Title: Insecurity (1/?)

Scribbler: Becky

Fandom: LOST

Pairing: Kate Austen/Juliet Burke

Disclaimers: This wonderful show and the brilliant characters are not mine. No infringement intended and of course not for profit, ya know except for the wonderful enjoyment I get out of borrowing it for a brief bit of fun.

Spoilers: Stop now! THERE ARE SPOILERS IN MY NOTES ON THE NEXT LINE!

A/N: I'm not sure if it qualifies as AU when a few things are a little different but I decided the hatch never exploded, and I'm not sure yet if the whole weird 'rescue' party even existed.

Summary: Kate and Juliet spend a lot of time together once they return from their little excursion together in the jungle. Romance, Angst and eventually (probably next chapter given my level of patience with the smut) sex ensues.

They were working in one of the food storage lockers, organizing and cataloguing their current supplies.

"Jesus, it's hot down here." Juliet muttered.

'It's always hot when I'm alone with you, when you're this close to me…' Kate suddenly thought, unable to contain her compulsion to subtly ogle the blonde who had been slowly driving her insane over the past few months. She was so beautiful…Kate couldn't believe the strange effect the other woman was having on her. She had certainly lusted after others before but it was growing increasingly clearer to her that this was very different from that, different from anything she had ever experienced before.

Leaning down to pick up a crate of baked beans she froze midway to standing up when she glanced over at the blonde that seemed to be purposefully trying to kill her as she crossed her arms grabbing the hem of her t-shirt shirt and yanked it over her head leaving her in just a sports bra. Her breathing was labored from the exertion of moving heavy boxes in such a tight warm space causing her chest to rise and fall quickly, accentuating her plentiful cleavage even more than usual. Her flat stomach was tensed from the lifting and her ab's made Kate long to lap up the sweat that dripped down the slight paunch of her belly.

"Kate?" Juliet seemed to notice the paralyzed stature of her friend.

Kate barely heard her through the deafening white noise rushing between her nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt Juliet's hand press to the small of her back and look down at her, her eyes filled with concern.

The box fell from her arms that seemed to turn to rubber along with the rest of her body at the warm soft skin of Juliet's hand against the bare space on her back where her shirt rode up.

Juliet's eyes widened when she heard the almost inaudible groan come from the other woman.

Then she was gone. Juliet could do nothing but stand there gaping as the younger woman shoved past her rushing to the door. Kate was long gone by the time she regained her senses.

XXX

"Kate?" Juliet said a little breathlessly as she came up behind where the younger woman who was sitting hunched over hugging her knee's to her chest. She couldn't help but notice the brunette's entire body seemed rigid with tension. She had spent the last forty five minutes rushing around looking everywhere she could think of for the other woman should have been a marathon runner. Then she thought of the time Kate had found her here shortly after the brunette returned to the beach with her adversary in tow.

Kate's head spun around to look up at the other woman standing right behind her. She hadn't even heard her approaching being so engulfed in her private worried thoughts. As those same thoughts filled her head once more she felt herself blush and quickly averted her eyes turning back to look back down at the ground.

Juliet felt a twinge of happiness at the blush, knowing exactly what it stemmed from, before she saw the stark fear clouding the other woman's beautiful eyes. She wanted to pull Kate into her arms and just hold her, just make everything all better for her. Everyone thought the younger woman was so strong and confident, herself included most of the time. But there were moments, just brief slips, like now, where the smaller woman's walls fell and Juliet could see the incredible depth of the girl's insecurity kept locked up behind them.

Sighing softly she sat down on the grassy cliff next to Kate. Crossing her legs and looking out at the beautiful vista she put her hands, that only wished to comfort, on her own knees. Sometimes Kate was like a wounded animal and she knew if she tried to hug her, or touch her in any way, the other woman would merely flee again. With a slow deep breath she spoke softly, "Kate, what is it?"

Kate's voice was tight and guarded as she glanced at the older woman pasting a phony smile on her lips, "Nothing, I just got a little claustrophobic,"

"Bullshit." Juliet insisted firmly looking her straight in the eye, those eyes that were so frightened and sad. Gentling her tone she added, "Please Kate, talk to me."

Kate broke the gaze looking down at her knees for a long silent moment, as Juliet waited patiently for her response. Kate shook her head a little before she answered as if trying to regain her senses. "I can't." her words were barely audible.

