Author's note: I own nothing. This week is bittersweet as the ninth and final season starts. Oh, how my heart is breaking knowing the end is near. I am so grateful for the visits I have had to Wilmington, to meet Mark, to see the sets and filming locations...oh how bittersweet this season will be. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please review. Thanks!

Brooke sat on her bed reading about Ethan Hawley, smiling. It wasn't just the book, but the fact that Lucas had given it to her. That he had been able to remind her, with that one small gesture, of how they had first become them. And here they were years later, parents, and she wasn't sure what their future held, but she knew they would find a way to be ok. She glanced at the clock on her nightstand as her cell phone rang, it was nearly one in the morning.

"Hello," she said softly as she closed the book.

"Hi," he said, "I know it's late there, I just," he sighed, "I just wanted to call."

"Julian," she said softly, not feeling angered, but hurt for him, she could hear how lost he sounded, "it's ok, I was just reading."

"I just got home, and I was thinking about you and Keithan," he chuckled, "and I just wondered how everything was going, his first Christmas," he said.

"It's good," she smiled, "I wrapped everything, but he's not even going to understand the whole thing."

"You will, Brooke, you'll always remember this," he said softly, "I wish, sometimes I just…"

"I know," she said knowing what he wanted to say. He'd loved Keithan, while she was pregnant he was there, he was the one holding her hand when her son was born, he was there to comfort the boy when he was weeks old.

"I miss you guys," he said.

"I know, Julian, I miss you too," she said as tears formed in her hazel eyes, "you and me, we just…"

"I know," he said with a slight chuckle, "I guess we never stood a chance."

"Luke and I, we're not together Julian, I mean, we are here, but," she said, not sure what they were. Of course she loved him, but there was Julian Baker, the boy who had broken through the walls she put up, the walls she built because the hurt Lucas Scott had caused her.

"You two share a child, Brooke," he said, "and unlike our own parents, you are an amazing mother, and you put that little boy first. And, Lucas loves you."

"Julian," she sighed. Julian Baked had been heartbroken twice because of Lucas Scott. First he had fallen for Peyton Sawyer, and then Brooke Davis. She knew that Julian had loved her, and if she was honest, he probably still did, because deep in her heart she still loved him. He had shown her that it was ok to take risks, that sometimes they paid off and sometimes they didn't. The ugly side of Julian she had seen her last few months in L.A wasn't him, it was the defensive version of him, the one who didn't want to be hurt. And, if Brooke Davis knew anything, she knew what it was like to be that person, the one who knows it's bound to end and that hurt was all that was waiting.

"I shouldn't have called," he said.

"I'm glad you did," she said, "I've missed you."

"Don't do that Brooke," he said sternly, "don't tell me you miss me, because, we both know what it feels like to be a footnote in someone else's love story."

"That's not fair."

"But, it's true," he said, there was an awkward silence, both knowing he was right, "I'm sorry."

"Me too," she said as she wiped her eyes.

"Well, I should go, Brooke Davis," he said.

"Goodnight Julian Baker," she said with a soft smile as she hung up. She wiped her eyes, hearing Julian's voice was unexpected, but surprisingly she felt good about it. She and Julian had loved each other, they had been happy and shared a life, and in a moment of sadness she and Lucas had found comfort with each other. And now she sat here thinking about it. In her living room was a man that was the father of her son, a man that she'd imagined spending her life with when she was in high school. A man that had broken her heart, but a man that had taught her that she didn't have to be what people thought she was. Lucas Scott was the first boy she had really loved.

But, there was Julian Baker. Julian had come in to her life at a time when she was lost and afraid. A time when she needed him even though she didn't know it. Julian had showed her that she didn't have to be a footnote in Lucas and Peyton's love story, he showed her she could write her own. But, in the end she had broken his heart, just like Peyton had. She had promised him a life together, a family, a home, and then she slept with Lucas. She had promised him that it didn't matter, that she wanted him. That the two of them could raise the baby and have the life. But as her pregnancy progressed he pushed, he pushed her further and further away because he knew. Julian Baker knew that Lucas Scott was the guy for Brooke Davis and as much as he loved her, as much as he wanted her, he knew. So he became everything he'd hated in his own father.

Brooke wiped her eyes. She stood up and walked towards her son's room. She stood there for a few minutes watching him sleep. She placed a soft kiss on his forehead, "I love you baby boy," she said before walking towards the living room.

"Hey," Lucas said as he looked up from where he was laying on the couch, "you ok?"

"Yeah," she nodded as she wiped her eyes, she sat on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"Brooke," Lucas said softly as he sat up, "come here," he said as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Luke," she said softly as she laid her head against his chest, her tears staining his shirt.

"It's ok pretty girl, I'm here," he said as he kissed the top of her head, "it's ok."

