Three days later Jennifer Shepard stood in her office staring unseeingly out the window feeling sad and empty - and foolish. Five minutes after leaving Ziva's bookstore she knew she'd been an idiot, but she was at a loss as to know what to do about it or if she should even try. She hadn't heard from the other woman at all, so perhaps Ziva wanted nothing more to do with her; Jenny couldn't really blame her if that was true. At the same time, this was Jenny's screw-up, so it wasn't Ziva's responsibility to try to patch things up between them.
Jenny looked back at her desk where a recently-delivered package sat prominently in the middle of it. She knew without looking inside that it was the snow globe she'd ordered for Ziva. She'd planned to give it to her this Friday. Another pang of loneliness hit her as she realized again that Ziva wouldn't be coming over this Friday or any other day…
Her door opened suddenly, causing Jenny to turn. She expected to see Special Agent Gibbs walk in unannounced and was surprised to see it was Agent Fornell. He was accompanied by a man she didn't know, though there was something familiar about him.
Jenny raised her eyebrows in question. "I realize that you and Jethro are often like two peas in a pod, Tobias, but walking into my office without knocking is one of his less than endearing traits. Must you pick that up, too?"
Fornell smirked. "Only when it suits me." He gestured toward the man standing quietly beside him – quietly, but with a definite presence. "Got someone here who wanted to talk to you. Director Shepard, meet Eli David." He paused for effect, then dropped the rest of his bombshell. "Israeli Consultant to the CIA." He watched Jennifer stiffen as the last name registered, then her eyes flew to his at the mention of the CIA. "Eli, this is Jennifer Shepard, Director of NCIS."
Jenny was reeling. This was Ziva's father – and he worked for the CIA?
Eli moved first, holding out his hand in formal greeting. Jenny shook it on autopilot.
"I am pleased to make your acquaintance, Director Shepard. I have heard much about you," he said meaningfully.
Jenny could just imagine.
"Mr. David," she acknowledged. "Or is it Agent David?"
"No, no. Mister is correct. I am not an agent of your CIA; I simply assist as I can," Eli downplayed his role.
Fornell muttered something about "understatements of the year," but the other two ignored him.
"What brings you to see me, Mr. David?" Jenny asked coolly. Besides the dressing down I deserve for hurting your daughter.
"I hope you will forgive my interruption of your afternoon for a personal matter. Something is not right with my daughter and Ziva's mother is worried about her, you see. Ziva has mentioned you and I thought perhaps you could shed some light on what is wrong," Eli responded.
"Why don't you ask her?" Jenny asked, masking the rollercoaster of emotions going on inside her.
"I have; she will not say exactly," Eli admitted. "It is most peculiar. For the past three weeks, Ziva has been happier than we have ever seen her. She told her mother she had met someone, someone very special, and over dinner last Friday we learned who that was. However, something changed this past Monday. I knew Agent Fornell was supposed to stop by her shop that day, so I asked him if he knew of anything that might explain what was going on. While he did not have specifics, he thought perhaps it might have something to do with you."
Jennifer was silent.
"You know, Director Shepard…Ziva is an exceptional young woman who could be anything she wanted. She is bright and talented and can best nearly any opponent in Krav Maga. I had hoped she would go into intelligence work, for she would be an asset to any country." He paused and allowed a small smile. "But Ziva is honest – perhaps to a fault – and was uncomfortable with the subterfuge that often accompanies such work. And she has always been happiest with her books, so what is a father to do but support her in that?"
He was silent again for a moment, then continued. "However, Ziva also has a strong sense of duty. There are times in my work when I come across information that would benefit the FBI, but the CIA does not ever operate within American borders, correct?"
Jenny gave him a look that said Yeah, right while Tobias actually snorted. David allowed their reactions to pass without comment.
"In an effort to maintain as much anonymity as possible for all parties, I asked Ziva if she would assist in simply passing this information to the FBI on occasion, and she somewhat reluctantly agreed. I would be less than honest if I did not say I also relished the chance to bring Ziva into my world a little more. Monday was only the second time we have needed her help. The next morning she called me to say she would not do it again."
"Why?" Jennifer whispered, almost dreading the answer.
Eli David looked Jenny straight in the eye. "All she would say is that it had cost her the most important part of her life and, even though it may be too late, she could not do it anymore."