This time the urge for contact, to comfort, was too strong and unable to stop herself Juliet reached out to place a light hand on Kate's bare shoulder. "You can. You can tell me anything. I wish you knew that."

Kate heard the quiet plea in the blonde's voice and felt her slightly calloused hand squeezing her shoulder. Concentrating all her will power on the effort not to fall apart under Juliet's touch, she managed to limit her body's reaction to a small shudder. "I don't know how to do this." Kate's voice was tight and controlled as she continued to refuse to look back at the other woman. "I've never-"She sighed with frustration, "I don't even…I've never known anyone like you."

Juliet chuckled; her laugh a little high pitched with her own anxiety and relief at Kate's attempt to actually honestly talk to her. "Yeah, well, you know you are a little outside of my typical peer group also."

Kate turned her head to meet her eyes once more with a snort and a genuine smile. "Not a lot of felon's running from the law run in your regular social circles?"

"Not so much," Juliet laughed loudly, feeling a small release from the strain she knew they had both been under with the dancing around each other for so long, as she felt a little of the pressure between them melting away. She uneasily let go of Kate's hand pulling her own back to rest in her lap while she glanced down feeling a little self conscious herself. "I know it's a big shocker, but I'm kind of average, in reality pretty boring."

Kate smiled a little at the soft flush on the blonde's ivory cheeks, finding she felt much better with the knowledge that this was a little difficult for the other woman too. Juliet was always so self-contained, so in control, she found it hard to believe the older woman had ever been nervous or uncertain about anything in her entire life. But why would she be? She was a brilliant beautiful accomplished doctor. What could possibly rattle a woman like that? Seeing her even a little off center overwhelmed Kate with a strange compulsion to come to her rescue, reassure her, and do anything to make everything OK for her again. She had only ever had feelings like that for her mother. The only other person she had ever wanted to protect in her life. It scared the shit out of her that her feelings for Juliet had become so intense and powerful. "Burke, you are anything but average." She said in a knowing tone. "I mean doctor, kidnapper, and member of a strange secret society living on a mysterious island…come on-boring?"

Juliet laughed and looked up at Kate. "Your right," she smirked, "I'm kind of cool." Smiling softly she tried again, "So you gonna tell me what's bothering you or am I going to have to beat it out of you? As you said hostage taking member of a secret dark order. We have ways of making you talk."

Kate giggled at Juliet's attempt to sound evil and intimidating. Tilting her head in contemplation, she spoke thoughtfully, "I can't decide if you just sounded more like DR. EVIL on Austin Powers or 007 in the Bond movies."

"Quit stalling Austen." Juliet said her tone still light but growing a little more serious. She watched Kate carefully considering her options as she chewed her bottom lip shyly, and knew it was a struggle for the younger woman to maintain eye contact.

Finally taking a deep breath Kate lost the battle and turned back to watch the waves crashing into the rocks below them. "I never had many friends. I never wanted them, didn't think I needed them."

Juliet stayed silent wanting to give Kate all the time she needed to verbalize her obvious inner turmoil.

"But I-I don't know…I'm- I- I'm glad that you're my friend." Kate flinched when she felt Juliet reaching out to take her hand, lacing their fingers together and pulling it down so it rested on the soft grass between them.

"I always had lots of people in my life, lots of people that I called my friends." Juliet joined the brunette in staring at the impressive vista before them also feeling a little scared at where this conversation would lead them. "That's not quite the way I feel about you."

She felt Kate's hand jerk trying to pull away and her head shot around to look at the hurt clearly showing on the younger woman's bunched up brow.

Kate felt like she had been slapped across the face. She had never in her life even considered herself capable of admitting something like what she had just revealed to the other woman. The misunderstood rejection made her insides tighten painfully. "Why? What are you doing here? Why did you even follow me?"

Juliet wanted to hit herself upside the head with a blunt heavy object realizing what Kate had thought she meant with her poorly worded thought. "No!" She turned grabbing the other woman's hand tighter in both of her hands. Her eyes were wide with horror as she rushed to explain. "Oh god no… I didn't mean-"

Kate's eyes hardened and turned cold, "Just forget it!"