"Luke, I want this to be ok, I want us to be ok," she said as he held her close to him, "I need that. And Keithan needs that. And I have to know that I am doing what is right for him," she paused, "and for me."

"Brooke, what's going on," he asked softly, confusion filled his voice.

"Julian called me," she said and she could feel Lucas tense as his arms were still around her, "and I just started thinking about everything, you know. And I just, I don't know."

"Julian," he said.

"Luke, don't be mad, ok," she said pleadingly.

"I'm not mad, Brooke," he said as his grip on her loosened.

"You are," she said as she sat up and looked into his eyes.

"I'm here," he said as his own eyes filled with tears, "Brooke, I am here, I am doing the best I can, and I don't know if that's enough for you. And, Julian," he says with a heavy sigh, "I'm not him. I'm me, the guy who broke your heart, I'm the jerk who hurt you more times than I can count, I'm," he sighed as he stood up.

"I'm sorry," she said, suddenly guilt ridden for having told him about the call.

"I don't know what this is, Brooke, I don't know what we are, what you want, I can't do this," he said, pain filling his voice as he looked at her, "I am here, and I want to be, but do you want me here? Brooke, is this what you want, or do you want," he paused as they heard Keithan in his crib, "I'll get him," he said leaving her alone in her living room.

"Luke," she said as he walked away. She leaned against the arm of her couch and pulled the blanket up over herself. She wiped her eyes as she could hear Lucas comforting their son. Their son, Keithan was a part of her and Lucas, and she loved them, both of them, but Julian was still in her heart too.

"Ma," the baby boy babbled as Lucas held his hands, letting him stand at the edge of the couch, "ma."

"Yeah, buddy, that's your mamma," Lucas said as Brooke opened her eyes, "tell mamma you want your presents," he smiled.

"Hey," she said softly as she sat up, pulling her hair into a messy ponytail.

"He's been up for a little while," Lucas said as he picked Keithan up, "there's coffee in the kitchen."

"Luke," she said pleadingly.

"Brooke," he said, "it's his first Christmas morning, let's not do this, ok," he said as he kissed the top of Keithan's head.

"Ok," she said with a forced smile as she stood up, "you excited buddy," she said as she kissed Keithan's tummy, "you and daddy both?" Brooke got a cup of coffee and made her way back to the living room where Lucas was sitting beside the tree with Keithan on his lap. It was magical, watching the two of them interact, Keithan's excitement, Lucas' too. Brooke was happy that Lucas was there, that he was sharing this moment with their son. She wanted that for Keithan, it was something she had never had, and was thankful her son would.

"He's asleep," Lucas said as he walked into the kitchen where Brooke was cleaning up. It had been a busy morning with Keithan, and they had both enjoyed seeing him, even though they could both feel the tension.

"He's had a busy morning," she smiled.

"Yeah," Lucas said, "I'm going to head home, Mom and Andy are taking Lily back to Charlotte in the morning and I want to spend some time with them."

"Oh," she said surprised, "I thought we'd all go over after Keithan got up."

"That's fine, if you want to come over," he said, "but I am going now, Brooke, I think that's best."

"Lucas," she pleaded, he didn't say anything, "I'm here."

"I see that."

"Luke, please," she said, he sat on the barstool and looked across at her, "I am here, and this is where I want to be. I know that you're mad," she said.

"I am not mad Brooke," he sighed, "I just don't understand, ok, I mean you are in tears over Julian."

"It's not about him though," she said, "Lucas, it's not. It's about us, me and you. Talking to Julian, Lucas, I know what it's like to be him, to be so in love with someone that you push them away, you do everything possible to make them not want you. I did that, ok, I know that," she said.

"Do you love him, Brooke," he asked with sadness in his eyes.

"Yeah," she nearly whispered, "a part of me does love him, but Lucas, the biggest part of me," she said wiping her eyes, "loves you, and I always have. And it nearly killed me watching you almost marry Lindsey, and then when I had Angie, and then you and Peyton, Luke, you and my best friend were pregnant and getting married," she said. "Lucas, you left me."

"Brooke, you told me to go to her," he said.

"Not then Lucas, not in high school," she sighed, "when Peyton died, Lucas, you left, you walked away from me, from Nathan and Haley, all of us, and you left. And a year later you walked back in and you said things to me, Lucas, things I had wanted you to say when we were seventeen, things I needed you to say. And I was with Julian."

"And you left me, Brooke, so don't try to make me the bad person," he said as he stood up, "you were pregnant with my child, and you, you left with him!"

"I did," she said wiping her eyes, "I guess Peyton was right, people always leave."

