AN: Ugh, this story cries itself to sleep, forever in the epic shadow of LDD, but I still love it. Btw, just so you know, if this were a real book I'd never write it like this, but it's just fanfiction so I'm mixing POVs. It's Austin's POV overall, but the flashbacks will be third person.

-XX-

Remember October

Chapter Five

It isn't so much a blinding pain, but a hazy laziness in the morning.

No open sores, cuts or bruises. That's always good after a night of drinking with the gang. I head straight for the bathroom and run the water, dropping last night's clothes to the bathroom floor and climbing into the shower. When the water first hits my tense muscles, it hurts like hell, but then I ease into it and can't bring myself to do more than stand there for a bit. If only the world could stand just as still when I do.

"Didn't I leave a flat iron here?" Faith's voice drifts in from the other side of the shower certain. I hear her rummaging, knocking things over as she goes through the cupboard and under the skin. It goes without question that she doesn't intend to right any of it.

"Boundaries, darling," I murmur. Post-drinking morning-after gravely voice. Check.

"Like I haven't seen it before, hubby. Like you haven't flaunted it in public places before," Faith giggles. The curtain rattles and the sound is followed by the opening and closing of more cabinet doors. It's astounding how she's a groggy bitch when you try to wake her up before ten on a daily basis, but still cheery even with a hangover as long as it's after ten.

"So did you have fun?" I ask, managing to move enough to lather my hair with shampoo.

"I always have fun when I'm with you," Faith says sweetly. "Being reminded of how hyper sexual Nicky and Kelly are? That I could have done without."

I can't help, but laugh. Means shit isn't that foggy for both of us. I do remember the way Nicky and Kelly would inch closer and closer with every drink. How the entire night her hand was on his shoulder, fingers toying with the hair at the nape of his neck and how his hand kept moving higher up her leg. The way he bit back a smile every time she laughed and trust me, she laughed a lot. Most notably, how they slowly, but surely pushed Faith and me out of the picture until they were whisked away to a universe where only the two of them (and occasionally Parker, I'd assume) exist.

"They're in love, y'know," I mutter. There's a pause and I'm ready to peek around the curtain to see if she's even still in the bathroom. I need to tell someone. "It annoys the fuck out of me that they won't do anything about it. If I had that easy of a setup with a cool girl I love who obviously loves me back then I wouldn't still be playing the denial game. I'd have that locked down."

"That's what I've been saying, oh, since we were sixteen," comes Faith's reply. I hear a tapping and then the sound of bristles against teen and crinkle my face. Is she using my toothbrush?

"I told him to woo her," I confess. Keeping things from Faith requires conscious effort. Otherwise I just blurt out random shit like that. "He told me he wants to marry her and I told him to maybe do the dating thing or the moving in together thing first. Lord knows the only thing besides Kaylie Cruz that could ruin what we've got going on here is a divorce."

Faith spits. Like, literally spits. Then runs the water and there's more tapping.

"Silly, you know Kelly would so leave him at the altar before they get as far as divorce," Faith says playfully. "In all seriousness though, it's sound advice. Even more seriously, I'd kill for as sweet a deal as they have going on with a high quality boy with low expectations."

I chuckle. "Amen, sister."

"Jesus Christ, save some water for the whales, you greedy bastard," Faith says, rattling the shower curtain again. "I'll be in the living room watching cartoons. Do you know if the Thai place down on Federal delivers this early?"

"Yup. They open at eleven," I reply. I wouldn't doubt that the Thai place has the directions to my apartment memorized with how often I order out.

"So the usual?" Faith asks.

"Cash in the cookie jar like always."

Faith closes the door behind her and I finish my shower, already thinking of noodles fried in chili paste. Just as my stomach starts growling, I wrap a towel around my waste and shut off the water. As expected, Faith left shit everywhere so I need to step over bottles of hair gel and unplug the flat iron (that she left on) before I go change into a fresh shirt and jeans. I find my cell on my bedroom floor with Faith's shoes and my watch.

No new messages from Emily. I don't know if I should be relieved or worried.

