CHAPTER 22

Talana drifted in and out of blackness, aware only of pain in her arm and belly though as from the other end of a long tunnel, vaguely she was aware of Laranth's mind voice soothing a panicky Mirrith. R'gar's voice came and went, soothing her. She remembered crying out as the pain deep within her came close to being part of her instead of belonging to that irritating other person in her head; then as it seemed as though she would split into two, she drifted away again.

oOoOo

Gradually Talana became aware of her body. Mostly what she was aware of was soreness, modified by numbweed. Her left arm burned through the numbness; her right felt as though it had been sat on by several dragons and her shoulder felt stretched. Mentally she reviewed the rest of her body. Her legs felt heavy, tired…

The weight in her belly had gone.

Talana's eyes snapped open, shock and dismay flooding her mind.

R'gar was at her side at once.

"Hullo funny face." She saw the love and relief in his eye; but her own welled with tears.

"R'gar – our baby – it's happened again – he's dead, isn't he?"

R'gar kissed her gently, smiling reassuringly.

"Far from it." He grinned, pride in his face. "And as usual you never do anything by halves." He added, "Don't go away."

"As if I could" she muttered irritably, then grinned as she realised he was teasing. He stepped from the room and quickly returned with his arms full – of two bundles.

"Meet our sons, love." He said tenderly, laying the bundles beside her. He added wonderingly, "I thought I'd be awkward holding them; I was afraid of breaking them. But as you see, I haven't yet!"

Talana gazed down at the tiny wrinkled features of these tiny treasures, one of them screwed up in sleep, the other looking up from unfocused baby-blue eyes.

"You look like you've just Impressed over again." Said R'gar. Talana looked up at him, her eyes filling again, this time with tears of joy.

"We need another name." She said. R'gar touched the hand of his wakeful son.

"This one reminds me of F'lar" he said. "It's funny, they're only a day old and I can already tell them apart."

" We can't call him Felgar; it doesn't contract readily." Said Talana "And perhaps it would be a bad idea to call him Fel- anything. People have nasty minds and F'lar doesn't need that." She wrinkled her nose thoughtfully.

"Talar? Tafel?" r'gar suggested.

"Not Tafel. Rofel, after the two best men I know." She said softly. "Rogan and Rofel."

"I like that. By the by, I think they're hungry again." He said as a face started to pucker.

"How long is it – and what did you do while I was out of it?" Talana gingerly positioned the babies one on each side, wincing as Rofel rested against her burned arm.

R'gar grinned.

"I did what Oldive suggested." He told her. "I put them in the right place and let them get on with it. They seemed to know what to do even if I wasn't sure. You've been well away between; they were born yesterday morning less than three hours after Mirrith got you here which people keep telling me is too quick as though I had anything to do with it." He grinned at her ruefully. "But they're pretty small so I guess they slithered out like a weyrling on a snowslide. It seemed a fardling long time to be watching it happen though." His face clouded as he remembered the moment he thought he had lost her when they'd been muttering about shock to the system and Laranth had told him firmly that T'lan was staying because he, Laranth, said so. "I'm afraid you're stuck here for a while." He told her.

Talana bit her lip.

"Are they in danger of dying then?" she hugged the suckling babies fiercely. R'gar shook his head.

"Master Oldive says they have an excellent chance so long as you don't take them between for at least a month and then only with heavy precautions. They are so tiny they can lose heat even well wrapped up" he explained. "Also you can get something called milk fever."

"Oh fardles!" said Talana disgustedly. "How boring!"

There was an ear-splitting joyful bellow from outside accompanied by Mirrith's mindvoice.

"You are awake! Laranth, T'lan is awake!"

"I notice that you are too finally" Laranth's comment was repressive. "T'lan has been awake for a while. I expect those herdbeasts are lying heavy. You still bulge."

"Do not either"

After a brief exchange of opinions, Talana was washed with the love of the two dragons; and a green –gold muzzle appeared at the unshuttered window, the one loving, rainbow eye. R'gar reached out to scratch the little queen's eyebrow ridges as she gazed adoringly at Talana and the babies.

"Who's looking after Sagarra?" asked Talana suddenly.

