Technologically Impaired - Batpod

By Dark-Phoenix22

It was just sitting there. Totally innocuous, almost invisible in the darkness of the ally. Now that he saw it however, he just couldn't understand how he hadn't noticed it before. The light of false dawn gleamed off what could only be guns of some kind attached to the front straddling the single huge wheel. Tilting his head to the side only made the shadows slide across the rest of the matte surface to reveal even more not less.

It wasn't disappearing.

It was taunting him he decided. He'd been on the radio all night between the robbery, the sudden appearance of Batman and coordinating the chase of the vigilante on his motorcycle. The Batpod the media had taken to calling it. They'd lost it of course, even on the 2 massive tires he had recognized vaguely the first time, confirmed when he had seen the remains of the Batmobile in the ally beside the huge hole in the tunnel wall it had made, the bike was far faster and nimbler than a police cruiser. And now, here it was, parked almost in front of the police station thinly veiled in the dark alley where it stuck out like a sore thumb. Now that he'd noticed it.

Definitely taunting him.

He scowled. Stupid thing didn't even look like a motorcycle.

Turning from the window he grabbed his suit jacket and threw it over his shoulder. He wanted a closer look. His shift was over anyway and his own car was parked in the lot next to the - oh so convenient alley that the Batpod was in. Well not that close but it made for a good excuse didn't it?

Waving vaguely to the weary waves and comments from his officers, he pushed the door open and stopped on the stairs, drawing in a huge lungful of the chill air before letting it out in a gush. He couldn't wait to go home after this. Trotting lightly down the stairs he made for the general direction of his car, whistling slightly in time with his jaunty motions trying to give the impression that he was going to his car and not looking anywhere specific. Especially not at that…thing. Up close it only confirmed his impressions.

'Definitely not a motorcycle.'

Aside from the huge tires that were as wide as his forearm long placed in the expected positions front and back, it really didn't resemble one at all. Clearly it hadn't been designed as a motorcycle either. 'Who puts guns on a motorcycle Jim.' A means of transport yes, but an unfinished one. There were no metal plates, black or otherwise to hide the shape of the structure like the chassis kit on a motorcycle, just the bare black bars and struts, hydraulics that raised and lowered the level of the bike in plain view. No real 'seat' per say either, more of a flat vaguely sculpted pad to rest the chest and stomach on. No easily discernable handlebars either. Just upswept braces for the forearms, a place more to rest weight than to steer. It was rather ugly all told.

Bending for a closer look at the front only made him wonder more. How could he turn so quick? There was no steering rack, no fork or hydraulics to turn the massive front tire at all. There appeared to be a sort to bearing assembly that he could only guess at it structure, but clearly showed its purpose. If only for the fact he had seen it used before when Batman had come sideways out of a similar alley, tire rolling clear over and over to the side before coming to a stop facing the Joker.

Must be all in the wrist he decided. Rocking the bike with weight alone on the edge of the almost square tires, racing slicks he absently noted, and sliding to turn and dodge. Not for the lazy cruiser at heart. This bike required work to drive.

Reaching out a hand to gently brush his fingers over the bike he couldn't help the shiver. For all its' futuristic and bare look, the combination made it decidedly ominous looking. That, and it was Batman's. Running his fingers down the bikes' flanks he leaned closer for a better look at the controls. Lights appeared at his gentle touch, slight blips emanating from the machinery under the chest pad.

Thump

The sound made him spin, fingers dragging roughly across the controls. He barely had time to register the vague man shape with upright pointed ears on his head before the bike roared to life, guns raising and centering slightly, tips extending from the base to allow for the backlash of the shots surely to follow. A rough push to the side forced him away from the bike, a black-clad arm flicking through his line of vision to tap on the controls. The bike quieted to an idle, guns retracting.

Straightening from his stumble he turned to face the shape. Batman. He shivered again. An unhappy Batman if the glaring eyes from the mask said anything about it.

"Sorry?" was all he could offer the dark shape.

Batman always made him uneasy, 6 feet at least and heavily muscled, black eyes staring from the angry lines of the cowl, his sheer overwhelming presence. The darkness only made everything so much more ominous and frightening. Though the one time he had saw him fully in the light hadn't helped. It had made him look bigger in fact.

Another withering glare.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's impolite to touch someone else's things? You almost shot out the wall of your precinct." Gordon straightened, indignant at the harsh rasp.

"How was I supposed to know touching it would make it shoot something? I found it shut off sitting in an alley! Why is your crap so complicated anyway? What happened to a key and a 'Fire' button so one would know what they were touching?"

Gordon could have sworn amusement flashed through the dark eyes glaring daggers at him.

"To keep the technologically impaired from doing what you almost did." Batman swung one leg over the seat, the bike dropping a few inches from what must be quite the weight of the armor clad figure. A small quirk of the lip was all he got at Batman turned away and settled his arms into the braces, feet coming up to rest on what could almost be called a rear fender.

"Back to the drawing board on that one."

Tires squealed and the bike peeled out of the alley leaving Gordon standing in a cloud of noxious smoke a dumbstruck look on his face.

'Was that a joke?'