Total Drama Returns

The Cheesebub's Message: This is a fantasy season based off the hit TV series Total Drama. It takes place shortly after Total Drama World Tour. The entire season will be on the island, with the twenty-four contestants fighting for the prize the old-fashioned way. However, each episode, there will be a reward challenge as well as an immunity challenge, kinda like Survivor, if you've seen that. So, without further ado, on with the show!

Chris Mclean: Hello, folks! The last time you saw me, we were rocking Hawaii with the season 3 finale! Heather took home the cheddar, only to have it stolen by a Golem-esque Ezekiel, and thrown into a volcano! Sucks to be you, Heather, sucks to be you. But it was Alejandro who really took a beating, getting kneed in the kiwis, trampled by the contestants, coated in lava, and put in a robot suit! But that's all behind us now, as we start up season 4 of Total Drama! We're bringing all 24 contestants back to Camp Wawanakwa for another shot at one hundred thousand dollars! But there's a catch: the top 15 scoring contestants will be moving on to season 5, where they'll battle for an even bigger prize! But first, let's get on with season 4 of Total Drama, TOTAL DRAMA RETURNS!

(Theme Song Plays)

Day 1 Part 1-Chapter 1: The Campers arrive

Chris: Welcome back, my friends! It's time for out 24 contestants to arrive! First up, it's everyone's favorite uber geeky creepazoid with no life and an unfathomable love of ninjas, Harold! (Harold gets out of the boat, playing Nintendo DS.)

Chris: Sorry, Harold, but I'm afraid you're gonna have to fork that thing over. No electronics allowed on camp.

Harold: But this isn't your average electronic device! I've rewired the circuits on this Nintendo DS so that it can also give you a back massage, play smooth jazz, and make pink lemonade!

Chris: Too bad, nerdy boy. (He grabs the Nintendo DS and throws it into the water).

Harold: NO! MY NINTENDO! (He jumps into the water headfirst) I WILL RETRIEVE YOU!

Chris: Now, while he's busy, it's time for our second contestant, Bridgette!

Bridgette: Hey, Chris! It's great to be here again!

Chris: Bridgette! Are you actually gonna try this season, or just play smoochie face with Geoff, as usual?

Bridgette: Who knows? I have a feeling that I might be the one to win it this year!

Chris: Yeah, if we just got rid of Alejandro, Heather, Courtney, Owen, Duncan…

Bridgette: OKAY, I GET IT! (She angrily grabs her surfboard and stomps over to the end of the dock)

Chris: Hey, I'm just being realistic here! (Suddenly, everyone hears a voice).

?: Actually, Chris, you're never realistic. It's what makes you so mysterious and sexy. Speaking of which, I'm gonna need some pictures of you naked for my Chris blog. (Everyone turns to see that it is Sierra, who has just stepped off the boat.)

Chris (sarcastically): Ah yes, Sierra. Wonderful to have you back. Unfortunately for you, Cody isn't here yet, so you'll have to wait before you bury him in your chest.

Sierra: No… Cody? (She bursts into tears as Bridgette awkwardly comforts her. Suddenly, heavy metal starts blaring)

Harold (sticking his head out of the water): Oh, great. My mortal enemy is here. (Duncan jumps down from the balcony of the boat, a sly look on his face)

Duncan: Excellent timing for season 4, Chris. Got me free of all my juvy charges.

Harold: Yeah! One of them for trying to feed me to your pet bird spider!

Duncan: Oh, that was a long time ago, Harold. Can't we just leave the past behind us?

Harold: You've tormented me since day one! I'll never forgive you! Never!

Duncan: Oh, in that case, I guess I don't have to worry about letting this guy roam free then. (He takes out a huge bird spider, and places it on the dock. Harold screams like a little girl and ducks back under the water)

Duncan: So, Chris. Where's my girl Gwen at? (Chris snickers) What's so funny?

Chris: We just thought it might be funny if we put her on the same boat as Courtney. Just for ratings.

Duncan: Oh, no! If you do that, Gwen won't come off alive!

Chris: Oh, I'm sure Courtney will hold back. (The scene cuts to Courtney and Gwen, in a cramped room together. Gwen is using the table to deflect Courtney's assaults with a butcher's knife. Courtney then snarls and grabs a rifle and starts to aim)

Duncan: This is gonna be bad.

Chris: Next, it's Geoff!

Geoff: The Chris man! Awesome to be here again! (They fist bump, and the party animal continues down the dock). Duncan, good to see you. (The punk just rolls his eyes)

Duncan: I don't associate myself with people who can't stop making out just to take a breath of air.