"Sagarra is here. As soon as I was sure you were in no danger I fetched her and Tyrin down. He insisted on coming; and Sh'rilla is quite happy to accept help from T'kil" he twinkled. "No prizes for guessing that Shath is going to fly Daenilth when she's grown."

At that moment a young woman bustled in.

"And how are we feeling now?" She asked. Talana gave her an old fashioned look.

"I'm feeling fine; but I can't answer for you I'm afraid." She said gravely. "How are you? And for that matter, who are you and where am I?" She turned to R'gar. "Isn't that daft – I forgot to ask you where we are."

The young woman twitched the cover straight.

"You're at the Healer Hall, dear, in the infirmary. I am Faylina, I'm apprenticed to master Oldive. Your clever little dragon brought you and the other girl here"

"Clever little dragon? Yuk! How patronising can you get!" Talana broadbanded to Mirrith, Laranth and R'gar.

"But I am clever. Laranth says so too. When he's not being unkind to me because I was so hungry" Talana sensed a dragon rude face – "And I was very clever to help you catch Tamalenth's rider."

"Yes darling of course you were."

Mirrith made a happy purring noise through the window blowing the pile of linen the healer held onto the floor.

"Funny little thing" she said with a slightly forced smile. "I came to see if there's anything you want, dear, before Master Oldive changes the dressing on your arm."

Talana put her head on one side, regarding her thoughtfully.

"I should like to see my fosterlings." She said. Faylina looked shocked.

"I don't think that is a good idea at all." She said. "It would tire you too much."

Talana gave her a Look.

"I thought that worrying impeded healing?" she asked, sweetly. R'gar winced.

"Oh yes, very much."

"I'm worrying." Said Talana firmly.

"But…"

Talana put a note of strategic hysteria into her voice.

"What are you keeping from me?" She demanded shrilly. "What is wrong with Sagarra and Tyrin? Why can't I see them?" She started to raise herself up, forcing herself to ignore the pain that shot through areas she had previously been unaware of possessing. Faylina hurried to push her back and soothe frenetically.

"I'll go and see what Master Oldive says." She said hurriedly.

Talana leaned back with a satisfied smirk.

R'gar chuckled.

"Well I'd never have expected my T'lan to use feminine guile." He said, a little ruefully. Talana shrugged, then winced as the movement hurt.

"Where my children are concerned I'm prepared to try anything."

R'gar laughed at her fierce tone.

oOoOo

Master Oldive gave Talana a searching look.

"You look remarkably calm for a young woman who's getting hysterical with worry over her fosterlings." He said.

"Oh I'm very versatile – ah volatile." Said Talana mendaciously, peeping at the healer through her lashes. Catching his eye she said "Let's just say that I'm quite capable of throwing hysterics if it's the only way I can get to see my children."

Master Oldive grunted.

"Well I'm inclined to consider that limited – note limited – contact could have a beneficial effect."

oOoOo

Sagarra leaped onto Talana and hugged her; and Talana tried not to flinch. Tyrin stood at the bottom of the bed, looking shy.

"Have you seen the babies?" Talana asked. Sagarra shook her head. "R'gar told me there were two. Tyrin had twin brothers but they died." She looked at Talana with big blue eyes. "Will my brothers die?"

Talana said

"Master Oldive doesn't think so. Look, aren't they tiny!"

Sagarra hung over the cot which R'gar had brought in beside Talana's bed. She reached down and heaved Rofel inexpertly into her arms, then exchanged him for Rogan. Talana bit her lip. After all the boys were Sagarra's brothers.

Tyrin came forward shyly to look at the babies. Gingerly he touched each soft downy head. He looked shyly at Talana.

"I made up a lullaby." He said tentatively.

"I'd like to hear it."

Shyly Tyrin pulled some rough pipes out of his tunic and played a beautiful lilting melody. When he finished, he put them away and looked self-conscious.

"That's beautiful, Tyrin." Talana said softly. "Thank you."

Tyrin tried to hang back as Faylina came in to shoo the youngsters out and Talana guessed he had something on his mind as he gave her an appealing look.

"Hold on Faylina" she started but the healer was inexorable.

"No longer" she said fussily. Talana closed her fist under the cover fur and caught and held Tyrin's eye.

