RESTRAIN

For so many times I've told myself to restrain and to control, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I've waited for her for so long, and now here she is, laying in her soft bed, asleep. Oh of course. I keep on forgetting that she's not a she anymore. She has now been reborn as a man. It's just that, although things have changed, he's still the same person I knew. He's still the Yuki that I have known, and I have loved deeply.

As I look at him right now, observing every part of him. Those closed eyes with long eyelashes, slightly covered with his peach-colored bangs. His pale smooth skin, and the sound of his slow but peaceful breathing. I could still feel the same feelings I had for her, even though he's turned into a man.

Ever since we've met, I've always had the urge to reach out to him. To touch his face the way I did with his past self. To make him remember me. But most of all, the desire to touch his soft lips with mine keeps getting stronger and stronger that it's making it hard to restrain myself. What has this creature done that moves me this way? How can he captivate me and entice me in this manner?

Still trying to resist this temptation, I stood up from my chair and leaned forward until I was close enough to feel his warm breath. I was seconds away from doing the deed I told myself not to commit until a thought flashed through my head. What if he didn't just forget about his memories of me but his feelings for me as well? What if all he thinks of me now is just an ally, someone who just knew him in the past? Those thoughts that ran through my head finally gave me control again of myself and I moved back and sat on the chair again.

I contemplated on what I had just thought. If Yuki will never remember me, then I'd probably spend the rest of my life in sadness and lonesomeness but if that means Yuki wouldn't be haunted by the painful memory of his past anymore, then I won't mind what happens to me.

With all the realizations I'd manage to think of, it all lead me to one decision. I decided to keep my distance from Yuki and just watch over him from afar. It's probably for the best, but I couldn't help but feel lonely just thinking about it. he'll be like a star which looks so close yet miles away. But if it's for him, I'd do anything. I'd risked everything to protect him, even my own happiness.

I was busy trying to convince myself that that's the best decision to make until I heard Yuki's soft voice moan. When I looked at him, his expression was pained. It seemed like he was having a nightmare. Unconsciously, he extended his hand as if he trying to reach out to something or to someone. He opened his mouth and I couldn't believe the word that he spoke. It was my name. "Luka…Luka…" he was saying it over and over as he was continuing to reach out his hand.

I held his hand and squeezed it lightly to tell him that I'm here. In a few seconds, he was sleeping peacefully once again.

Seeing him like that made me understand. That in his heart, although I don't know how strong it may be, he still holds feelings for me. He still has feelings for me, I know it. Maybe there's still hope for me? For us? Honestly, I really can't believe how easily he could sway my feeling with just the sound of my name coming out from his lips. How it can give me hope again.

I leaned over once again to him, mesmerizing him. Gently, I kissed his soft lips. As gentle as I could so he wouldn't wake up. It's been such a long time since my heart beat so fast and hard like this. Only he could make me feel this way. Some things never change, I thought.

Before I went out of the room, assured that he was okay on his own, I whispered in his ear.

"I love you. You don't realize how much"

Wow, it's been a while since I made another fanfic:D so what do you think? Thanks for reading:D