Jenny closed her eyes and sank into her chair. Bracing her elbows on her desk, she rubbed her temples with her fingers.
She did not want to say much; if she was going to open herself up, Ziva was the one who deserved to hear it. But it felt like she owed him some explanation. "I stopped in at Ziva's shop briefly on Monday...seeing Agent Fornell there - clearly in an official capacity - caught me off guard, but I knew within minutes of leaving there I'd overreacted. I have been trying to figure out since how to fix this…and if she would give me the chance to do it. What can I do?" she asked the room in a quiet voice.
Fornell started to offer a snarky suggestion, but wisely thought better of it as Jenny leveled a look in his direction.
"My daughter has a powerful capacity for forgiveness; I have experienced it myself," Eli revealed in a self-deprecating manner. "Perhaps you can start there."
Eli again looked directly into Jenny's eyes. "But I must say this: unless you are very sure about what you want, please leave well enough alone. As my wife says, broken hearts do not mend overnight, but they do heal. Ziva deserves someone who recognizes her worth and treats her accordingly."
His words washed over her, leaving behind nothing but clarity. What she had found with Ziva was worth fighting for, and at her core, Jenny Shepard was not a coward. She would face her fears and hope to God that Ziva would give her another chance. Jennifer stood, a spark back in her eyes that had been missing since her confrontation with Ziva.
"I do want your daughter in my life, Mr. David, and I am hoping she has more forgiveness in her than I deserve."
A new-found sense of hope prompted a small smile from her as Jenny held out her hand to Eli David. "Thank you for coming here today."
"You are welcome," he answered, returning the handshake. "I am courting the wrath of Ziva and my wife, but I could not stand aside and do nothing. Besides, Ziva has too much integrity to explain her involvement in my information line; she would see that as my choice to tell or not tell. My research suggests you can be trusted with this information."
"Your research? You checked me out?" Jenny asked somewhat incredulously.
"But of course," Eli said without remorse. "This is my daughter we are talking about."
Jenny acknowledged his position with a single nod, then looked at Tobias. "And you – if I hear one word of this being kicked around the water cooler, I'm holding you personally responsible."
"Now why would I give up the best piece of leverage I have on you by running my mouth around the water cooler?" he asked with a smart-assed grin.
She gave him a narrow-eyed look that suggested he think twice about applying that leverage, which just broadened his smirk. The men departed soon after and Jenny began thinking about a plan for making amends.
The next night Jenny waited outside Ziva's shop until nearly twenty minutes before closing, four weeks to the day when she'd first entered this store. She watched the other woman move around for a few minutes, soaking in the sight of her. Ziva seemed tired, but she still smiled for the last of her customers as she assisted them with their purchases. Perhaps it was only Jenny who could see that the smile didn't quite erase the sadness from her eyes. As the folks were going out the door, Ziva walked to the back of the store to alert any straggling customers that she was about to close. Jenny took the opportunity to catch the door while it was opened, so she could enter under cover of the exiting customers. Sitting a gift-wrapped box on the counter, she slipped off her coat and stepped into the shadows nearby, biding her time.
Ziva came back up front, satisfied that all the customers were out of the store. She was spent emotionally and made the impulsive decision to lock the door and flip the sign to "closed" a little early before moving behind the counter to take the till to the safe. The package caught her eye and she stopped, brow furrowing in confusion. She looked around, but didn't see anyone who could have left it. On her second look, the significance of the wrapping did not escape her: lavender roses. Her hand trembled slightly as she reached for the folded card taped on top. Opening it she read To Ziva ~ Love, Jenny.
Tears filled her eyes as she traced one of the words with her fingertip, making no further move.
"Aren't you going to open it?" Jenny asked softly, moving out of the shadows into the light. Ziva's eyes flew to her, the tears now making slow tracks down her cheeks.
"Do you mean this?" Ziva asked in a ragged whisper.
Jenny's brows gathered a bit in confusion. "That I'm sorry for being an idiot? I hadn't gotten to that part yet, but, yes, I mean it."
Ziva wiped at her tears and pulled the card from the package. "I meant, do you mean this?" She held up the card for Jenny to read. Ah.
Reining in her nerves at that feeling of working without a net again, Jenny took a breath. Looking straight into Ziva's eyes she said, "Yes, I mean that, too."