"Go and play with Mirrith" she said, hoping he would read her meaning. She passed on the idea she had had to Mirrith as the boy left, dragging his feet.

oOoOo

Several minutes later he appeared at the window clasped gently in Mirrith's claws. He scrambled over the sill and sat beside her on the bed.

"I need to talk to you and R'gar" he said.

"I'll get him to come" she said reaching out with her mind. He was busy oiling Laranth, but the big Bronze agreed to wait since eluding Faylina's guard proved tricky.

R'gar came in quietly a few minutes later.

"I understand that you are resting and are probably asleep" he told Talana. She snorted.

"She doesn't know me." She said. "I got up briefly before the children came up."

R'gar looked worried and she laughed.

"My cousin always used to say the quicker you get up after being brought to bed the better." She told him. "Now what is it, Tyrin?"

Tyrin was twisting his tunic hem between his hands.

"T'lan – R'gar would – would you mind if I wasn't a dragonman?" He asked nervously. Talana and R'gar exchanged a puzzled look and Talana spoke for both of them.

"Of course we don't mind." She said. "But there's no reason to think that you won't Impress."

Tyrin shook his head.

"I don't mean that." He said. "I – I mean there's something I'd rather do." He twisted his hands together. R'gar said,

"We want you to be happy, son. If there's something you really want to do, we'll back you up."

Tyrin let out his breath in an explosive sigh of relief. Talana asked,

"Do you want to be a harper?"

He nodded.

"Well I don't know much about it" said Talana "but I like it when you play; and I like the tunes you make up."

"I could have a word with Master Robinton if you like." Volunteered R'gar.

Tyrin swung one foot backwards and forwards, scuffing the toe of his boot against the ground.

"What is it?" asked R'gar kindly, laying a hand on the boy's shoulder. Tyrin looked up.

"I – I was fiddling around outside" he explained "you know – making pipes to play for Sagarra. I was playing the lullaby to her to see what she thought." He stopped.

"Go on" said Talana. He said,

"One of the harpers – Master Domick I think his name is – wanted to know why I wasn't in class. He thought I was an apprentice. I told him I wasn't and he said I ought to be. He liked my pipes; he said I was good raw material. He said I should make instruments under Master Jerint." He looked shyly at R'gar. "Would you mind?"

"Mind?" said R'gar "We'd be proud of you Tyrin."

Tyrin realised he was holding his breath still and let it out.

"I – I thought as you'd taken me on to Impress…maybe you'd be angry as you've put a lot of time and effort into training me, as well as getting clothes…"

R'gar hugged the boy.

"Would you want to control Sh'rilla's life?" He asked. Tyrin shook his head. "It's the same thing, son. You're family. We want what's best for you."

Talana added,

"Just because you've only been living with us for a half turn or so, doesn't mean we care any the less. These two" she indicated the twins "Have only been here for a couple of days, but I'd not be without them."

"Mind you, the acquiring of 'em was more fun" grinned R'gar.

"You weren't doing the pushing" said Talana, for whom the memory was vague but unpleasant. Tyrin wriggled his shoulders.

"They're your blood" he said. "And – and I've not always been good"

R'gar and T'lan remembered the times that he had been less than amenable to authority; until in fact he had found his feet and found that they did not intend to trammel him.

"You are" said R'gar "Our son as much as Sagarra or the boys."

Tyrin blinked quickly.

"Thank you – father." He said "No one can replace my parents, but you fellows come pretty close."

oOoOo

Talana did not bother to inform her bossy nurse that she had started getting up from the first day she woke up; she soon found the way to the necessary, gritting her teeth as the after effects of birth made things painful in that general region. The next day she decided to get dressed. Her legs were disconcertingly wobbly but Talana refused to give in. She started to explore her surroundings. There seemed to be a number of rooms off a wide corridor; and she discovered by judicious questioning of Faylina that she was in the Harper Hall infirmary rather than the Healer Hall since Mirrith had made so much fuss about her being taken to a place where she would not be able to see her beloved rider. Talana discovered that the apprentice dormitories were next to and beneath the infirmary, which neatly facilitated visits from Tyrin.

