Chapter Four

EPOV

The images of Bella that came from Jasper made me sick. My beautiful Bella, she looked so dead, so heartrending lost, alone. I squeezed my eyes shut - hoping that it would erase the visions that filled my head. What had I done to her? What happened to her? I needed to see her - touch her -love her. God what an idiot. I found the love of my sorry ass life and I left her.

Carlisle's' office wasn't fully unpacked yet. I waited until Carlisle ushered me in. I could have walked in without asking he did tell me to meet him - Carlisle's office was his private area and one that we didn't often come into without his permission.

"Talk to me son." Carlisle's voice was soft.

I didn't want to tell him what had happened between Bella and I. We tired to keep our relationship somewhat private. I always felt myself a bit superior than my siblings. I had the luxury of knowing what went on in their minds; all the while I could safely hide in mine. However, this was neither the time nor the place. I had to help Bella. I needed her back now. I didn't care that I had promised her that I would never see her again. I didn't' care that I vowed to the heavens above that I would never hurt her again. I needed her like a fish needs water, like a child needs their parents love. I needed Bella's love.

"I-I left her. She didn't want me to go. She was going to give up everything to come with me - to come with us. I had too. I didn't want her to follow me. I wanted her to have a good life with kids and a husband who loves her." Edward dropped his head again.

"Son, why did you think that you could have made that decision for Bella? Did you talk with her? Did you ask her - her opinion? " Carlisle sat down beside Edward and put his arm around Edward.

"No"

Carlisle sighed. "I know that I should have had this conversation with you before all of this- this happened." Carlisle got up and walked towards the window. Turning to face Edward "What did you want to happen with your relationship with Bella?"

"What do you mean?"

"What did you see the outcome of it all Edward? Were you going to change Bella? "

"No - No I never wanted Bella changed. I wanted her heart to beat. I wanted her to stay warm, and I wanted her to have a better life than what I could give her."

"Edward, she is your mate- did you think that you could have just walked away from her? Did you stop for one minute and think about what this would have done to Bella? What did you think was going to happen to you when she died of old age?" Carlisle rested against the edge of the window

"Simple. I would have gone to the Volturi. I would have ended it all." Edward's head sank into his hands.

"What do you think was going to happen to this family when that happened? Do you not think of me? Esme? The other's. Edward, you are an important and loved member of this family. I will not have you cast your life away."

"I'll not steal her soul Carlisle! You know this - why do we always have to fight about this!"

"Edward, stop it. Most of the people who walk the earth have no souls. Just read the news, watch TV. Good God Edward you can read minds. Can't you see the evil that lays in men's minds? What you and Bella had was pure, it was love. And a love like what you had was magic. It just doesn't happen to all of us. She was the one who made you made your dead heart sing." Carlisle turned and faced the window, looking at the yard he began again. "You have been alone for so long Edward, why did you do this to yourself?"

Carlisle lifted his hand to stop Edward from speaking. He walked over the couch where Edward sat and moved beside him. "I believe very strongly that She's your la tua cantante I would need to confirm a lot of facts with Jasper on this, but I think that this is part of the problem."

Edward pulled his head away from his hands and looked at his father. "What?"

"Your "la tua cantante - we use the term singer which means that the blood of those appeals to us. Hence it sings to us. However, la tua cantante is something much more powerful - it's a spiritual calling - it's a spiritual connection. The blood of Bella appeals to you so much that you should have lost control with her the moment you met her. However, you didn't - you struggled with it, and you won."

Carlisle sighed pausing for a moment he hesitated briefly before carrying on. "While spending time in Volturi, Aro had me study many old myths and legends. One of them was called "La tua cantante" With the little that I've heard from Jasper - her - Bella's condition and well - first hand how you've been managing. I believe strongly that this is what is affecting the both of you."

Sighing again, Carlisle stood and began to walk towards the window. "Edward, I'll not lie to you. I -" Edward looked up at his father. He had never seen Carlisle at a loss for words before. Edward could see that Carlisle was blocking his thoughts.

