Another installment in the "let's put Lorne into more/all of the episodes of season 5 of SGA" effort. This is supposed to explain why Atlantis faced a major crisis in "Ghost in the Machine" and we never even got a glimpse of our favorite Major. I could only think of two things that might explain his absence. Since I already used one of these scenarios in another story, I decided to use the other one here.

The Ghost of Atlantis Past

"Lorne?"

"Yes, sir?" Lorne answered the radioed summons with a smile. Apparently, Sheppard was back. That meant he could leave the city and, maybe, finally, get some peace. With a little luck, he'd soon have the science department weirdoes off his back.

"How set were you on your outing to Asparda?"

Lorne hesitated. "Sir?"

The trip to Asparda – the planet that had somehow earned itself a hidden, encrypted file in the Ancients' data base – had half the members of the science department falling over themselves, fighting for a place on the Jumper from the moment they learned that Lorne's team was going to do a cursory preliminary check. So far, nobody had been able to decrypt the entire file; parts of it still remained enigmatic. The file offered no gate address for the planet, just a set of coordinates, which made the whole thing even more mysterious.

When Zelenka found a space gate not too far away from the planet, the planning and plotting had started in earnest. Speculations about what the Ancients might have hidden on Asparda ran high. The betting poll that Lorne officially knew nothing about ranged from a factory for ZPMs to a secret pleasure planet complete with exotic dancers and moonshine distillery and a variety of other things in between. He wasn't sure which whacky idea was winning at the moment.

The mission had been long planned and frequently postponed when other, more important stuff had come up. McKay had spent several hours with the file and had then passed on the trip because he thought the whole thing was just a scam and certainly nothing serious enough to warrant his personal attention. Three other scientists had already been chosen to accompany Lorne's team and do an appraisal of Asparda's possible worth to the Atlantis mission. There was still infighting about the fourth and last spot.

Lorne didn't have the lucky winners camping outside his quarters – yet. But it was a close call and the sooner he'd get the trip over with, the easier his life would be.

"What's wrong, sir?" Lorne asked. He suddenly had a really bad feeling about this.

"We just got in after a VERY bumpy ride." Sheppard informed his second in command. "You'd better forget about taking a Jumper out. At least not until McKay and Zelenka say it's safe."

"What happened?" Lorne asked. "Did McKay…?"

"'I'll have you know I didn't do anything!" The outraged scream almost pierced Lorne's ear-drums. He winced. Sometimes, wearing a sound device right next to his ear wasn't the best idea in the world. This definitely was one of those times.

"I was going to ask whether you could give me an estimate of when the Jumpers might be usable again, Doctor McKay," Lorne said pointedly.

"Oh -."

Lorne imagined the silence to be a slightly embarrassed one, though knowing Rodney McKay, that wouldn't last for long, if true at all.

"How should I know? Contrary to what some people believe, I am not clairvoyant." Rodney was running true to form again. "It depends on what we find. So, if everybody would let me work in peace…," he let the sentence hang unfinished, sounding only slightly petulant.

"Lorne, meet me in your office," Sheppard said tiredly. They'd had a couple of hard weeks since they'd rescued Teyla from Michael's clutches. "Rodney, I'll see you in the Jumper Bay soon."

Lorne heard a grunted response that might have been an agreement and then the command line fell silent again. He changed his direction. It looked like Asparda would have to move down the line again.

…

"Crap!"

Lorne wasn't sure who'd grunted the expletive. It might have been him – it certainly described the way he felt.

The exasperated sigh and the low chuckle that followed on the heels of his groan definitely didn't come from his throat. Neither did the familiar voice that stated dryly, "I think it is safe to say that we haven't lost Lorne."

Lorne briefly considered the statement. He didn't feel lost; everything simply hurt too much for that. He thought about opening his eyes, but decided against it. The result would most probably only be more pain.

Another sigh and this time, Lorne thought he recognized the sigher as female. Though the earlier voice had doubtlessly been Sheppard's. The low beeps and whirls of medical equipment and the unmistakable smell of disinfectant told Lorne that, once again, his day had somehow ended in the infirmary. Which made the assumption that the second person present was either Jennifer Keller or another female member of the medical staff a safe bet.

"Hey, Lorne, think you could open those baby blues?" Sheppard`s voice demanded from somewhere on his left.

"If I have a choice, I think I'd rather not," Lorne mumbled. "I'm pretty sure it's gonna hurt."

"Don't be a wimp, Lorne. Come on, you're not that messed up." Sheppard sounded more amused than annoyed.