After plugging the charger into the wall and then into my phone, I text Emily good morning and ask what she's up to. When a good thirty seconds pass and no reply, I leave it on my dresser and go out to the living room where Faith is indeed watching cartoons. I crash onto the couch with a groan and rest my head on her thigh, eyes shifting from the screen to her entranced stare.

"Popeye," I observe. "The sailor man."

"He's no Aladdin, but he's super sexy for a cartoon character," Faith says, completely serious too. "I know. I know. It's creepy, but it's true. The dude has no teeth, he's mid-forties at least and he can barely speak English. Creepy, but I'm strangely diggin' it."

"Really? I was thinking more along the lines that it's creepy that you check out cartoon characters," I point out. This girl is amusement personified with a hot pair o' legs. "Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe it isn't so much the guys you date being weirdoes, but you…?"

"You are so asking to be smothered with this here pillow," Faith says in her best Popeye impersonation that isn't anything to brag about. Just as she grabs the pillow, there's a knock on the door and I grab the rolled up cash tucked beneath Faith's bra strap before getting up with a groan. Thai takeout, come to Austin.

It's a total fucking disappointment when I open the door and it's just Joey and his up-to-no-good grin. I knew it was way too fast for it to already be here, but I got my hopes up anyways.

I'm about to express this disappointment and my suspicion brought about by the way Joey keeps popping up at my doorstep, but then I notice the thing he has under his arm and am successfully distracted. It's living, breathing, blinking, but I still can't tell what it is.

So I ask, "What in God's holy name is that?"

"What?" Joey looks genuinely confused like he doesn't notice the nearly hairless gray beast with a liver spot-like pattern, stuck beneath his arm with its long, pink tongue hanging out of its mouth and random sprouts of white hair. When he catches me staring at the thing Joey goes on, "Oh. This is Eduardo. He belongs to a, uh, a client of mine."

"You mean fuck buddy?" I ask slyly. "You know, getting paid to walk their dogs and have sex with them. It's practically prostitution. I should report you."

"Did I hear 'dog'?" Faith squeals with excitement and rushes to the door. "C'mere doggie! I love me some—Jesus! What the hell is that? Eww! I've seen cuter sewer rats rummaging through the trashcans in the subways. Joey, that thing is almost as hideous as you."

"You're so fucking shallow," Joey snarls. "I'll have you know Eduardo is a purebred, um, Chinese Water…Crested…dog. He's won awards and stuff."

"Umm, yeah, in the category of ugly," Faith retorts. "And FYI purebred equals inbreeding."

"Dude, you're such a—"

"And what's Eduardo doing here exactly?" I interrupt. Shit. And they say I act like a child? These two beast even me.

"I need a favor," Joey says. Always with the favors. I really shouldn't be surprised. "I need to stash him somewhere for a while. Can I just tie him up in the corner of your kitchen or something? Just for a couple hours?"

It's a weird request even for Joey, but it sounds harmless enough. After hesitating for maybe a second or two, I nod my head and motion for him to head inside. Faith keeps casting Eduardo looks like its going to morph into a Tasmanian devil and attack or something, but the dog just sits still in Joey's lap and doesn't make a sound.

Another episode of Popeye, the one where he takes Sweat Pea to the zoo—I make a mental note to suggest the zoo to Emily—and finally there's another knock on the door. The Thai food delivery guy shows up and Joey wonders aloud whether we should be concerned that he's Mexican and Faith makes some sarcastic comment about him being unfortunate looking and racist and what a catch he is.

Once I have the take out containers all scattered across the coffee table and Eduardo is banished to the kitchen, there's no more talking because we're all too busy stuffing our faces. We watch more cartoons in this nice, comfortable silence and when I'm honestly stuffed I go to retrieve my phone.

I find a good afternoon text from Emily and I text her that I'm heading to the cabin.

"Alright. I'm out of here," I announce. Walking back into the living room, Faith now has it turned to an episode of Maury where they're (as always) trying to find out who's the Baby Daddy. "Faith, how long do you plan to spend here?"

"All day," she replies loftily, waving her chopsticks at me. That showoff. "If I go home I'm just going to lounge around there and have to come back here for my shift tonight. I'm already comfortable. Might as well stay. I thought I could spend the day with my fav. Hotness, but apparently you have other plans in mind."

