Chris: Welcome, all! Today starts Total Drama Island! Twenty-four contestants from all over Canada have signed up, thinking that they're headed to a posh luxury resort! But instead, they're coming to this place! A beat up, run down summer camp! Here they come now!
DockChris: Here comes our first contestant!
Beth: Oh my god! Chris McLean! No way!
Chris: Next up is this guy!
Michael: Wow, dude. Don't know our names? That is just sad.
Chris: Its hard, dude! There's a lot of you people.
Michael: Yeah. Yeah, right, that's it.
Chris: I don't like you.
Michael: Yeah, you're a ray of sunshine.
Chris: NEXT!
Kiana: Whoa. A camp? But… this doesn't make sense…
Chris: Exactly! And another dude!
DJ: Yo, man, we staying here?
Chris: Yeah, man.
DJ: Cool. Momma taught me to take what you get and don't get upset.
Chris: That's nice, brickhouse. And whom's this lady coming up?
Gwen: Whoa. I did NOT sign up for this.
Michael: Amen, sister!
Chris: You, shut up! And you, yes, you did sign up for this.
Gwen: Let me see that contract. (Rips it up)
Michael: Hey, can I see my contract too?
Chris: SHUT UP! And girly, the funny thing about lawyers? They make lots of copies. (Pulls up copy of contract)
Gwen: You suck.
Michael: Amen.
Chris: Dude. I will kick you off of this island. Like right now. Oh, and here's the delinquent!
Duncan: This isn't what I signed up for. And I don't like surprises.
Chris: Yeah, your parole officer mentioned that. He also said if there were any problems I could just send you back to Juvie.
Duncan: I'm good.
Beth: You were in Juvie?
Duncan: Shut up.
Chris: And here's Heather!
Michael: Oh, you know her name? (Heather passes by) I can see why!
Duncan: Yeah, give me a bunk under her!
Michael: I'd split it with you!
Heather: Oh, shut up losers. (Eyes Beth, Michael, Kiana, DJ, Gwen, and Duncan) Wow losers much?
Gwen: I'll show you loser! (Michael holds her back)
Chris: And here comes another dude!
Harold: Yeah, I'm hoping that my mad skills will get me pretty far.
Duncan: (to Michael) Yeah, and I'm hoping my foot will go pretty far up his –
Harold: Hi, I'm Harold.
Michael: Hi, Harold.
Chris: Everyone, shut up now! This one looks scary!
Eva: McLean! What is this place?
Chris: Camp! Now I have a dude to greet!
Geoff: WHOA! PARTY!
Chris: Yeah. Party. Next up is this chick.
LeShawna: Oh yeah, LeShawna in the house! (Harold is staring at her) What you looking at string bean?
Harold: You're really big. And loud.
LeShawna: I WILL SHOW YOU BIG AND LOUD! (DJ and Gwen restrain her)
Chris: And here comes a nerd!
Noah: You got my list of allergies, right?
Chris: Yeah, they're somewhere.
Noah: (to Duncan) Nice piercing (sarcastically).
Duncan: (grabs Noah's lip) Yeah, I did them myself. Want one?
Noah: No thank you. Now may I have my lip back?
Duncan: No.
Michael: Come on, mister piercing. Let the string bean go.
Duncan: (releases Noah) All right. (to Heather) But my business is always open.
Heather: Get bent.
Izzy: Izzy has arrived!
Chris: And our very own psychopath!
DJ: (to Michael) Dude, close your mouth! You're watering!
Michael: (distracted, looking at Izzy) Sorry, man, I just liked the view.
Chris: Here comes the Cod-mister!
Cody: Yeah, I'm here ladies. Your welcome. (Gwen, LeShawna, and Kiana roll their eyes)
Chris: And a surfer girl!
Bridgette: Hey! Everyone looks so nice!
Geoff: Hey, I'm Geoff!
Bridgette: (turns, surfboard knocks Michael off of dock) What? Hi, I'm Bridgette. (Hears splash, turns around and board knocks Geoff into water)
Ezekiel: Hi.
Chris: Oh, the home schooled boy. What's up? (Ezekiel points up) You'll fit in just right.