oOoOo

Talana had been in the Healer Hall three days when Thread fell. Since living in a weyr, Talana chafed at being shut in behind the big metal shutters. R'gar and Laranth were helping to fight Thread; and Mirrith was sulking because R'gar had strongly disapproved the idea of letting Sagarra wield a flamethrower from her back. Sagarra was philosophical about the refusal, but had deserted Talana in favour of the hospitality and cooking of the Headwoman, Silvina. Also, this gave her the chance to pet and feed Journeyman Menolly's firelizards, helping the slow-witted but amiable Camo. The twins were asleep; and the numbweed on Talana's arm was wearing off sufficiently to cause a nagging discomfort that made her long for diversion to take her mind off it. Softly she opened the door, but went no further, hearing Faylina talking to another healer.

"I don't understand that other dragon girl" she said. "The lassie in the corner room" – she waved in Talana's direction – "She's a nuisance like all dragonriders, fretting to be up and doing before she's half healed. Asked me today if she couldn't go out with a flamethrower of all things!" the other healer tutted as Faylina threw up her hands at Talana's shortcomings. "But her in there" she jerked a thumb towards the room she appeared to have just left, "She does nothing, says nothing, eats nothing, just huddles in bed drinking barely enough to keep her alive. Master Oldive says it's shock, but I reckon she needs a good spanking. They say" she lowered her voice "That she burned the little mother a-purpose. Poor babe." She added "And her no more than a child herself. These weyrs" she clicked her tongue "Such ways as they have!"

Talana grinned. Faylina meant well of course. What, she wondered, was wrong with Lirilly – for it must be Lirilly she meant. She waited for the healers to go downstairs and crept along the corridor to knock at the door of Lirilly's room. There was no invitation to enter; but there was no denial either, so Talana went in. The room was darkened with the shutter closed; a cloth had been thrown over the glow basket. Talana could just make out a lump in the bed, which did not move as she came in.

"Well" said Talana "If we're going to be lonely and miserable at each other, we might as well do it in a little light." She whisked the cover off the glow basket.

At the sound of Talana's voice, the mound on the bed jerked convulsively in surprise. Then it appeared to shrink in on itself again. Talana sat on the bed.

"Hullo, Lirilly, how are you?" she waited a while then pretended to answer: "I feel lousy T'lan, go stick your head in a wher." She said, in a fair mimicry of Lirilly's rather nasal voice. She added in her own voice, "C'mon girl, you missed my face and I've learned to be woman enough to appreciate that; so I'm no worse to look at than usual." The mound remained stubbornly immobile, and Talana reached out her mind to find Tamalenth.

"Is she talking to you?" She silently asked the queen dragon,

"Lirilly is sad. She doesn't want anyone." The hurt thought came back to her.

Talana was profoundly shocked. She said,

"Lirilly, you can't shut yourself off from Tamalenth. She needs you. Look, tell me to get lost if you will, but by the first egg, talk to HER!"

The mound erupted, and Talana stared in shock at Lirilly's appearance. Her eyes were red from crying, and circled with black shadows; and her golden hair was matted and tangled about her tear-blotched face.

"What do you care?" Her voice was raw. "And what do you know about Tamalenth anyhow?"

Resentment all forgotten, Talana put an arm around the other girl's shoulders. Lirilly shrank away.

"What are you doing? Why are you here?" she cried. "Why oh why did you have to catch me? You should have let me fall, little fool. I tried to burn your face off."

"I know." Said Talana. "Shards, do you think I could sit there and let you fall to your death – and Tamalenth's?"

Thoughts of Tamalenth filled Lirilly's mind, thoughts of her going between forever, and she shivered, feeling sick. She hissed,

"Yeah – you're a real goody goody little heroine."

"Fardles." Said Talana, matter-of-factly. "Say, I'm not surprised you feel lousy; your hair looks like it's had green firelizards nesting in it."

Lirilly stared, mouth open.

"I really don't understand you."

"I'm not surprised if you've been addling your wits trying to go between through a blanket for days on end."

Lirilly slapped her. Talana took it with equanimity.

"Faylina recommended a spanking for you" she mused "But I've a better idea to get you out of there."

Before Lirilly could say or do anything, Talana grabbed a pitcher of washing water and emptied it all over her. Lirilly spluttered.