Geoff: Your loss. (He starts making out with Bridgette. Harold climbs up onto the dock, soaking wet, with his Nintendo DS in one hand).

Harold: Chris, I hope you know how much I went through to get this. Good thing I put this waterproof cover on it. My baby is still safe.

Chris: OK, Harold, you've been persistent enough. I'll let you keep it, on one condition. You let it try out that back massage function on me sometime. You do not know what being a host does to your spine! (Harold nods, and goes back to playing Nintendo. Chris is combing his hair seductively when he is disrupted by two very loud squeals. Katie and Sadie have arrived).

Katie and Sadie (in perfect sync): Hi Chris! Hi Chris! Hi Chris! Hi-

Chris: SHUT IT!

Katie: Sorry, Chris we're just so excited! And now, you'll never be able to kick us off separately! We're together forever! (They both lift up their shirts partway. To everyone's horror, they have a bond connecting them).

Sadie: We're connected.

Chris: Okay, um, that's really creepy, so why don't you just stand over there with the other contestants and try not to show us that again.

Katie and Sadie: You got it! (They walk over to the others).

Chris: Here comes the lady's man, Cody!

Sierra: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Chris: Well, it appears someone's happy about this. (Cody is thrown out of the boat, much to his dismay)

Cody (trying to get back on the boat): Wait! Let me back on! You don't know what she's like! Please, I'll do anything! (The boat's door slams shut)

Cody (to himself): Well, I might as well put on my charm. (He turns to the campers, a sly grin on his face.)

Cody: Dude, psyched to be here, man. I see the ladies have already arrive- (he is cut off short when Sierra tackles him to the ground).

Sierra: You meant me, didn't you? (Cody tries to respond, but is muffled by her braid falling into his mouth)

Chris: Ah, true love. It really touches your heart. And sickens your stomach. Speaking of true love, Harold, it appears your gal Leshawna is here! (Leshawna steps off the boat with a huge amount of luggage.)

Leshawna: Yo, what's up Chris man! Leshawna the chocolate gal is here to save the competition! Just give me the money already, because no wimpy whitey is gonna win this year!

Chris: Yo, Leshawna! Still talkin' the ghetto slang, huh? You sure have got a lot of luggage this year.

Leshawna: A big girl like me's gotta have a big amount of luggage! (She sees Harold) Yo, sugar baby! How yo doin'? (Harold barely glances up from his DS. Angry, Leshawna walks over to him and glares).

Leshawna: Been taught not to respond lately? (Her glare then breaks into a smile) Oh, how could I hate an angel face like that? (She hugs him tightly)

Harold: Oy, can you stop? You know, it's very rude to hug someone when they're trying to get a high score on Pac-man! Gosh!

Leshawna (beckoning to the Nintendo DS): What is that thingy anyway?

Harold: This thingy is a Nintendo DS, one of the most ingenious gaming systems ever created!

Leshawna: So you're choosing it over me?

Harold: No no no, that's not what I'm doing at all. I will make sure that I have equal time for both my ladies. Now, can you hold my dear Nintendo for a moment while I floss my teeth? And make sure you don't get any of your greasy fingerprints on her screen. (Leshawna, in response, shoves him off the dock.)

Harold (sticking his head out of the water): Wow! This waterproof cover is proving to be quite useful today!

Chris: Next up, our gay guitarist, Trent!

Trent: I'm not gay!

Chris: Sorry. Just a fun alliteration.

Trent: Well, it's not cool, man!

Duncan: Whoa, man, are you okay? You seem pretty angry.

Trent: Don't talk to me, girlfriend stealer! If it weren't for you, I'd still be with Gwen! (Meanwhile Cody's finally pried himself free from Sierra, and is covered in lipstick marks.)

Cody: Yeah! I might have also gotten a chance with Gwen if you hadn't come along and kissed her! She was so close to falling for me! I could see it in her eyes. She so wanted me! (Duncan bursts out laughing at this)

Duncan: Yeah, maybe in your creepy little fantasies! (He turns to Trent) And I wasn't the reason she dumped you. That was your freaky number 9 obsession.

Trent: Why you little—

Chris: We'll have all that time for the juicy drama soup in a minute. But first, I have to introduce the rest of the contestants. And, without further ado, Owen! (Owen sticks his head out the boat's door)

Owen: Whoohoohoo! It's so awesome to be here—(he takes a step onto the dock, immediately crashes through, and gets stuck)

Chris: Owen! That's the new dock of shame!

Owen: Oops. Sorry. Hey can somebody help me out? Anybody? Please? (Nobody is paying attention. Harold is playing Nintendo, Leshawna is sorting through her luggage, Bridgette and Geoff are making out and really getting into it, Trent and Duncan are glaring at each other, Katie and Sadie are chatting away, and Cody is trying desperately to avoid Sierra.)

