimate and all those little moments made Remus so happy. He started to wonder how he could even think it wasn't what he wanted. All those little things were exactly what made Remus the happiest.

Wow. A four year hiatus from fic writing. This has been sitting half finished in my evernote for forever, and I finally finished it tonight. I missed fic.