Ugh. The formatting for this one was fucked up, too. If any part of it is still fucked up, please ignore it. Also, still no beta. So, if anything is wrong with wording/spelling, ignooooore. Because my mind sometimes works ahead of my fingers. Yeah...
Edward: Your mind works?
Roy: You're just begging her to kill you.
Me: No. No. I'm trying to work on that. I shan't be even threatening to kill anyone! =D
Edward: Yeah. See how long that lasts.
Roy: Shut. Up. Ed.
Me: Ignoring.
Thanks to everyone who reads this story and reviews it! I love getting the emails for reviews and favorites/alerts. =D
Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Aaaaany questions about that? It's pretty straightforward.
Warnings: Foul language. Mpreg. RoyEd bickering.
Enjoy!
"I'm never leaving this bed again. I'm fat and ugly and it's all your fault and I hate you for it!" The lump of blankets produced a hand, finger pointing directly at Roy's nose. He went cross-eyed looking at it before he sighed and pushed the hand away, settling down on the bed beside the talking lump of blankets. One of his hands rested lightly on it, rubbing soothingly.
"Ed, you are not fat and ugly." he mumbled, attempting to move aside some of the blankets. The hand that had been produced slapped his arm away, and, since it was the automail hand, he found that he didn't mind not trying that again.
"You're just saying that so I won't be difficult." the blankets replied quietly, shifting.
"I am not. I've been with you for years. If I was lying and I did think you were fat and ugly, I'd have left you, don't you think?" The blankets produced blond hair and teary golden eyes next, along with the fingers of a flesh hand. "Or I'd have left you years ago. I love you, Ed, and I'm not gonna leave. You're gorgeous."
"Even though I've got this stupid pregnant belly?"
"Even with the 'stupid pregnant belly.'" Roy mocked, kissing the blond's forehead. Edward rubbed his eyes, sitting up a bit more in the bed.
"I love you, too." he mumbled, pushing up and kissing the older man. "But I still hate you."
"How can you love me and hate me?"
"Shut up. I can and I do. Now go get me food. I'm starving." The dark-haired man placed his hands on either of Edward's hips, pulling him closer and nuzzling the side of his neck. "That's not getting me food." the irritated neko grumbled, shoving his arms between them and folding them over his chest.
"Love it when you get so bossy."
"Then get me something to fucking eat!" Ed hissed, shoving his lover's shoulder roughly. As he was pulled into the older man's lap, he yelped, grabbing onto the shoulder he'd shoved just moments before. His hands slid around, wrapping his arms around the man's neck. Roy scooped the neko up bridal style and carried him out, ignoring the complaints until he was swatted upside the head. "I told you I was never leaving that fucking bed! Why the hell did you pick me up like that?"
"Ed, calm down." Roy groaned, shaking his hair out to fix it. "You can stay in this house as long as you won't, but I'm not going to let you stay in bed all day every day. Even if I have to carry you around myself." He gently sat Edward down on the couch in the living room, wary of being swung at again. "Havoc, Hawkeye, and Penelope will be coming by in a little while. Think you'll be able to act… not pissed?"
"I'm not acting pissed!" the blond snapped, crossing his arms and sliding into the corner of the couch. "Of course I can act like I should. And why didn't you tell me before now?" He aimed a kick at Roy, barely grazing his leg.
"You were asleep when it was decided." The Fuhrer shrugged and took a seat on the other end of the couch.
"I'm still hungry."
"And Alexander is bringing something for you to eat right now, Ed. Be a little bit more patient."
"Maybe I don't wanna be patient."
"If I might interrupt, sirs. I have your breakfast." The aforementioned butler was standing in the doorway, holding a tray with their breakfast on it instead of pushing a cart, with a small smile on his face. He set the try on the small coffee table in front of their couch and lifted the lid off. Edward immediately went for it, while Roy sat back and watched him silently.
"Thank you, Alexander." Roy mumbled, resting his chin on his fist. The elder man bowed out, leaving them alone for a little while. Then there was a knock on the door and the butler led Jean, Riza, and their child, tucked in blankets in her mother's arms, into the living room where Ed was still shoveling food in his mouth and Roy was still watching him.
"Damn. Ya never realize how much he can eat until you actually see him doing it." Havoc chuckled, sprawling out in a chair.
"Jean." Riza snapped, bouncing Penelope lightly. The smoker shrugged, holding his hands up in surrender, then chewed on the end of his cigarette quietly, rathering Hawkeye didn't pull a gun on him. "Hello, Edward, Fuhrer Mustang. What did you want to see us about?"
"Can I hold her?" Ed asked, finally looking up from his food. Apparently Penelope was more important than eating right now. Either that, or the neko had finished eating. Riza smiled and gently passed the little girl over to Edward, who smiled down at her, stroking her cheek softly with one flesh finger and cooing sweet nonsense to her.
"Now, Fuhrer, what did you want to see us about?" the sniper asked, taking a seat across from the couch.
"I'd like both of you to come with us to a cabin near the Briggs Mountain for a while. Ed wants to get out of the city, and I'd like to go with him. Penelope, of course, will come, too."
