So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him... (Genesis 1:27)

The Sin of Adam, The Sin of Eve
by: Jeuxdevie

God was lonely, so at the dawn of time, He decided to create the universe.

For five days, God created the heaven and the earth; and the light against the darkness; and the waters against the land; and upon the land vegetation of all kinds; and the stars and the sun and the moon upon the sky; and all the animals in sea, land and air.

He was pleased with His creation, for it was beautiful.

On the sixth day, God wanted to rest. As He was observing His creation, in all its beauty and order and majesty, He realized that He was still lonely because He did not have anyone to share it with.

So he decided to create man.

From the most fertile of the land, He gathered ash and clay and a bit of sand, and shaped it into His likeness. Then He breathed upon its nostrils, and voila! The creature was alive!

He called this creature man, or Adam. Adam was the most wonderful among all the creatures that God has made. He could think, and speak, and give praise to God. Because he was in the likeness of God, he was also marvelous to look at, with his handsome face and hard sculpted muscles. God was enormously pleased with His newest creation. He gave Adam dominion over all of the creatures on the earth. In return, God desired for all of Adam's love, and no less.

As the days passed by, God began to notice that Adam was very lonely. And he asked Adam, "Why are you lonely?"

Adam replied, "Because I have no one else to share this creation with."

"But you have me, Adam. Why would you desire more?"

"Because... I can't see You. I can't touch You. Even if I can hear You and talk to You, God, I feel utterly alone. Can You make yourself come down upon this earth so that I can see You and hold You?"

God thought for a while, and said, "No, I can't do that. That is beyond my power."

So Adam fell on the ground and wept. He could not imagine spending his entire existence being with no one but God. Was God even there, or was he only talking to himself? He thought that he was only imagining God. He thought that he was insane!

In his madness, he decided to commit suicide. He found a sharp black stone on the ground. As he was about to plunge the stone into his heart, God made him fall asleep.

God opened the side of Adam and took a rib, and from that rib fashioned another one quite like Adam and quite unlike Adam. It did not have the hard musculature of Adam; it was soft and curved and gentle. When Adam awoke, he saw the new creation, and fell in love with its beauty.

He took her hand, and said, "I call you Eve, for you are a woman fashioned from man and for man."

Adam and Eve spent their days walking and laughing and playing at the garden of Eden. They were very happy, and they loved each other dearly.

God saw how happy Adam was with his Eve, and saw how much he loved her over Him, and became monstrously angry with jealousy. How could this woman, who is inferior to God, take over his heart? God contemplated destroying Eve, but He knew this would devastate Adam terribly, and he might attempt suicide again.

And if he did not, Adam would become angry with God all the days of his life. God did not want that. God loved Adam, his perfect creation — adored him, desired him, obsessed over him and wanted every single drop of his precious love!

Is that asking so much? I who made him and gave him life...

Instead, He devised a plan to ruin Eve in the eyes of Adam. He made two trees grow in the middle of the garden. He called one the Tree of Life, and the other the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. He filled both trees with luscious fruit. Then he called Adam and his wife, and warned them,

"Do not eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. If you do so, you will die!"

And Adam and Eve said, happily, "Okay!" Then they held each other's hand and pranced on their way to play with the nightingales and the quails.

For days, God waited for Eve to take the bait. He wanted her to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, so that Adam will despise her for rebelling against God. But when he saw how obedient she was, He became even angrier.

So He called upon a serpent, and hypnotized it and temporarily gave it the power to talk. The serpent then went to Eve and said, "Hi, Eve! I have a secret for you."

"Oooh, I love secrets!" Eve squealed. "Tell me! Tell me!"

"I will tell you," said the serpent, "if you come with me."

So Eve followed the serpent until it came upon the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.

"So what is your secret?" Eve pleaded. "Come on, tell me!"

"My secret," said the serpent, "is that if you eat the fruit from this tree, you will become like God."

Eve gasped. "But God said, if we eat from this tree, we will die! I do not want to die."

The serpent laughed. "God was fooling you. He's a sicko bastard. He wanted to torture you by making this awesome fruit available, but not allowing you to eat it. Isn't He a douche?"

Eve giggled. "Douche. Douche. Yes, He is a douche."

"Besides, what's wrong with having knowledge of good and evil?"

"Nothing! So God just wants us to be His loyal idiots for the rest of our lives, which is why He forbids us from eating this fruit... Wow, He is an asshole."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." The serpent picked out the freshest fruit from the tree. "It smells good. Here, have a bite."

Eve grabbed the fruit and took a bite. "Wow, it's delicious!" she exclaimed. "I gotta make Adam taste this." Before the serpent could stop her, she ran to her husband and offered him some of the fruit. Adam took a bite and was pleased with the sweet taste.

Then, suddenly, Adam and Eve realized they were naked. Adam said, "Ooh!" and Eve said "Aah!" and they hid under a huge leaf, together.

While they were bonking under the leaf, God looked for Adam. He called out for him: "Adam! Where are you?"

After three calls from God, Adam decided to reply, "Here I am, Lord."

"Where are you? I can't see you."

"I am hiding from You, Lord."

"Why are you hiding from Me?"

"Because I am naked! Sheesh, can't a guy have any privacy?"

God became indignant at his reply, so He commanded the wind to blow. The leaf under which Adam and Eve were hiding were blown away, and God found them joined together. God became extremely furious with jealousy! How dare she take away His Adam away from Him? And how dare he cheat on Him with her?

So God punished them. Upon the serpent, who had just been cleared of his hypnosis and did not know why he was being punished, He bestowed the punishment of having to crawl upon the ground and having enmity with the children of the woman.

Upon Eve, whom He hated above every creature for stealing His Adam, He bestowed the punishment of the pain of childbirth and sexual discrimination.

Upon Adam, who broke His heart, He bestowed the punishment of having to work for his food. Then He drove Adam and Eve away from the garden of Eden.

Epilogue

Because He was so heartbroken, for thousands of years God decided that He will not love any man ever again. He also decreed that, since He could not enjoy the sexual passion of another man, then no man will be allowed to love another man. Male homosexuality became an abomination.

Four thousand years after He created the universe, God realized that He can descend upon the earth and become a man. All He had to do was to impregnate a woman, so that she will deliver Him into this earth as a man. The woman named Him Jesus.

Jesus grew up and met a handsome youth named John, and fell in love with him. John also fell in love with Jesus, and for the first time in His existence, God was able to enjoy the amorous embraces of another man. So Jesus removed the old rule about homosexuality, and now gay men should be allowed to love in peace.

THE END