There's a website called "Texts From Last Night". Most epic site EVER created. I shared this with Bamagirl2010, and well..I give you...Texts From Wrestlers.

**DISCLAIMER** None of these texts are from CM Punk, because he is better than you.

**Disclaimer2** All texts came from Texts From Last Night dot Com and credit goes to the lovely drunk people who submitted them.

To: John Morrison
From: Eli Cottonwood
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by Wednesday night?

To: Evan Bourne
From: Randy Orton (and John Cena)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.

To: Cody Rhodes
From: Ted DiBiase
About: Maryse
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.

To: Rob Van Dam
From: Jeff Hardy
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night

To: Matt Hardy
From: Shannon Moore (and Jeff Hardy)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.

To: Brian Kendrick
From: Eric Young
About: Orlando Jordan
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.

To: Chris Jericho
From: E&C (Swagger was also involved)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.

To: Matt Hardy
From: Jeff Hardy and Justin Gabriel
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.

To: Twitter
From: Shane "Hurricane" Helms
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me

To: AJ Styles
From: Ric Flair
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.

To: Randy Orton
From: Ted DiBiase Jr
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...

To: Christian
From: Edge
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?

From: Chris Sabin
To: Alex Shelley
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night

To: Twitter
From: Evan Bourne
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass

To: Jeff Hardy
From: Matt Hardy
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.

To: Ted DiBiase Jr
From: Cody Rhodes
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up.

From: Shane Helms
To: Chris Jericho
About: The drunk fight incident that ended in arrests.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.

To: Undertaker
From: James Lawson
About: Cooper Lawson and Jeff Hardy
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?

To: Evan Broune
From: Daniel Bryan
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know

To: Undertaker
From: James Lawson
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.

To: Brett DiBiase
From: Ted DiBiase Jr
About: His and Cody Rhodes' first meeting with Randy Orton
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'

To: Skip Sheffeild
From: Justin Gabriel
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are

To: Shannon Moore
From: Jeff Hardy
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you

To: Twitter
From: Matt Hardy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar

To: Alex Shelley
From: Chris Sabin
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?

To: John Cena
From: Randy Orton
porn star boner night. come get it.

To: Heath Slater
From: Justin Gabriel
About: loosing it to Matt Hardy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity...

To: Shannon Moore
From: Jeff Hardy
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!

To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
About: Melina
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.

To: Kimo
From: Matt Hardy
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why

To: Edge
From: Christian
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.

To: Twitter
From: Tyson Kidd
About: Natalya
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".

To: Jeff Hardy
From: Cooper Lawson
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now

To: The Miz
From: Alex Riley
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.

To: Natalya
From: Beth Phoenix
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.

To: Jerry Lawler
From: Michael Cole
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one

To: Everyone in her phonebook by accident
From: Kelly Kelly
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.

To: Twitter
From: Dolph Ziggler
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself

To: Ted DiBiase Jr
From: Cody Rhodes
About: Randy Orton
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero

To: Himself
From: Eric Bischoff
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.

To: Shane Helms
From: Shannon Moore
About: Jesse Neil
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is

To: CM Punk
From: Jeff Hardy
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.

To: Beer Money Inc
From: Motor City Machine Guns
About: Gen Me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life

To: Twitter
From: Zack Ryder
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.

To: Eric Young
From: Brian Kendrick
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch

To: Shane Helms, Shannon Moore, and Jeff Hardy
From: Kimo
About: Matt Hardy
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried

To: The Miz
From: Michael Cole
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny.

To: Christian
From: Edge
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it

To: Matt Hardy
From: Jeff Hardy
About: A night with Edge
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous

To: Randy Orton
From: John Cena
About: the Wade Barrett situation
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask.

To: HBK
From: HHH
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport.

To: Randy Orton
From: Cody Rhodes
Seat Mates: Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.

To: Twitter
From: Layla
About: Michelle McCool and Undertaker's Wedding
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?

To: Colt Cabana
From: CM Punk
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.

To: Twitter
From: Matt Hardy
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests

To: Wade Barrett
From: David Otunga
About: Husky Harris
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.

To: Shannon Moore
From: Jeff Hardy
About: CM Punk
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.

To: Alex Shelley
From: Chris Sabin
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.

To: The Entire Raw Roster
From: Kelly Kelly
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.

To: Alicia Fox
From: Melina
About: Miz and Morrison
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.

To: Alex Riley
From: The Miz
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.

To: Brian Kendrick
From: RVD
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.

From: Anyone that's ever lived next door to Randy Orton
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.

To: Stevie
From: Raven
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve

To: Youtube
From: Matt Hardy
About: the Christmas Bash
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.

To: James Lawson
From: Undertaker
About: The McTaker wedding
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech

To: Jeff Hardy
From: Cooper Lawson
About: A drunk Taker
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.

To: Christian
From: Chris Jericho
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"

To: Homicide
From: CM Punk
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.

To: Shane Helms
From: Chris Jericho
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.

To: Chris Jericho
From: Edge
About: Christian
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?

To: Twitter
From: Matt Hardy
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.

To: Twitter
From: Evan Bourne
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites

There are more where this came from, I promise!

Review ^_^