"You need protection." It wasn't a question, the blond woman nodding slowly.
"Yes. And I'd trust the both of you with all three of our lives."
"Well, sir-" Riza broke off, realization dawning. "Three? There are only two of you: You and Edward." she pointed out, frowning. There was a puzzled expression on her face, brows furrowing over her eyes and one corner of her mouth tilting down. Edward stared down at Penelope silently, biting his lip hard. She laughed to try to get his attention back on her, tugging hard on his golden bangs. The best he could manage at the moment was to smile weakly, not even bothering to tug his hair from her grasp.
"No. There's not." Roy replied, shaking his head.
"But, Mustang! Th-" Havoc finally spoke up, only to be silenced by a raised hand from the Fuhrer.
"There are three of us. Me, Edward, and-"
"I'm fucking pregnant, okay? Quit beating around the fucking bush, Mustang, and let it out." The neko glared at his lover through his hair- Penelope still hadn't let go- mouth set in a tight line.
"I was building up to it. Don't you think they'd need a moment to process it?"
"Process it? You mean work it out from your stupid little hints, right?"
"You're what?" Jean finally yelped, cigarette falling out of his mouth and onto the floor.
"Apparently in a fucking foul mood." Roy grumbled, rolling his eyes.
"Before that." Riza whispered, eyes wide.
"I. Am. Pregnant. You should know. You went through it all before. The morning sickness, the shit with my moods, the weird cravings-"
"You always had weird cravings." the dark-haired man interrupted.
"The baby bump, the worrying, and all that good shit." Ed finished as if Roy had said nothing, still glaring. By now, he'd gently tugged his hair from Penelope's chubby fist and was bouncing her in his arms.
"You're jerking us around, right? You can't be serious!" Havoc's eyes were huge. Edward silently compared them to saucers, biting his lip again.
"We're not." Roy reached over, grabbing the hem of his younger lover's shirt. "Here, Ed, pull up your shirt and show them."
"What? I ain't pulling up my shirt! The fuck is wrong with you?" the neko snapped, punching the older man in the arm as best he could with a baby in his arms.
"See? He's not pregnant. That's impossible."
"Oh yeah? You wanna ask my doctor?" Edward growled, narrowing his eyes at Jean and turning his attention away from the dark-haired man beside him. Roy took the chance and pulled up the blond's button-up.
"Now do you believe me?"
"You bastard! What the hell?" Edward slammed the palm of his automail hand into the back of his lover's head, glaring at him all the while. Roy hissed, cradling the spot where Ed hit him with his own hand, glaring back at his younger lover. But Jean and Riza where still staring at his stomach, shocked because they'd seen. The same thought was running through both of their heads, and would be the only thought anyone in this situation could possibly come up with and form: What the hell?
"Y-You're n-not joking." Havoc finally stammered, still staring at the spot where Ed's shirt had fallen back over his swollen belly. "How?"
"Well, uh, we think it has something to do with… this." the neko replied, gesturing to the cat ears nestled in his hair. The left one twitched as his finger brushed across the tip. They'd both flattened out to the sides a few minutes ago, but they were slowly starting to perk up again. "At least, that's the only theory we can come up, and the only thing that really makes any sense."
"What about this makes sense?" Riza gasped, finally looking up at Edward's face. The blond alchemist was silent for a few moments, considering what to say.
"I guess none of it should make any sense, but we've had a while to think about it and get used to it. Then we came up with an idea or two about how it could have happened, and… Well, we just got used to it and stuff, okay?" His tone started out calm, but he finished speaking with irritation leaking into his voice. He wasn't feeling very well and he was certainly not feeling like putting up with shit. They all sat in silence for a while, staring at each other. Penelope started crying and Ed bounced her more, shushing her and kissing her cheeks.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"I'll do it. I'd have done it anyways, but I'm glad you told me about you being pregnant anyways. You'll make a great parent to your child, Ed, if the way you treat Penelope is anything to go by." Riza said, smiling softly at the neko. Roy looked expectantly at Havoc.
"I'll do it, too. But this is still kinda weird, ya know. What with the, uh-" The smoker gestured towards Ed's stomach, then leaned over in the chair to pick his cigarette up off of the floor.
"Well, it's not my fault! It's his." the neko hissed, pointing to Roy.
"Oh, of course; it's my fault when neither of us had any idea it was possible."
"Boys!" Both of them looked over at Riza, eyes wide. "Can we stop bickering, please? It's no one's fault."
"Yeah, fine. I gotta go to the bathroom. Hold her for me?" Ed asked, looking up at his lover.
"What? Why me?"
"You've got to learn how to hold them. Duh." The blond rolled his eyes and dumped Penelope in the older man's arms, getting up and walking back to the bathroom.
"What the hell have I gotten myself into?" Roy groaned, staring down at the baby in his arms.
Leave a review to let me know what you think! I'm not really gonna ramble today, and I'm silencing Roy and Edward for being bastards.
Edward: We weren't-
Me: SHUT UP! Why can't you /listen/ like Roy?
Roy: Haha!
Me: You shut up, too! Leave a review! Ciao!
hugs&kisses~ Madarao