It's been a week since I heard from Eric last and it hurts. The Pain that I feel from his absence grows stronger and steadier everyday. I have immersed myself into my job being busy helps even if only for a short period of time. Everything and everyone goes on around me as I stand still and wait, wait like a withering rose waits for a sip of water to prolong it's life.

Sure everyone tries to pull me out of my funk but no one or nothing helps. I can see it in Dermot's eyes when he comes to see me. That panicked and frightened look like I might break and shatter or worse off myself over something ass ridiculous as a vampire. Of course fairies hate vampires, who could blame them vampires literally go crazy over their blood.

I wonder if Eric blames me for his maker Appius's death? That could explain his absence and why he refuses to come see me. I feel him still, well sometimes still. When his emotions are strong and leak through I feel them, anger, hate, sorrow and emptiness.

"sookie, Sookie. Earth to Sookie`Sam calls out waving his arms in front of my face. I blink and shake my head.

`Sorry Sam, you were saying?" I asked a little stunned that my mind had wander so far away.

"Nothing Chere why don't you head home. We only have an hour left and there's no one here" Sam said softly while rubbing my arm.

"Sure. Thanks Sam" I said and gave him a hug. I was to tired and depressed to argue with him that I was ok to work. I grabbed my purse from Sam's office and my jacket and headed out the door to my car.

I must have drove home on autopilot because before I knew it I was parked in back of my house and unlocking my kitchen door. I went straight up to my room and into the bathroom to have a shower. The water was hot and felt good on my sore muscles. As I ran a cloth over my stomach I noticed how thin I was becoming. I couldn't eat most of the time and when I did it was minimal. I was literally withering away yet I was helpless to stop it.

My hands wandered down to my clit and I slowly rubbed in little circles and then more franticly. I wanted that happy feeling you get when your orgasm overtakes you. The happiness fades quick and it feels cheap but I want that feeling if only for a moment. Once I'm finished I dry off and go to bed. Is this my life now? Am I destined to be lonely and pathetic for the rest of my days? I feel myself drift off and everything because blessedly quiet.

I can hear the phone ringing.

"Hello?" I mumble into the mouthpiece a little irritated that I'm being woken up from a peaceful sleep.

"Sookie? It's Terry. Sam's dead and the bars burned down. Can you…" I hang up before he can finish and I'm dressed and out the door heading for Merlotte's.

I can see black smoke two miles away, high in the sky. My cheeks are wet and it's the first time I realize that I'm crying. I pull round the corner and almost run into a tree. There's nothing left of the bar but ash and soot. Merlotte's is gone and so is Sam and I bawl even harder. I watch the ambulance pull away carrying my friend and for the first time I really want to be in there with Sam, I want to be finally dead.

I feel pain shoot through the bond from Eric's end and some probing. I don't care Eric can go fuck himself for all I care. I close off the bond. My cell starts to ring and I turn it off and the chuck it at a tree for good measure. I don't get out of my car. I sit and watch and then I pull back out of the parking lot. I drive into town to the bank.

I still have the hundred grand I received from Rhodes and I cash it. I take twenty grand in cash and a cashier's cheque made out to cash for the rest. Then, well then I simply get back into my car and keep driving until I find the perfect place for my final days.

TBC