Katie and Sadie: EEEEK!
Chris: Oh, yeah. You two.
Katie: Oh my god! You're Chris McLean!
Sadie: Oh my god! I was just going to say that!
Gwen: Oh my god! Shut up.
LeShawna: Nice one, pasty! (LeShawna and Gwen high five)
Katie and Sadie: EEEEK!
Chris: Here's a fun-looking guy!
Owen: Yeah, man! I came here to win big bucks and have fun! Party, dude!
Geoff: PARTY!
Izzy: PARTY!
Katie and Sadie: PARTY!
Harold: PARTY!
LeShawna: Don't do that, string bean.
Chris: And next up is this guy.
Trent: Sup, I'm Trent. I'm just going to stand over here. (Stands next to Gwen, looks at Harold) So is anyone normal here?
Gwen: (sighs) Nope. Not a soul.
Trent: Well, I think there might be one. (Gwen blushes)
Heather: Gag me.
Chris: And behold, our foxiest contestant – Lindsay!
Lindsay: Hi!
Cody: Hi!
Harold: Hi!
Duncan: Well hello there! Why don't we split a bunk?
Lindsay: Okay.
Heather: Such a loser.
Chris: And here's a nice treat for all you ladies out there!
Justin: (walks onto dock and smiles)
Kiana: (while all girls and Owen stare) WOW.
Chris: And here's miss prissy.
Courtney: Hi! Did I get here early enough?
Chris: Nope.
Courtney: The pretty people beat me here?
Duncan: No, the pretty person just got there.
DJ: Dude, now you're watering! Where'd that other guy go?
Michael: (staring at Izzy from behind)
Izzy: Is someone behind Izzy?
Michael: Nope.
Izzy: Okay!
Chris: And here comes our last contestant, a jock by the looks of him!
Tyler: (tries to water ski but fails and crashes into dock)
Chris: Okay, meet me by the campfire pit in five and we'll make some teams! The confessional is on the path, by the way.
ConfessionalGwen: Wow. So far this place kind of sucks. Except for that hot musician. But everyone else is crazy, except maybe that one guy who Chris seems to hate. Crazies! I'm going to beat them all!
Michael: Wow, some… interesting people here. I am going to play smartly. And manipulate everyone else! But I'm going to have fun doing it.
Justin: (stares into camera)
Izzy: Izzy like island!
DJ: All I want to do here is make friends and make mamma proud!
Katie and Sadie: EEEEEEK!
Duncan: I can still hear their voices echoing off the walls.
Campfire PitChris: All right, these people are on the Screaming Gophers: Cody, Gwen, Trent, LeShawna, Justin, Heather, Owen, Lindsay, Noah, Beth, Michael, and Katie. And here are the Killer Bass: Sadie, Ezekiel, Izzy, Geoff, Courtney, DJ, Bridgette, Duncan, Eva, Harold, Kiana, and Tyler.
Michael: Yo, D! Looks like I get dibs!
Duncan: (looks at Heather) That's cool, M. I'm good here. (Smiles at Courtney)
Heather and Courtney: Get bent losers.
Chris: Now, for our first challenge…
Top of CliffChris:…You will be jumping off of this cliff!
Duncan: Crap.
End of Episode 1Trivia:
Beth is the first female to arrive.
Beth is the first Screaming Gopher to arrive.
Beth is the first female Screaming Gopher to arrive.
Michael is the first male to arrive.
Michael is the first male Screaming Gopher to arrive.
Michael is the first male to use the confessional.
Michael is the first male Screaming Gopher to use the confessional.
Kiana is the first Killer Bass to arrive.
Kiana is the first female Killer Bass to arrive.
DJ is the first male Killer Bass to arrive.
DJ is the first Killer Bass to use the confessional.
DJ is the first male Killer Bass to use the confessional.
Gwen is the first person to use the confessional.
Gwen is the first female to use the confessional.
Gwen is the first Screaming Gopher to use the confessional.
Gwen is the first female Screaming Gopher to use the confessional.
Sadie is the first female Killer Bass to use the confessional.
Gwen, Michael, Justin, Izzy, DJ, Katie, Sadie, and Duncan used the confessional.