"Sorry to disappoint, Pretty, you gotta share me with the rest of the world too," I say, ignoring that curious twinkle in her eye. "Just make sure the dog-thing doesn't destroy my apartment, 'iight?"

"Sure thing, Handsome," Faith agrees. "Just kiss me goodbye."

I make this big fussy sound like it's such a trouble as I lean down and sweetly kiss the side of her head, smoothing my hand down the back of her head. I'm just glad she isn't asking any questions about where I'm going—Boulder—and who I'm going to see—Emily and Jillie. She could easily get it out of me, but she doesn't even try because she trusts me. Fuck man. How easy would everything be if I were in love with Faith? If only life were that simple.

"You'll be back by tonight, right?" Faith asks, catching the edge of my shirt before I could walk away. "I really want you to meet the guy I've been seeing."

"Yeah. Sure." I don't know why she always wants and even cares about my opinion of these guys, but apparently it's important to her and she's important to me so I go with it.

After rubbing Joey's head and thoroughly annoying him, I grab my wallet, my keys and I head to Boulder on Lolita. She still looks like a beauty and runs like a champion. I'm out by the lake in no time. The house is quiet when I first enter and I see Jillie sound asleep on the couch. God, she's beautiful. She's like Emily in that way, but so different too.

Emily is out on the back patio, sitting in a folding chair and just staring. She looks a lot better than she had that first day. More cleaned up and rested, but still shaken by whatever happened to her. I don't know how long I stand there by the glass door, just looking at her. It isn't until she glances over her shoulder and finally notices me that I slap on a smile and take a step closer.

"Hey," I whisper, pulling up a chair beside her. "I see you made it through the night. So I'm guessing the ghosts didn't scare you off."

"Oh, I got a little close to leaving a few times," Emily confesses, "And ghosts would be to blame for that, but they aren't exactly of the haunted house variety."

I frown. "Have you seen anyone since you've been back?"

Emily shakes her head. No. "And honestly, I'd rather keep it that way."

"Not even your mom?"

"Especially not my mom."

"Have you talked to Damon recently?" I ask.

"Things between Damon and me…it's complicated. Then again, when has it ever been uncomplicated, right? You know better than anyone else." Emily sighs loudly, swinging her feet back and forth beneath her chair. "I still have so much to sort out in my head. Focus on my daughter and getting back on track." She looks so determined and then turns to smile softly at me and I can feel a change of topic coming on. "So I got your text last night."

"Drunk texting always turns out better than drunk driving…or dialing."

"True," she laughs lightly. "So do you go out drinking often?"

"Less than when I was younger," I assure her. "It's rare for Nicky and Kelly to put aside their adult-like duties and agree to get wasted with us unless Faith talked up a good game, which she must of because last night was…man, I felt twenty-six again."

"You look so happy when you talk about them. It's a good look for you," Emily smiles gently. I want to ask her what makes her face light up so I could do it or get whatever it is for her, but before I could even think to ask, she goes on, "It was wrong of me to say what I said the other day, about things going bad for you with them. I shouldn't be mixing up what I'm going through with you and your life. Two completely different things, I'm sure."

What are you going through?

"Em," I whisper, "Are you in trouble?"

Looking out at the water, she replies, "Yes…maybe."

That is not what I want to hear. Leaning closer, I ask, "With who?"

"It doesn't matter," she says quickly. "I feel horrible, y'know? I used to bitch and complain like a little brat when all my mom was trying to do was help me reach my dream. And now, look at me. What would Jillie think if she was old enough to see what I'm doing? All I know is that I got myself into this and I'll find out a way to fix it. Austin, I would disappear without a trace before I'd drag you into this."

But I'm already in this. Deep.

"You know that that's the last thing I want to hear, right?" I ask her. I drag my chair closer towards her and the legs scrape against the patio, making the ugliest sound. "I think it's about time you tell me what's going on. Do you…owe someone money? I could help—"

"Austin, I can't talk about it. Not now."

"Emily."

"Do you trust me?"