Chris: Sorry, buddy. I guess you'll be stuck there for a while.

Owen: Can I at least have some FOOD? I haven't eaten in like, twelve minutes!

Chris: I think we have just the thing for you! Oh, Chef! (Chef walks out, with a huge pile of granola bars in his arms)

Chef: Since I'm sick of cooking for you dumb campers, I just bought a bunch of these tasty Granola bars from the Middle East! Nice and cheap! Have one, tubby! (He throws one to Owen, who catches it and inspects the label)

Owen: Chopped Iguana flavor. Mmm… sounds zesty. (He stuffs it into his mouth, causing the other campers to gag. Owen tries to reach for more, but Chef slaps his hands away)

Chef: No more for you! I do not want to smell your farts tonight! (He walks away).

Owen: NOOOOOOOOO!

Chris: Aww… its okay, Owen. Now let's see who's next to arrive! (Izzy comes swinging in on a vine, screaming wildly. Her foot hits Chris in the face, and she lands on the dock.)

Chris: OW! Not cool, Izzy! This beautiful face does not need footprints!

Izzy: Sorry, Chris! I actually think you look better that way! Really evens out your cheekbones! They were real uneven before!

Chris: I knew that plastic surgeon didn't know what he was doing!

Izzy: Anyways, ever since you announced season 4, I've been living on the island with Justin Timberlake and Justin Bieber! They're really good at foraging.

Duncan: You mean the two girly singers who have no balls and can't sing for crap?

Izzy: Yeah, those two. We sang some great campfire songs together. But then we came across a bear, and we had to sacrifice poor Justin Bieber to get away. He was, after all, the juiciest. Speaking of juicy, the dock is really soft now! What'd you do to it?

Owen (muffled): That's my face! (Izzy doesn't notice, and continues to stand on his face)

Chris: It seems that our fatty is having a little trouble today! Now, here comes our favorite know-it-all, Noah! (Noah steps off the boat, and looks quizzically at Izzy, who is still standing on Owen's face, despite his cries.)

Noah: Still going through a messy breakup, I presume? (He laughs at his own joke. No one else does)

Izzy: Hi, Noah! Wow, your forehead has gotten much bigger since the last time I saw you! Have you been getting extensions?

Noah: Not at all, Nutsy. I've simply been nourishing my mind with the energy it requires. Try it sometime. (He continues walking down the dock)

Leshawna: So are you actually going to try this season, turkey?

Noah: Perhaps. Strenuous activity weakens the mind, you know. And this year, brainpower will beat all. No one with just brute strength could ever make it far.

Eva: Is that what you think, bony arms? (Everyone turns to see her stepping off the next boat, scowling crazily)

Noah: Er… Eva! Great to see you!

Eva: Answer my question!

Noah: I'm just saying that it's ripe time for some with half a brain to win this year! After all- (He is interrupted by Eva's bag of weights hitting him in the head and knocking him off the dock)

Geoff: God, that was bad. Nice aim, Eva!

Eva: Serves the string bean right.

Noah (splashing about): HELP! I CAN'T SWIM! (The honk of a horn signals the next arrival. Alejandro jumps off the boat and rips off his shirt, causing the ladies to swoon).

Alejandro: I will save you! (He jumps into the water and grabs Noah. Taking the scrawny Indian boy in one arm, he climbs back onto the dock.)

Alejandro: Who knows mouth to mouth resuscitation?

Harold: I do! (He hands his Nintendo DS to Leshawna, and prepares to give Noah mouth to mouth. Noah's eyes shoot open before this can happen, though)

Noah: Geez, I'm fine! Don't even try to give me mouth to mouth! I'll probably catch a deadly disease!

Chris: Alejandro! A stunning entrance, as usual. But what happened to your robot suit? I thought you were horribly mutilated!

Alejandro: I was, but then I heard about your plastic surgeon, and I immediately got all the work I needed. And now, I am once again my handsome self!

Chris: Yep you are. How many contestants do you think you'll attract this season?

Alejandro: Oh, perhaps… a few.

Bridgette: Not me! I'd never fall for a crooked villain like you! (Alejandro grins seductively at this)

Alejandro: That's not how it was in season 3. (Bridgette glares at him, but a small blush forms on her cheeks)

Chris: I bet I know who you really want to see this season!

Alejandro: Yes, alas, I am desperately awaiting Heather's arrival. We have been separated far too long.

Cody: Why would you miss Heather? She humiliated you on national TV!