"I guess so," he said as he walked out. Brooke stood alone in her kitchen, tears streaming her face. She did love Julian Baker, and a part of her always would, but if she was honest, she was in love with Lucas Scott and she always had been. Lucas was the guy for her, she'd known that since high school, but Julian had come along and he fit too. And now she was in an impossible situation. She knew what it was like to be Julian, and she knew what it was like to be Lucas. To be the one fighting, the one holding on to the relationship. How had things gone from perfect two days ago to this? She chuckled slightly, she was right when she told Haley she'd screw it up.

"There's my boy," Karen smiled as she reached for the boy in Brooke's arms, "come see grandma."

"He's a bit fussy," Brooke smiled as she walked in the kitchen of Lucas' home, a kitchen that used to feel like home.

"How's his mom," Karen asked as Brooke sat her things down.

"Good," Brooke smiled as Lily came running in the kitchen, "hey Lily pad," Brooke smiled as Lily wrapped her arms around the brunette.

"You should see what Santa brought me," Lily smiled, "and I got a dollhouse from Lucas."

"You must have been a very good girl," Brooke said as she knelt down, "Keithan and I got you something too," she said as she handed the blonde little girl the box.

"Wow," she said as she tore open the package, "Mamma look, it's like a real princess," Lily exclaimed as she held the pink gown Brooke had given her.

"That is beautiful," Karen said as she and Keithan looked on, "now what do you say Lily?"

"Thank you Brooke," Lily said as she wrapped her arms around Brooke's neck, "I love it, I love you."

"You are welcome, Lily pad," Brooke smiled as she kissed the top of Lily's head, "I love you too."

"I'm gonna go show daddy and Lucas," the seven year old said as she ran towards the living room.

"She is so girly," Karen smiled, "you ok, honey?"

"Yeah," Brooke smiled, "I am fine."

"And you and Lucas," Karen asked, Brooke looked a little confused, "don't give me that look young lady, he came home all broody this morning, I know something's up."

"I don't know," Brooke said softly.

"Well, the two of you need to fix whatever it is," she smiled. She placed Keithan in his high chair, "now do you want to help me finish up with dinner?"

"Are you asking me to cook," Brooke chuckled.

"Maybe just keep me company," Karen smiled.

"I can do that," Brooke said. She had missed Karen, even though they lived in Charlotte they didn't visit a lot, and Brooke missed her. Karen had been the first maternal figure Brooke had ever had, and she would always be grateful. And, now she was the mother of Karen's grandchild, and she was thankful for that tie to the woman she'd always considered a mother. Brooke watched as Karen finished cooking. The two brunettes talked about things, the new clothing line Brooke was working on, they talked about Keithan, they talked about everything except Lucas. And for that Brooke was thankful.

"Hey," Brooke said as she walked into Lucas' bedroom.

"Hey," he said as he looked up from his laptop.

"Your mom has Keithan," she said, "they are watching Lily's new princess movie in the living room," she said nervously, "Andy and I finished cleaning the kitchen up."

"Thanks," he said.

"You know she loves that dollhouse," Brooke said as she sat on the edge of his bed, "it's beautiful. It reminds me of the one I had when I was a little girl," she smiled, "the one with the red door."

"I remember it."

"Yeah," she smiled, "I loved it. And I loved it when you brought it here, when you convinced my parents to let me stay with your mom," she said, "that seems so long ago."

"It was, Brooke," he said as he closed his computer.

"I know," she said.

"I am going on the book tour," he said, "after New Years, I will be gone for three weeks."

"Oh," she said partially hurt, he hadn't talked to her about it, about what they would do, "I guess I wasn't expecting that so soon."

"Yeah, I talked to Lindsey this morning," he said, "and I told her I was ready to get going, and I thought this was the best time."

"So," she said, "Lucas, what about us?"

"What do you mean Brooke," he asked, "I'll be gone three weeks, I'll see Keithan as soon as I am back," he said bitterly, "it's not three months or anything."

"Lucas," she said as she looked at him, "that's not fair."

"Really," he said, "you get to tell me what's fair and not fair? Because last time I checked you were the one who kept my son from me, so don't tell me what's fair Brooke."

"So this is about Julian," she said trying to hold back her tears, "he called Luke, that's all."

"It doesn't matter to me, ok, you are free to do who or what you want Brooke, we're not together," he said, "so don't worry about me."

"I do," she said as tears streamed her face, "Lucas, I do worry about you, I can't help that. I love you," she said, "Lucas, I love you, and I am here with you, why can't you see that?"

"Brooke," he sighed.

"No, Lucas, don't," she said as she stood up, "you want to judge me, to point out my flaws, but look in the mirror sometime," she said as she stood to walk away, "you and Peyton left a string of broken, damaged people in your wake, including me and Julian, so don't you dare judge me."

"Brooke," he said as he stood up to follow her, he reached for her arm and turned her towards him.

"What, Lucas? What do you want me to say?"