When the brunette tried to rise obviously preparing to run away again, Juliet let go of her hand quickly moving both of her own up to grab her shoulders in a vice like grip forcing her back down with her. When their eyes met she saw the raw pain in Kate's now tear filled eyes. "God Austen what do I have to do to get through to you? I've got a thing for you!" In the face of Kate's clear confusion and utter terror she finally seemed to find her own courage. Without a second thought she grabbed the back of Kate's neck forcing her to continue eye contact. Finally with an exasperated sigh she lunged forward to claim the other woman's lips in a passionate hungry kiss. Juliet watched as Kate's eyes widened in shock.

Kate was paralyzed for a long moment from the other woman's completely startling action before squeezing her eyes shut and losing herself in the kiss she had dreamed of for so long.

Juliet's heart was beating so fast that despite her medical training she truly thought it might burst from her chest. Closing her own eyes she felt the moisture leaking down Kate's cheeks on her own face and wrapped her arms around her back to turn her and pull her closer so their upper bodies were almost flush to one another.

Kate was sure she had lost her mind, finally lost touch with reality. She was hallucinating. She had to be. What a hallucination though, she thought as she recovered her motor functions and moved her limbs that had been hanging limply from her shoulders. Fisting one of her hands in Juliet's soft silky curls she gasped when she felt the blonde's tongue glide against her lower lip causing her own to part a bit.

Juliet quickly took advantage of this to deepen the kiss, moving her tongue to gently caress just inside of the other woman's lips, before pushing in further and whimpering into Kate's mouth at the sweet taste that could only be Katherine Austin. It surpassed all of the fantasies she had ever had about how the younger woman would taste on her tongue. When the blonde felt her turn more fully toward her, she straightened and stretched her legs out in front of her, taking hold of Kate's narrow hips as she urged and easily helped lift the very light young woman up to straddle her lap.

Kate was trembling hard when they broke the kiss for desperately needed air. She opened her eyes and leaning back a little saw Juliet smiling gently at her. "A thing? Oh," She said dumbly as things seemed to click in her muddled mind. The blonde's frustrated declaration, the feel of those lips she had wanted against her own for so long it was almost physically painful…

"Yeah," Juliet pulled her into a warm embrace one arm wrapping around her lower back as her free hand stroked Kate's hair guiding her head down to rest on the her shoulder. "Oh."

Kate was elated as she allowed herself to be held by the woman who had seemed to come into her life and change everything she had ever thought she knew about existence and other people. More importantly she had completely altered what she had understood of her own capacity to feel for someone else.

Juliet felt her chest constrict happily in response to the way the younger woman was clinging to her…like she was afraid to let go. She had not always been as jaded as Kate. In her former life she thought herself to be an optimist. However after these unimaginably long miserable years trapped on the island her perspective had been changed radically. Sometimes it was still hard to believe how much this feisty apparently indestructible young woman, who had survived so much, had changed her outlook on life in such a tremendous way. Turning her head a little so her lips were closer to Kate's ear she said, "You know for such a bright, intuitive young woman you can be incredibly obtuse."

Kate smiled as she began to speak remaining where she was, unwilling to move a millimeter from her current unimaginably contented position. "I didn't think you could ever feel that-"She struggled, trying to categorize the passionate emotions that threatened to overwhelm her at the same time she organized her words which even in the best of circumstances had never come easily to her, "this way about…" She hesitated and seemed to grow smaller in Juliet's arms.

The blonde gave her a squeeze before reaching up with one had to stroke her cheek tenderly leaning back so she could see her face that was bright red with embarrassment, causing her freckles to stand out in the most incredibly adorable way. "What?" Juliet prodded when her explanation drifted off in uncertainty.

"How could you feel like this about someone like me?" Kate said averting her eyes."Let's face it you're out of my league."

Juliet's heart broke a little at how small Kate's voice got when she admitted her opinion on her own self-worth. "Kate, look at me." she began and after a moment she moved her hand down the other woman's face to lovingly but forcefully grip her chin gently tilting her head back up so their eyes met. "Kate Austen, you are the smartest, bravest, most compassionate woman I have ever met. When I think about the awful things you have been through at the hands of so many and see the way you care for the people close to you it blows my mind. The fact that anyone could ever be that forgiving of human beings in general truly awes me."

Kate shook her head a little one side of her mouth curving up in a tiny smirk. "Look who's talking."

Juliet grinned back at her before leaning in to kiss her forehead, each one of her cheeks, and the tip of her nose. "Thank you."

Kate searched her eyes for a second tentatively, "For what?" She finally asked.