"Take your time, Major," Keller's voice advised from his other side. "Your nervous system took quite a hit and, contrary to Doctor Sheppard's diagnosis, it is rather messed up at the moment."

"Ouch." Sheppard said, unrepentant.

Suddenly Lorne remembered where he'd been before he lost consciousness and what he had been doing. His eyes flew open. And by the by, he noted that he'd been right. It hurt. His lids felt heavy and it took effort to keep them up. The moment the bright lights of the infirmary hit his retinas a stab of raw pain exploded inside his head. Shoving the pain aside, he struggled to sit up.

"Whoa, Major!" Keller's hands firmly pushed him back into the cushions. "Oh no, you don't. Stay still; you're only going to hurt yourself."

"Sir? What about…" Lorne fought her restraining efforts with a body that refused to obey him. He tried to focus on Sheppard, but before he could even organize his thoughts into any kind of order to ask the question, the answer arrived.

"Easy, Lorne. Your men are fine. You and Spencer were the only casualties; and Spencer's here as well, in the bed right next to you."

Breathing hard, Lorne gave his CO an intense look. He couldn't detect any strain in Sheppard's easy drawl, so he was probably telling the truth.

"Spencer's gonna be okay, right, Doc?" Sheppard added, sending a questioning glance in Keller's direction.

She nodded and said, "Doctor Spencer is just fine, thanks to Major Lorne." Then her expression turned grim. "Quite unlike the Major." She readjusted several of the lines that fed into Lorne's body and which his contortions had tangled. She also checked the readings on one of the monitors beside his bed. It was difficult to tell whether she was satisfied with what she saw. In the past two years, she'd become good at controlling her expression. Consequently, Lorne didn't learn anything.

"So, Lorne, what made you think you where lightning-proof?"

"Sorry, sir. I didn't really think about it."

And to be true, he hadn't. The day had started normal enough. Until the weird stuff had started to happen, Sheppard coming in with a malfunctioning Jumper, unexplained black-outs all through the city, electrical surges suddenly bursting out of harmless looking walls, machinery shutting down without a reason. Things not even McKay could explain.

Lorne and his team had been called out to secure the Jumper Bay – just in case. A precaution really, to guard the unsuspecting city against whatever weird stuff might descend on them this time. Even though McKay and Zelenka both claimed there was no weird stuff, which, to Lorne's mind, in itself was weird.

A couple of minutes into the alarm, they found themselves turning a corner at the run. Lorne didn't need to close his eyes; he saw the scene as if it had been painted on the insides of his eyelids. The bright bolt of energy dancing out of the wall a few feet in front of them. The hapless scientist turning his head at the noise from Lorne's team. He stood right in the path of destruction as if rooted to the spot. If Lorne had had time to think about it, he might have acted differently. But there hadn't been any time. He'd reacted purely on instinct and jumped, trying to push the man out of the way. He'd known he was too late when he felt fire pass through his body. The last thing he remembered was a searing pain that came with the realization that this time he'd obviously blown it big time.

"Well, from what your guys say, you did good. Saved Spencer's ass."

"If this is what good feels like, I don't want to know the alternative," Lorne deadpanned.

He slowly let his head fall back into the cushion. Even that simple movement hurt. But the pain didn't distract him so much that he would overlook his CO's hesitation. To anyone who didn't know Sheppard as well as he did, the man appeared relaxed and totally indifferent. Lorne, however, saw the tension in his posture. Things were far from calm.

"Sir?" he prompted.

Sheppard took a step closer. Almost absently, he fiddled with one of the monitor cables. Until Keller firmly took it out of his hands and put it down again. With a crooked smile, Sheppard shrugged. Lorne's apprehension grew.

"Doctor Keller…?" A nurse called her over to Spencer's bed.

It gave the two men a little more privacy. Sheppard leaned even closer.

"We're deep in the proverbial stuff, Lorne," Sheppard announced quietly. A little later, Lorne knew about the Asuran in their computer systems who claimed she was Elisabeth Weir and about the dilemma Atlantis was facing.

"Anything I can do, sir?" He tried to sit up, but found his muscles still wouldn't comply with his brain's wishes.

"What you'll do is lie still and let us find out what you've done to yourself this time," Keller admonished him from behind Sheppard.

So much for privacy.

"I am sure Colonel Sheppard has other things to do," she added pointedly.

"Looks like I am dismissed," Sheppard said. He turned to Keller. "Any chance that you'll release Lorne sometime soon?"

She glared at him.

"I mean, he is going to be all right, right?" he pressed.