I know I shouldn't. She's already admitted to being in trouble. She could've killed a man for all I know, but then she looks at me with those soft brown eyes and I know she could never intentionally hurt someone. I mean, she hurt me, but I know she didn't mean to. I also know I'm making excuses for her in my head but I don't really care.

"Of course I trust you, Em."

"Then give me time," she nearly begs, taking my hand. She reminds me of how damaged I am. Nicky and Kelly will say it aloud, but Emily makes me feel it and I can't tell which sucks more. Emily squeaks out a "please" and I'm down for the count.

"Okay."

She squeezes my hand. I squeeze back.

It's fucking far from enough or okay and I know it, but I still let it go.

"Thank you," she says, giving my hand one last, firm squeeze before letting go and curling up in her chair. She sighs heavily and returns to staring blankly at the water lapping against the shore.

"So are you just going to sit here and hate on yourself for the rest of the day?"

"Probably," she says. "It's one of the few things I'm good at."

"Well, what else are you good at?"

Emily looks at me and I can tell she's trying so hard to appear happy. "Well, I've been told I make a pretty awesome pizza."

I laugh because there are traces of my Emily still in there amongst all the broken pieces and something tells me that I can do it. I can save her.

I pass on the pizza because I've already eaten my weight in Thai, but I promise her a rain check. After sitting and looking out at the water for a bit longer, we go inside and I see she's dug up the old record player and record collection. They came with the house when I bought it, but when she smiles and tells me I have good taste in classics, I just grin goofily in return. We spend the rest of the afternoon listening to oldies and talking about the past, far in the past. She makes me remember that even with all the bad, there was good too.

We lie on the floor of the living room, side by side, staring up as the sunlight filters in through the sunroof. Belle and Sebastian Write About Love, on vinyl, locked and loaded, spins on late in the afternoon. It's a song I actually know and get—I Want the World to Stop.

"You know," I whisper to her, "I went after you."

After a long pause, Emily whispers back, "I didn't know that at time."

I turn onto my side so I have a better view of her face. "You didn't make it easy. I'll tell you—Where in the World is Emily Kmetko—not a fun game." Her face turns apologetic, but I don't ant an apology. I just need to know. "If…if you did know at the time, would you've let me find you?"

The honest is enough to put everything on mute, including the music playing in the background. She looks back at me, not knowing how to answer but desperate to give me something. Before she can, Jillie starts fussing from the next room and Emily instantly goes into mom-mode, quickly sitting up.

"I have to—"

"I get it," I tell her, sitting up to. "I gotta go anyways. Work and stuff."

Emily frowns and it only makes me even more desperate to try to put her back together again. Everyone always told me I had a hero complex. I always have to be the one to step in even when I'm not needed or wanted to try to save the day. Damn me because I do.

Before Emily can say anything, I give her a quick hug, tell her to go take care of her daughter and walk out the front door. I take a long route back to Denver and I drive slower than necessary. The sun starts to set just as I arrive back at October and the lights inside the empty bar are all already on.

Joey is sitting out on the curb, smoking a cigarette and he gives me a nod. I nod back before walking inside just to find Faith and her new boy sitting at the bar. The first thing I spot is the guitar and I remember Faith saying he was a musician. If I operated on a strike system (which lucky for him I don't) that would already be strike one.

"Austin!" Faith suddenly shouts, bouncing up and off her bar stool, waving her phone frantically as she rushes over to me. "Did you get a text from Nicky and/or Kelly?"

"Nope."

"Ha, I'm the favorite," Faith says with a cheeky smile. I make my annoyance apparent on my face and try to look around her and at the dude, but Faith blocks my view, shoving her phone in my face. "Kelly has been texting me! I haven't seen her this freaked out since that time we left Parker in that grocery cart and he started rolling downhill."

Yes, Kelly had been freaked out during that incident. No, it was not my fault.

"So which of my sins has Kelly found out about this time?" I ask with a groan.

"Surprisingly, it's not you," Faith says to my relief. "It's Nicky."

"So she found out about Nicky's other bastard child?" I playfully wince.

Faith hits my chest, but she can't seem to fight the smile. "No. He's cooking dinner for her."

