Pain flooded Kaidan's body, but this pain was a good thing. If he could feel the burning protests of his body after his unprotected fall, he could damn well move something. He wasn't sure how long he was there as focused on his fingers, pouring everything he had into just clutching the grass beneath him. He imagined the weedy feel of it, the waxy thickness.

Neither of those things he'd be able to feel through his gloves anyway, but as his fingers bent forward, making the grass bend under their weight, his mind was flooded with elation. He didn't care if he'd made a great stride somehow or if the toxin was simply wearing off. His fingers, his arms, his shoulders worked and he was able to push himself into a sitting position.

Standing was more difficult. It still felt as though he was trying to walk through a heavy undertow, but he managed. His vision was blurry. The dark shapes on the ground he knew to be colonists were so unfocused he couldn't tell one from the next. Slowly, as his eyes grew accustomed to blinking once more, shadows began to sharpen.

It didn't help. There were only a few bodies around him rather than the multitude he'd seen fall. Lilith and Tenari were not among them, but Booke was. As he tried to pull up the signals from his team, Kaidan crouched at at her side. There was nothing but interference. Restraining a burst of unhelpful emotion, he focused on the signs from the lieutenant's hardsuit. Her vitals were strong, but there was nothing he could do to break this... whatever it was.

The commander looked down at Booke, trying to reassure her with his eyes. As he searched for comforting words, it occurred to him that his freedom may have been bought by his biotic metabolism. It was either that or the lieutenant had been bitten later on. Unable to quite lift her yet, he dragged her rigid body into a nearby house as he performed a visual check to confirm what he'd already seen in his HUD. She was going to be fine. At least, as far as he could tell. Stiffly, he stood. The words still would not come. As he rose, Kaidan gripped Booke's hand in a brief squeeze. "Hang in there. I'll get the others. We'll all be back."

Kaidan cursed himself as he cautiously stepped out of the door and surveyed the land. There was no sign of the bug creatures or the groups that had been involved in the earlier firefight. He moved around the colony, establishing a perimeter. There was simply nothing. He was about to return to the field he'd collapsed in to tend to the remaining colonists when the sound of a voice sent him to cover against a storage crate. Seconds ticked slowly by as his fingers tensed around the rifle he didn't remember drawing and he waited for one more word.

"Shepard, wait… I know that name." There was no mistaking the bitter quality of the gravely voice. Delan.

Kaidan stepped around the crates blocking his vision as he tried to clear the hazy effects from the last… however long it had been… from his head. He pulled off his helmet, needing to see more than it was allowing.

"… some type of big Alliance hero," Delan was saying. There was no respect in the man's voice. Not surprising, but Kaidan couldn't help his reaction to it.

He cleared the crates and walked into the open. "Commander Shepard…" He found her standing right in front of him and his eyes locked on hers. "Captain of the Normandy, the first human Spectre, savior of the Citadel," he said in a low, reverent voice, partially for Delan's benefit, but also to remind Shepard just how much she'd meant before she switched sides. To the Alliance, the populace of Council space… Him.

She still meant so much to him. Seeing her now, helmet in one hand and flanked by a tall, dark-haired man who wore the Cerberus emblem with pride and… Garrus? Had the entire team defected to Shepard's side? And how did a turian end up working for such a pro-human group?

His mind couldn't process it all. He turned away, his mouth continuing to move on its own. "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost." He wanted to reach out to touch her like he hadn't before. He wanted to make sure she didn't disappear a third time. Instead, he stood his ground.

"All the people we lost and you get left behind. Figures," Delan responded bitterly as he threw up a hand in dismissal. "Screw this. I'm done with you Alliance types."

He walked away and it was just Kaidan and Shepard. And her new team.

"Alenko," Garrus began as he stepped forward. "Nice of you to visit."

The wording was strange. This was a battle, not a visit. Suddenly, it clicked into place. Garrus had been on Omega. Garrus had sent that email. As Kaidan stared at the smoking remains of unidentifiable slag between the defense towers, he felt as though his world had been upended. Shepard was doing everything she always had been. And what had he been doing? Grading papers from biotic students.

But it was Cerberus. Every past mission that had been tied to the amoral group slid through his mind like a rapid vid display. He didn't understand. Mechanically, he extended a hand outward and said only a single word. "Garrus."

The turian shook his hand and looked at Shepard. Then back at Kaidan. "I'm going to check the perimeter, make sure we got them all," he said awkwardly. As he backed away, he cleared his throat. "Taylor."