Fortunately, Keller's comment to Sheppard's question was a firm "Yes!"

Unfortunately, it came with a clarifier. "But if you were thinking of springing him from the infirmary and sending him out traipsing the corridors again, you can forget about that right away. Major Lorne is not going anywhere for a while. He got hit by what was basically equal to a bolt of lightning, and we have no idea what kind of damage his organs and his nervous system have sustained. He's lucky to be alive."

"Crap!"

…

"What do you think it feels like? "

"Hunh?"

The question had come out of nowhere, and a perplexed Lorne merely mumbled some sort of unintelligible response. He was too busy craning his neck to see and correctly interpret the readings on the array of monitors which he was hooked up to. Keller had turned the damned things away from him after his last effort to read them had resulted in a cacophony of beeps and whistles that had the medical staff come running. Who'd expect those blasted cables to be so sensitive? He only wanted to know what his condition was – and whether he could safely leave the infirmary and rejoin the melee outside.

Keller had been livid.

After some painfully pathetic wheedling on his part and a lot of annoyed frowning on hers, she'd compromised and let him at least have his earpiece back. But only after Rodney had assured Keller that the fact that Lorne had played human high voltage conductor wouldn't make him glow like a light bulb or go frizzle the moment he came into contact with any kind of electrical device. So now he was plugged into the command channel and pretty much in the loop; he would just feel so much better if he could actually do something. Lorne didn't do powerless very well.

"Do you think it hurts?"

The new query completely broke Lorne's concentration. He was obviously expected to do more than grunt an answer.

"What?" he asked in a last attempt to get the man to shut up.

"Floating around in sub-space, I mean," Spencer clarified.

The rumor mill was buzzing. Information, real and made-up, hadn't stopped at the doors of the infirmary. Lorne suspected there was no one really inside Atlantis who did not know or thought they knew what was happening. Spencer was no exception.

Lorne might be imagining things, but he thought he detected a slightly wistful note beneath the odd inquiry.

'Scientists!' he thought exasperatedly. Loudly, he only commented, "I have no idea … and I can certainly wait to find out," he added, not quite under his breath.

"Yeah, but just imagine it," the scientist went on.

Obviously, this particular bone was going to be worried some more. And the monitors were still out of his reach. Sighing inwardly, Lorne gave up and sank back into his mattress. He looked over to the left where Spencer's prone form still occupied the adjoining bed. Keller was taking no chances with either of them. The scientist was staring up at the ceiling with a vacant look.

"I'm fairly sure I don't want to," Lorne grumbled.

"Huh?" Confused eyes lost their fix on the soothing, muted tones of the infirmary's ceiling and turned to Lorne.

'Was the man expecting sub-space to materialize right there and then in a neat package so he could examine it?' It wasn't for the first time that Lorne wondered about the sanity of the members of the science department.

"From what I hear, sub-space isn't exactly the place I'd pick for my next vacation," he said, trying to curb the sarcasm. Lorne knew from experience that it wouldn't stick anyway.

"Oh." Spencer seemed to be thinking it over. "Of course, you wouldn't, … I mean, well,… no." It sounded like a negative – and an insult – at the same time. Yet, the expression in his eyes could only be described as rapt. "Just think about it. Pure mind, no encumbering, aging body. The whole universe would be accessible. No barriers, no limitations. The things you could learn. Given enough time, you'd be unstoppable."

This time, Lorne was sure he also saw longing on the man's face.

"Unstoppable, my ass," Lorne muttered. "There is always something to stop you – or someone." His face turned grim. "Good luck with your plans, Doc, but don't come running to me when you're stuck out there in sub-space contemplating your navel for all eternity."

"But … but!" Spencer was close to sputtering. Finally at a loss for words, the scientist glared at Lorne.

That was when the lights went out again. For a moment, a surprised gasp from the next bed was all Lorne could hear. Then the alarms from the monitors set in loudly again. Not that the cacophony surprised Lorne. After years of countless power losses, McKay and Zelenka had finally been able to devise some sort of almost fool-proof back-up generator for the infirmary. The key medical units had their own second power supply, separate from Atlantis' main power grid and, while of limited capacity compared to what the city could do, they were capable of holding up the most necessary functions – like monitoring patients. Especially those who were prone to escaping at the first sign of trouble. Maybe he should just…

"Damn!"

"Scratch that thought, Major!" Keller's dry voice came from somewhere close-by. "You're staying, even if I have to chain you to the bed myself."

