I don't own The Lost Boys.
Star didn't really know what to feel. Was she feeling nothing, caring for nobody, aside from Laddie, because of David and the others? Was it them that had made her feel nothing? No, it was her. Star did feel, she just didn't feel anything in front of them, or she didn't show it. The only person she really loved, really cared for, was Laddie. Aside from him, she didn't care about anybody else, didn't feel for anyone else. She only cared how she felt and how Laddie did.
At first, when David had changed her, when she had found out what she was, she had felt numb, helpless, and she had felt a loneliness she had never felt in her life. Then Laddie came along and it seemed to vanish slightly. Star had felt a lot of things then.
But now, now that her time was slowly running out, she felt fear, fear of what would happen when her time did end. The hunger was always with her, it never went away. The demon within her wanted to be unleashed; it threatened to break out all the time. Star may have never really stood up to David but she fought herself and she fought for Laddie. She fought the monster inside of her, and she controlled them in Laddie. They all saw her as weak, but she didn't. She was a lot braver and stronger than what they thought. Star didn't care for any of them, no matter that they had given her a home, or as they said ''A better life to the one you had''. She didn't even feel for Dwayne, the most silent one out of the four, the one who would watch her fight and struggle.
Many times behind David's back, he had taken some blood from his victims and had brought it back for Laddie. Star of course had said no when he had offered her some. The thought of drinking human blood repulsed her, but she couldn't deny it tempted her. She understood why he had done that for Laddie, but why for her? Star had stopped him from doing it in the end, because even though Dwayne was trying to help, it was making it worse for Laddie. It got harder for her to control his inner demons.
Sometimes when the others had left the cave to go to feed, and Dwayne had stayed behind, they would talk. Just talk about things, anything to pass the time until the others came back. He never pressured Star into feeding like the others did, he never laughed at her when the others did, and he never tried to get her to change her mind. Dwayne, when they were alone in the cave, never spoke to her about it. Star could say she felt slightly grateful to him for that. Now, she couldn't say she liked Dwayne no matter what he was like towards her. He was good with Laddie, she knew that, but she couldn't and wouldn't like him; a monster, no matter if in his own weird way, he was nice to her.
She didn't want to show feelings; she wasn't going to let them see her weaknesses, because they used it against her.
Star wondered why she acted like a dog on a leash with David. With him, it was ''I say jump, you say how high.'' Puppets on strings...that was what she was, one of David's puppets, something he could control. When David told her to do something, he expected her to do it, and she did, but there was one thing she didn't obey; and that was him wanting her to feed. Star would never listen to David about that.
He loved seeing her struggle; it amused him and entertained him. Paul and Marko were the worst about the whole thing. Covered in blood, they'd come back to the cave and would start teasing her, playing games with her. Paul, with a bloodied mouth, would kiss her hard on the lips, a grin coming onto his face when she would try to push him away. His arms would tighten around her, his grin would widen as he brutally mashed his lips against hers. He'd do it deliberately to make her taste the blood from his victims. And then he would pull away, that grin still on his lips as Star would furiously wipe at her mouth. Disgust would come onto her face when she would taste the blood on her lips. Disappointment flashed in Paul's eyes when she did that, it ruined the grin on his face. But he let her see it; he wanted her to see it. Dwayne would watch silently by the fountain, his face blank when she would glance towards him. Dwayne who was good at hiding how he felt, more than the others, didn't hide the hope and, like Paul, the disappointment in his eyes.
Marko, sweet, sick, twisted Marko. He was the worse out of all four of them. With a charm that the others didn't have, he used it to lure in his prey. He'd wear a fake, innocent smile, that would light up a room. Star found it sick. Unlike Paul, he wouldn't kiss her on the lips. He was horrid and cruel. Pinching her on the arm, pulling at her hair, he would bring her pain. His hand would come to her hair, pulling at them tightly, that horrid grin still on his lips. His other hand would travel underneath her skirt, caressing her bare skin, a teasing look on his face when she would stare at him with revulsion. His hand would pull tighter at her hair when she would slap his other hand off her leg. Everything she hated, Marko would do. It was no use in hiding it; he got inside of her head.
With him, his body pressed up close against hers, she resisted the urge to actually snap at him, and it wasn't shout abuse at him either. His touch was like a thousand ants running over her skin. Star hated ants, they got anywhere and you couldn't get rid of them. Everything about Marko was poison. He was the sort of boy you'd see standing in a field full of wild flowers. Everything beautiful, he'd draw towards him. Star could picture him holding a single red rose, and then she'd watch the flower turn black, she would see the petals fall. Everything Marko touched, beautiful or not, withered and died.
With his hands all over her, he'd bring his lips to her neck, a small cruel laugh escaping him when she'd try to shrink away from him. The moment Star felt something sharp grazing across her neck; she mustered up all her strength and pushed him away. He'd just grin and walk away. Paul, who would watch the scene in silence, would pull Marko down on the couch beside him, his grin intensifying when he'd lock eyes with Star's blank ones.
Laddie, poor little Laddie would sit next to Dwayne in silence, his teddy bear clutched close to his chest as he watched the scene with interest, fascination, and sadness. Star didn't show the feelings she felt deep within. Her true feelings, she never showed them. Disgust and dislike, she let them see that. In her own way, they knew it as well, she was strong and she wasn't weak. She was brave and she was strong. She fought the hunger inside. The demon within was pushed away when it came to the surface. Being one of them, feeding, she fought. It was tiring but she never stopped. When Paul and Marko did those things, she never let them see how she truly felt. Sometimes she'd let them do those things to her, because when she did nothing, she was winning. They loved getting a reaction out of her, they wanted to see her break down, wanted to see sadness in her eyes.
To them she was weak because she never gave in, because she struggled but Star knew different.
Eyes still locked onto her own still blank one's, Paul would bring Marko's wrist to his mouth, blood splattering all over his, already bloodied face, when he'd rip into the skin. They wanted to see the hunger in her eyes, and they wanted to see her struggle. Vampire blood wasn't as tempting but it was still blood. All Star did was turn away. The sound of droplets of blood hitting the ground made her shake her head slightly, and hum quietly under her breath. Underneath she was fighting but she wouldn't let them see.
Dwayne would step in then, and tell them to stop. They listened because he would point at Laddie who would watch them with fiery red eyes. Star would give Dwayne one small grateful look when he would look at her, but she didn't let Marko and Paul see the exchange between the two. David would arrive then, and they'd stop, they would still tease her and laugh at her, but they never did those things they normally did in front of David. That wouldn't happen again until the following night.
Then something wonderful happened to Star. Michael Emerson moved to Santa Carla. He replaced the dark cloud over Star's head with sunshine. His smile made Star smile, despite how she felt inside. When she'd see him, she'd smell freshly cut grass, wild flowers, sunshine, and earth. Michael smelt human, he smelt alive with happiness.
Michael Emerson saved her and Laddie. The boy she was supposed to kill, saved her. Despite what had happened between them, he still helped her and loved her, like she did with him. He had saved Star from an evil she was trying her hardest to destroy.
But Star knew she saved herself as well, for fighting, for never giving in, for always caring for just herself and Laddie. Star was safe, alive, and free. The one thing she had wanted for so long.