Disclaimer: If only, if only, the woodpecker sighs...They're not mine.

A/N: This chapter might be changed in the future, but for now I think it'll work. It seems a little bit choppy to me, but I need it to move the plot forward. You know you care. :)

Thanks for reading.

-~…~ indicate thoughts when already italicized.
-This indicates memory, thoughts, or emphasis.
-A wordin normal text surrounded by italics indicates emphasis in an already italicized phrase.

June 9, 2005
4:06 am

Elliot looked bad. Really bad. As in, worse than Olivia felt. His clothes were rumpled and his eyes baggy. He looked like he hadn't slept in a week. Maybe he hadn't.

When he spoke, his voice was raspy, tortured, as if it had been overused lately. "Hey."

It took all of Olivia's willpower not to be drawn into those clear blue eyes and lose herself in them forever.

"Hi."

On further survey, she saw the torture in his eyes, too. It hurt her very core to see him like this, to know that she was the cause of it. He took Cragen's vacated chair and scooted it closer, leaning his elbows on the bed. The sigh that emanated from him was sadder, deeper, than any Olivia had ever heard.

"You okay?" she asked.

He grinned weakly. "Seems like I should be the one asking you that question."

"Huh. Tell me about it. Cragen tells me there was pot in my system."

"Yeah… about that… You aren't using, are you?"

"No! Elliot!"

He shifted uncomfortably. "Just checking. Olivia?"

"Yeah?"

"You still mad at me?" His voice was pleading. With that tone of voice, she couldn't stay angry, no matter how hard she might try. It just wasn't possible.

"I guess not," she replied.

"Thanks for that, I guess."

She stared at her hands for a while before asking the question she'd been itching to ask since seeing him again.

"So… why?"

Elliot refused to meet her eyes, choosing instead to fixate on a point just above her ear.

"I'd prefer not to talk about it."

"Elliot, I'll find out eventually. I always do."

"Why do you always have to be such a detective?"

She just raised an eyebrow and waited for him to explain.

"Well, Liv… Promise not to kill me when you recover?"

"It can't be that bad, can it?"

"Kathy's pregnant."

What? Olivia couldn't even describe the rush of emotions that shot through her at those two words. A swirling mixture of anger, jealousy, and bitter sadness that flooded her senses and made her head hurt again. It throbbed through her chest and settled in her stomach, a sickening dull ache sending bile shooting up her throat. She felt a pricking burning in the back of her eyes and blinked rapidly to keep back tears.

Her voice was the tortured one now; it barely made it out of her mouth in a faint whisper.

"When?"

He still couldn't meet her eyes.

"I don't know, before we separated. The divorce was going to be finalized yesterday. Three days before the signing, she shows up at my apartment with a suitcase, telling me she's pregnant. What'd you want me to do, Liv, tell her to leave?"

Olivia felt her heart crack a little bit more. She forced all emotion out of her voice, forced herself into detective mode. Forced herself to forget, to block out.

"I couldn't ask you to do that, Elliot. I wouldn't expect you to. I would expect you to tell me the truth. If you'd just explained yourself straight up, this wouldn't be happening. If you'd just managed to man up and tell me what the hell was going on, I'd be okay with it, if-"

"Olivia-"

"No Elliot. I don't want to hear it. You kissed me that morning, after you took Kathy back in. After you became a married man. You knew I never wanted to be that other woman, but you couldn't deal with the shame of looking me in the face and telling me it was over. Well, Elliot, it's over now. You're a lying bastard and I don't know if I ever want to speak to you again."

"Olivia, please."

"I deserve better than that, Elliot. No. Get out."

"Liv! Just think abou-"

"Elliot. Get. Out. Now."

He cast her a look that froze her heart when he reached the door.

"Bye, 'Liv."

The door closed gently behind him.

"Bye," she whispered.

June 9, 2005
5:30 am

Elliot turned over, unable to sleep. Olivia's face floated in his thought, her accusing glare piercing into his heart. He desperately wished he could turn back time, turn it back just three days to when he'd thrown Olivia at the mirror. Ever since then, life had been beating her about the head with a club. She was at possibly the worst point in her life, and he'd gone and made it worse.

Kathy shifted position and mumbled, and for a moment Elliot hated her for making Olivia's life miserable. But he couldn't seriously convince himself Kathy was responsible. He had no one to blame but himself.

Everyone always said the first step was to admit your flaws to yourself. Elliot did so now. I am an idiot. A complete, utter idiot. He'd taken one of the best things in his life and crushed it, mashed it underneath one heel and kicked the pieces under the rug. He'd held his partner's heart, and he'd thrown it away like an old rag. She was right; Olivia deserved much more than that. Especially from him. He'd betrayed her trust, and it had broken her.

And now he had no idea how to fix it.

For the first time in his life, Elliot allowed himself to contemplate defeat.