Noah: Not to mention kneed you in the crotch, slapped you down a volcano, got you trampled by us, soaked in lava, and put in a robot suit for what have been forever if you hadn't hired Chris's plastic surgeon!

Alejandro: I admit she has been playing hard to get, but that's what attracts me so! Every time she severely injures me, it just makes me want her even more!

Chris: If that aint romance, I don't what is. OK, pretty boy, you can go stand with the others. (Alejandro walks down the dock. He fist bumps Duncan, grins at some of the females such as Bridgette and Leshawna, and stands next to Katie and Sadie.)

Alejandro: You don't mind if I stand here, do you?

Katie and Sadie (swooning): Not at all.

Chris: I think we've all had enough of pretty boy. So let's bring along the exact opposite! Beth! (Beth steps off the boat, holding a large pig in her arm)

Beth: Hi Chris! I'm so excited to be here! You don't mind if I brought my pig, Big Bertha, along, do you?

Chris: As long as you don't let it get in my trailer. Plus, you guys look great together! A matching pair!

Beth: Thanks! We share a connection that no one else does.

Eva: Yeah, because you're pretty much the same species.

Beth: That's what my mom says sometimes!

Duncan (whispering to his bird spider and pointing at the pig): See that there, Birdey? That's dinner.

Beth: You better not even try to feed Big Bertha to your spider!

Duncan: Just kidding! Geez! Take a joke!

Beth: I wish Brady were here. He would teach all of you a lesson! He's an animal rights activist, you know? And he's smokin' hot!

Justin: Did I hear the word "hot"? (He steps off the next boat and flashes a blinding smile) Because I am the exact synonym!

Chris: Justin's here, everybody! Still as hot as ever, I presume. You, me, and Alejandro could form a trio, you know?

Justin: Sorry, but I would never work with someone like Alejandro! He uses his good looks to manipulate the ladies! I would never do that.

Izzy: But you did, back in season 2. Too bad your powers hardly ever worked.

Justin: They did too work! Now shut up, crazy girl!

Owen (muffled from beneath Izzy's feet): Hi, Justin! You look really hot today! (Everybody turns to him and stares) Uh… because… it's like, 92 degrees out! Maybe you should take off your shirt. Yeah, I would like that. (Everybody stares at him again) Not because I like your chiseled chest and manly abs or anything! Uh… because I don't!

Chris: Owen, it would benefit you to just shut your mouth before you say any more gay things. Now, our next competitor! Alejandro, you might like this one. (Alejandro runs to over to the boat, and sure enough, Heather steps off.

Alejandro: Heather! We are finally reunited! (He scoops her up in a hug)

Heather: What are you doing? Let go of me! (Alejandro lets go of her)

Alejandro: Wait, aren't you happy to see me?

Heather: Why would I be happy to see you?

Alejandro: I thought you admitted your true love for me!

Heather: That was all purely strategic!

Alejandro: Sure it was.

Heather: It was! Now go away! Go play with the other loser girls who get suckered into becoming your personal slaves! (Katie and Sadie look at each other, shrug, and then go back to swooning over Alejandro)

Chris: Wow, Heather, you seem even meaner than usual. And that's saying something.

Heather: Well, I am still just a little ticked off that I was deprived of my million, all because of some freaky prairie rabid homeschool that went psycho on me! Where is that little worm, anyway! I want to teach him a lesson!

Chris: You mean Ezekiel? All in good time Heather, all in good time. (Kicking Chris in the leg, Heather walks down the dock)

Leshawna: Well if it aint the queen bitch herself. Not so confident now that you got schooled by Ezekiel!

Heather: Shut up, you ghetto freak! You got schooled by Alejandro, which isn't something to brag about, I'm afraid.

Leshawna: Why you little bitch! I slapped you silly! I seized the say! You're just a bitchy, cat-kissing, heartless, sinful soul of a bitch!

Heather: Nobody likes you either, you fatty black ball of dough!

Leshawna: Why can't you ever just look in the mirror and see what a bitch you've become?

Heather: Because you're big butt is always blocking my view! Anyone's view, in fact!

Leshawna: THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GOING DOWN!

Heather: BRING IT! (The two tackle each other and start clawing)

Harold: Sweet! A catfight! (Meanwhile, Lindsay steps off the next boat)

Lindsay (in a sing-songy voice): Hi!

Chris: Ah, Lindsay. Still as beautiful as ever. Mind if I sneak a kiss?

Noah: That's disgusting, Chris! She's like, twenty years younger than you!

Lindsay: Sorry, Carl. But I have only one man for me! And his name's uh… wait, I've got this! I can't quite place it…

Eva: Tyler?