Nicky? Cook? To quote my bud, 'cooking is what cooks are for.' Silver Spoon if I've ever known one.

"Why would he do that?" I ask rather dumbly.

"Taking your advice it seems," Faith replies like she holds the answer to life's most mindboggling questions. "He's wooing her, Austin."

I caught on before she had to spell it out for me, but instead of making her aware, I just smile. Success! Nicky listening to me is usually unheard of. For the first time I feel like I'm pulling my weight in this family aside from providing the booze and humor, of course.

"So you want to introduce me to the new chew toy?"

"I'd be delighted too," Faith says pleasantly. She slides her arm through mine and leads me over to where the guy is waiting, busying himself, with a pen in his hand, scribbling on a cocktail napkin, scraggly handwriting in blue ink.

Upon closer inspection, the guy looks even more familiar. Familiar to the point where I'm sure I've seen him before. Dark hair, light eyes, kinda on the tall and gangly side. He looks like he recently took a beating. His hand right hand is wrapped up and the knuckles of his other hand, cradling the pen, are raw. There's a pretty recent cut on his forehead and a bruise on his chin.

It makes me want to roll my eye, thinking about how he looks so beat up and how it's probably the reason Faith is so drawn to him. Cuts, bruises and burns—turn-ons Faith isn't ashamed to talk about (but when is she ever?). Even more so, the emotional scars that probably comes along with the real ones. And not just dudes, but people in general. She loves the damaged and the damned. She loves being reminded that she isn't the only fucked up one in the world.

"Austin, this is Razor," Faith says cheerily. "Razor, this Austin, my boss and part-time lover."

"Nice," Razor says. He puts the pen down and spins on the barstool to fully face me with his half-lidded eyes and too charming smile. "You're lucky I don't mind tag teaming."

Right away, I don't fucking like this guy. An immediate strikeout.

More annoying than the way he looks at Faith like he knows he's so charming and the way Faith looks back and giggles even though she knows he knows he's charming is the fact that he's so familiar and I can't place my damn finger on it.

"Razor," I say his same again, hoping it'll spark something. Anything. When nothing comes to me, I just flat out ask, "We met before?"

The guy doesn't even hesitate. He laughs. "Austin Tucker, you don't remember me?"

Nope. His name. I know I've heard it before and his face, despite looking like he just walked out of a greaser brawl, all seem too familiar to me, but still. I have no clue.

"A few years back, Emily and Damon had a Christmas party when they were still living in Boulder and she introduced us," Razor explains and it triggers something in my head. Of course. "Damon and I were tight since we were kids. Emily and I got close, working at the Pizza Shack when we were teenagers. You seriously don't remember singing Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer with me? We were, like, the Karaoke Kings of the night."

I inwardly wince at the reminder. I had a knack for drinking a lot when across the room from the happy couple. I also managed to convince myself that didn't even happen. Up until now that is.

"Ha, how could I have forgotten?" I play it cool. "Razor, right. Sorry, man. That night is kinda a blur."

"You don't have to tell me twice," Razor grins. "From the bits and pieces I remember, you were flirting pretty heavily with that Dom. Heh. Once he turned all famous Damon was never shy with spending his money."

"Sure," I say, "But I still prefer Cristal."

Razor chuckles. "Man after my own heart."

It starts to come back now. I remember his longing eyes following Emily around the room as Damon and her mingled with the guests. Now it makes sense why I didn't like him the second Faith introduced us, or, well, re-introduced us. There's a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me I can't hate the guy for being like me and doing what I did, but still, I'm not a fan.

Faith is particularly quizzical, glancing between us. She's obviously trying to draw the connections herself, but her attention is stolen when her phone suddenly starts to ring.

"It's Kelly," Faith announces.

"Answer it," I say quickly.

"And pretend like we have no clue our Nicky is courting her?"

I can't help, but snigger. Nicky Russo is courting Kelly Parker. I point at my nose and then point to Faith and she tells us to play nice as she answers the phone with her innocent voice and starts to walk towards the back of the bar.

