Title: Love Like Ice
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. ;)
Pairing: EdwardxBellaxJacob
oOo
It was a starry night. It was also Bella and Edward's wedding night.
Edward held Bella close to him, pressing light kisses to her neck.
"Bella…." He whispered against her skin.
She smiled. "Edward…" She turned around, facing him.
She held his face between her hands. "I love you."
"Always." He smiled, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips.
Edward gently pushed her onto their bed.
"Are you ready?" He asked, looking at her beautiful face.
"Yes…I've wanted this forever." Bella smiled, reaching her arms up.
Edward kneeled between her spread legs.
"Please let me undress you." He whispered, kissing Bella's hand.
She nodded.
He took off her shirt and then her bra, staring at her breasts.
"You're beautiful." He breathed.
She blushed and covered herself.
"Don't stare." She looked away, her face turning beet red.
"No, please. Let me see you." Edward moved her arms.
She relented and removed her arms.
He started to take off her skirt then her underwear.
He couldn't help but stare. She was absolutely gorgeous.
"Bella.." He couldn't help but whisper her name.
Saying her name was like a breeze on a hot, summer day.
Bella reached up and pulled him toward her. "Take off your shirt too." She giggled.
"Alright." He took off his shirt and started to unbuckle his pants when he felt hands on his.
He looked up into Bella's eyes. They glinted mischievously.
"Wha-..?" Bella pressed a finger to his lips.
He smiled against her finger.
She focused her attention back on his pants.
She unbuckled his belt and then pulled off Edward's pants.
Edward threw them behind his head, not even caring where they landed. He soon did the same with his boxers.
And then they were hungrily kissing each other.
Edward pressed himself against Bella, their bodies melding together.
Bella wrapped her legs around Edward's back, pulling him closer.
"I want you." She whispered into his ear.
"Are you sure?" He asked, pressing more kisses to her lips between his words.
"Yes." She nodded, fervently.
Edward readied himself at her entrance, and with one swift thrust he was in…
But…
It wasn't how he'd imagined it would be.
It was freezing ass cold.
Why the fuck was it so cold?
It was like he'd stuck his dick in a freezer.
"Is there something wrong?" Bella asked, watching Edward's face contort from that of pleasure to pain.
"Um….yeah..Have you ever...felt yourself down there?" Edward asked, his dick feeling like it was going to fall off any second.
"No, why? Is there something wrong with me?" Bella started to get up and Edward shuddered.
"Yeah, you're a fucking icebox down there!" Edward pulled out and got up from the bed, immediately wrapping his penis in some blankets.
"I'm sorry. I love you, but I also love sex. And you're just not doing it for me."
"No, Edward! I can change! I can get my vagina rejuvenated! Please don't leave me!" She cried, trying to get up from the bed.
But Edward was too fast.
He was already on the beach swimming back to Forks as fast as he could.
oOo
Jacob was working on his bike when Edward walked up onto his driveway.
"What do you want, leech?" Jacob sneered.
"You." Edward said, getting right to the point.
"What the fuck? You want to fight or something?" Jacob dropped his wrench and stalked up to the vampire.
"What if I do?" Edward smirked, grabbing Jacob's neck.
"Get off of me!" Jacob smacked Edward's arm away.
Jacob tried to punch Edward in the face but he caught his fist mid-punch.
Edward pulled Jacob to him and kissed him on the lips.
Jacob struggled before he relaxed.
At first he didn't move, but then he began to kiss back fervently.
Edward hummed as Jacob grabbed his shoulders pressing closer.
Edward pulled away, smirking when he saw how flustered the werewolf was.
Jacob looked away.
"Are you done with Bella? Is that what this means?" He asked, a little bit of worry in his voice.
"Yeah, her vagina is ice. Plus, I like penises more than vaginas anyways." Edward laughed.
"Don't fuck with me, Edward." Jacob snapped at him.
"Oh, I will." He winked.
Jacob growled. Edward grabbed him and pulled him to his lips again.
Jacob moaned into his mouth.
Edward smiled against his lips.
"Turn into a wolf for me." Edward whispered between their kisses.
"What? Why?" Jacob asked.
"Because I like bestiality and I'm into some kinky shit." Edward smirked.
"…" Jacob was silent for a minute. "Are you serious?"
"Duh, why would I joke about something like that?"
Jacob gave him a blank stare.
"Yes, I'm serious! God!" Edward sighed, "So will you do it?"
"Yeah…I like it too." Jacob looked away.
"Awesomeness." Edward said. He walked back, giving Jacob enough room to shift.
Jacob tore off his shirt and pants and shifted, turning into a giant caramel colored wolf.
"Yum." Edward licked his lips, coming closer.
Jacob looked at him and pounced on Edward.
Edward started to make out with Jacob. He liked the feeling of Jacob's massive tongue in his mouth.
But most of all, he liked the taste of doggy slobber.
It was AMAZING.
He saw a couple fleas but he ate them.
Jacob's massive paws started to rub him through his pants and leather thong.
"Aghhh, Jacob!" Edward moaned, feeling the claws ripping at his skin.
He didn't mind though. He was a vampire and he could take any pain.
Speaking of pain, Jacob had just ripped his arm off in their throes of passion.
Ouch.
That one had actually hurt.
Jacob didn't even seem to care.
He was doggy humping him now and Edward was getting jostled by every thrust.
Damn, he had major road rash now.
His whole back was raw and bleeding. It felt like a diaper rash. And he would know, he liked to wear diapers when he didn't feel like getting up for a whole day.
He loved wallowing in his own feces.
And then Jacob started to pee on him.
"What the fuck, Jacob? Your piss got in my eye!" Edward shouted, extremely grossed out. It was all over him. "Ewww, I can taste it! NASTY! It tastes like Ginger Ale and spaghetti! What the fuck?"
Suddenly, he felt something change.
He looked up at Jacob and all he felt was love.
"I love your piss. I'm sorry." Edward sighed, happily.
Jacob looked down at him and then shifted back into a human.
"I love your smell of rotten corpses and thousand year old dust." He smiled.
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" A voice screamed.
Both boys looked to the source.
Bella. OH NOEZ.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH JACOB, EDWARD? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!" She screamed.
"Yeah, well, not your vagina. Jacob's penis is amazing, to say the least. I just don't want your icy, gross vag. Plus, it smells like fish." Edward started to get up. "ANNND, I love Jacob now. We imprinted."
"No way! This is not happening! EDDWAAARD!" Bella screamed in rage, and ran at him.
"Nooo!" Jacob swiftly smashed her into a tree.
"Ouch!" She felt her vag freezing onto the bark of the tree. "I'm stuck!" She cried out.
"Too fucking bad, bitch. You get to watch." Edward winked.
Jacob and Edward proceeded to do it, while Bella looked on in jealousy.
"OH YEAH! YOU SO FUCKING TIGHT, NIGGA!" Edward yelled as he thrusted into Jacob's butt.
"I want to be called Nigga." Bella sniffled.
"SHUT UP, FISH VAG!" Jacob shouted at her.
Edward came.
Jacob came.
Bella cried.
~The End.~
oOo
Yay, this one was kind of boring but WHAATTTEVVVVVAAAAA! Hope you enjoyed it anyways, BIOTCHES! ;)