I own nothing. WARNING: There is sexual situations and self-harm in this chapter. Enjoy!

"Hey Spencer," Carly said walking into the apartment with Sam.

"Hey Kiddo," I said smiling, "I thought you guys had iCarly rehearsal today. Where's Freddie?"

"I don't know," she said shrugging, "He was at school before it started, but I haven't seen him since."

"Oh," I said trying to hide my worry.

"What's going on between you two?" Sam asked staring at me, "Both of you have been acting weird for a couple of weeks now."

"Guy stuff," I said hoping they'd drop it.

"Fredweird, a guy?" she asked laughing.

"Sam," Carly said rolling her eyes, "We'll be in my room for awhile."

"Have fun," I said waving as they walked upstairs.

Once the girls were upstairs I walked out the front door and stopped at Freddie's. I knocked on the door before I realized that I would need a reason to be coming to see Freddie randomly.

After a few seconds no one answered the door. I was about to go back into my apartment and try Freddie's cell phone when the door opened revealing a tall old man behind it.

"Yes?" the man said calmly.

"I'm looking for Freddie," I said slowly.

"He's locked in his room," the man said sighing, "Are you a friend of his?"

"Yeah," I said nodding, "Is everything alright?"

"Come in," he said opening the door wider, "Since you're a friend of Fredward's I'm guessing you're here to see how he's doing?"

"That's right," I said eyeing the man.

"I'm Fredward's grandfather on his father's side," the man said sitting down on a couch, "We're doing our little family gathering in honor of my son's memory, but Fredward hasn't come out of his room since Marissa went to get him from school."

"Oh," I said looking down.

"He didn't tell you?" he asked confused.

"No," I said shaking my head, "We've never talked about his dad."

"I should have expected that," he said sighing, "How old are you? You seem far too old to know my grandson on a personal level."

"I'm 29," I said honestly, "And Freddie is best friends with my little sister. Since Freddie doesn't really have anyone male in his life I sort of filled that spot by being his friend."

"Maybe you can get him out of his room then," he said standing up and pouring a cup of hot tea, "Lord knows that none of us could. I finally got tired of hearing Marissa and Lily, my wife, knocking and asking for Fredward to come out that I sent them for food. Give this to him while you're in there."

"Sure," I said following back to Freddie's room, "I'll try."

"Good," he said knocking on the door, "Fredward open up. You're friend is here to see you."

When there was no answer I decided that it would be best if I tried to talk to Freddie alone. Freddie's grandfather seemed like the type of guy that would hand me a new one if he knew of Freddie and I dating.

I mentioned my idea to him and was glad when he agreed without questioning me too much. He must have been really worried if he was letting me do this without a thinking of how dangerous it could be.

Looking around I made sure that no one was around before pulling the spare key I had to Freddie's bedroom out of my pocket. After Freddie and I started dating and I found out he was harming himself I convinced him to give me a key to his room.

I opened the door expecting the worst. My eyes slide around the room looking for anything out of place before falling onto Freddie. He was lying on his bed in a thin pair of boxers, his eyes shut tightly and headphones stuck in his ears.

Closing the door behind me I made sure that I locked it tightly before walking quietly to Freddie. I had learned awhile ago that when something was really upsetting Freddie he always started to blast Three Days Grace to wash his thoughts out.

"Freddie," I said resting a hand on his stomach.

Freddie's eyes popped open in shock before a soft, loving smile graced his lips. I could never get over the fact that I was the one making the love and contentment fill his eyes.

"Spencer," Freddie said taking the headphones out, "What are you doing here?"

"You didn't come over when Sam and Carly came home," I said softly, "I was worried."

"I'm sorry," he said resting his hand on mine, "I didn't mean to make you worry. I had actually completely forgot what today was until my mom came and got me from school during third period. I've been locked in here listening to music ever since."

"It's okay," I said leaning down and kissing him gently.

Freddie returned the kiss with excitement. We had only been together for about three weeks, but I found myself becoming addicted to the way that Freddie's lips felt against mine.

I rolled over to my back when I felt his hand pushing me. Freddie straddled my hips and broke the kiss. A wicked smile graced his lips before he moved further down and started to attack my neck.

It wasn't often that Freddie liked to take control like this, but I loved it when he did. I was about to let myself be caught up in the feeling that Freddie was bringing me when I caught sight of his wrist.

Sighing I pushed Freddie away until he was just straddling my waist. He looked at me curiously and pouted slightly. I had to look away for a moment so I wouldn't simply give into him.

"What's up Spencer?" Freddie asked softly, "I know you like when I do that."

"Yeah," I said nodding, "I don't like what I see on your wrist though. You cut yourself again."

"Yeah," he said getting off of the bed and heading to his closet, "It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?" I asked standing up also, "You hurt yourself Freddie. That seems like a pretty big deal to me."

"But it's not," he said shrugging.

"Freddie," I said sighing.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said throwing on a long-sleeved shirt, "Not today Spencer. Please."

"Okay," I said wrapping my arms around his waist, "But we are going to talk about this. I can't stand to see you hurt yourself like that."

"I know," he said cuddling into my chest, "I wish I could stop it and never think about it again. But I can't Spencer. The pain just get's too much and I have to do something to release it."

"Then I'll buy you a punching bag," I said resting my head on his, "I don't care what I have to do as long as you stop hurting yourself."

"I have a better idea," he said pulling away with a smirk.

"What?" I asked confused.

Freddie shook his head before pushing me into the wall. His lips attached to mine in a desperate fashion. My hands gripped onto his hips as I pushed the feelings back to him.

Pushing myself toward him I moved us around until we were both laying on the bed once more. Freddie's shirt was unbuttoned letting me see his chest. I loved Freddie's chest.

His oversensitive nipples made it so that I could have him moaning and screaming if I played with them a lot. And I knew that Freddie loved biting and sucking on my neck, which I loved just as much.

I moved my hands down until I was squeezing Freddie's butt. A soft moan slipped from his lips and I smirked the best I could into the kiss. That was a sound I could not live without hearing.

There were times when Freddie was as loud as loud could be when we were having sex, but other times he was as quiet as a mouse. I never really understood why it was, but I was hoping that today was going to be a quiet day.

Slipping my hands under Freddie's boxers I threw them to the other side of the room and broke the kiss. Freddie's mouth instantly went to my throat to mark me as his own.

I let my eyes slip shut and a soft moan fall from my lips as Freddie bit roughly on a particularly sensitive part of my throat. He continued to play with that spot until I was ready to start screaming myself.

"Freddie," I said forcing myself to be quiet, "Stop."

"But you love it," Freddie said innocently.

"You have no idea," I said as he went back to sucking on that part.

As much as I wanted to stop Freddie again I was finding my strength slowly slipping from me. The feeling of Freddie's lips were causing a deep, dark fog to roll into my brain.

"If you want to scream," Freddie whispered into my ear, "Then scream."

When Freddie said the last part of his sentence he pushed his hand inside of my jeans and boxers and gave my shaft a squeeze before moving his hand as quickly as he could.

I felt the scream leave my lips, but I couldn't make out what I was saying. Freddie's hand tightened around me as I felt myself starting to cum. My eyes opened slightly just in time to hear a knock on the door.