"So," Razor says, distractedly twirling the ballpoint pen between his fingers. "You and Faith seem—"

"So when's the last time you saw Emily?" I ask. It's almost too easy to talk over him. Almost as easy as it is to read him. Once the words leave my lips, he nearly flinches and drops the pen. It flies away from him and hits the ground. Slowly, I pick it up and hold it out to him. He's hiding something and I want to know what it is.

"Not for years, man," he answers.

I've always been good at telling when people are lying. Probably because I've done so much of it myself.

"Dude, don't," I warn him with a growl. I slam the pen down onto the bar and he actually flinches that time. Then I slowly slide onto the barstool beside him, letting the tension sit and simmer till he cracks. "What happen to your face and your hand?"

Because Emily has bruises of her own.

"Car accident," Razor says with scary conviction.

Is that what it had been? A car accident?

"So you've seen her? Is she okay?" Razor asks softly. I lean away from him. Does he actually think I'm going to tell him anything? Before I can express how stupid he is if he thinks he's getting anything out of me without him explain beforehand, Razor goes on, "She's like a ghost, isn't she? Like, it's hard to believe she's even there and it scares you that you could blink and she'd be gone again. Tell me I'm not the only one who felt it. How different she is."

"Wait. Slow down," I say. "Start from the beginning…"

-XX-

Razor thinks he's done all right with his life. He isn't working for a major label like Damon is, but he doesn't have corporate slaveholders telling him what his music should sound like and what his lyrics should be about. He likes his small label and feeling like his band is a family rather than business partners. He loves playing at little, intimate venues and doing small summer tours. As great as Razor Fever sounds, he'd rather his smaller yet fiercely dedicated fanbase and being able to go out without getting mobbed.

Money is tight, but that's what being owner of the Pizza Shack is for. He used his payoff from his first big break and bought the little pizzeria in Boulder, where he poured his teenage sweat into, working for minimum wage. It brings in a decent amount of cash from month to month. Over all, life is good.

"Ray…"

"…Emily?"

He just finished a set in a small club on the edge of Denver. Immediately after the show, he spent maybe an hour with the band, meeting and hanging out with the fans and signing a few autographs. As he heads to his Jeep, ready to phone Faith, the girl who's been playing hard to get, keeping him on his toes as of late, he sees his old friend standing by his Jeep, waiting.

"Emily Kmetko," Razor says, rubbing at his eyes to make sure he's seeing what he thinks he sees. Razor scratches his head and looks over his shoulder before setting his eyes on her once more. "Is that really you?"

"No. I'm a figment of your imagination," she says jokingly. "You're asleep. We're both at the Pizza Shack and you fell asleep at the register like you always do."

"Not always," he argues, but then grins. "Twice a week. Tops."

She rolls her eyes. "Same ol' Razor. Apparently, from the chanting of the crowd in there, you still go by Razor."

"Why part with a good thing, right?" he says, holding out his arms. "And I'm assuming you still go by Emily Kmetko, right? B'cause if you and Damon got hitched all the way out there in California and without inviting me then I don't know if you deserve this hug I'm about to give you."

It's dark in the alleyway where his truck is parked, but he still sees the way she stiffens when he mentions Damon.

"I don't know about deserving a hug, but I could really use one right now," Emily says. Without question, Razor goes right over and pulls her into his arms. It feels like a lifetime has passed since he's seen Emily let alone held her in his arms.

"So what are you doing here?" he asks. "And where's Dae?"

"He's back in LA, doing what big corporate big shots do. Producing records. Making stars. That sort of thing," Emily says. "I don't know why I'm back, really. I just felt like I…I needed it. I miss everyone so much."

"Well, I can't speak for 'everyone' since I don't really know or talk to any of the others anymore, but I missed you," Razor says. "How about we grab a bite? I am starving."

She laughs. "It's like midnight."

"That's why the gods of rock invented the twenty-four hour diner and I know a good one not too far from here," Razor says, bouncing over to the passenger side of his car and yanking the door open for her. Emily slides in and he shuts the door after her. Razor rounds the front and gets behind the wheel, quickly starting up the engine.

"So how did we sound in there?" Razor asks. "And don't sugarcoat it. Be as brutal as possible."