"Right," the officer responded. "Could be more survivors."

Then it really was just Shepard and Kaidan.

Silence fit between them like the expanse of a bed. She on one side, he on the other, and both, he assumed, wanting to get to the middle. There was a sort of comfort in just being that close, but the next move, the next thing he should say kept tumbling through Kaidan's mind, bringing with it excruciating discomfort that managed to coexist with the simple pleasure of being in Shepard's company.

He hugged her. He needed to know if she would respond - needed her to stay exactly where she was. She was like a dream he didn't want to relinquish to wakefulness just yet.

His armor clinked against hers and there was none of the warm softness of a hug. He was close to her, but still… far away. But when she wrapped her arms around his back and squeezed, they might as well have been wearing nothing at all.

As they pulled away, Shepard's eyes glinted in the sun and Kaidan was reminded of the optical display of a LOKI mech. He stepped back. "Ash was right."

Ash. Where was Ash?

Shepard stared at Kaidan quizzically as he pulled further away. "Ash was right about what?"

"You're not Shepard," Kaidan answered without thinking as he scanned the surrounding area for a familiar Phoenix hardsuit.

"I'm not…" Shepard was glaring now. The intensity was enough to fully secure Kaidan's attention. She marched up to him, placed her hands on his chest plate and pushed. "First, Ash is fine."

Had he said that out loud? Oof!

Kaidan did not see the wall behind him until it slammed into his back, forcing air from his lungs in a surprised whoosh.

"Second, I did not spend all this time reclaiming my life while at every turn someone tried to turn me into something different." She pushed into his chest again, her eyes blazing as she stared up at him. "You look me in the eyes, Kaidan Alenko, and you tell me again that I am not Shepard."

He could't help but follow her orders. He looked long and hard into the alien apertures that had replaced Shepard's eyes and instead of synthetics, he saw a warrior's compassion and all of the strength, integrity, and love that he'd seen two years ago.

Kaidan blinked and in that moment, time leaped forward and he was kissing Shepard. Her lips were pressed against his predatorily and he responded as though he could eat her alive. The air was alive with warmth and need.

Suddenly, Shepard was against the wall and he didn't know how they'd changes positions any more than he could recall how their kiss began, but he continued pouring two years of longing and denial into it.

"Shepard," he whispered when they finally separated.

"Damn right," she replied with a hard nod.

And then he had to ruin it. "Why?" he asked, unable to stop his mouth from forming the word. His hand was cupping her jawline through tangles of hair and he could see every emotion as they passed through her eyes.

The one she settled on… was none. Shepard threw up the blank face she wore so well and replied evenly. "Why… Cerberus? I was dead. They found my body and put me back together. No matter how much I hate the thought, every breath I draw now is because of them."

It sounded almost rehearsed. Kaidan surmised that he wasn't the first to ask this question. Every argument Ash had thrown at Joker ran through his head and he just couldn't do it - not now. It killed him to see that "C" on her uniform, but there were some things he needed to understand more. "Why didn't you contact me?"

"I was told when I woke up two years had passed. That's a long time. Figured you'd moved on." Shepard's eyes were stony, cold.

She was lying. But why? "I did move on. I mean, I thought I had." He shook his head and lowered his voice to show the emotion he was searching for in hers. "Seeing you muddies things for me, Shepard. It always has."

"I know." The ice in her eyes melted just enough to convert those two matter-of-fact words into three more meaningful ones.

Or he was reading too much into it. "At the dock, why did you leave?"

Shepard chuckled then. "It was the best call for Niket's survival."

Kaidan nodded. It was still somewhat unusual, but it made sense given the little knew about this Miri. "Did you find Oriana?"

"Yes." Shepard smiled as though recalling a particularly good memory.

"Why was your drell trying to kill Tenari?" If he kept asking questions, he wouldn't fall prey to either of the battling urges to rage at or kiss her.

She flinched then. It wasn't a bodily action as it would be in most people, but there in her eyes, he could see it. "Do you know who Tenari is?"

He nodded slowly. "And.. your drell does too." Rage was rapidly gaining ground.

"Kaidan, I-" Shepard cut off her own words as she leaned in to kiss him again.

Kaidan held up his hand, stopping her. Had he not been wearing gloves - had he been able to feel her lips on his fingers, he might not have been able to say what he was about to.

But he was.

"Goodbye, Shepard."