He had to squint, but he could make out her form in the far corner of the dimly lit room. Emergency power obviously didn't allow for more than emergency lights. Tapering off with a whimper, the machinery at his side suddenly stopped its disharmonious noise.

"I cut it", said a disembodied male voice. "After all, it was only Lorne trying to get away again, right?"

"Right," Keller sighed. She stepped up to Lorne's bed.

"Major, do I have to spell this out for you again?" she asked. There was no real anger in her voice, just some exasperation and a fair amount of exhaustion. The infirmary had seen a lot of business the last few hours. "The current that you intercepted could have powered a surprisingly large part of this city. You almost died." Their eyes locked.

"Not that I'm complaining," Lorne said wryly, "but exactly why am I not pushing up the daisies?"

She shrugged. "As far as we can tell, the current never hit you; only its outer edges grazed you, and barely at that. Instead of millions of volts, only a very small amount of the energy actually came close to your body, which saved you."

Lorne didn't bother to tell her he didn't feel particularly saved. He also didn't mention that he was well aware that someone would probably still be scraping toasted Lorne off the floor had it been otherwise. The job description for major didn't include stupid, though Lorne wasn't sure if it shouldn't. Why else would he practically have a bed with his name plate on it in the infirmary? He sighed.

"Major, even if I let you go, you wouldn't be much good to anybody." She hesitated. "In layman's terms: Your nervous system is still pretty scrambled up from the shock. You'd collapse before you'd even reach the next transporter." After another moment of hesitation she continued, "Thankfully, there is no lasting brain damage, but it will take a few more days for some of your neural pathways to fully recover. This is one problem they'll have to deal with without you."

The lights were still down, but there was no mistaking the worry in her eyes. Lorne knew it wasn't just about him. They were both command staff. They both knew what was causing all the disruptions. What had made Mr. Woolsey almost let the city and all her people sink beneath the ocean. They knew what was being built in Rodney McKay's lab. Replicators were once again walking the corridors of the city of the Ancients. And one particular replicator was – possibly – fucking with the minds and feelings of the people who inhabited her.

And Lorne had to sit this one out.

"Crap."

"Yes."

…

In the end, the problem had been dealt with entirely without Lorne's help, and, hearing all about it afterwards, Lorne was more than relieved that he hadn't been involved in any of it. That had been a decision he was glad he hadn't had to make. Especially when he looked at Sheppard and saw what it had cost him.

The ghost of that particular past would remain with them all for quite a while.

In comparison, Asparda – when Lorne and his gleefully salivating entourage had finally been able to take a Jumper there two weeks later – had been a picnic as well as a huge disappointment to the science department.

It took them months to live down the frustration, and the chuckles.

Lorne wasn't sure Spencer would ever forgive him for securing that last coveted spot for him. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, and Spencer had been overjoyed and so grateful. That is until they found out what exactly the Ancients had used Asparda for. Lorne only knew one thing; the science department wouldn't be queuing up to be out on a field trip with him again anytime soon. They wanted to forget he and his team existed. There were reports that some of those rather unlucky winners had lately been known to duck into side corridors the moment a uniform approached. As for Spencer, whenever they happened to visit the commissary at the same time, the ill fated scientist would find a seat as far away from Lorne as possible and then glare at him from across the room.

The kind and decent thing to do would be to strike Spencer's foray into the unknown from his memory. On a different level however, the one that he usually kept his inner child locked up on, Lorne didn't want to. Some images were just too precious to lose. From time to time, even a major needed some comic relief.

The End

Author's note: So what happened on Asparda? At the moment, that's unfortunately anybody's guess. It was definitely nothing threatening to the safety of Atlantis. It was also definitely something very much embarrassing for the 4 people from the Atlantis science department who had been so eager to explore new delights.

I meant to write the Asparda adventure as a separate story and then publish both of them at the same time. Still, after a year of fermenting on my hard drive, there isn't much more than the opening paragraph and a few ideas. I am not saying I have given up on ever writing it, but nobody should hold their breaths – I don't want to acquire a rep as a murderess. ;)

All I can say is that Asparda was one of the highlights of Lorne's career, not necessarily in a successful achievement kind of way, but certainly in the comic relief department. It may also have kicked off some sort of – entirely undeserved, of course – unhappiness in certain members of the science department with our good major. Not that he was unprofessional, he never would be, he is Lorne, after all, but maybe he wasn't quite as good at hiding his amusement as he usually is. The science department does not take kindly to being made a fool of and it hates for anyone to be a witness should it happen. Worse, if the witnesses are of the – despised – military kind. Inferior intellect and all that. Duh!