"I liked it. It reminded me of how you used to scribble lyrics on pizza boxes and the back of receipts, even on your arms and management would always tell you it was 'unsanitary'. It's nice to see a musician not sell out," she says with an edge of bitterness to her voice. He's about to ask to what musician she's alluding to, but then Emily laughs and says, "You did totally forget the words to that third song and just started humming along though, didn't you?"

"Guilty," Razor chuckles as he pulls out of the parking stall and zooms out onto the street. "It's good to have you back, Em."

"It's good to be back, Ray."

Razor smiles at Emily and her smiling back at him distracts him from all the questions he has for her. It distracts him so much that he doesn't even notice the truck that comes out of nowhere and slams straight into them.

-XX-

"It was the first car accident I've ever been in," Razor shakily explains, his eyes glazed over as he unconsciously picks at the corner of his cocktail napkin. "It's a good thing Faith cancelled our date because I was in the hospital anyways."

"So Jillie wasn't in the Jeep during the accident, right?" I ask, snapping Razor out of his dazed state.

He blinks at me and frowns. "Who's Jillie?"

So Jillie wasn't with Emily when she went to see Razor at the club. That means Jillie must have been staying with someone else, someone who lives in or near the city that Emily trusts. But if she isn't even willing to go see her mom then who could that have been? She might have gotten all those bruises and been so shaken from the car accident, but then she would have had to go pick up Jillie before ending up at my place. But why didn't the person who was watching Jillie insist Emily see a doctor instead of running to me? What is going on?

Damn it. I think I'm even more confused than I was before.

"Look, I'm sorry, man. I don't know what else to say. If I had all the answers then for sure I'd tell you, but I don't," Razor says, tensely twisting his fingers. "I woke up at the hospital and she was just gone. Poof. Disappeared. Like I hallucinated the entire thing. Until you came along, I was almost completely convinced I did."

"That's the last time you saw her?"

"It was the first time I've seen her in years and the last. I swear. Cross my heart and everything," Razor says sincerely. He then eyes me carefully. "So you know where she is then? She's okay?"

"Yeah, she's safe," I assure him, "But I still have no idea what happened to her."

"You and I both, bro," Razor says, running his fingers through his hair, looking just as frustrated as I feel. "Usually I'd think five o'clock is too early to drink, but I could sure use one right now. I'll buy the first round."

"Nah, I appreciate you telling me what you know," I tell him and I actually mean it. "Drinks are on the house."

Just as I pull off the tops of a couple beer bottles, Faith comes bouncing back over, loudly recounting her entire conversation with Kelly, moment by moment. A badass at storytelling, Faith tells it so I could just imagine Kelly's confusion over why Nicky was being so nice to her and accusing us of playing some practical joke on her. It brings me away from this thing with Emily and I appreciate that if only for a couple minutes.

Because we're so close, we mastered the communication via glances thing and I know when Faith gives me this look she's asking me what I think of Razor. Honestly, I'd rather her date one of those guys who vie for her attention at the bar. Razor failed my first impression test and I'd rather not have my best friend dating a guy who had a thing for the girl I have a thing for. It reminds me too much of all the nonsense that went down at the Rock, but I do appreciate his help and he doesn't seem like a horrible guy. I give her a look back. One of approval.

When Faith and Razor start talking about something else, I get lost in my thoughts and more importantly, my hunger to know what drove Emily to Razor and then to me. If there's one thing I learned from what Razor has told me, it's that neat little coincidences like this are rare. If I want to find out what's really going on with Emily, I'm going to need to dig. Dig deep and forcefully and if I need to tackle a few demons to get there then so be it.

It's decided. Tomorrow I'm going back to the Rock. I need help. I need to talk to Payson.

A/N: In an attempt to breathe life back into the forums on this site, I started one: MIOBI Addicts Anonymous Or, Well, Not So Anonymous where we can talk about the newest episodes, ships, brainstorm and whatever else your little hearts desire. Check it out and toss in your two cents. I'm getting tired of only having LCTD to fight about fake-gymnasts and fake-relationships with. :P

Thoughts on this chapter? Review please.