A/N: My best friend songstobesung and I created this little beauty while texting each other. I added transitions to make it make a little more sense, but all of the dialogue is straight from the conversation. She took Wes, and I took David. The rest ensued. Enjoy!
David, Wes, Kurt, and Blaine all sat in David and Wes's room at Dalton Academy, talking and arguing about nothing in particular. However, David and Wes began to recount how their girlfriends act towards each other, much to the amusement of the other couple.
"I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT! I thought... I thought you thought I was different," David said, smiling even though he was supposed to be upset.
Wes looked away, tears in his eyes (a talent that Kurt was proud to have taught), saying softly, "But after you took him from me, I stopped thinking we could be something. Our relationship was based on lies."
David's eyes glinted, and everyone knew an inappropriate comment was coming, when he yelled, "He's good in bed!" before dying laughing.
"But he was mine to love, not yours," Wes mourned, tears streaming down his face, betrayed by his smile.
"He's a man, not a puppy. You never owned him! It's not MY fault that you weren't enough for him! We share a love that even a pathetic whore like you can't break!"
"Burn..." Kurt whispered to Blaine, who smothered his laughter in his hand. Wes continued, not hearing the comment.
"Me? Pathetic? No, YOU are pathetic. I... I loved you, and then you stole him. WE WERE FUCKING EACH OTHER! And you knew how I felt about him!"
"All's fair in love and war," David snapped, and Blaine and Kurt were unsure whether they were still joking, as both smiles had disappeared. "And no, we were never each other, because I would NEVER be the sorry person that you are stuck being. I'm better than that."
"BECAUSE OF YOUR PLASTIC SURGURY! I can tell it wasn't just a little dash of silicon!" Wes countered. Kurt poked Blaine at the A Chorus Line reference.
David gasped in shock, exclaiming, "You bitch!" Then, he collected himself a bit, saying, "Well, now I really do see why he chose me over you, and it has nothing to do with my cup size."
Wes cackled with cruel laughter, saying, "Nothing's as natural as his love for fakes. You're proof of that!"
"Well, even if he does love fake girls, at least I'm one of them!" he yelled, pausing with a look of revelation on his face. "That's just it then! I know why you're getting so pissed. YOU'RE FUCKING JEALOUS OF ME!"
Wes looked offended, saying, "Honey, I'm fabulous. I'm not jealous of you. Unlike you little plasty, I look fabulous WITHOUT LIPO SUCTION!"
David wore the 'bitch, that was bellow the belt' face on, screaming, "HOW THE FUCKING HELL DID YOU KNOW ABOUT MY PROCEDURE?"
"Honey, no one misses a week of school and comes back with no waist and boobs harder than Blaine gets when Kurt walks in the room," he said in a sickly sweet voice, ignoring Blaine's cries of discontent.
"Are you comparing my sexy boobs to a pair of gay men? What the fuck is THAT about? Are you subliminally trying to explain why you stare at them so much? Huh? Is that it?"
"Them being those watermelons or them being those two gay men?" Wes asked, borrowing the voice of a middle school mean girl.
"Come on," David said, taking on a seductive voice, "you KNOW you want these!" he shouted, squishing together his imaginary breasts, increasing their size and increasing Kurt and Blaine's laughter.
"BLACK PEOPLE SHOULDN'T HAVE WATERMELON BOOBS!"
"NOW YOU'RE BEING RACIST!"
"Oh, shit," Kurt whispered.
"AT LEAST I LOVE MY SEXY BODY!" Wes exclaimed unexpectedly, strutting around the room and smacking his butt, causing rib-cracking laughter, and a slack-jawed David.
"Okay, now you're just teasing me," David said softly.
Wes rolled his eyes, commenting, "You're such a drama QUEEN!"
"HOW DID YOU FIND OUT?" David shouted, rendering everyone speechless.
"WHEN YOU TOOK BLAINE AWAY FROM KURT FOR SMOOTHIES!"
"I DID THAT TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS!" David shouted back, real tears beginning to form in his eyes.
"Well I'm in love... with Mercedes," Wes answered quietly, casting his eyes away from David. Kurt gave a slight gasp of surprise.
David looked like a puppy that had been punched when he stuttered, "Then... All the... You've been... It wasn't..." He pulled himself together, anger knitting his features as he yelled as loud as he could, "FUCK YOU WES!"
Wes looked wounded as he replied, "David, we used to have this wonderful bromance. What happened?"
"Kurt and Blaine happened," he answered, his voice barely above a whisper. "I just-" he stopped, sighing. "Never mind. You wouldn't understand."
And with that, he turned and started walking towards the door, his head down and shoulders shrugged. Wes grabbed his arm and turned his around, trying to make eye contact.
"David, I never really meant to hurt you," he said softly.
"Are you sure you guys are straight?" Kurt asked, completely serious.
"I know you didn't, Wes. But you did, and now I have to go," David answered dejectedly, trying to pull his arm out of Wes's grasp.
"Kurt, I think we both know the answer to this one," Blaine replied, struggling to keep a straight face.
Wes sobbed unexpectedly, begging, "Even though we aren't meant to be, are we still friends?"
"This is worse than New Directions drama..." Kurt muttered half to himself.
David looked up to make eye contact with Wes, the tears threatening to spill over, and said, "Y-yeah... I mean... I just need to think things through. I'll-I'll text you, I promise."
He pulled his arm away and walked out of the room, sniffling, shutting the door behind him.
Blaine leaned toward Kurt and muttered, "David's about as straight as a circle."
"You're telling me?" the other boy replied. Wes flopped face-down on his bed, the springs creaking, and said, muffled by his pillow, "I'm such an awful bromancer."
Blaine walked over and patted his friend on the back, while winking a Kurt, and said, "Hey, Wes, what's Narnia like?"
Kurt lost it, falling back against the wall, holding his ribs as he laughed uncontrollably.
"Guys, it isn't funny!" yelled Wes, still muffled by the pillow.
"I CAN'T BREATHE!" Kurt screamed.
Blaine was clutching his stomach and wiping the tears away from his eyes as he laughed so hard he thought he would die.
"Guys, it isn't funny!" he repeated.
"Dude, yeah, it is!" Kurt replied, wiping tears that were streaming down his face. Blaine, meanwhile, looked over at Wes and saw his distress. The boy got out his iPhone, and both Kurt and Blaine rushed over to see what he was doing.
I miss you, bro-boyfriend David :'(
The couple took one look at the message and cracked up.
"You're pathetic," Blaine said, punching him lightly in the arm.
Kurt rolled his eyes, commenting, "Even I'm not that dramatic!" Just then, Wes's phone vibrated, and he scrambled to read the message.
I miss you more... :'(
Wes bounced up and down on his bed like a five-year-old who had just seen Santa. "He misses me! David misses me!"
Baby, come back to me!
"You're worse than Rachel Berry missing Finn," Kurt said, shaking his head.
All of a sudden, the door opened, and David cautiously walked back in the room.
"You mean it? You want me back?"
Wes clumsily leaped off the bed and ran over to his best friend. "Bro hug?"
"I'm scared," Blaine whispered to his boyfriend.
"Hell yeah!" David exclaimed, catching Wes as he practically jumped into his arms.
"Me too," Kurt whispered back.
After about three minutes of bro hugging, Wes was put down. He looked over at his audience and asked, "Now that that's over, who's ready for a Harry Potter movie marathon?"
Fin.