"Thank you for trusting me." She said softly looking her squarely in the eye.

The look of sheer understanding in the other woman's eyes gave the younger woman pause. "Yeah, that's normally really not one of my strong suits."

"I know." Juliet's tongue darted out to lick her own suddenly very dry lips, a bit overcome by the look of wanting in the brunette's steadily darkening eyes.

Kate's pulse was racing and suddenly the tank top and sut off khaki's she was wearing seemed to be stiflingly suffocating and hot even with the mild temperature of the day and the pleasant breeze off the ocean due to their elevated location.

Juliet let out a small moan as the other woman leaned in to kiss her mouth ever so gently. The barely noticeable vibration from the other woman's lips as she made the soft sound caused Kate to feel as if a small inferno was building in her lower belly. She opened her mouth a little sliding her tongue along the line between the blonde's full supple lips in askance.

Juliet felt herself slowly being pushed back down into the grass as she parted her lips eagerly complying with the brunette's obvious request to explore her mouth further. When her back was solidly planted on the ground she twined the fingers of both of her hands in Kate's dark tresses holding their mouths together, her body shivering in expectation and pleasure as the smaller woman's tongue began a slow sensual dance with her own.

"Yeah but what if Darth Vader never told Luke about his parentage?" They both froze as they heard Charlie's loud argumentative voice nearby.

"Doesn't matter dude, the whole Luke/Leah thing would never have happened. She was gone for Han Solo the first time they laid eyes on each other." Hurley's voice boomed back.

Kate acted quickly pushing herself off Juliet, reaching down to grab her soon to be lover's hand firmly and yanking her up to standing before hastily dragging her away from the cliff into the tree line that was not far away. They just made it to the cover of some overgrown scrub surrounding the thick trunk of a tall tree when the guys broke into the clearing from the same path that had led them to the outwardly seeming secluded spot.

"Trust me Hugo if not for that little revelation the series would have been plagued with dim ugly little inbred royalty." Charlie insisted.

Juliet had to clamp a hand over Kate's mouth when a small squeak of nervous laughter escaped the younger woman. Kate's eyes went wide and nodded a little gratefully when she met Juliet's panicked eyes. As they heard the guys continue their deep debate of the interpersonal relations on the main characters of their mutually favorite sci-fi movies the two women stared at one another like two children afraid of being caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

With a deep sense of self preservation and protectiveness for one another they both all but stopped breathing for more than a couple of minutes until the boys voices were a distant memory. Their eyes never left one another. "That could have been bad." Juliet finally whispered in a tone that was now probably unnecessarily hushed.

Kate nodded her agreement smiling a little timidly her voice too still cautiously low. "Yup, it doesn't take those two long to spread the word on the latest bitchy tiff between us…that would have fueled the rumor mill forever."

"What are we going to do?" asked Juliet, the frustration glaringly obvious in her tense features.

Kate shook her head slowly as her mind raced to find a solution to their privacy dilemma. You'd think on an island with this much dense jungle would make it easy...then the brunette was smiling from ear to ear.

"So, your tent or mine?" Juliet smirked thinking they were on the same page.

Kate giggled at the thought of them being quiet enough to not draw unwanted attention to them back at the beach. Instead of speaking she reached out to take the blonde's face between her hands and leaned in to kiss her deeply with all the passion she had been holding in for so long. The answering groan from the blonde only proved her point.

When the kiss broke and they stared longingly into one another's eyes Juliet seemed to fully comprehend the shake of Kate's head in the negative to either one of their tents. "Right," She agreed a little breathlessly irritated with the steadily growing moisture between her thighs and the knowledge that she couldn't simply just throw Kate to the ground right here and now.

"Do you trust me?" Kate asked suddenly her eyes filled with the question as she looked for the blonde to return her own faith.

Juliet nodded without hesitation, "Probably more than anyone I've ever known."

Kate swallowed hard at the other woman's completely sincere admission and couldn't help but pull her into her arms holding her tight. "I know a place we could go…if you'll follow me for a little while."

Juliet returned the embrace pressing her lips to the shell of Kate's ear in a soft kiss. "I'd follow you anywhere and for as long as it took to get there."

Tbc

A/N: If you actually made it to the end of this I would love to hear what you think. Even if it's just one of those silly punctuation faces with a smile or a frown, regardless though thank you for reading.