"I'm sorry Brooke," he said as he pushed her hair from her face, "I'm sorry."

"We can't keep doing this," she said as she looked up at him, "I can't keep doing this Luke."

"I'm sorry," he said, "I'm sorry, but, when Julian called you, Brooke, you were upset."

"Yeah," she said, "I was, Lucas, because it made me realize how much I want this with you, and with our son. I love Julian, Lucas, and a part of me always will, but I am not in love with him, and if I'm honest with myself I never was."

"Brooke," he said as he wiped her cheek.

"I love you Lucas, I have loved you since we were seventeen years old, and I have been in love with you," she said, "only you. I'm afraid of this, of the way you make me feel, ok, the way you know me better than anyone, Luke, the way you see me, and I am scared to death of getting hurt again. But I am here," she said, "I am here."

"I know," he said as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Do you remember that night in New York," she asked as she rested her head against his chest, "in that carriage ride, Lucas, everything I wanted, that was real, and I want that with you. I always have."

"I'm sorry," he said as he kissed the top of her head, "I'm sorry I hurt you, pretty girl."

"I'm sorry too," she said as she noticed Karen standing on the porch watching the two of them, Keithan asleep in her arms. "We can't keep doing this, Lucas," she sighed wiping her eyes, "we have to figure out what we are going to do, because we have a son, and Keithan is all that matters."

"I know that, Brooke," he said.

"Ok," she said as she wiped her eyes.

"Brooke," he said.

"I'm going, and Keithan can stay with you, ok, just bring him home in the morning," she said softly, "I just gotta get out of here ok?"

"Brooke," he said trying to stop her, but she kept walking towards her car. As he stood there watching her drive away he felt like his heart was being ripped out. He turned back towards his house and saw his mom standing there holding his son. Karen sat on the old porch swing holding the sleeping baby as Lucas sat beside her, "what do I do?"

"Well," Karen smiled, "a pretty smart young man once told me that if you keep looking for reasons not be with someone you'll find them," she said as Lucas sighed, "and he also told me that at some point you have to let go and give your heart what it deserves," she said, "and Lucas you are at that point son."

"Ma," he sighed.

"You love her," she said, "and I know that, you know that, and Lucas, she knows that. The two of you are too damn stubborn to admit that you've both done wrong, but honey at some point you have to tell her," she said as she kissed the top of Keithan's head, "you do not want to live with the regret, or the what if's. Lucas, go," she said.

"Ok," he said as he leaned over to hug his mom, he kissed the Keithan's forehead, "thank you."

"You're welcome," Karen smiled as she handed Lucas something.

"Mom, I can't," he said.

"Yeah, you can," she smiled at him, "you have to Lucas. Now go," she smiled as she watched Lucas walk towards his Mustang.

Brooke sighed as she pulled in her driveway. She walked towards her front door full of frustration, "what are you doing here Lucas?"

"Waiting for you," he said as he looked up at her, "I've been waiting for a while."

"Well I needed to clear my head."

"The beach," he asked knowing her, knowing that was her spot. He couldn't help but smile when she nodded, "I wanted to give you something Brooke."

"Lucas," she sighed as he stood up.

"This is for you," he said as he handed her the book.

"The Girl Behind the Red Door," she said in nearly a whisper as she looked at the book, "by Lucas Scott. What is this," she asked.

"The new book," he said, "it's for you. Brooke, it is for you, it's about you," he said softly, "and the world will know just how much you mean to me, how much I love you. You've always been the girl behind the red door, Brooke, that was the first girl I ever loved, the only girl I have ever been in love with."

"Luke," she said as she wiped her eyes.

"I love you, Brooke Davis," he said as he knelt down in front of her, "I love you, I am in love with you, and I can't imagine not having you with me for the rest of my life," he reached in his pocket and pulled out a ring that Brooke recognized.

"That's your," she stuttered trying to compose herself.

"Yeah, it's the ring Keith gave my mom, Brooke," he said, "and I want you to have it, Brooke, I want you to marry me."

"Luke," she said softly as he slid the ring on her finger.

"Marry me Brooke Penelope Davis, spend the rest of your life with me, because I'm the guy for you."

"Yes," she nearly whispered as she wrapped her arms around him, "yes, yes, yes."

"I love you," he said as he stood up wrapping his arms around her.

"I love you too Luke," she said as they kissed. For the first time in a long time she felt safe, loved. "I love you so much, Lucas, and I want to marry you, I've wanted this for so long," she cried.

"Me too," he said as he wiped her eyes, "feel this," he said as he placed her hand over his heart, "this is what you do to me Brooke, still after everything we've been through, this is what you do, you make my heart race. I never want to lose that, and I never want to lose you."

"I'm not going anywhere Luke," she smiled at him, "without you and Keithan."