Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

SIMPER;

Straight-Shooter

"Then came this spark," explained Chouza, "but nothing happened." The robust chuunin's features knit precisely into a look of pure consternation. "What do you make of it?"

"A failed technique, perhaps," recommended Shikaku, lips set tight in thought. "Did your team make it out alright?"

Chouza nodded; however, upon catching sight of their old teammate, he wisely chose to say no more on the subject. Inoichi, deft at dissecting even the blankest of expressions, strode up with calculated civility. "Mission turned out okay, I suppose?" he inquired cheerfully, letting confidential details lie.

Chouza and Shikaku exchanged glances. "Just fine!" blustered Chouza, slapping him chummily on the back.

"Well, good!" Inoichi threw an arm around each of his mates. "You remember that new restaurant I was talking to you about? Good news! It just opened, and we're just in time for the dinner special!"

Chouza instantly brightened. "I'm starved!" he roared happily. Shikaku did not doubt this. The three of them consigned themselves to a leisurely stroll through one of the main streets of Konoha, easily chatting away the silence.

"She looked like the type that would appreciate flowers," insisted Inoichi adamantly, "but it turned out she was allergic! To sunflowers!"

"Hives on the second date? You're not keeping up a good impression, Inoichi," remarked Shikaku with a small quirk to his lips.

The spirited blond closed his eyes with what appeared to be quite some effort. His entire face blanched at the memory. "I had to take her to the emergency room. She was really allergic."

The corners of Chouza's mouth dipped in sympathy, and he gave his friend a supportive pat on the shoulder. "Dinner's on me."

"Inoichi, it looks like you weren't the only one with this brilliant plan to have supper here during their evening special," Shikaku commented archly as the restaurant came into view. The trio watched mutely as the line snaked from the entrance of the establishment to the front of its neighboring institution. As more people converged on the scene, they quickly found a place in the queue.

"I hope the wait isn't too long," muttered Chouza sourly, mood stricken like a bird from the sky.

Shikaku shrugged. "Even if it is," he rolled his shoulders in relief, "I can wait. I don't expect another mission this week, at the very least."

Inoichi, meanwhile, had produced a stunning smile and seemed to be aiming it at the top kunoichi from their years in the Academy, who was standing several meters ahead of them in line. "I say," Inoichi remarked glibly when his smile was returned in kind, "Mikoto grows lovelier by the day."

"Give it a rest already, Inoichi," Shikaku sighed, pressing fingers to his temple as if this made him mentally ill. "She's not interested in you; you've known that since our Academy days."

"I know that, but it doesn't kill a guy to be polite, does it?" he retorted, his tone indicative of something that dangerously resembled a pout.

Shikaku simply shook his head, the gesture clearly insinuating someone was utterly hopeless.

A loud rumble shuddered through the air. Waiting patrons turned to stare. Chouza stared bleakly into the din of the restaurant. "I'm so hungry I could eat a bear right now!" He looked it. He looked positively miserable.

As more satisfied customers streamed out of the eatery, their section in line drew closer to the entrance. By then, the wondrous smells emanating from inside had them all ravenous. Chouza was dribbling saliva down the front of his shirt, and even Inoichi had pressed his eyes shut tight in order to internally tame this burning need to eat.

"Next party, please," announced a waiter, wearing a somewhat weary smile.

Chouza snapped to life. "US!" The waiter appeared unfazed by his display of overzealous behavior and merely motioned for them to follow along.

"How many?"

"Three," replied Shikaku, before Chouza could puncture any eardrums.

"Right this way." The waiter looped them through the main section of the restaurant, weaving through the packed tables until they reached a small four-person table. Inoichi and Shikaku pulled out a chair, whilst Chouza enthusiastically squeezed into the booth across from them, which originally had been meant for two people. Not very many restaurants in Konoha were prepared for Akimichi clan ninja, it seemed.

"Here are your menus." He then pulled out another menu. "And here are our specials for the grand opening. Someone will be with you in a moment to take your order." He bowed and returned to his post at the door, leaving the trio to peruse the dish listings.

It was clear to Shikaku that it wasn't the service that people were coming for. He batted away the cynical thought after realizing it may not have been a fair assessment, given that it did seem to be an overwhelming atmosphere, especially for the unprepared. Instead, he allowed his judgment to be suspended for the present time, until he could at least decide whether or not he would return for the food.

"What are you having, Chouza?"

Chouza took a deep breath, as if in deep contemplation. "I," he said, "am having everything." Inoichi and Shikaku smiled. If Chouza had an appetite, then all was right with the world.

"Good evening, I'm Miyakawa, your waitress. Is there anything I can get you? Drinks, perhaps?"

Inochi, in the presence of a decently attractive woman he hadn't yet had the opportunity to woo, fixed the poor girl with his undivided attention.

Shikaku hoped he wasn't about to pull out another awful line from his repertoire of pick-up lines; they hadn't even ordered yet and Inoichi was going to ruin their entire experience if he opened his mouth and spewed what Shikaku anticipated he was about to spew.

"I will have one of everything, please," Chouza declared, much to Shikaku's relief. "And a glass of water."