In a heartbeat, Jenny found herself backed against the wall being kissed senseless by the woman she'd come to love so much in so short a time. And she might have been an idiot recently, but no one could say Jennifer Shepard was a stupid woman. She wrapped her arms around the Israeli and kissed her back before Ziva could change her mind.
Finally the need for oxygen drove their lips apart. Ziva's arms hugged Jenny tightly, and her forehead pressed against the red-haired woman's neck. Heart pounding, she closed her eyes, giving herself up to the feeling of being held close by Jenny again, even for a moment.
Pulling back far enough to look into green eyes that were now glistening with tears of their own, Ziva husked, "I've missed you. You hurt me, but I've missed you."
Jenny's tears spilled down her cheeks. "I've missed you, too – so much. And I am very, very sorry for hurting you. Even though I don't deserve it, I'm still asking you to forgive me … and to give me another chance."
Ziva looked at Jenny for what felt like a lifetime. "I want to believe you, but I need to know more about why it happened."
Jenny rested her forehead against Ziva's. "At the risk of revealing myself to be someone you should run from as fast you can, I'll try to explain."
With a last squeeze, Ziva pulled her arms from around Jenny. "Let me finish locking up and we'll go upstairs." Taking the money drawer from the register and scooping up her package, Ziva turned out all but the security lights as they walked toward her office. After locking the money in the safe, they went up the back stairs to the apartment. Ziva paused just inside the door to set the alarm for the store and turn on the living room light.
Taking Jenny's hand with one of hers and still holding onto her package with the other, Ziva pulled Jenny to the couch. She placed her still-unopened box on the table, then tugged Jennifer down beside her, where they sat facing each other.
Jenny kept hold of Ziva's hand, and captured her other one, too. She stared down at their linked hands, collecting her thoughts.
"I was recruited into NCIS straight out of college. I spent most of my first ten years doing undercover work. I loved it and I was good at it, but there's an unfortunate byproduct: nothing was ever what it seemed, even me. There's not much chance for practicing trust in that situation and a lot of opportunity for waiting for the other shoe to drop. Too, there was a lot about my life that I couldn't tell anyone or that I had to flat-out lie about.
"Over the last few years, I've been moving up in leadership roles which have put me in a different kind of outsider position. During those years I've made some personal decisions that I later questioned…and so, in addition to questioning everyone around me, I began to doubt my own judgment, as well. That's about me, not about you.
"And, while I have had relationships, old habits are hard to break. I've always held part of myself back…except with you. I fell head over heels for you in what felt like a heartbeat, and I didn't want to be careful about it."
Jenny's voice lowered to a whisper. "But part of me was scared. And when two parts of my life that I thought were separate intersected unexpectedly…I overreacted."
Raising tear-drenched eyes to Ziva's, Jenny continued. "I can't promise not to screw up again, but I can tell you that I really want this if you'll give me another chance."
Ziva reached up a hand and wiped away the tears that were running silently down Jenny's cheeks again. She sat quietly for a moment, mulling over Jenny's words.
"I am not naïve enough to believe that you can simply tell yourself to trust me and poof!" she snapped her fingers – "it will happen. But I need to know that the foundation for it is there. I do not want to live my life always wondering when something like this will happen again."
"I know I can trust you, and I promise to work on trusting myself. I don't want my fears to drive us apart," Jenny avowed, looking at Ziva intently. "Walking away from you felt like losing the other half of me."
"If you have questions, will you give me a chance to explain things before deciding you know the answer? Although," Ziva shrugged resignedly, "I could not have really said much this time; it was not my place."
"So your father explained," Jenny said. Ziva looked up in surprise.
"My father talked to you?" Ziva was dazed.
"Mm-hmm. Fornell brought him by my office yesterday. He explained about the information drops."
"I did not tell him – " Ziva stopped.
Jenny gave a small smile and squeezed Ziva's hands. "I know; he said that, too. I'm glad he came. I'd been ready to beg you for forgiveness nearly as soon as I left here on Monday, but I was hung up on trying to figure out whether you'd want to see me and why on earth you'd give me a second chance."
Ziva looked troubled. "My father can be…intimidating. Is that the only reason you are here?"
"No. I was headed back here as soon as I could gather the courage to do it. Whether he meant to or not, he gave me the hope I needed that you would hear me out. And actually, he was remarkably even-tempered," Jenny reflected. "I'm not sure I'd be nearly so restrained if someone had done the very same thing to our daughter."