"C'mon" said Talana "I'll help you to change the bed before Mistress Fussbudget turns up and gets her yolk addled." Lirilly remained where she was, dripping. Talana heaved a sigh of exasperation.

"Look, I know it's warm, but you'll catch cold in there." She said. "I reckon you've got a wherry or two loose in your top paddock."

Lirilly rose from the bed with what she fondly hoped was dignity.

"You're not welcome, T'lan." She said.

"No, I know. Sad, isn't it?" Talana started to strip the bed, replacing the damp linen. A bawl of hunger interrupted her. "Oh fardles!" she said. "Got to go – see you!" And patting Lirilly on the shoulder, she fled down the corridor to answer the cry before it was joined by a second.

oOoOo

Lirilly dressed reluctantly. She had been trying to cut herself off from the outside, perversely refusing all contact, reflecting on the awful thing she had done, wondering what people were going to say, what was going to happen to her. She could have stood it better if Talana had ignored her or even attacked her; but the annoying child treated her like nothing much had happened! She was reminded of a previous occasion when she had quarrelled with T'lan, when she still thought the youngster was a boy, and then T'lan had helped her get Tamalenth ready when Segrith was rising as Tamalenth was nearly grown.

Tamalenth's mind voice spoke wistfully.

"Are you going to love me now?"

"I always love you." Conscience stricken, Lirilly realised how much she had neglected Tamalenth. She pulled on her boots.

"I'm coming" she promised.

oOoOo

Talana heard footsteps running down the stairs, and dread filled her. Thread! Lirilly had forgotten Thread! She ran after her, a baby under each arm. Faylina came out of her room as Talana clattered downstairs to see what the noise was about.

"What are you…." She started to say, but got no further as Talana thrust the new-borns at her.

"Look after them!" She said, and ran on, snatching a burning brand from the stove under the klah kettle.

oOoOo

Lirilly was more than half way across the courtyard before she noticed that Thread was falling. She froze, used to having a weapon to defend herself. The horrid grey organisms fell patchily and were attacked by firelizards; but the danger was real.

Talana cannoned into her from behind.

"The arch! We'll have some protection in the arch!" She thrust Lirilly towards the arched entrance to the Harper Hall, waving her brand in an ever-whirling circle of protection. Lirilly stumbled forward, furious with herself for not realising. Once under the arch they would be fairly safe.

oOoOo

As they reached the protection of the arch, Talana thrust the brand into Lirilly's hands, and frantically tore off her tunic, her belt knife out and cutting at the bandage on her left arm. Lirilly gagged at the sight of the burn – then heaved again at the long silver grey worm which writhed – oozed – grew in Talana's shoulder.

"Lirilly – please – " Talana's voice shook in pain and terror. "Burn it! Burn it out!"

Shakily Lirilly applied the torch to the wriggly thing. It started to curl up and blacken.

"Keep – burning" Talana spoke through her teeth. "Make sure…."

Lirilly pressed forward with the brand, her empty belly heaving at the smell of burning flesh until she was sure all the Thread was burned. She threw the brand into Talana's discarded clothing, and smelled the smell of charring Thread as the tunic caught fire. Talana sank to a sitting position, her right shoulder pressed against the wall of the arch, her teeth chattering and her breath coming in sobs. Lirilly sat down beside her and the two girls clung to each other in shared horror.

oOoOo

An inquisitive green firelizard swooped into the arch, gave an enquiring chirp and disappeared between. Shortly thereafter, the door of Master Jerint's workshop, which gave off the archway, jerked open and the instrumental Master's new apprentice flew out.

"Talana! T'lan!" Tyrin sounded frantic.

Talana opened her eyes.

"Shut that fardling door!" she said, automatically.

"When you're inside" he slipped an arm under hers, and Lirilly gingerly took the other, burned side.

"I can manage" said Talana, irritably, standing up; then she fainted.

oOoOo

R'gar and Masterhealer Oldive took turns at berating Talana; and she listened meekly. Lirilly, studiously ignored by R'gar and Tyrin, haunted the corridor outside Talana's room. Tyrin, passing, said rudely,

"That's twice you've nearly killed T'lan – you looking for a third way?"