Lindsay: No, that's not it… just give me a moment…

Chris: While Lindsay is contemplating this, let's introduce our next contestant, Tyler!

Lindsay: Oh, yeah! His name is Tyler! (Everybody slaps their forehead and groans. Suddenly, a helicopter appears in the sky)

Chris: Tyler has been practicing sky-diving, and he decided he'd display his skills for us. In other words… DUCK AND COVER! (Everybody grabs their suitcases and puts them over their heads. Tyler comes rocketing down headfirst)

Tyler: COWABUNGA! YEAH! Wait a minute! I forgot my parachute! Oh no! Oh no! Oh—(He is cut off when he lands in a tree)

Chris: Wicked landing, dude!

Tyler (hanging from a branch by his sweatband): Thanks! But, can somebody help me down? Somebody? Anybody? (He notices Lindsay) Lindsay! You're here! Finally! (He takes off his sweatband, making him fall out of the tree and land on his face) Oof.

Lindsay: Tyler? Is that really you?

Tyler: Yes, it's me, beautiful.

Lindsay: Are you sure you're Tyler? Because I remember him being way cooler than you! And he didn't have such a big nose!

Tyler: My nose isn't that big!

Lindsay: Oh, whatever. I don't care about your nose. All that matters is that you're Tyler, the boy of my dreams!

Sierra: Just like Cody's the boy of my dreams! (She pinches Cody's cheek lovingly, making him groan)

Chris (sarcastically): This is all so touching. Too bad I don't care. And here comes DJ, the lovable jock himself!

Tyler: I thought I was the jock here!

DJ: You are. I've given up football.

Geoff: But why, DJ? You were like the best football player there was!

DJ: That's all changed. I'm never giving myself up to violence. I've hurt enough baby animals. The mummy dog. The seagull. The panda. The seal. The turtle. The goat. The monkeys. (A tear wells up in his eye)… Irene. I will make sure that no harm ever befalls another animal.

Chris: That's real touching, dude. (Nodding solemnly, DJ walks over to Geoff and stands next to him)

Geoff (patting DJ on the back): It's okay, buddy.

Chris: And now, by far my favorite two arrivals, Gwen and Courtney! (Gwen and Courtney step off the boat. Gwen's makeup is running, she's covered in scratches, and her clothes are torn. Courtney's hair is messed up, she has a black eye, and she has a bloody nose.)

Chris: Wow! You guys tore each other apart!

Courtney: You did this on purpose, didn't you? Putting me on the same boat as that boyfriend stealer!

Gwen: It's not like you were exactly playing nice, back there! Chris, were you the one who put a rifle on the boat?

Chris: Oh, I was hoping you would find that.

Courtney: You will pay for this!

Gwen: Hey, I'm not the one who took it and started firing like a trigger-happy, rabid, crazed weasel!

Courtney: I don't have time for the likes of you. (She stomps down the dock)

Duncan: So, Gwen, still looking as gothy as ever.

Gwen: Got a couple more piercings, juvy boy? Or were you too busy with all your lawsuits? (They both grin, and start walking towards each other. Once they are just inches apart from each other, they lean in for the kiss. Suddenly, Trent pops up, and wraps his arms around the two of them.)

Trent: Wow. I just love how good friends you are! Why don't you just keep it at that, so you don't destroy your friendship?

Cody: Yeah, uh… I agree with Trent.

Duncan: Hey, I'll go as far as I want with my girlfriend!

Trent: Gwen should be with me!

Cody: Or me!

Trent: But probably me!

Cody: Hey, don't count me out!

Gwen: Listen, you two, I don't wanna have to deal with this, okay?

Trent: But who do you like more?

Gwen: Frankly, right now, I hate the both of you.

Cody: But who do you hate more?

Gwen: Ugh! I can't deal with this! (She stomps off)

Duncan: Nice going, guys.

Chris: Well there we have it! Our twenty-four contestants! Harold, Bridgette, Sierra, Duncan, Geoff, Katie, Sadie, Cody, Leshawna, Trent, Owen, Izzy, Noah, Eva, Alejandro, Beth, Justin, Heather, Lindsay, Tyler, DJ, Courtney, and Gwen!

Noah: Uh, Chris? That's only twenty-three. Work on your counting.

Bridgette: Yeah! We're missing somebody!

DJ: But who?

Tyler: Wait a minute. Where's Ezekiel?

Chris: Oh, that. Hehe… I'll explain…

Where is Ezekiel?

What will the teams be?

What sort of new conflicts and friendships will form?

When will Courtney ever get over her hatred for Gwen?

And when will we ever get Owen unstuck?

All these questions answered in the next exciting chapter of

Total Drama Returns!