"I'll have," Shikaku briefly scanned the contents of the menu, "the Chef's Special Medley. Water, also." He gave Inoichi a warning look as he relinquished the waitress's attention.

"I'll have your Dragon Dumplings and the Soup of the Day. Do you have chrysanthemum tea?"

"Yes, we do," chirruped the un-harassed waitress, pen resting on the note pad. "Shall I add that to your order?"

"Please do." Inoichi's smile could have been less brilliant, however.

She picked up their menus, and hustled off to have their order put in, promising to return with their drinks momentarily.

"You didn't hit on her," stated Shikaku baldly, looking at Inoichi with a hint of surprise.

Inoichi shot him a look of disbelief, which Shikaku didn't buy for a single second. "Why does this surprise you?"

"She was attractive."

"And?"

"And that's all the reason you need."

"You don't give me enough credit," he said, tweaking his left eyebrow. Shikaku and Chouza caught his meaning at the same time, their expressions of understanding mimicking each other at the same moment. Mikoto was sitting two tables away.

Aware of the attention, Mikoto and her company of kunoichi all turned to look at them. Kushina and Yoshino looked annoyed. Tsume grinned, showing off her deadly Inuzuka teeth. Mikoto waved and smiled, before returning to her food, allowing the rest of them to resume their meal in peace.

"I could have done without the piercing glares," muttered Shikaku gruffly as he settled back in his seat.

"Tsume smiled," supplied Chouza helpfully.

"I think you annoyed them."

Inoichi appeared to pull his gaze away with a measure of reluctance, shooting his teammate a withering look. "Shut up," he hissed, suddenly looking a trite glum.

Shikaku held his tongue. Hormonal moron always got touchy when it came to Mikoto. He continued to observe them through his peripheral vision, and confirmed what his fist glance had afforded him to glean: Mikoto's promotion to jounin. Though Mikoto was partially turned away from them, he could see the way the other kunoichi sat crowded around her, the fatigue in the set of her shoulders, the pride in her posture, and the celebratory wine sitting on the tabletop. He had to admit: she was gifted. He only knew one other female ninja from their year that had ascended to the rank of jounin.

Yoshino's brown eyes suddenly darted in his direction, much to his surprise. He wasn't being particularly surreptitious, but he was no careless ogler like the Yamanaka to his left. He calmly averted his eyes.

During his meal, he accidentally intercepted Yoshino's glance as he waved the waitress over to refill his glass of water. Her eyes narrowed marginally, but she turned away when Kushina contributed something of interest to their conservation.

Was Yoshino watching him? He couldn't fathom why. He brought the glass to his lips, letting his head tilt back. Through the water, he saw her tuck a strand of brown hair behind her ear. Quirking a brow, he noticed the slight tension in her shoulders, the slight angle of her body toward him. He nearly spilled the beverage down the front of his flak jacket. Those were clearly signs, weren't they?

"What are you looking at, dumbass?" queried Inoichi, breaking him out of his ruminations.

Shikaku put his glass down at decided to quit looking in that particular direction until the end of the meal. "Nothing."

"You must take me for a blind man," he said.

On the contrary, Shikaku knew full well that Inoichi had caught his scrutiny. Inoichi could tell the difference from the tiniest of facial twitches indicating annoyance with an unwelcome fly and facial twitches indicating barely-checked killing intent. Only years of friendship and childhood tomfoolery, he knew, prevented the Yamanaka from plucking the information right out of his head, leaving him none the wiser. He didn't doubt he would have his head nitpicked later on through grueling interrogations, though. Inoichi seemed rather fond of practicing his interrogation skills on comrades.

Shikaku consumed his food at a faster rate than usual, as he heard the telltale sounds of a meal nearing its end two tables over. It went unnoticed by his teammates, however, as they wolfed down their own dishes, taking large, unashamed bites to sate their yawning hunger.

True to his word, Chouza did pay for Inoichi's meal. But Shikaku had to foot his own bill, not that it was a problem. As an active roster jounin, he was provided with more than enough income to cover the occasional meal out. The food, he reflected, was damn well worth his money. He failed to tip much more than average, however. Attractive or not, their waitress was certainly not the most gracious or attentive he'd ever encountered. He placed the money down at the tabletop and stood up out of his seat. "Go on without me," he said, answering their unspoken looks of curiosity.

The group of kunoichi were barely exiting the restaurant when he began following after them. Inoichi and Chouza exchanged glances.

"What do you think he's going to do?" asked Chouza.

Inoichi got up. "Whatever it is, it's definitely worth watching."

Chouza quickly tossed the money on the table, gulped down the last of his water, and hastily followed Inoichi's lead.

(To be continued.)

A/N: The whim struck me one day. It took me a while to actually contrive something decent enough to post, though. My second attempt at a clear multi-chaptered fic (I'm terrible at them). I've always thought that Shikamaru had a, relatively-speaking, "normal" family. How many people in his universe get to claim two living parents? Not going to lie. I'm going to enjoy writing Chouza and the kunoichi best.

Critique? Let me know, and I will try to improve. Thank you for reading!