Ziva, whose brain was just starting to function again after the news about her father's visit, nearly went into shock.
"What did you just say?" she whispered raggedly, her eyes on Jenny's, hope burgeoning in her own gaze.
"Moving too fast for you?" Jen asked with a half-smile while smoothing a hand down Ziva's hair, echoing the dark-haired woman's words from their first night on this very couch.
Ziva shook her head. In a sudden move that had Jenny's heart tripping, Ziva straddled Jenny's lap and rested her forehead on the red-head's. "I've already been dreaming of a family and forever with you, but I thought you would think it was too soon."
Threading a hand into Ziva's curls, Jenny cradled the back of head as she kissed her purposefully, passionately, and with a depth of feeling that rocked Ziva to her soul. Slowly she released Ziva's mouth so they could take in much-needed air. Skimming her lips along Ziva's cheek to her ear, Jenny murmured, "Does that feel like I think it's too soon?"
A deliberate, joyful smile bloomed on Ziva's face. "No," she breathed.
"Forgive me for flipping out on you?" Jenny asked, needing to hear the words.
Ziva gazed searchingly into Jenny's eyes one more time, then released the last of her apprehension.
"You are forgiven," Ziva confirmed, but added with a mock glare, "but do not make a habit of it."
"I won't," Jenny swore. "And I promise to give you a chance to explain things – and to do some explaining myself." And with that, she found herself being kissed breathless again.
When they pulled apart, they remained cuddled close, Ziva's face buried in her favorite spot on Jenny's neck. Jenny's hands roamed gently over Ziva, comforting them both.
After a bit, Jenny suggested, "Open your package."
Leaning over, Ziva picked up her package and turned to sit sideways on Jenny's lap. She carefully peeled off the paper and opened the box underneath. She pulled out a snow globe with a wintery village scene. "It is beautiful," she said, shaking it to make the snow swirl.
"Turn on the music," Jenny directed, guiding Ziva's attention to a small key sticking out on the side.
Ziva gently turned the key, her lips curving in pleasure when the strains of Pachelbel's Canon in D filled the room. Then her eyes widened a bit as she realized the full significance behind Jenny's choice.
"The music…and the snow," she whispered. "Our first date."
She looked at Jenny in wonder, raising a hand to cup her cheek. "Thank you. I love it." Cradling the gift against her middle, she kissed Jenny with everything she felt...and everything she hoped for.
Climbing off Jenny's lap, Ziva placed her gift in the center of the low table, then held out a hand to Jen. The other woman took it, allowing Ziva to pull her up against her.
Looking into Jenny's bright green eyes, Ziva asked, "Stay with me tonight?"
"I was afraid you'd never ask."
Ziva turned to lead Jenny toward the bedroom. When Jenny caught sight of the still-unlit menorah in the window, she stopped.
"Isn't tonight the last night of Hanukkah? Shouldn't we light the candles?"
Ziva looked at her, smiling her appreciation that Jenny had remembered. Together they walked over and Jenny stood close while Ziva lit the candles and said the blessings. After she was through, Jenny wrapped her arms around Ziva from behind and rested her chin where Ziva's neck met her shoulder, staring at the light.
After a moment of silence, Jenny spoke. "I remember what you said during dinner after the symphony…about this time of year allowing you to be a little more open to the possibility of miracles. Being with you makes me want to believe that anything is possible – that everything is possible."
Resting completely against her lover, Ziva admitted, "I was so afraid you were really gone, but I kept lighting the candles this week, hoping for a miracle of my own." She turned in Jenny's arms, gazing into the lovely face she'd longed to see again. "It was hard to believe we could get through this, but it was harder to think we wouldn't."
"Thank you for believing even when I was scared to," Jenny husked.
"And now?" Ziva asked.
"It turns out I love you too much not to believe, as well."
Once again tears spilled down Ziva's cheeks, but this time they were tears of happiness. "I love you, too," she whispered, pulling Jenny's lips to hers.
And as snow began falling gently outside, the two women lost themselves in each other, completely enchanted as they set their sights on forever.
The End
A/N: This brings us to the end of this story, but look for more of these two in this universe...and in others. Thanks so much for reading, and I hope that was as enjoyable for you as the writing was for me. My appreciation goes out to those of you who read this as I was writing it (you know who you are) and to inveritas (three-steps) for inspiring me to write it as her Secret Santa gift. =)