"Carlisle - tell me" Edward's voice was urgent.

"Edward- I struggle to tell you this because I can't be certain that this is actually what has happened to Bella. I do need to confirm with Jasper and look at Bella myself before I say that yes, this is la tua cantante." Carlisle turned and looked out the window again. He spoke softly.

"Edward it does not end well for the humans. It didn't happen often - in It only happened few times. However, in the few humans that had been affected by this - they didn't last more than a few months after the separation - Before we started the research on this myth we thought that this syndrome only affected Vampires. However, after a few years of study we found that it affected humans, which had relationships with vampires. Aro only allowed the humans to live as he was more interested in the science behind it all. We did make a few discoveries; one was it the human broke the bond both mates seemed to survive - at least the vampire survived. The human didn't make it out of Volturi alive. Our laws are very strict, as you know, about human/vampire relationships. However, Aro like the idea of making the humans go crazy. They would go crazy within months of losing their mates. Edward, it wasn't a study in which I had no pleasure doing. However, I was still a relatively new vampire myself. And - and I was still making my way in this new life- I only served with the Volturi as I thought that their way was right way. . As you know, I don't like to talk about my time with the Volturi. "

"I - I'm stunned. Why are you telling me this? I mean you're saying that the humans' only survived a few months. Bella's been like this for almost three years? I mean- if this were the case. How can you explain it?" Edward's voice broke.

"Edward, I don't know - it was a study that we did a long time ago. Jasper may be able to shed some light on it for me, you, us. As I said, the human's were not studied after the break up. We found that the reason that vampires could handle the break more than humans is the make up of our brains. We process information, and we are stimulated in a very different way. Our Vampire minds are amazing we have a way of distracting ourselves from the moment of our birth, we hear the sounds of butterfly wings or a leaf falling to the ground. Yet we can talk in a room full of people and see - a spider building its web in a dark corner - along with hearing the web being spun. It's those things that make our minds busy, and we can be diverted. You are stronger mentally than Bella - I should have seen this coming. I should have guided you and her through this. I just didn't' want to over step my position. I'm just as much at fault here as you are. I knew this- I should have seen this coming. I just thought that when you said the two of you broke up that it was her decision - that would have changed this course - she would have broken the bond. "

"I- I didn't know. I just wanted her to be normal. I just didn't want to be selfish and have her stuck with me for eternity. "

"Edward, there is much work that needs to be done. Once Jasper comes back to the house we will have to discuss the situation like adults and with no secrets."

"No secrets Carlisle"

JPOV

I ran. I ran until I felt the anger - the sadness, the utter hopelessness left me. I could hear Alice running beside me. She knew to leave the questions behind. She knew enough to wait for me to speak. After the violent episode in the house with Edward she knew that I needed this. It didn't happen often that the Major came out, and when he did he needed to be exercised.

I stopped dead in my stride, and held my arms out. Alice ran into them. "Shhh" I whispered quietly I knew from the moment I told them about my first day of work that her heart was broken. Alice and I shared a stronger bond emotional than the others. I could feel her heart shatter into a million tiny pieces as I told them about what I encounter. I could feel her fear in me when I lost control. I could feel the love - the devotion that she had in me. It made me weak. "I'm sorry you had to witness my outburst with Edward"

Alice cried, her tearless eyes met mine. "Can you fix Bella? Jasper, I want my sister back. I didn't know. I didn't see her" Alice wrapped her tiny arms around me and held me tighter.

"I don't know - Alice. I really don't. I'm going to try my best, with everything that I am, with everything that I have I will try."

"I'm scared Jasper. I don't see her - there is nothing. I'm not sure if it's because I've not been looking for her for so long, or if it's because I just can't see her."

"I can't be sure. The only emotion that I felt was despair, a blackness filled her soul." I shuddered. It was an image that I would be doing my best to make disappear - and soon." I released my wife. "We'll fix her - we'll try and fix her. Let's get back to the house I have to meet with Carlisle and seek his advise"