Lirilly flushed, and bit back a stinging retort. She grabbed R'gar by the arm as he came out.

"How is she?" She asked.

"Fine, considering – no thanks to you." He said brusquely. "Whatever possessed you to go out in Threadfall, little fool?"

Lirilly hung her head.

"Tamalenth wanted me. I forgot it was fall."

R'gar grunted, and went on his way. Lirilly slipped into the room. Talana opened her eyes and grinned weakly.

"Never thought I'd thank anyone for burning me" she whispered weakly. "Thanks – I guess that makes us quits."

"But if I hadn't gone out…" she paused. "It's my fault." She finished. Talana shrugged, then swore pungently.

"I keep doing that" she said. "Hey, if I hadn't stirred you up into thinking about Tamalenth, you'd not have gone. We were both dumb, but we got lucky enough to walk away from our dumbness."

"You saved me out there too."

"Fardles. You'd have run for the arch."

"You don't believe that any more than I do" said Lirilly shrewdly. "Or you'd have shouted to spur me not run out after me.."

"Have it – ouch – your way. Faylina reckons it's a dragonrider's prerogative to by bloody stubborn."

"But it's not our prerogative to be bloody stupid. T'lan – thank you."

"Thank you Lirilly." Talana paused. "I've never been so frightened in all my life – even when I found out that Meron had bought me for his pleasure."

"Meron? BOUGHT you? Yeuk!" Lirilly made an expression of disgust.

"Do you think I started dressing as a boy for the fun of it?"

"Candidly, yes I did. But that's how you escaped?"

"Yes. Mind you, I must say it grew on me; but the original reason was pragmatism." She grinned. "I spent four months in Nabol hold right under his nose and he never noticed me. He surely is one of the few people I know who's vastly improved by adding to the diet of worms."

"How about adding me to that list" said Lirilly bitterly. "Or do you keep me off it to preserve a queen dragon?"

Talana snorted.

"Lirilly, you've given the impression of being a spoiled brat – and I confess I haven't gone out of my way to sweeten you – but you wouldn't be upset if you weren't decent inside. When I started growing up I started wondering why you were worried about failing – but by then we were locked into quarrelling, and neither of us was mature enough to talk about it. I guess this has given us a chance to start over."

"How did you know I was afraid of failure?" gasped Lirilly.

"Why would you need to put me down if you didn't need to build yourself up?"

Lirilly buried her face in her hands.

"Lord Groghe is my grandfather; my mother is his eldest daughter. I always felt that he wanted me to be a boy to cement relations with my father's family – he's a major holder on the Tillek border; and he's pretty demanding. My parents never wanted me to go on search because – well, I don't really know, they've often acted as though it was a disgrace to Impress - as though I'd automatically become promiscuous. That's why I did, I guess; but being a weyrwoman is IMPORTANT – isn't it?"

"You poor kid. Of course it is. Without us people like your parents couldn't survive –or at least, I don't think so. Is that why you were so insistent on how big you were to be a queenrider?"

Lirilly nodded her cheeks flaming.

"Sounds so fardling childish, doesn't it." She said.

"We are children when we Impress. Someone should have seen that you were acting up and sorted you out at first so you knew you were secure for life. The Weyr failed you."

"I'd already been transferred out of Benden."

"Ah, yes. Lessa's great but not too tolerant or motherly." Talana smiled sympathetically.

"But you – how have you coped with what happened to you?"

"Me? Oh I'm just a totally boring person who lets life happen as it will. Then I just make the most of it. I had a very happy childhood; I guess being happy is just a habit. Try it; it might grow on you."

"Will you help me? I've been thinking so hard these last few days. I – suppose I'm most jealous of you because I'd like to be like you."

Talana roared with laughter, startling Lirilly.

"Oh don't try that" she chuckled "It would drive T'bor insane to have two of us around!"

Lirilly could not help but join in T'lan's infectious laughter; and R'gar found them exchanging a cautious embrace of friendship.

"Only T'lan" he murmured. "It could only be T'lan."

OK so which one do you want next – the follow on of T'lan's adventures in discovering the skill of 'logicating' or Tyrin's adventures in the Harper Hall? or both maybe a little slower to be timed to be at the right time for each other?